Employer forcing me to work over Christmas

raclle · 23-12-2018 11:33am

OP take the time off on xmas and spend it with your mum. I wouldn't have to think twice about a decision like that. Jobs are like partners they come and go but family is for life.

Mrs OBumble · 23-12-2018 11:38am

Sardonicat wrote: »

Just because someone with cancer isn't in hospital doesn't mean that they are not ill/weak /unable to prepare a meal or indeed contemplating the possibillity that this could be their laz5t Christmas.How'd you like to have cancer and spend Christmas day alone? WTF is wrong with some of the people on this thread?

There is nothing in the OPs post to suggest that is the case. Drama queen much.

I'll guarantee that there are hundreds if not thousands of people in the area that the mother is in, and out of that several people who wouls be more than happy to have her for Christmas dinner.

Sardonicat · 23-12-2018 12:00pm

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Sardonicat wrote: »

Just because someone with cancer isn't in hospital doesn't mean that they are not ill/weak /unable to prepare a meal or indeed contemplating the possibillity that this could be their laz5t Christmas.How'd you like to have cancer and spend Christmas day alone? WTF is wrong with some of the people on this thread?

There is nothing in the OPs post to suggest that is the case. Drama queen much.

I'll guarantee that there are hundreds if not thousands of people in the area that the mother is in, and out of that several people who wouls be more than happy to have her for Christmas dinner.

Her mother is too weak to travel. Her mother currently has cancer and is unaware of her longterm prognosis. Of course there's a possibility that this could be her last Christmas. But that's OK cos she can go spend it with strangers.

Your reply disgusts me.

Mr.H · 23-12-2018 12:42pm

Well op i hope everything does work out for you on both the work and personal front. I wont be checking this thread anymore as i worry people are giving you very bad advice (they may not be). Talk to your brother, your mother and your friends. The people that love you and care about the outcome of your decisions.

My last nugget of wisdom, if you could even call it that, is that just consider everything before making rash calls. Look at how long youll be at work and if there is any way to make it work. Either way thats what you need to base your decision on. Its all well and good me saying dont mess up your job. Its equally well and good others saying screw the job. I can only assume (even though it wont be) that everyone giving advise means well. But only you need to live with the outcome of your actions. Jobs do come and go but reputations stay. If the biggest employer in your field says you have a bad reputation then maybe its time to look at another field. Either way, go to work or dont. But there is a bigger picture. You will be affecting your job, at least to some degree. You will also be forcing someone to give up their Christmas when they had it booked off. Someone who might also be having a bad year.

I hope it does work out but more importantly i hope you have many many wonderful Christmas's ahead with your mother.

Peace out and happy Christmas everyone.

antodeco · 23-12-2018 12:48pm

@OP, if you do decide to work and can't get in due to lack of transport, let me know. Depending on where you live/work I'll give you a lift. If it means you are less stressed for Christmas day than it's the least someone can do for Christmas

Mrs OBumble · 23-12-2018 1:47pm

Sardonicat wrote: »

Her mother is too weak to travel. Her mother currently has cancer and is unaware of her longterm prognosis. Of course there's a possibility that this could be her last Christmas. But that's OK cos she can go spend it with strangers.

Your reply disgusts me.

Friends and neighbours are hardly strangers. Who exactly do you think will be caring for the mother normally, with one kid in the army (ie away a lot) and the other one without a car and living miles away.

weldoninhio · 23-12-2018 2:57pm

splinter65 wrote: »

OP has the option to take Carers Leave and get Carers Benefit.

That’s very presumptuous.

splinter65 · 23-12-2018 3:16pm

weldoninhio wrote: »

That’s very presumptuous.

It’s not really. The mothers GP completes the medical report stating that she needs looking after. The employer has to agree to the leave unless he can prove that the employee is indispensable. The PRSI requirement is pretty low. It’s the best thing to do best for the OP best for mother best for the employer.
OP can go for a max of 2 years and must be returned to original terms and conditions of his job after that.

weldoninhio · 23-12-2018 3:46pm

splinter65 wrote: »

It’s not really. The mothers GP completes the medical report stating that she needs looking after. The employer has to agree to the leave unless he can prove that the employee is indispensable. The PRSI requirement is pretty low. It’s the best thing to do best for the OP best for mother best for the employer.
OP can go for a max of 2 years and must be returned to original terms and conditions of his job after that.

Who said that the mother needs looking after??

splinter65 · 23-12-2018 4:03pm

weldoninhio wrote: »

Who said that the mother needs looking after??

The OP feels she’s so ill that’s he/she’s had to take a lot of time off recently to care for her. The entire thread is about how he/she doesn’t think the mother should be alone on Christmas Day. Yes. The OP thinks the mother needs looking after.

dartboardio · 23-12-2018 4:09pm

How much do you like your job?

If your mum can’t come to you id consider leaving no job is worth that

Or, I second what someone said above about applying for carers leave, effective immediately!

weldoninhio · 23-12-2018 5:26pm

splinter65 wrote: »

The OP feels she’s so ill that’s he/she’s had to take a lot of time off recently to care for her. The entire thread is about how he/she doesn’t think the mother should be alone on Christmas Day. Yes. The OP thinks the mother needs looking after.

She doesn’t want her mother to be alone. She’s taken time off to go to appointments with her mum. It’s all in the OP. There is absolutely nothing in it about her mother being in need of 24/7 care. I presume the mother is alone on the days the OP is working.

splinter65 · 23-12-2018 6:16pm

weldoninhio wrote: »

She doesn’t want her mother to be alone. She’s taken time off to go to appointments with her mum. It’s all in the OP. There is absolutely nothing in it about her mother being in need of 24/7 care. I presume the mother is alone on the days the OP is working.

If she got force majeure leave (she did) to be with her mother then that required medical certification that her mother was ill enough that the daughters prescence was couldn’t be done without.
I know a good bit about Carers leave and I’d be quite confident from reading this thread that she’d get it.

weldoninhio · 23-12-2018 6:19pm

splinter65 wrote: »

If she got force majeure leave (she did) to be with her mother then that required medical certification that her mother was ill enough that the daughters prescence was couldn’t be done without.
I know a good bit about Carers leave and I’d be quite confident from reading this thread that she’d get it.

I got force majeure leave earlier in the year. I didn’t need to provide anything.

splinter65 · 23-12-2018 6:31pm

weldoninhio wrote: »

I got force majeure leave earlier in the year. I didn’t need to provide anything.

You’re lucky. Most big firms now have a force majeure form which requires a medical professional to sign off on.
I’m interested to know why you’re so determined that the OP wouldn’t get Carers leave?

Sardonicat · 23-12-2018 6:35pm

This is the most depressing thread I've ever read.
Woman with cancer, too ill to travel, uncertain future, faced with spending Christmas day either alone or with people other than her family due to an asshole boss and many posters are just fine with that.

Jesus Wept!

OP, go to your mother's GP and public health nurse and discuss either, Carer's leave or Carers Allowance options. You'll find most GPS are decent human beings who will do what they can to help you and your mom and won't come out with the heartless bull**** you've read on here.

weldoninhio · 23-12-2018 6:47pm

splinter65 wrote: »

You’re lucky. Most big firms now have a force majeure form which requires a medical professional to sign off on.
I’m interested to know why you’re so determined that the OP wouldn’t get Carers leave?

I’m not sure she wouldn’t. But stating that she definitely would, without knowing the entire details of her mother’s illness, is ridiculous.

Ursus Horribilis · 23-12-2018 7:09pm

Sardonicat wrote: »

This is the most depressing thread I've ever read.
Woman with cancer, too ill to travel, uncertain future, faced with spending Christmas day either alone or with people other than her family due to an asshole boss and many posters are just fine with that.

It's nice to have life as black and white as this. In an ideal world yes the OP should be with her mother and that all options should be explored. I agree that it is a terrible situation to be in. But I also know that unemployment is nothing to be sniffed at, nor is job hunting when you're not working. There is no guarantee she'll get Carers Allowance either or how long it'll take to come through. Can our OP afford to be out of work for long?

Sardonicat · 23-12-2018 7:32pm

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Sardonicat wrote: »

This is the most depressing thread I've ever read.
Woman with cancer, too ill to travel, uncertain future, faced with spending Christmas day either alone or with people other than her family due to an asshole boss and many posters are just fine with that.

It's nice to have life as black and white as this. In an ideal world yes the OP should be with her mother and that all options should be explored. I agree that it is a terrible situation to be in. But I also know that unemployment is nothing to be sniffed at, nor is job hunting when you're not working. There is no guarantee she'll get Carers Allowance either or how long it'll take to come through. Can our OP afford to be out of work for long?

Hi Ursus, I agree with everything you say and I know this is not a black and white situation. This is why I advised her to discuss her options re Carer's. I know she is not guaranteed to get it so she needs to know her options first. I've never suggested she quit her job without securing her position. Most definitely the Public Health nurse needs to be consulted re available supports til OP can change her situation and possibly The Carers Association ( now called Family Carers Ireland). If her mother's GP is a sympathetic soul that should expediate things. There are interim payments available while a claim is being assessed. OP has some serious decisions to make and needs sympathy and support not "Shove your Ma round the neighbours for Christmas, sure it's only a touch of cancer" which is how some of the replies on here read. The poor girl is trying to do this on her own.

I'm just blown away by the blasé attitude to her predicament shown by many on here. I don't include you in that. In all my years posting I've never read an insensitive post from you. I think your points here are very valid and well balanced and sensitive to the OP. She should definitely take into account what you say when weighing up her options, for sure.

Mrs OBumble · 23-12-2018 7:54pm

Let's be quite clear: breast cancer survival rates are now 83%. All this talk of Carer's Leave (especially for someone without a car) is quite premature, this is most likely not a terminal situation.

ref: https://www.breastcancerireland.com/education-awareness/facts-and-figures/male-breast-cancer/

Sardonicat · 23-12-2018 7:58pm

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Let's be quite clear: breast cancer survival rates are now 83%. All this talk of Carer's Leave (especially for someone without a car) is quite premature, this is most likely not a terminal situation.

ref: https://www.breastcancerireland.com/education-awareness/facts-and-figures/male-breast-cancer/

Oh well, that's alright so.

Someone does not need to be terminally ill to require a carer. What's her car ownership got to do with Carer's? I'm a carer and I don't drive.

For some reason the word disgusting keeps springing to mind, can't think why.

NSAman · 23-12-2018 8:08pm

OP, for the record, I am not siding with either you or your employer.

Honestly, this should have been sorted long ago. I would never (and have never) left my mum in any situation that requires me to choose between work and her.

If it were me (and I do live abroad) I would have organized this prior to it being an issue and made sure with your manager a long time ago that this would not have arrived into the situation it is now. I KNOW this is cold comfort at the moment.

You have some options here:

1. GO to work
2. Dont go to work.
3. Get a family member or friend to look after mum while you do go to work.
4. Organise with friends to drop you to work and collect you.

It is Christmas, I don’t care who asked me for a favour on Christmas Day it would not be an issue.

DO not threaten your own future (unless you can afford to by just not showing up). It will also piss off your fellow workers who do have the day off.

My family is the most important thing in my life. I will never put my mother at risk of being alone at any point in time. It means me making a 12/15 hour journey to get home to be with her. I ALWAY make sure that I have cover for her with my family, especially with holidays, family occassions etc. If my boss was intransigent in relation to this situation, I personally would not stay with that company,,, but then I do plan all this WAY in advance of it being an issue.

I know you asked for the day off, what you should have done and should do in the future is INSIST on confirmation so that you can plan accordingly.

Best of luck on Tuesday. I am sure a friend or relative would only be too happy to mammy sit. It could be a lovely Christmas present from them to you. Good luck with it all.

Ash.J.Williams · 23-12-2018 8:35pm

NSAman wrote: »

OP, for the record, I am not siding with either you or your employer.

Honestly, this should have been sorted long ago. I would never (and have never) left my mum in any situation that requires me to choose between work and her.

If it were me (and I do live abroad) I would have organized this prior to it being an issue and made sure with your manager a long time ago that this would not have arrived into the situation it is now. I KNOW this is cold comfort at the moment.

You have some options here:

1. GO to work
2. Dont go to work.
3. Get a family member or friend to look after mum while you do go to work.
4. Organise with friends to drop you to work and collect you.

It is Christmas, I don’t care who asked me for a favour on Christmas Day it would not be an issue.

DO not threaten your own future (unless you can afford to by just not showing up). It will also piss off your fellow workers who do have the day off.

My family is the most important thing in my life. I will never put my mother at risk of being alone at any point in time. It means me making a 12/15 hour journey to get home to be with her. I ALWAY make sure that I have cover for her with my family, especially with holidays, family occassions etc. If my boss was intransigent in relation to this situation, I personally would not stay with that company,,, but then I do plan all this WAY in advance of it being an issue.

I know you asked for the day off, what you should have done and should do in the future is INSIST on confirmation so that you can plan accordingly.

Best of luck on Tuesday. I am sure a friend or relative would only be too happy to mammy sit. It could be a lovely Christmas present from them to you. Good luck with it all.

I read half of this and read enough

weetiepie · 23-12-2018 8:39pm

Ash.J.Williams wrote: »

I read half of this and read enough

They obviously didn't read the thread!

salmocab · 23-12-2018 8:53pm

Sardonicat wrote: »

This is the most depressing thread I've ever read.
Woman with cancer, too ill to travel, uncertain future, faced with spending Christmas day either alone or with people other than her family due to an asshole boss and many posters are just fine with that.

Jesus Wept!

OP, go to your mother's GP and public health nurse and discuss either, Carer's leave or Carers Allowance options. You'll find most GPS are decent human beings who will do what they can to help you and your mom and won't come out with the heartless bull**** you've read on here.

Asshole boss? She used her holidays, got force majeure days and they still allowed her take unpaid leave. She’s rostered in because people with holidays left wanted to use them this week. Someone she works with has to work that day why shouldn’t it be the one with no leave left to take.
It’s a sh1tty situation but it’s not the company’s fault.

splinter65 · 23-12-2018 9:24pm

weldoninhio wrote: »

I’m not sure she wouldn’t. But stating that she definitely would, without knowing the entire details of her mother’s illness, is ridiculous.

It’s by far the best option for this poster. Better then a stressful row with the boss over “entitlements”. And definitely better then putting a GP on the spot for a fake sick note.

splinter65 · 23-12-2018 9:28pm

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

It's nice to have life as black and white as this. In an ideal world yes the OP should be with her mother and that all options should be explored. I agree that it is a terrible situation to be in. But I also know that unemployment is nothing to be sniffed at, nor is job hunting when you're not working. There is no guarantee she'll get Carers Allowance either or how long it'll take to come through. Can our OP afford to be out of work for long?

Carers Benefit comes through much quicker then allowance because it’s not means tested and the OP can get SWA while waiting. If the mothers GP says she needs full time care and attention then it will be approved.

Sardonicat · 23-12-2018 9:30pm

Yes, a complete and utter abcess on an asshole of a boss, don't think much of her colleagues either. I would definitely do a swap if I was in a position to do so. But then, I've actually been in a similar situation myself so not I'm not finding it quite so difficult to locate a drop of human kindness within me as some seem to be.

splinter65 · 23-12-2018 9:30pm

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Let's be quite clear: breast cancer survival rates are now 83%. All this talk of Carer's Leave (especially for someone without a car) is quite premature, this is most likely not a terminal situation.

ref: https://www.breastcancerireland.com/education-awareness/facts-and-figures/male-breast-cancer/

You don’t have to be “terminal” to require full time care and attention. You need to look up Carers leave and Carers Benefit.

Sardonicat · 23-12-2018 9:37pm

splinter65 wrote: »

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Let's be quite clear: breast cancer survival rates are now 83%. All this talk of Carer's Leave (especially for someone without a car) is quite premature, this is most likely not a terminal situation.

ref: https://www.breastcancerireland.com/education-awareness/facts-and-figures/male-breast-cancer/

You don’t have to be “terminal” to require full time care and attention. You need to look up Carers leave and Carers Benefit.

She doesn't have to look them up. She looked up Breast Cancer survival rates and concluded that the OP is making a big fuss over nothing. Just a touch of cancer, sure.

splinter65 · 23-12-2018 9:38pm

Sardonicat wrote: »

Yes, a complete and utter abcess on an asshole of a boss, don't think much of her colleagues either. I would definitely do a swap if I was in a position to do so. But then, I've actually been in a similar situation myself so not I'm not finding it quite so difficult to locate a drop of human kindness within me as some seem to be.

You may be lucky enough to be in a position to “swap”. Are you seriously suggesting that another colleague who has possibly foreign travel plans or sick family themselves this Christmas should bollix up their own family’s Christmas? These colleagues you are deriding have probably made themselves very flexible already to allow the OP the force majeure and the unpaid leave.
The boss has accommodated the OP so far even to the point of allowing unpaid leave. It’s a business, not a charity. The OP is not available for work due to caring responsibilities and should be on Carers leave, getting Carers Benefit.
It’s no wonder we have to bring employees from all over the world with the ludicrous attitudes I see here.

Sardonicat · 23-12-2018 9:48pm

splinter65 wrote: »

Sardonicat wrote: »

Yes, a complete and utter abcess on an asshole of a boss, don't think much of her colleagues either. I would definitely do a swap if I was in a position to do so. But then, I've actually been in a similar situation myself so not I'm not finding it quite so difficult to locate a drop of human kindness within me as some seem to be.

You may be lucky enough to be in a position to “swap”. Are you seriously suggesting that another colleague who has possibly foreign travel plans or sick family themselves this Christmas should bollix up their own family’s Christmas? These colleagues you are deriding have probably made themselves very flexible already to allow the OP the force majeure and the unpaid leave.
The boss has accommodated the OP so far even to the point of allowing unpaid leave. It’s a business, not a charity. The OP is not available for work due to caring responsibilities and should be on Carers leave, getting Carers Benefit.
It’s no wonder we have to bring employees from all over the world with the ludicrous attitudes I see here.

Are you seriously suggesting that every one of her colleagues is in a similar situation to the OP? That not one of them is a single, unmarried person who will be going home to their mother's for a nicely cooked dinner and a feed of drink? Not one of them for even a few hours on the day could help her out?

Yes, the OP should be in a different situation but she's young and on her own and has found herself out of her depth with very little support. Some accommodation could be made for her on Christmas day by someone just being kind.

salmocab · 23-12-2018 9:59pm

Sardonicat wrote: »

Are you seriously suggesting that every one of her colleagues is in a similar situation to the OP? That not one of them is a single, unmarried person who will be going home to their mother's for a nicely cooked dinner and a feed of drink? Not one of them for even a few hours on the day could help her out?

Yes, the OP should be in a different situation but she's young and on her own and has found herself out of her depth with very little support. Some accommodation could be made for her on Christmas day by someone just being kind.

You don’t know how many are on her team it could be 2/3 people so only 2 other people possibly, they could easily have responsibilities, also she needs a couple of days at least as she doesn’t drive so presumably needs to get home Monday evening after work and won’t be able to get in on the 26th cos she’ll need to travel up then.
There’s too many unknowns to be blaming people you don’t know anything about.

Nitrogan · 23-12-2018 10:02pm

If your employer is doing something illegal you should sue them. Check with professionals who know about this stuff.

bertsmom · 23-12-2018 10:06pm

Sardonicat wrote:

Are you seriously suggesting that every one of her colleagues is in a similar situation to the OP? That not one of them is a single, unmarried person who will be going home to their mother's for a nicely cooked dinner and a feed of drink? Not one of them for even a few hours on the day could help her out?

Why does single or unmarried mean that their Christmas is of a lesser value than Ops or indeed why would married mean they are ruled out of the equation? That's a bizarre attitude.
Work is just work OP but maby if you don't plan on quitting you could just work the day and have your celebration dinner another day with your mum. She might find it stressful if she thought you would be in trouble at work for not showing up on the day.
I had my Christmas dinner with my family yesterday as the situation this year means we can't be together but it's just a day no point in getting carried away. I had a lovely day spent with them it doesn't have to be the same as everyone else's Christmas to make it nice.
Do what you feel is right. Best wishes to both you and your mam.

SusieBlue · 23-12-2018 10:19pm

Sardonicat wrote: »

Yes, a complete and utter abcess on an asshole of a boss, don't think much of her colleagues either. I would definitely do a swap if I was in a position to do so. But then, I've actually been in a similar situation myself so not I'm not finding it quite so difficult to locate a drop of human kindness within me as some seem to be.

Are you having a laugh?
She has used all her annual leave and all her force majeure days, it sounds like her boss has bent over backwards to accommodate her situation.
Her colleagues have no doubt already had to accommodate her absenses when she was looking after her mum over the course of the year.

It’s a bit rich harping on about how important family is while advocating OP spoil her colleagues Christmas Day with THEIR families just to suit herself.
Where’s the drop of human kindness for them?
Where’s the consideration for THEIR time with their relatives, some of whom might be also sick, or newly married, or welcoming a new baby?

Why should they have to be called into work at the last minute to cover OP when they have annual leave and she doesn’t?

The selfish ’mé féiner’ attitude on this thread is extremely disappointing.

If OP doesn’t want to work that day and will need continued time off to look after her mum she should just hand in her notice today and let her boss make other arrangements.

That’s absolutely fair enough and should not be judged.
But to call in sick at the eleventh hour on Christmas Day is just a nasty, beyond selfish, horrible thing to do and I don’t think that can be denied at all.

Sardonicat · 23-12-2018 10:28pm

SusieBlue wrote: »

Sardonicat wrote: »

Yes, a complete and utter abcess on an asshole of a boss, don't think much of her colleagues either. I would definitely do a swap if I was in a position to do so. But then, I've actually been in a similar situation myself so not I'm not finding it quite so difficult to locate a drop of human kindness within me as some seem to be.

Are you having a laugh?

The selfish ’mé féiner’ attitude on this thread is extremely disappointing.

.

Yeah, my sides are splitting at the irony

I have never, not once, advocated that the OP call in sick. Not once. And I've repeatedly advised her to consider becoming a full time carer . That won't change her situation at Christmas though.

SusieBlue · 23-12-2018 10:40pm

Sardonicat wrote: »

Yeah, my sides are splitting at the irony

I have never, not once, advocated that the OP call in sick. Not once. And I've repeatedly advised her to consider becoming a full time carer . That won't change her situation at Christmas though.

You are suggesting that her colleagues don’t have a drop of human kindness to accommodate her family situation, amongst other things, implying they are being inconsiderate when you have no idea of their circumstances.

Why should they cover her when they have their own family situations going on?

You also called her boss names when by OPs own admission they were more than flexible with her annual leave and force majeur days.

flazio · 23-12-2018 10:44pm

Fact of the matter here is, the OP knew the kind of job they were getting themselves into when they took it. It's the kind of job that doesn't recognise the existence of Christmas. It has to be done. Plenty of workers in that situation just celebrate Christmas on another day in lieu. There's no pressure on anyone just to celebrate it on December 25th. Try getting New Years Eve and Day off and celebrate your mother staving off cancer for another year.

splinter65 · 23-12-2018 10:47pm

Sardonicat wrote: »

Are you seriously suggesting that every one of her colleagues is in a similar situation to the OP? That not one of them is a single, unmarried person who will be going home to their mother's for a nicely cooked dinner and a feed of drink? Not one of them for even a few hours on the day could help her out?

Yes, the OP should be in a different situation but she's young and on her own and has found herself out of her depth with very little support. Some accommodation could be made for her on Christmas day by someone just being kind.

There’s probably 4 or 5 of them on that site working in shifts. Yes it’s entirely possible that she in fact is the only single person working there. You or I have no idea what personal circumstances her colleagues have. As I already said, several times, she has the option of taking Carers leave. That’s the best option for her, her mother her boss and her colleagues.

splinter65 · 23-12-2018 10:48pm

Nitrogan wrote: »

If your employer is doing something illegal you should sue them. Check with professionals who know about this stuff.

Something illegal like what?

Turbohymac · 23-12-2018 10:50pm

Final post for me on this issue.. I agree with Mrs obumbles post that the op should get advice from her mother's gp and specialist consultant regarding her current medical situation and what is possibly ahead in terms of treatment and level of support at each stage of treatment that she would require and what level of help and care she could receive at home..
This would be far more beneficial to the op and her mother ..other than making this a BASH the crap out of the employer thread..
At bare minimum I think the op should have by now changed the title of her original post..
Employer forcing me to work over Christmas....,,,,

The op has failed to reply back to the many genuine people who have offered her very good advice..and also the few who seem intent on simply getting her sacked from her current job and in turn this will certainly impact her getting another job ...
The op clearly stated that she needs to hold onto the job as she needs the money.. now this is quite understandable and is actually the only part of her initial post that makes sense..
As other posters have correctly commented. Theres now a very high success rate in the treatment of breast cancer..and the op also states that her mother was only diagnosed in August ..well that's very recent and I'm sure her gp and consultant are aware that she lives alone therefore if she is in need of any special equipment..community carers. Daffodil nurses etc I'm sure they would be provided quickly as and when the medical professionals determine that she needs that level of support..
Has the op even bothered to check this out during her many days off work..between holidays. Sick leave and force majoure.. that adds up to a lot of days off over approximately 5 months max.. I honestly think the op is failing to recognize that her personal issues are of no concern to her employer and it is very wrong to keep moaning about having to work Christmas day given all the days she's taken off recently..
Please mind your job and take swift action to speak with your mother's gp and hospital consultant..only these trained professionals can clearly advise on what care and help might be needed down the line.. its private and none of our business here on boards but for someone to have breastcancer doesn't mean its terminal and hopefully not.
Unfortunately as per my earlier post..my mother had cancer in another area and it was terminal. However I still had to hold down my job. Yes I also worked over Christmas when my mother was not well and a few weeks later she passed away very quickly in the end..i had called to see her on my way to work that morning and i got a phone call from the hospice at lunchtime that she was getting weaker and to return.. unfortunately I was 30 minutes drive away and she had died before i got to the hospice.. i felt fair crap over that episode but it clearly wasn't my employers fault..
We all have decisions to make going through life but in your instance you clearly need to take a step back and re think your thoughts and actions..
And please draw a line between your many personal issues and that of your employer..
Have a merry xmas and please get info from gp and consultant and then plan ahead..pointless taking sick leave or carers leave at present until you actually know what your mother's prognosis is and what's required..

Sinead Mc1 · 23-12-2018 11:01pm

SusieBlue wrote: »

You are suggesting that her colleagues don’t have a drop of human kindness to accommodate her family situation, amongst other things, implying they are being inconsiderate when you have no idea of their circumstances.

Why should they cover her when they have their own family situations going on?

You also called her boss names when by OPs own admission they were more than flexible with her annual leave and force majeur days.

If I could thank it more than once I would.
There seems to be an assumption that if posters advise op to avoid calling in sick we are in someway heartless to the situation or lack empathy.
Personally, if this was my mother, no way am I coming in. Forget it. Potentially her last Christmas - no way ..
But, there is a way of handling things in a decent way. Respect your colleagues and the company you work for who respected you enough to accommodate unpaid leave.
At the end of the day, unfortunately, OP did not reserve leave for Christmas day and others did. I find it incredibly selfish to suggest calling in sick and co workers just pick up the slack.
Some people keep themselves to themselves.
How do we know the size of her team? What if there is only 2 others to cover? And what If both of them have sick relatives but it is not public knowledge?
For all we know management are aware of other staffs commitments, every bit as serious as OPs.
If we all lived by the every-man-for-himself rule that some have advised nothing would ever get done.
Don't go in.
But advise management in advance.

CobraClan · 23-12-2018 11:15pm

I don't know what security company you work for but I'm working Christmas day too and I'm getting triple pay and I'm also working Stephens day and getting double pay for that! I was also asked only 2 weeks ago if I could work those days, IV used all my holidays up this year already but was still giving a choice to work or not! I work for a very prominent security company too, one of the biggest in Ireland, the site I'm on is 24/7 too!

To be honest if I where you I'd call my operations manager and tell him it's impossible for you to work that day and that they will have to find someone else to cover your shift Christmas day! Tell them that's the way it is and if they don't get someone else in there won't be anyone there! I always have to put me foot down every now and then when they try to force me to do shifts or sites I don't want to do! Sure you'd get another job in a week in security, there's not not enough people in the industry and their crying out for people! I'm single with no kids!

um7y1h83ge06nx · 23-12-2018 11:56pm

I would be among the more conservative on here and say that you should work the day, make arrangements for your mother and then spend your days off with her. Your job necessitates someone working those kind of shifts so it can't be too surprising you have to work an awkward shift after them being so fair to you so far.

But I think you want to go the other route. If so may as well go all in and tell them to stick their job up their holes. Then look for a new job in January.

ratracer · 24-12-2018 10:58am

A lot of advice from both sides of the fence here.

Let us know what you decided to do in the end O/P.

Happy Christmas

meeeeh · 25-12-2018 1:10am

Adaline Harsh Scotch wrote: »

But I think you want to go the other route. If so may as well go all in and tell them to stick their job up their holes. Then look for a new job in January.

Reading the whole situation as described by Op, I suspect that's what her employer is hoping for.

fatherted1969 · 25-12-2018 1:16am

Currently half way through a 24hr shift so not due to finish until.12 noon tomorrow. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and get on with it OP. Your personal circumstances are nothing to do with your employer

con___manx1 · 25-12-2018 2:49am

fatherted1969 wrote: »

Currently half way through a 24hr shift so not due to finish until.12 noon tomorrow. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and get on with it OP. Your personal circumstances are nothing to do with your employer

Thats bollox its illegal to work those kiind of hours.Hope they are paying for your taxi home and your not driving after that. Well your so right it has nothing to do with the employer but with an attitude like that the employees wont give a rats arse about the company either.you get what you give.
I once worked in a company where a collegue died and not everyone who worked directly with him was allowed to go to the funeral as it was during working hours. Some worked with the guy years. I left soon after. Its all about money just **** the people.

jamesbondings · 25-12-2018 2:57am

fatherted1969 wrote: »

Currently half way through a 24hr shift so not due to finish until.12 noon tomorrow. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and get on with it OP. Your personal circumstances are nothing to do with your employer

I agree with the above. However, in these circumstances you realise you are just a number. A means to an end and no matter how well they were with force majeur leave etc there is no way in hell I would give up my (potential) last Xmas with any family member.
I totally appreciate the ops position.. But the moment they tell me (with a sick mother who would be alone on Xmas) that I have to work, is the moment they get my notice. No job is worth it.

Employer forcing me to work over Christmas

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