British burials timescale

bobbyss · 19-01-2019 06:14PM #1

Why do burials of people in Britain take weeks to happen? In Ireland it's about three days?

Trigger Happy · 19-01-2019 06:18PM

Because they are different. They think we are mad doing it so quick.

Muslim and Jewish people do their burials within a day if I remember right.

Giveaway · 19-01-2019 06:34PM

buerocracy and gross inefficiency usually. No reason apart from paperwork. even when there is a coronor's pm here one can still be buried within 3 to 7 dyas

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 19-01-2019 06:42PM

I think the Irish way is too quick. Especially if it’s a sudden, tragic death of someone young. It’s such a shock and then they are gone and buried quickly.

A middle ground between the two would be perfect.

Franz Von Peppercorn · 19-01-2019 06:43PM

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

I think the Irish way is too quick. Especially if it’s a sudden, tragic death of someone young. It’s such a shock and then they are gone and buried quickly.

A middle ground between the two would be perfect.

I agree with that.

19-01-2019 06:50PM

There's queues.
For cemeteries & crematoriums.
There's a lot more people living & dying in Britain than in Ireland.
People working in cemeteries etc are also actual workers, not like the country in Ireland where your neighbours will dig the grave.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 19-01-2019 06:53PM

bubblypop wrote: »

There's queues.
For cemeteries & crematoriums.
There's a lot more people living & dying in Britain than in Ireland.
People working in cemeteries etc are also actual workers, not like the country in Ireland where your neighbours will dig the grave.

In the very rural locality I grew up in, it’s been paid gravediggers doing the job since the late 1970s. There was a thread about this a few weeks ago so I asked my dad. Yeah, gravediggers have being doing the job in that rural location for 40 years. The ‘neighbours and extended family doing the digging’ has died out in some areas. In fact, I didn’t know it was a thing AT ALL until I read that thread.

Purgative · 19-01-2019 07:01PM

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

In the very rural locality I grew up in, it’s been paid gravediggers doing the job since the late 1970s. There was a thread about this a few weeks ago so I asked my dad. Yeah, gravediggers have being doing the job in that rural location for 40 years. The ‘neighbours and extended family doing the digging’ has died out in some areas. In fact, I didn’t know it was a thing AT ALL until I read that thread.

Neighbours still do it here (Mayo). I find it quite charming and has more effect than a mass ever could.

Funnily enough when I was last in UK someone asked the opposite question. "Why do they do it so quick" I just said "Its to help the spuds along".

Penzer · 19-01-2019 07:03PM

I wonder do close family Members etc in the UK return to work, try to continue as normal for a week or two before the funeral, then take time off ?

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 19-01-2019 07:06PM

Purgative wrote: »

Neighbours still do it here (Mayo). I find it quite charming and has more effect than a mass ever could.

Funnily enough when I was last in UK someone asked the opposite question. "Why do they do it so quick" I just said "Its to help the spuds along".

Mayo here too!

It’s mad that I had never heard of it. I was totally shocked. A piece of Irish culture that completely passed me by because our parish and the neighbouring ones all have gravediggers by profession and have done for decades.

I’m not sure I agree that it makes much difference. Wakes are still really common and that’s as personal a touch, IMO. Neighbours sit with the corpse until the last family member goes to bed.

Garlinge · 19-01-2019 07:09PM

I think there is a 7 day delay legally in UK. Makes for sense, time for autopsy, check details of death etc. Also funerals in UK are more by invitation so time to contact people. It is less common to put a newspaper notice.

EdgeCase · 19-01-2019 07:09PM

That locals digging the graves thing is definitely isolated to a certain parts of Ireland and is absolutely not the case in urban areas that's for sure.

The majority of funerals I've encountered in Ireland have been organised by professionals, not just the family.

Garlinge wrote: »

I think there is a 7 day delay legally in UK. Makes for sense, time for autopsy, check details of death etc. Also funerals in UK are more by invitation so time to contact people. It is less common to put a newspaper notice.

That aspect can be both bad and good as they can take severe offence to someone turning up at a funeral uninvited. I've seen that happen. Again, it's highly variable, but it does happen that some people will see it as crossing the line to turn up at a funeral where you're not specifically invited or very close to the person.

Whereas in Ireland they tend to be more of an open thing where people will show up as a matter of supporting the grieving relatives.

Guy:Incognito · 19-01-2019 07:11PM

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

I think the Irish way is too quick. Especially if it’s a sudden, tragic death of someone young. It’s such a shock and then they are gone and buried quickly.

A middle ground between the two would be perfect.

My dad died suddenly in the summer. It was Sunday evening. I delayed the funeral a day cos my cousin was trying to get back from Germany for it. So he was cremated on the Wednesday.

It was far too quick. Straight away after it I regretted so much about it. None of it, bar the cremation , was anything to do with anything he liked or wanted. I sleep walked through it. I went straight from the hospital , home to bed late the night he died, got up first thing to contact a new job I was due to start that day and then out to the funeral director where I was making decisions on stuff and just agreeing with people. I was in not mood or state of mind to be organising stuff 15 hours after he died with me outside the treatment room.

A few days or dealing with stuff and letting my head settle would have been a much better way to go about it.

Garlinge · 19-01-2019 07:11PM

I think a 7 day delay is a legal requirement in UK. Also it is less likely to rely on a newspaper notice for details. People are invited to attend funerals like a social occasion.

EdgeCase · 19-01-2019 07:13PM

My mom died a few months ago very unexpectedly and it was actually far, far too rushed. We were all in shock and there was stuff being organised so rapidly that I had no idea what was going on.

The actual ceremony was far too impersonal as a result and I was a bit upset that I didn't have time to put any proper thought into what was said at it. The whole thing was just a whirlwind.

Also a lot of relatives who lived abroad couldn't make it due to the short notice and I'm pretty sure plenty of them would have, had there been a bit of a pause.

When something happens out of the blue like that, you have absolutely nothing planned and nobody's ever discussed arrangements or preferences.

We even ended up with a very heavily religious removal involving rosary and all sorts of stuff which wasn't intended at all. It just so happened that someone arranged a priest and I didn't even know what was involved. I never met the man in my life before, nor did my mother. She wouldn't have been a very religious woman and it was way off tone.

Meeting up with everyone and the send-off outside of that was all really good and cathartic but the formalities were just a big rush of going through the motions.

Purgative · 19-01-2019 07:16PM

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

Mayo here too! It’s mad that I had never heard of it. I was totally shocked. A piece of Irish culture that completely passed me by because our parish and the neighbouring ones all have gravediggers by profession and have done for decades.

Was in town last week and gave my address in a shop and the guy said - its like its still the 1950s there. Suits me

I’m not sure I agree that it makes much difference. Wakes are still really common and that’s as personal a touch, IMO. Neighbours sit with the corpse until the last family member goes to bed.

Horses for courses. When its someone really close and its absolutely lashing outside. That 4 or 5 guys would take that trouble for basically SFA other than a meal and maybe a small tip. It just warms your heart when it could do with it.

gw80 · 19-01-2019 07:39PM

Is the reason for the 3 day burial in Ireland to do with, jesus rising from the grave on the third day?

Mrs OBumble · 19-01-2019 07:45PM

Most British funerals are actially cremations not burials AFAIK.

And that's where the 7 day delay comes from. Gotta leave time for any questions to be asked when theres no ppssibility of exhuming the body.

Things will slow down here soon as the number of priests rapidly declines.

EdgeCase · 19-01-2019 07:50PM

gw80 wrote: »

Is the reason for the 3 day burial in Ireland to do with, jesus rising from the grave on the third day?

I'd say historically it was to do with public health practicalities. They would have ensured burrial happened relatively quickly as there were serious risks of spread of disease and no means of preserving anything. Refrigeration was not really widespread until well into the 20th century.

Not to be totally heartless about it but a lot of funeral customs tend to stem from simple practicalities that needed to be standardised and observed to avoid health risks, especially in the old days when deaths were often caused by highly communicable diseases that would be rare in modern times.

That's why I think in modern times we are rushing around far too much. You have time to consider people's emotional needs too.

Rubberlegs · 19-01-2019 07:57PM

My Dad died in hospital in the evening time, the funeral home was contacted within the hour and the next morning we were picking out his suit to be buried in and dropping it to the funeral director for 10am. The meeting with the priest to discuss the mass was there and then as was picking the coffin. We passed comment on Dad arriving at the funeral home and were told that he was there since 9am. The funeral was delayed by a day to allow a relative to get here from England so we had one extra day to visit him. It all happened so quickly but in a sense it kept us busy. My Nanny died in England and wasnt buried for 9 days. An uncle also in England died suddenly, only because he was very old, and wasnt cremated for at least a month. I know it's creepy but all I could think of was him being in a fridge for that month. Far too long to be hanging around in my opinion. A middle ground as some posters have said would be good, or at least having the choice to maybe hold the funeral in a weeks time or whatever. Though I presume if family have to travel long distances this is catered for.

EdgeCase · 19-01-2019 08:04PM

The issue when my mum died was we didn't even know who ring. The hospital staff suddenly went from good at communicating about the on going treatment to being as confused as we were. Nobody seemed to know where she was going next and there was no liason person or even anywhere to sit.

It was an extremely busy neuroscience unit and other patients were still being treated all around her and they didn't seem to move towards taking her out of the ward.

I would have thought that would have moved someone to a room somewhere so you had time to process what had just happened but it wasn't how it worked. They just drew the curtains.

I felt very bad for the other patients as they were very much aware of what had just happened and all of them were just after arriving with stokes of various severity themselves.

It just seemed very wrong.

There just seemed to be no system to kick in when someone died. I mean I know they hope not to lose patients but, in a massive acute hospital it can't be a totally unusual scenario.

I ended up having to Google an undertaker.

Atoms for Peace · 19-01-2019 08:31PM

One thing we do right here is funerals. Having an open casket gives a bit of closure, which I'd imagine has a limited time window.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 19-01-2019 08:43PM

Atoms for Peace wrote: »

One thing we do right here is funerals. Having an open casket gives a bit of closure, which I'd imagine has a limited time window.

I’ve written down my funeral wishes. My family, my husband’s close family, my friends and my husband’s close friends can see me in the casket. There’ll be a private viewing for them. For the ‘open to the public’ bit, I want the casket closed. People are there to sympathise. If they feel hard done not seeing me in the casket, well tough. They’re not my loved ones. I don’t want people I’m not close to gawping at me.

Wheres Me Jumper? · 19-01-2019 11:31PM

i think it's so they can avail of cheap Ryanair flights.

my3cents · 20-01-2019 12:46AM

There can be an additional delay with a cremation because a second doctor has to sign off on the death certificate because obviously there is no checking the body later if there are any questions.

munstergirl · 20-01-2019 01:10PM

My mum had 2 wishes, closed coffin and to be cremated. No reason for closed coffin, she just didn't want people making comment how beautiful, peaceful etc she looked, she thought there is nothing beautiful about a dead body.

1st thing we said to funeral director was no rush, she died on a friday and was creamated on a tuesday.

It was still a rush trying to get everything organised.

Funeral director, Priest was great help, Hospital didn't say anything really only contact funeral director. We kept thing simple, what my mum would have wanted.

I think everyone should let family members know what they want, final wishes or write it down. Favourite song etc.

EdgeCase · 20-01-2019 01:25PM

My granny said she wanted a closed coffin for similar reasons. Although she had lost an awful lot of weight and looked frail so didn't particularly want to be seen like that.

We just put several photos of her when she was in her 20s and 40s and 60s up as she was determined that she wanted to be remembered as she was in her prime - not just as how she was during the year and a bit that she looked very unwell.

That was a non religious funeral - we just read some poetry she liked, talked about the the good times and played a lot of her favourite music - she was a big classical fan and played piano so the were one or two pieces that were just her and had us in floods of tears.

With my mom's, I'd have liked to plan it properly but that's not what happened. I'm not going to beat myself up about it as the circumstances were totally different but, I do think it's a pity it couldn't have taken a bit of time. You can't organise anything when you're in shock.

I did a eulogy and I can't even remember what I said.

I found the priest wanted to rush things too and kept going on about needing to get to a wedding and his assistants kept hassling me about wanting gifts for the altar and photographs of her. I had neither and had no idea what they even meant by gifts.

All in all the whole experience was horrible and I'm still really upset about it months later.

I had flashbacks for about 3 months after

It still feels like it didn't actually happen.

Recliner · 20-01-2019 01:25PM

I do know of an instance where the widow mentioned to a family member how rushed her husbands funeral seemed to be and how it would be nice to have a few more days to spend with him as he died very suddenly.
Family member spoke to the undertaker who said no problem, and the funeral was postponed for I think 3 or 4 days. I think he said that once the body has been embalmed then there can be a little delay.
I do think we rush things here but I'd imagine most people wouldn't even think to ask the undertaker to delay. Assuming there's no legal reason for a fast burial, then it should be an option if the family requests it.
This was a small rural town mind you, maybe if the undertaker didn't know you personally it might make a difference.
One thing I don't get is when a request is made for a house to be private on the morning of the burial, why some people seem to feel that doesn't apply to them.

Edgware · 20-01-2019 01:26PM

Wheres Me Jumper? wrote: »

i think it's so they can avail of cheap Ryanair flights.

Cheap Ryanair flights! They are a thing of the past. Maybe cheaper than others but try and get a short notice flight at Ryanair and you will pay well for it.

Recliner · 20-01-2019 01:27PM

EdgeCase wrote: »

My granny said she wanted a closed coffin for similar reasons. Although she had lost an awful lot of weight and looked frail so didn't particularly want to be seen like that.

We just put several photos of her when she was in her 20s and 40s and 60s up as she was determined that she wanted to be remembered as she was in her prime - not just as how she was during the year and a bit that she looked very unwell.

That was a non religious funeral - we just read some poetry she liked, talked about the the good times and played a lot of her favourite music - she was a big classical fan and played piano so the were one or two pieces that were just her and had us in floods of tears.

With my mom's, I'd have liked to plan it properly but that's not what happened. I'm not going to beat myself up about it as the circumstances were totally different but, I do think it's a pity it couldn't have taken a bit of time. You can't organise anything when you're in shock.

I did a eulogy and I can't even remember what I said.

I found the priest wanted to rush things too and kept going on about needing to get to a wedding and his assistants kept hassling me about wanting gifts for the altar and photographs of her. I had neither and had no idea what they even meant by gifts.

All in all the whole experience was horrible and I'm still really upset about it months later.

I had flashbacks for about 3 months after

It still feels like it didn't actually happen.

Condolences to you on your loss.

EdgeCase · 20-01-2019 01:43PM

Edgware wrote: »

Cheap Ryanair flights! They are a thing of the past. Maybe cheaper than others but try and get a short notice flight at Ryanair and you will pay well for it.

They are pot luck at short notice really depending on your route and you can find flights from Aer Lingus and others very cheaply ... If you're lucky with the dates.

At short notice on a busy route you can pay serious money for relatively short flights.

British burials timescale

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