Girlfriend wont allow me to have a TV in house

Telly · 06-02-2019 09:50PM

So if you’re paying half her mortgage and bills are only 800 a month? I need to live there!

Alrigghtythen · 06-02-2019 09:50PM

10 months in
You are not allowed a tv
You are not allowed to look at bills
You are not allowed to use you bookshelf as a bookshelf

What has she Compromised on? Or is it her house, her rules, her way 100% of the time. She sounds very controlling and sufficating, more like a parent than a partner

abyrne888 · 06-02-2019 09:51PM

the 100 i pay is
70 towards her mortgage. which is 140 a week as it is a small mortgage
30 towards ESB and heating

obviously, food is extra and i tend to spend 50 to 70 extra on food each week and she spends the same. i mean we do a weekly shop and we split the bill.

actually something has come to mind
when doing the shop the other day, she went nuts when i wanted to buy a certain cheese. i said i wanted and if she wanted a different cheese she could throw that in the trolley also as we were splitting the bill. but she went nuts over the cheese i picked. she actually started to give me the silent treatment.

i am beginning to COP ON as i write this. i shouldn't have jsut made up my own mind

abyrne888 · 06-02-2019 09:52PM

it is her house. her way. 100%

it is never going to work I suppose.
i tried to explain about the ESB bill. but she barely spoke to me for two days.

odyssey06 · 06-02-2019 09:56PM

abyrne888 wrote: »

it is her house. her way. 100%

it is never going to work I suppose.
i tried to explain about the ESB bill. but she barely spoke to me for two days.

It is her house in the sense of ownership but it is your home in the sense of where you live.

You dont need name on title deeds or be able to demand structural renovations but she needs to show awareness that she is sharing space with a partner and that you have needs as an adult beyond the physical side of things.
Its not like you are a child expecting them to buy you stuff in shops or new tv!

abyrne888 · 06-02-2019 09:56PM

in fairness, she has compromised and allowed me to buy instant coffee like Carte Noir. though she goes on and on and on and on about why would i buy instant coffee when their is nice coffee in the house.
dont get me wrong but it takes time to grind coffee and make it in a french press in the morning. fresh coffee is much nicer but it takes time.
in the morning when rushing out the door, it is so easy to have a nice cup of the best instant coffee.
and she also has compromised on the cornflakes. she insisted that i could not have cornflakes in the house but eventually she caved on this. i am allowed cornflakes now

Telly · 06-02-2019 09:58PM

Cornflakes? Ok now I’m waiting for you to say you’re messing!

punisher5112 · 06-02-2019 09:58PM

How has she not been found in a freezer.... Buy seriously op run..... Run quite fast...

abyrne888 · 06-02-2019 10:00PM

i know it is called ELectric Ireland. but for some reason i still call it the ESB. but you lknow what i mean

odyssey06 · 06-02-2019 10:01PM

abyrne888 wrote: »

in fairness, she has compromised and allowed me to buy instant coffee like Carte Noir. though she goes on and on and on and on about why would i buy instant coffee when their is nice coffee in the house.
dont get me wrong but it takes time to grind coffee and make it in a french press in the morning. in the morning when rushing out the door, it is so easy to have a nice cup of the best instant coffee.
and she also has compromised on the cornflakes. she insisted that i could not have cornflakes in the house but eventually she caved on this. i am allowed cornflakes now

Unless carte noire is code for something else from south america then it really isnt something that a couple should be falling out over!

odyssey06 · 06-02-2019 10:02PM

abyrne888 wrote: »

i know it is called ELectric Ireland. but for some reason i still call it the ESB. but you lknow what i mean

You and most people who grew up in ESB era. No worries OP.

abyrne888 · 06-02-2019 10:02PM

oh no
deadly serious, genuinely deadly serious
same with bread. like if i want to buy bread to make sandwiches for work, there is trouble
she only ever buys sourdough
in fairness to her, she is a foodie
and virtually everything has to be organic
and i respect that

abyrne888 · 06-02-2019 10:04PM

no carte noir is a fancy brand of instant coffee.
not code for anything
just a jar of coffee

wirelessdude01 · 06-02-2019 10:05PM

Coffee, cornflakes, what next? You can only use a certain brand of deodorant, buy your car fuel in a certain garage? This is beyond belief if true.

Telly · 06-02-2019 10:07PM

Is she Irish?

06-02-2019 10:08PM

"wont allow me to"

is not a phrase people in in their 30s should be using

she sounds like she has serious issues but theres a lot youre putting up with that points to problems your side to.

have a word with yourself about how youre ten months going out with this person and this is how things have gone

then have a word with her about whether ita gonna be eleven

pwurple · 06-02-2019 10:09PM

Yes, she has high standards, and you are a Joe Schmoe. We get it. Mismatched. Why you can’t eat a slice of the bread already in the house in your sandwich?

Do you need to mock her on an Internet forum?

Take it as a lesson learned, and off you go.

odyssey06 · 06-02-2019 10:09PM

abyrne888 wrote: »

no carte noir is a fancy brand of instant coffee.
not code for anything
just a jar of coffee

Sorry yeah what I meant was that you hear people say I dont have X in the house about drink or smokes or drugs. Not instant coffee.

wirelessdude01 · 06-02-2019 10:09PM

How long was she single before she bagged you?

abyrne888 · 06-02-2019 10:10PM

wirelessdude
this is 100% true. sadly
posting here has made everything clear.

funny you should mention deodorant. and now i am actually starting to laugh at this myself. on more than one occasion afther i has had a shower she told me i wasnt washing myself properly as i still smelled.
like, i am in my mid thirties. i kinda had the whole showering thing figured out before the age of 10.
i have just realised she is PSYCHO

splinter65 · 06-02-2019 10:11PM

[Deleted User] wrote: »

"wont allow me to"

is not a phrase people in in their 30s should be using

she sounds like she has serious issues but theres a lot youre putting up with that points to problems your side to.

have a word with yourself about how youre ten months going out with this person and this is how things have gone

then have a word with her about whether ita gonna be eleven

My husbands pal is 32 years married and still has to ask if he can go to the pub to see the match, if she says no he says he’s “not allowed”.

Alrigghtythen · 06-02-2019 10:11PM

pwurple wrote: »

Yes, she has high standards, and you are a Joe Schmoe. We get it. Mismatched. Why you can’t eat a slice of the bread already in the house in your sandwich?

Do you need to mock her on an Internet forum?

Take it as a lesson learned, and off you go.

Why can't he buy the bread he likes? Why should he have to eat the bread that's in the house if he wants a different type?

wirelessdude01 · 06-02-2019 10:12PM

splinter65 wrote:

My husbands pal is 32 years married and still has to ask if he can go to the pub to see the match, if she says no he says heâ€™s â€œnot allowedâ€.

That's different as the auld ball and chain is firmly in place

abyrne888 · 06-02-2019 10:14PM

its anonymous. she cant be identified. thats why i am on an internet forum
and i think i am getting good advice

pwurple · 06-02-2019 10:15PM

Alrigghtythen wrote: »

Why can't he buy the bread he likes? Why should he have to eat the bread that's in the house if he wants a different type?

Because it’s wasteful and expensive.

Part of living with someone is that you have these commonalities and can share the basics. If you have to buy multiple brands of everything, milk, bread, coffee, toothpaste... whatever. You might as well just be living separately.

And judging by the respect he is showing her here, I think that it would be for the best.

abyrne888 · 06-02-2019 10:16PM

it ain't going to be 11 months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i have seen the light!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

daheff · 06-02-2019 10:18PM

Get out. Don’t leave a forwarding address...just go. She seems a bit unhinged. Keep checking in here so we know you are safe & well.

For what it’s worth, I think you were in the wrong opening her esb bill regardless. If you want to see the bill ask after she’s opened the letter...but letter is not addressed to you to open.

_Kaiser_ · 06-02-2019 10:18PM

Good on you OP, get out now before it goes any further.

She wants a lodger who will kick in some cash towards her mortgage but who has no other rights in the house besides a bed, not a partner and equal in your (plural) home.

Alrigghtythen · 06-02-2019 10:20PM

pwurple wrote: »

Because it’s wasteful and expensive.

Part of living with someone is that you have these commonalities and can share the basics. If you have to buy multiple brands of everything, milk, bread, coffee, toothpaste... whatever. You might as well just be living separately.

And judging by the respect he is showing her here, I think that it would be for the best.

If my partner started dictating to me what type of bread/cheese/cornflakes where allowed in the house, we'd be having a serious conversation.

Part of living with a partner is comprimise and give and take. A healthy relationship is not one where one person dictates to the other.

abyrne888 · 06-02-2019 10:22PM

yup she is irish
has a good job
own house
friends
etc

Girlfriend wont allow me to have a TV in house

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