Couples dying close together

Gael23

I was at the funeral of a lady in in her 90s last month. A good number of people commented at the funeral that her husband wouldn’t live long without her. He was buried yesterday 5 weeks and 3 days after.

I’ve heard over the years of a husband and wife dying close together after that. Is is just a weird coincidence?

Wanderer78

Gael23 wrote:

I’ve heard over the years of a husband and wife dying close together after that. Is is just a weird coincidence?

No

Mr. Incognito

https://www.heart.org/en/health-topics/cardiomyopathy/what-is-cardiomyopathy-in-adults/is-broken-heart-syndrome-real

Its a known pyhsiological phenomenom

orourkeda1977

People in their 90's have this peculiar habit of dying. God only knows what the cause of that might be. Coincidence surely?

I hate this 'died of a broken heart' spiel (you mean heart disease?), but there's definitely some truth in the idea that human bodies can physiologically give up on themselves.

I remember when the doctors had done everything they could for my own Dad, who had cancer, and we asked how long he had left. The consultant goes 'anything between 6 weeks and 6 months'. The reason for that fairly wide gap (it is wide if it's your mortality we're talking about) is that some people will mentally give up, and their body somehow shuts down more quickly.

So no, I don't think its a coincidence. It should come as no surprise to anybody that the brain and our physical health are greatly intertwined. People don't die of broken hearts, but things like stress certainly do hasten the onset of death.

Lorelli!

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

People don't die of broken hearts, but things like stress certainly do hasten the onset of death.

Well that's what a broken heart is.. emotional stress/trauma.

A friend of mines grandparents died within a day of each other.

DEFTLEFTHAND

Lorelli! wrote: »

Well that's what a broken heart is.. emotional stress/trauma.

A friend of mines grandparents died within a day of each other.

Broken heart syndrome.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/broken-heart-syndrome/symptoms-causes/syc-20354617

Lorelli!

Lorelli! wrote: »

Well that's what a broken heart is.. emotional stress/trauma.

A friend of mines grandparents died within a day of each other.

fair point, but you know what I mean, there's actually a fairly interesting immune response to stress which can cause physical health to deteriorate.

I don't know why, but the expression 'died of a broken heart' slightly bugs me. It's a lot more interesting than that.

Pherekydes

This often happens in plane crashes, volcanic eruptions, hurricanes and the like.

seamus

There are many theories about this, and probably all true to a certain extent.

The placebo (and nocebo) effect is a very real thing. The notion of "mind over matter" can be observed in many limited contexts and isn't fully understood. That's not to say that a placebo can cure cancer or regrow a limb, but it can cure chronic pain and sometimes chronic illness. So it follows that the mind can create pain and illness too.

It's also being proven that being happy and comfortable speeds up rehabilitation. Which also follows that someone who is happy and satisfied, will remain healthy for longer. Someone who becomes unhappy and stressed, will likely get ill. And at 90, even a bad cold could finish you off.

People in their late stages, need fairly constant looking after. Not just by someone else, but looking after themselves - eating well, being positive, taking medication, etc etc. If your partner dies, it seems pretty likely that you might let all this slip. You might just say fvck it, what's the point anymore, get out of bed at midday and crack open a bottle of whiskey. Rinse and repeat until you're dead in a month.

On top of that you have the stress. The older body just not being able to cope with the emotional stress, but also the physical stress - the things that you now have to do for yourself.

Lorelli!

Debbie Reynolds died the day after Carrie Fisher passed away.

kneemos

Can see how they might lose the motivation or will to carry on in an empty house.

branie2

Very moving

SEPT 23 1989

In theory after 70 years of marriage you might grow quite fond of your wife

Edgware

Several elderly couples died within seconds of each other in Hiroshimo

hadepsx

Edgware wrote: »

Several elderly couples died within seconds of each other in Hiroshimo

Not cool.

Church on Tuesday

My Grandfather passed away a year after my Grandmother.

He was basically lost without her. I was approaching my teens at the time so could sense a bit of the anger and frustration and loneliness in him which as a grown man, now makes even more sense.

He had to live with my aunt because I don't think the man wanted to be alone in the house.

Now my Grandfather was a tough lad who didn't suffer fools gladly but also a gentleman; the general consensus is that he died of a broken heart and I believe it.

Ironman76

My dads best friend of 50 years died in December.

We waited two weeks before telling my dad (his mind wasnt the best), so told him.
He died a week later.

My mother is in care and we still havent told her my dad is gone. As same will undoubtedly happen . . we just know it.

freshpopcorn

I'm aware of two locally one they were married for over 50 years. She was 79 and he was 75. She got cancer and didn't last long with it. He died about ten days later. He said something along the lines of I can see her before he passed away.
Another couple both late seventies. She passed away and he died at the hotel after the removal.

Zorya

My husband better mind himself so :mad: I'm not ready to go.

twowheelsonly

A friend of my mothers dropped dead the day of her husbands funeral just as they were removing the coffin from the house. No big drama or anything , just slumped down and was dead before she hit the floor. Both were in their late 60s' / early 70s' at the time.

Gael23

This particular couple married later in life but still were together 50 years or so. She had to go into residential care in more recent years due to failing health and he soon joined her in there because he didn’t want to live alone.

corner of hells

My great grandfather died within twenty minutes of his brother during the Somme offensive , apparently it was a big battle somewhere.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

I knew a couple (in their 60s) who died within an hour of each other. The husband took ill while at work and died almost immediately. His daughter was contacted and she went to tell her mother, at home, and found her dead when she arrived at the house, Neither had had any known health issues.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

My granny died 32 years after my grandad. I did always hear that they didn’t get along...

seamus

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

My granny died 32 years after my grandad. I did always hear that they didn’t get along...

These are the other ones that I always find amazing. Couples who get married in their thirties, one dies in their sixties, and the other goes on into their nineties.

Living a whole other lifetime after the death of your partner. It must be very strange. One of my grandads lived to his 80s after my grandmother died in her forties. I never got to talk to him about it though, he was proper old by the time I came along.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

seamus wrote: »

These are the other ones that I always find amazing. Couples who get married in their thirties, one dies in their sixties, and the other goes on into their nineties.

Living a whole other lifetime after the death of your partner. It must be very strange. One of my grandads lived to his 80s after my grandmother died in her forties. I never got to talk to him about it though, he was proper old by the time I came along.

It made my granny prematurely elderly at only 58. She couldn’t drive and lived rurally so relied on a lot of people. She wouldn’t entertain moving somewhere more practical or learning to drive.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

seamus wrote: »

These are the other ones that I always find amazing. Couples who get married in their thirties, one dies in their sixties, and the other goes on into their nineties.

Living a whole other lifetime after the death of your partner. It must be very strange. One of my grandads lived to his 80s after my grandmother died in her forties. I never got to talk to him about it though, he was proper old by the time I came along.

It must be a strange feeling. My mother was married for 26 years, when my father died, and was widowed for 37 years. They were a devoted couple and she lamented his loss every day.

Ariadne

It's unlikely that I will live to old age and I sincerely hope that my wife finds someone else to love and be happy with when I'm gone. I'd hate to think of her being alone for the rest of her life.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Succubus_ wrote: »

It's unlikely that I will live to old age and I sincerely hope that my wife finds someone else to love and be happy with when I'm gone. I'd hate to think of her being alone for the rest of her life.

Ditto and I also want my husband to find love again. The quicker, the better.

hairyslug

8 months between my parents death, (there was an age difference of 28 years) that was a coincidence though . However, he went downhill remarkably fast once my mother got sick.

lolie

There was two local 95 year twin sisters who died within two days of each other a few years ago.
Story about it here.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.irishtimes.com/news/ireland/irish-news/ireland-s-oldest-known-twins-die-within-days-of-each-other-1.2381326%3fmode=amp

Also 2 brothers only up the road from here died a day after each other over 20 years ago.
Think both were in their 70's and had heart attacks.

Vita nova

Men seem more likely to die earlier that expected after losing their wives than women after losing their husbands, see:

Men more likely to die after losing their wife, but women carry on as normal - The Telegraph

Men were found to be a third more likely to die after being recently widowed, compared with their normal risk of mortality.
Women, on the other hand, had no increased chance of dying after their husbands passed away, with researchers suggesting they are likely to be more independent and prepared....

wakka12

Pretty sure its a well known phenomena. Emotional stress can have a powerful impact on the cardiovascular system, people with anxiety/depression have much shorter life expectancy than general population. At 90 something and losing your one true who youve spent most of your life beside Im sure its too much to bare and you just want it to end. The health of grandad in his 80's has declined markedly since the death of his wife

Edgware

twowheelsonly wrote: »

A friend of my mothers dropped dead the day of her husbands funeral just as they were removing the coffin from the house. No big drama or anything , just slumped down and was dead before she hit the floor. Both were in their late 60s' / early 70s' at the time.

Big saving on ham sandwiches

partyguinness

A good friend of mine's g/father was found dead on a couch in the sitting room by his wife who promptly dropped dead on the spot.

partyguinness

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

My granny died 32 years after my grandad. I did always hear that they didn’t get along...

My great grand father died in 1939 and his wife (my great grand mother who I called 'Granny Bed') died in 1983 aged 97. That's 44 years a widow.

NickNickleby

Edgware wrote: »

Big saving on ham sandwiches

Aha, Edgeware, I have to admit I smiled. You have a very upbeat attitude to the inevitable.

When I go, I want laughter, not sadness. Assuming anyone turns up.

Back on topic, my father died in his 60's, 20 years ago. My mother is still going strong in her mid eighties.

Elderly neighbour died last year. His wife is still going strong-ish, by which I mean she's got her wits about her, but she is frail and going deaf. Doesn't stop her going (being driven)to the supermarket. She's WELL into her nineties. They were married for about 60 years.

Mrsmum

My grandad died three months after his wife. Both in their seventies. She was sick for years, he was hale and hearty but absolutely devastated after her. He used to say the loneliness was a killer. He died on her birthday. We like to think he just badly wanted to be with her.

Mrsmum

I knew another woman whose hair turned grey overnight (honest to God) on the death of her husband. But she did live for another twenty years. Lucky for her the stress went to her hair not her heart.

DEFTLEFTHAND

Vita nova wrote: »

Men seem more likely to die earlier that expected after losing their wives than women after losing their husbands, see:

Certain Auld fellas who've been married for yrs can't cope without a woman in their lives. They don't know how to care of themselves. Some would struggle to boil an egg.

jester77

seamus wrote: »

These are the other ones that I always find amazing. Couples who get married in their thirties, one dies in their sixties, and the other goes on into their nineties.

Living a whole other lifetime after the death of your partner. It must be very strange. One of my grandads lived to his 80s after my grandmother died in her forties. I never got to talk to him about it though, he was proper old by the time I came along.

This happened my girlfriends grandmother, husband died youngish and she lived to her mid 80's. She never really got over him passing away and wouldn't change anything in the house afterwards. It was a bit like taking a time machine into the past when visiting, some vintage furniture and electronics. She had a radio that was bigger than a CRT TV.

Undividual

Lorelli! wrote: »

Well that's what a broken heart is.. emotional stress/trauma.

A friend of mines grandparents died within a day of each other.

The 4 of them?

wakka12

Mrsmum wrote: »

I knew another woman whose hair turned grey overnight (honest to God) on the death of her husband. But she did live for another twenty years. Lucky for her the stress went to her hair not her heart.

Its not possible for that to happen. Maybe stress can cause new hair to start growing grey from then on but the hair that is visible and sitting on your head that has already grown is dead protein ,and so it cannot change colour