Advertisement
Help Keep Boards Alive. Support us by going ad free today. See here: https://subscriptions.boards.ie/.
If we do not hit our goal we will be forced to close the site.

Current status: https://keepboardsalive.com/

Annual subs are best for most impact. If you are still undecided on going Ad Free - you can also donate using the Paypal Donate option. All contribution helps. Thank you.
https://www.boards.ie/group/1878-subscribers-forum

Private Group for paid up members of Boards.ie. Join the club.

I am so upset with my brother am i unreasonable?

13»

Comments

  • #62
    retro:electro
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    I hope you managed to enjoy the day op. It can be very easy to get overly emotional about trivial things that wouldn’t usually bother you when you’re grieving. Congratulations on graduating.


  • #63
    AtticusFinch86
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 370 ✭✭AtticusFinch86


    My two cents is that you are being extremely unreasonable. We've had a few graduations in the family and its only the parents that have gone. I'd never have expected anyone else to show a face, hell, I only went myself out of obligation. The reality is that, in a modern world where almost everyone has some sort of qualification, a graduation ceremony is often not a priority for those that graduate, let alone a sibling.

    Also, my wife had hyperemisis, which is a severe form of morning sickness. I can assure you morning sickness for some women can be extremely debilitating. My wife was off work for about 10 weeks, and I also had to stay off some of those days just to look after her, so I wouldn't be so dismissive of your brothers predicament


  • #64
    amdublin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,653 ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    AtticusFinch86 wrote: »
    My two cents is that you are being extremely unreasonable. We've had a few graduations in the family and its only the parents that have gone. I'd never have expected anyone else to show a face, hell, I only went myself out of obligation. The reality is that, in a modern world where almost everyone has some sort of qualification, a graduation ceremony is often not a priority for those that graduate, let alone a sibling.

    To be fair the OP doesn't have both their parents - did you see in the op their mam passed away Th is year. And for that I'm very sorry.

    But it doesn't change they can't make their brother do what he can't do or doesn't want to do.


  • #65
    lawred2
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,916 ✭✭✭✭lawred2


    sj_jj wrote: »
    It is my graduation tomorrow and my brother has just told my dad he is not going because his fiance is sick. She is having morning sickness as she is 6 weeks pregnant. I understand its not pleasant but 2 girls at work do 13 hour shifts and vomit 3-4 times a day and they are early stages of pregnancy too. The graduation is only 40 from his house so not as if its the other side of the country. He hasnt even told me himself yet. Our mum passed away just over a year ago aswell so the day will be difficult enough without having the same support everyone else has. I have been crying all morning over this. AM i being unreasonable or should he be making the effort?

    Hmmm

    Every woman's morning sickness is different so what the pair at work can manage is irrelevant.

    Not sure why your brother told your Dad and not yourself however.

    But in the grand scheme of things, a graduation is not really that important. Definitely not something to fall out with family with.

    I've had four graduations. Only went to one. And in hindsight shouldn't have bothered.

    Having said that, given that your mum passed away (sorry for you and yours) maybe you just want to see your family together. I don't know. Maybe pick up the phone so that both of you can understand each other.


  • #66
    Darkglasses
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,527 ✭✭✭✭Darkglasses


    Being honest - I think you are being totally unreasonable. Graduations aren't that important to everyone. I've had two - my primary degree one was an awful waste of a day, and I didn't bother going to my Master's one. If it's important to you, that's great and enjoy it, but I would absolutely 100% prioritise my pregnant wife over it if I had one.


  • Advertisement
  • #67
    vetinari
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,050 ✭✭✭vetinari


    People are being far too harsh on the OP imo.
    They're assuming all sorts of niche cases.

    For a lot of families, graduation days are a big deal and all siblings (assuming they live nearby) would be expected to go / have some sort of family lunch to celebrate it. That was the case for my family for my friends' families.

    Given that your mother has passed away, that would put a bigger focus on family attendance at graduation type events following that.
    I think it's reasonable to expect your siblings to attend big events like that.
    Realistically, there's only a few events of such importance.
    If my siblings choose not to attend my graduation or say wedding, they're clearly telling me I'm not much of a priority to them.

    This is assuming that your brother's partner has morning sickness as opposed to something more serious.
    A way to tell is whether your brother is still going to work or has taken time off work.


  • #68
    Penn
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 36,579 ✭✭✭✭Penn


    vetinari wrote: »
    People are being far too harsh on the OP imo.
    They're assuming all sorts of niche cases.

    For a lot of families, graduation days are a big deal and all siblings (assuming they live nearby) would be expected to go / have some sort of family lunch to celebrate it. That was the case for my family for my friends' families.

    Given that your mother has passed away, that would put a bigger focus on family attendance at graduation type events following that.
    I think it's reasonable to expect your siblings to attend big events like that.
    Realistically, there's only a few events of such importance.
    If my siblings choose not to attend my graduation or say wedding, they're clearly telling me I'm not much of a priority to them.

    This is assuming that your brother's partner has morning sickness as opposed to something more serious.
    A way to tell is whether your brother is still going to work or has taken time off work.

    All siblings going and having a big family event for a graduation is really outside the norm, and definitely not comparable to a wedding. I have 3 siblings and between the 4 of us, we've had about 7 graduations (degrees, masters etc). I've never been to any of theirs and they've never been to any of mine, and we're all close, live near each other etc.

    A graduation is simply not a big family event. It's an important accomplishment for the person graduating and more often than not partners and parents would be there. But I definitely never met any friend's siblings at our graduations (whereas I met their parents and partners).

    Whatever about the OP's reason for not going, a graduation is in no way comparable to a wedding, and it's generally not a big family event, certainly not one worth worrying about when you still have some family there to share the day with you, even if they all can't/won't be there.


  • #69
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,048 ✭✭✭.......


    vetinari wrote: »
    This is assuming that your brother's partner has morning sickness as opposed to something more serious.

    You clearly know very little about morning sickness if you are so easily able to dismiss it as something not too serious.

    Its different for every woman and in some cases its extremely serious. Not to mention the far more serious hyperemesis gravidarum which can lead to hospitalisation but which is also commonly referred to as "morning sickness".

    Itd be nice if people posting could educate themselves a little on womens health before they dismiss it out of hand.


  • #70
    vetinari
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,050 ✭✭✭vetinari


    As I said niche cases.
    We have a 5 month old baby and know lots of people who've had babies.
    Morning sickness obviously sucks but is not life and death for most women.

    As I said in my post, if the brother is still going to work then the morning sickness is only of a certain severity.

    Btw Penn, I still stand by the assertion that graduation day (mainly undergrad) is a big deal in most families.
    The key here is how much of a priority would you make if if your sibling asked you to attend it?


  • #71
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    It's irrelevant at this stage anyway. The OP's graduation has passed.


  • Advertisement
  • #72
    SusieBlue
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,029 ✭✭✭SusieBlue


    I’m sure some people here are under the impression that morning sickness only occurs in the morning.

    Of course it’s not a life or death situation in most cases, where the woman is able to rest.
    But trying to work, socialise, go to events, anything that involves exerting oneself is a mammoth task for someone who is nauseous and vomiting.

    As I said before, someone with a vomiting bug would not be expected to come to family events, go to work, or socialise, as it would be accepted they are too unwell.
    Morning sickness is much the same.

    I know the graduation is over but it’s worth repeating because there is clearly a lot of ignorance on the matter.

    It isn’t just having a few stomach cramps first thing in the morning and feeling fine again by lunch.


  • #73
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    I also disagree with the assertion that graduations are big deals in families.

    At this stage, the OP's graduation has come and gone. I hope it was a good day despite what happened with the brother. I hope that it hasn't caused problems in the family, because they've all been through enough already.


  • #74
    wiggle16
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 3,022 Mod ✭✭✭✭wiggle16


    Mod note:

    As has been mentioned, the OP's graduation is over and so there isn't really much left to advise upon.

    I hope you took something from the responses you got here, OP.

    Thanks & grma all who posted.

    Thread locked.


This discussion has been closed.
Advertisement