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Heartbroken and scared.

2456

Comments

  • #32
    amdublin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,653 ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    You poor thing. You've been through/are going through the mill. You will get through this. The bad days will get less. The good days more.

    Are you getting any support? Does your work have any employee assistance scheme? Or would you talk to your Gp?

    Stay strong Op. Hugs


  • #33
    KathleenGrant
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,789 ✭✭✭KathleenGrant


    Working out well with renting out rooms, definitely helping with bills. Also loving the company. Many thanks for the suggestion,you may have just saved me in more ways than one.

    Money is still tight. I have 3 godchildren. I always spend roughly 70-80 euro on them. I can't really afford that this year. I have spent 15-20 on a present for each. I have also written a poem for and about them. Will this be ok? 2 teenagers so would they too materialistic to value this? Other kid is younger so not an issue.


  • #34
    Jenneke87
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 807 ✭✭✭Jenneke87


    You spent what you can afford. If they don't appreciate it that's on them really. It might also teach them that it's the thought that counts, not the money. Glad to hear that renting out the rooms is helping.


  • #35
    holly8
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 740 ✭✭✭holly8


    KathleenGrant wrote: »
    Working out well with renting out rooms, definitely helping with bills. Also loving the company. Many thanks for the suggestion,you may have just saved me in more ways than one.

    Money is still tight. I have 3 godchildren. I always spend roughly 70-80 euro on them. I can't really afford that this year. I have spent 15-20 on a present for each. I have also written a poem for and about them. Will this be ok? 2 teenagers so would they too materialistic to value this? Other kid is younger so not an issue.

    Sounds wonderful


  • #36
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    I'm sure it'll be fine. Youngsters get so many presents these days, the value of them is sort of immaterial if that makes sense? There's a lot to be said for thoughtful gifts and I'm sure they'll appreciate the gesture.


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  • #37
    amdublin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,653 ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    Well done OP! Good for you!

    I think your gifts this year sound great.

    Have a lovely Christmas break and good luck in 2019. I feel there are lots of good things out there on the horizon for you


  • #38
    KathleenGrant
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,789 ✭✭✭KathleenGrant


    I can't wait to see the back of this awful year.


  • #39
    zapper55
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 689 ✭✭✭zapper55


    Kathleen it will only get better. Have a lovely evening.


  • #40
    KathleenGrant
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,789 ✭✭✭KathleenGrant


    zapper55 wrote: »
    Kathleen it will only get better. Have a lovely evening.

    Thank you for taking the time to post. Hope you have a great night.


  • #41
    Silverfish
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,698 Mod ✭✭✭✭Silverfish


    Hard part is over Kathleen, it'll be tough for a while but every day will get a bit better.


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  • #42
    Redser87
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 610 ✭✭✭Redser87


    Hope the new year goes better for you Kathleen. Your Christmas presents were very thoughtful and lovely. I still have a poem that my aunt wrote for me when I was 13! Take care of yourself.


  • #43
    florawest
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 211 ✭✭florawest


    Kathleen, sending you kindness and hugs for the coming year, just take each day as it comes allow yourself time to grieve and be kind to yourself its been a horrible time and you will smile and laugh again.
    Happy New Year to all, PG it will bring us all good health and great friendships.


  • #44
    Purple Mountain
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,658 ✭✭✭✭Purple Mountain


    It's only another night Kathleen. Most of us on boards are home with a book or movie!
    Treat it like any other bank holiday!
    Happy New Year.

    To thine own self be true



  • #45
    KathleenGrant
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,789 ✭✭✭KathleenGrant


    Redser87 wrote: »
    Hope the new year goes better for you Kathleen. Your Christmas presents were very thoughtful and lovely. I still have a poem that my aunt wrote for me when I was 13! Take care of yourself.
    The poems went down a treat. The kids loved them.
    florawest wrote: »
    Kathleen, sending you kindness and hugs for the coming year, just take each day as it comes allow yourself time to grieve and be kind to yourself its been a horrible time and you will smile and laugh again.
    Happy New Year to all, PG it will bring us all good health and great friendships.
    Purple Mountain wrote: »
    It's only another night Kathleen. Most of us on boards are home with a book or movie!
    Treat it like any other bank holiday!
    Happy New Year.

    Some neighbours called to invite me over for nibbles and drinks. I only called over for a few minutes but stayed a while. Really picked me up that they thought of me.


  • #46
    naughtysmurf
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,317 ✭✭✭naughtysmurf


    KathleenGrant wrote: »
    He is refusing to talk about anything. He will call on Saturday week for his stuff and would I please have most of it boxed.
    Oh and please would I not make this more difficult for us both than it is already.

    I may fire them into a few bags but I wouldn't be boxing them, best of luck to you


  • #47
    KathleenGrant
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,789 ✭✭✭KathleenGrant


    He has a new partner. My brother just rang me to say that he met him out in a restaurant with a woman, and they were definitely together. He rang me at work and I had to go home. I actually felt physically sick and weak. My hands are shaking and I can barely type. I knew it was most likely why he left but I am devastated to know it is a reality. Of course she is younger and prettier. Why wouldn't he want her instead of me. But I am distraught.


  • #48
    Lisha
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,697 ✭✭✭Lisha


    KathleenGrant wrote: »
    He has a new partner. My brother just rang me to say that he met him out in a restaurant with a woman, and they were definitely together. He rang me at work and I had to go home. I actually felt physically sick and weak. My hands are shaking and I can barely type. I knew it was most likely why he left but I am devastated to know it is a reality. Of course she is younger and prettier. Why wouldn't he want her instead of me. But I am distraught.

    It doesn’t matter. Concentrate only on yourself. Feic him so what if he has someone else. You are better off without him. I know you don’t want to be alone but if he didn’t want to be with you anymore then ye only would’ve been miserable together. You deserve better.


  • #49
    KERSPLAT!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 31,152 ✭✭✭✭KERSPLAT!


    Sorry to hear that, can't imagine how difficult it must be to hear that but look forward. Hopefully the hardest part is behind you. You'll likely spend free time thinking about him, what's happening, happened and what could've been different. Try not to. Keep busy, it'll get easier and eventually, hopefully, you'll find yourself thinking about him less. All the best.


  • #50
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    Of course you're going to be distraught. Even though he treated you appallingly, your feelings for him were never going to dissipate overnight. It's not much of a consolation but you finally have your answer for why he left. Hearing that he has a new woman well and truly slammed the door shut on your relationship.

    I hope that financially you're doing better now? Time will heal the wounds of this but it helps if you're not stressed about money.


  • #51
    KathleenGrant
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,789 ✭✭✭KathleenGrant


    Ursus Horribilis wrote: »
    Of course you're going to be distraught. Even though he treated you appallingly, your feelings for him were never going to dissipate overnight. It's not much of a consolation but you finally have your answer for why he left. Hearing that he has a new woman well and truly slammed the door shut on your relationship.

    I hope that financially you're doing better now? Time will heal the wounds of this but it helps if you're not stressed about money.

    I know I have my answer but what hurts is that he swore to me there was nobody else when he was leaving and there was. My brother knows the woman he was with and looked her up on Facebook and she changed her relationship status the week after he left.

    Financially you did me a massive favour suggesting renting the rooms. It is a huge help with the rent and the arrears that he ran up before he left. I would never have managed without them. But more than that too. I have two lodgers who are young guys. They are lively, fun and when I am with them I am totally distracted from my misery. I love that they are there and I am not alone at night. They help me with jobs around the house and sometimes they even cook for me (if I have to go to my second job on the same day as my main job) I am a football fanatic and so are they so we never run out of chat.


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  • #52
    Purple Mountain
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,658 ✭✭✭✭Purple Mountain


    That must sting no doubt.
    Acknowledge your hurt, don't bottle it up.
    Have a good cry day tomorrow and be gentle with yourself. Treat yourself to a blow dry or movie.
    Then start Sunday morning off a new.
    Remember how far you've come in the past 2 months and the 2 new people who have brought a bit of joy into your home. Think of all the nice things you can now do for yourself. Your children are reared. Your time is your own.
    You have a bit more financial independence with the lodgers. These are all great steps.
    January is a time to start thinking about spring cleaning. Literally and metaphorically.
    I find throwing opening the windows and a good scrub and polish gives a new life to the house after the winter months.
    Then do a little spring clean on yourself.
    Girlcrew? Solo travel excursions? Maybe start to think about dipping your toe back in the dating scene?
    Sincere good luck!

    To thine own self be true



  • #53
    Red Lightning
    Closed Accounts Posts: 378 ✭✭Red Lightning


    KathleenGrant wrote:
    He has a new partner. My brother just rang me to say that he met him out in a restaurant with a woman, and they were definitely together. He rang me at work and I had to go home. I actually felt physically sick and weak. My hands are shaking and I can barely type. I knew it was most likely why he left but I am devastated to know it is a reality. Of course she is younger and prettier. Why wouldn't he want her instead of me. But I am distraught.

    Feck him. If that's the way he wants to treat you then let this other woman deal with his bullsh1t. Even though it hurts, you had a lucky escape here. Also, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Just cos you think she's more prettier than you, doesn't mean many others do. Btw that asswipe of an ex doesn't count here.
    Get out and start enjoying life. This time next year you'll be laughing at that fool of an ex.


  • #54
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    You're flying it, OP!
    Kept the roof over your head.
    Got the financial situation under control.
    Chose 2 great housemates who are considerate& good craic& have the same interests as you.
    Your ex can go mess with some other girls head& heart. You deserve more,& by the sounds of things, you're on track for a much better life.
    Onwards & upwards for 2019!


  • #55
    stargazer 68
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,189 ✭✭✭stargazer 68


    Op you are well rid and you know you are! Trust me things aren't all as rosy for him as it might seem. In the back of her mind will be 'he cheated with me so will he cheat on me'. She will be keeping a close eye on him and his phone etc.

    2019 is a new year and new you!


  • #56
    Sunflower 27
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,955 ✭✭✭Sunflower 27


    Dccx wrote: »
    You're flying it, OP!
    Kept the roof over your head.
    Got the financial situation under control.
    Chose 2 great housemates who are considerate& good craic& have the same interests as you.
    Your ex can go mess with some other girls head& heart. You deserve more,& by the sounds of things, you're on track for a much better life.
    Onwards & upwards for 2019!


    This.

    Look at what you have achieved in spite of your heartbreak. You are going to be just fine.

    One day at a time, and treat yourself as much as you can afford in the short-term.


  • #57
    yermandan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,068 ✭✭✭yermandan


    Very best of luck to you in your new chapter Kathleen


  • #58
    Jenneke87
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 807 ✭✭✭Jenneke87


    That must have been tough to hear. And about the " fact" that she's younger and prettier....She's stuck with a cheater who left his partner in a disgraceful manner. I doubt they're as happy as you think they are. If my relationship started like that I don't think I could ever fully relax and let my guard down.

    The news will sting for a while, no doubt and that's okay, this also needs to be processed.Take all the time you need for that but don't lose sight of all the things you have achieved so far. I hope 2019 will be a fantastic year for you! Take care.


  • #59
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    KathleenGrant wrote: »
    ...what hurts is that he swore to me there was nobody else when he was leaving and there was.

    I wouldn't get too hung up on that. Cheaters usually admit to as little as they can get away with. So really, it's a case of "He would say that, wouldn't he?". The other are spot on. He might have this piece of younger totty on his arm but the way he moved from a long term relationship (was marriage ever on the cards?) to her says a lot about him as a person. She may have got her man but she also has someone who was happy to cheat. Someone who left his partner without a backwards glance and left her to pick up the pieces. Relationships break up all the time but he has not covered himself in glory for the way he ended this one.


  • #60
    KathleenGrant
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,789 ✭✭✭KathleenGrant


    Hi, OP here. Moving on with my life. Finances still really hard but coping. Something strange happened. My housemates were out last night when I got home from work but one of them just told me that a woman was here last night. She knew I was at work but she called to leave a phone number. She wants to talk to me. I think it is my ex's new woman. I can't be sure because it is a common name but she fits the description. Should I burn the number or ring her? I want to move on with my life and concentrate on me but i am curious of course.


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  • #61
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Sounds a bit strange. Even if you are curious to know what she wants, I wouldn't make contact. Hold off and see does she call round again if it's something important.


This discussion has been closed.
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