Couples dying close together

Gael23 · 21-02-2019 10:52AM #1

I was at the funeral of a lady in in her 90s last month. A good number of people commented at the funeral that her husband wouldn’t live long without her. He was buried yesterday 5 weeks and 3 days after.

I’ve heard over the years of a husband and wife dying close together after that. Is is just a weird coincidence?

Wanderer78 · 21-02-2019 10:53AM

Gael23 wrote:

Iâ€™ve heard over the years of a husband and wife dying close together after that. Is is just a weird coincidence?

No

Mr. Incognito · 21-02-2019 10:56AM

https://www.heart.org/en/health-topics/cardiomyopathy/what-is-cardiomyopathy-in-adults/is-broken-heart-syndrome-real

Its a known pyhsiological phenomenom

orourkeda1977 · 21-02-2019 10:56AM

People in their 90's have this peculiar habit of dying. God only knows what the cause of that might be. Coincidence surely?

21-02-2019 11:00AM

I hate this 'died of a broken heart' spiel (you mean heart disease?), but there's definitely some truth in the idea that human bodies can physiologically give up on themselves.

I remember when the doctors had done everything they could for my own Dad, who had cancer, and we asked how long he had left. The consultant goes 'anything between 6 weeks and 6 months'. The reason for that fairly wide gap (it is wide if it's your mortality we're talking about) is that some people will mentally give up, and their body somehow shuts down more quickly.

So no, I don't think its a coincidence. It should come as no surprise to anybody that the brain and our physical health are greatly intertwined. People don't die of broken hearts, but things like stress certainly do hasten the onset of death.

Lorelli! · 21-02-2019 11:10AM

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

People don't die of broken hearts, but things like stress certainly do hasten the onset of death.

Well that's what a broken heart is.. emotional stress/trauma.

A friend of mines grandparents died within a day of each other.

DEFTLEFTHAND · 21-02-2019 11:16AM

Lorelli! wrote: »

Well that's what a broken heart is.. emotional stress/trauma.

A friend of mines grandparents died within a day of each other.

Broken heart syndrome.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/broken-heart-syndrome/symptoms-causes/syc-20354617

21-02-2019 11:20AM

Lorelli! wrote: »

Well that's what a broken heart is.. emotional stress/trauma.

A friend of mines grandparents died within a day of each other.

fair point, but you know what I mean, there's actually a fairly interesting immune response to stress which can cause physical health to deteriorate.

I don't know why, but the expression 'died of a broken heart' slightly bugs me. It's a lot more interesting than that.

Pherekydes · 21-02-2019 11:23AM

This often happens in plane crashes, volcanic eruptions, hurricanes and the like.

seamus · 21-02-2019 11:24AM

There are many theories about this, and probably all true to a certain extent.

The placebo (and nocebo) effect is a very real thing. The notion of "mind over matter" can be observed in many limited contexts and isn't fully understood. That's not to say that a placebo can cure cancer or regrow a limb, but it can cure chronic pain and sometimes chronic illness. So it follows that the mind can create pain and illness too.

It's also being proven that being happy and comfortable speeds up rehabilitation. Which also follows that someone who is happy and satisfied, will remain healthy for longer. Someone who becomes unhappy and stressed, will likely get ill. And at 90, even a bad cold could finish you off.

People in their late stages, need fairly constant looking after. Not just by someone else, but looking after themselves - eating well, being positive, taking medication, etc etc. If your partner dies, it seems pretty likely that you might let all this slip. You might just say fvck it, what's the point anymore, get out of bed at midday and crack open a bottle of whiskey. Rinse and repeat until you're dead in a month.

On top of that you have the stress. The older body just not being able to cope with the emotional stress, but also the physical stress - the things that you now have to do for yourself.

Lorelli! · 21-02-2019 11:28AM

Debbie Reynolds died the day after Carrie Fisher passed away.

kneemos · 21-02-2019 11:30AM

Can see how they might lose the motivation or will to carry on in an empty house.

branie2 · 21-02-2019 11:40AM

Very moving

SEPT 23 1989 · 21-02-2019 12:08PM

In theory after 70 years of marriage you might grow quite fond of your wife

Edgware · 21-02-2019 01:30PM

Several elderly couples died within seconds of each other in Hiroshimo

hadepsx · 21-02-2019 01:37PM

Edgware wrote: »

Several elderly couples died within seconds of each other in Hiroshimo

Not cool.

Church on Tuesday · 21-02-2019 02:18PM

My Grandfather passed away a year after my Grandmother.

He was basically lost without her. I was approaching my teens at the time so could sense a bit of the anger and frustration and loneliness in him which as a grown man, now makes even more sense.

He had to live with my aunt because I don't think the man wanted to be alone in the house.

Now my Grandfather was a tough lad who didn't suffer fools gladly but also a gentleman; the general consensus is that he died of a broken heart and I believe it.

Ironman76 · 21-02-2019 02:36PM

My dads best friend of 50 years died in December.

We waited two weeks before telling my dad (his mind wasnt the best), so told him.
He died a week later.

My mother is in care and we still havent told her my dad is gone. As same will undoubtedly happen . . we just know it.

freshpopcorn · 21-02-2019 02:58PM

I'm aware of two locally one they were married for over 50 years. She was 79 and he was 75. She got cancer and didn't last long with it. He died about ten days later. He said something along the lines of I can see her before he passed away.
Another couple both late seventies. She passed away and he died at the hotel after the removal.

Zorya · 21-02-2019 03:02PM

My husband better mind himself so :mad: I'm not ready to go.

twowheelsonly · 21-02-2019 03:04PM

A friend of my mothers dropped dead the day of her husbands funeral just as they were removing the coffin from the house. No big drama or anything , just slumped down and was dead before she hit the floor. Both were in their late 60s' / early 70s' at the time.

Gael23 · 21-02-2019 04:22PM

This particular couple married later in life but still were together 50 years or so. She had to go into residential care in more recent years due to failing health and he soon joined her in there because he didn’t want to live alone.

corner of hells · 21-02-2019 04:28PM

My great grandfather died within twenty minutes of his brother during the Somme offensive , apparently it was a big battle somewhere.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 21-02-2019 04:31PM

I knew a couple (in their 60s) who died within an hour of each other. The husband took ill while at work and died almost immediately. His daughter was contacted and she went to tell her mother, at home, and found her dead when she arrived at the house, Neither had had any known health issues.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 21-02-2019 04:33PM

My granny died 32 years after my grandad. I did always hear that they didn’t get along...

seamus · 21-02-2019 04:35PM

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

My granny died 32 years after my grandad. I did always hear that they didn’t get along...

These are the other ones that I always find amazing. Couples who get married in their thirties, one dies in their sixties, and the other goes on into their nineties.

Living a whole other lifetime after the death of your partner. It must be very strange. One of my grandads lived to his 80s after my grandmother died in her forties. I never got to talk to him about it though, he was proper old by the time I came along.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 21-02-2019 07:06PM

seamus wrote: »

These are the other ones that I always find amazing. Couples who get married in their thirties, one dies in their sixties, and the other goes on into their nineties.

Living a whole other lifetime after the death of your partner. It must be very strange. One of my grandads lived to his 80s after my grandmother died in her forties. I never got to talk to him about it though, he was proper old by the time I came along.

It made my granny prematurely elderly at only 58. She couldn’t drive and lived rurally so relied on a lot of people. She wouldn’t entertain moving somewhere more practical or learning to drive.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 21-02-2019 07:11PM

seamus wrote: »

These are the other ones that I always find amazing. Couples who get married in their thirties, one dies in their sixties, and the other goes on into their nineties.

Living a whole other lifetime after the death of your partner. It must be very strange. One of my grandads lived to his 80s after my grandmother died in her forties. I never got to talk to him about it though, he was proper old by the time I came along.

It must be a strange feeling. My mother was married for 26 years, when my father died, and was widowed for 37 years. They were a devoted couple and she lamented his loss every day.

Ariadne · 21-02-2019 07:48PM

It's unlikely that I will live to old age and I sincerely hope that my wife finds someone else to love and be happy with when I'm gone. I'd hate to think of her being alone for the rest of her life.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 21-02-2019 07:50PM

Succubus_ wrote: »

It's unlikely that I will live to old age and I sincerely hope that my wife finds someone else to love and be happy with when I'm gone. I'd hate to think of her being alone for the rest of her life.

Ditto and I also want my husband to find love again. The quicker, the better.

hairyslug · 21-02-2019 07:54PM

8 months between my parents death, (there was an age difference of 28 years) that was a coincidence though . However, he went downhill remarkably fast once my mother got sick.

Couples dying close together

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