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completedit · 13-11-2018 8:20pm

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

Any amount of men or women will tell you that attraction is a multi-faceted thing.

No-one's saying that women will flock to Shrek's doppleganger in a nightclub, but in the general scheme of things, most people go for something that just works for them, and that can be split any which way between looks and personality. That could be anything from a 90/10 to a 10/90 split, but usually for the majority of people it just falls in the middle or leans more towards personality.

Obviously there's usually an initial attraction based on appearance but that in itself is completely subjective too....and it's not unusual either to be indifferent to someone initially and find yourself falling for them as you really get to know them on a personal level and all the quirks of their personalities.

We could all probably admit to fancying people in the workplace/social circle that if we passed by in a nightclub we know we wouldn't give a second glance to based purely on their appearance in isolation. Nothing wrong with that whatsoever, but a perfect example of how personality accounts for a lot more we sometimes admit or even realise.

I would say myself, and the majority of my friends, are incredibly average looking people - not in a negative sense, but we wouldn't be gracing the covers of any magazines for sure - but none of us have ever had any issue with attracting women whatsoever, and most people would say the same.

what age u? I'm probably a bit above average, good looking even but like I've said before a man is only as good as his worst flaw. I'm 5'8'' so not incredibly short but I am SMALL FRAMED which is basically a death sentence for a male, unless you have movie star looks.

bnt · 13-11-2018 8:29pm

Tinder is the ultimate online expression of that old computing maxim: GIGO.
Or does the OP imagine that people would actually enter accurate height and weight data in to a dating application? :pac:

TerrorFirmer · 13-11-2018 8:35pm

completedit wrote: »

what age u? I'm probably a bit above average, good looking even but like I've said before a man is only as good as his worst flaw. I'm 5'8'' so not incredibly short but I am SMALL FRAMED which is basically a death sentence for a male, unless you have movie star looks.

I don't agree at all. I'm relatively tall so never had to consider that, but I've friends who'd be a range of 5"7 to 6" and I don't think their height ever had any bearing on their success rates in terms of either relationships or more fleeting encounters.

I mean, you could argue I suppose that they could be more successful if they were taller perhaps but I can assure you they were successful regardless.

And definitely no-one in my group with movie-star looks either. I'm 31 to answer your question, closer to Shrek than Brad Pitt if I had to gauge it but I've never had a problem attracing women.

And the whole 'only as good as your worst flaw' argument is genuinely a reflection on your own confidence than anything anyone else would think about you.

I would say you probably already know that.

professore · 13-11-2018 9:11pm

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

Yeah, if professore hadn’t said he was married (and for quite for a while too! :eek:), I’d never have guessed he was. You really don’t come across as somebody who is married, professore, to be brutally honest. You’re very invested in the politics of the dating world. I’m with my fella for seven years and married for two of those and I feel completely out of the loop when it comes to dating.

If you notice my post, professore, could you answer a question I asked you in the Irish v foreign women thread? You said groups of women on nights out all always fancy the same guy. Did you really believe that generalisation? How did you come to that conclusion?

I'm out of the loop too but I find the whole thing fascinating. I have plenty of friends "back in the game" as they are.divorced or separated.

On the girls all fancying the same guy it happens over and over again. And with married women too. Women talk after a few drinks and I listen. I came to that conclusion because it's what I see.

I'm always fascinated when things are not as they seem or as people would have you believe.

completedit · 13-11-2018 9:13pm

Literally the exact same thing man. Of my extended extended group which could be anything up to 200 people, it was the same guys going through the girls for our 20's. LMAO it was like clockwork. What happens is one of them gets with a hot girl and then the rest of the girls follow because if she got with him then he must be worth it. The worst and it's not dying down as we reach our 30's :O

completedit · 13-11-2018 9:19pm

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

I don't agree at all. I'm relatively tall so never had to consider that, but I've friends who'd be a range of 5"7 to 6" and I don't think their height ever had any bearing on their success rates in terms of either relationships or more fleeting encounters.

I mean, you could argue I suppose that they could be more successful if they were taller perhaps but I can assure you they were successful regardless.

And definitely no-one in my group with movie-star looks either. I'm 31 to answer your question, closer to Shrek than Brad Pitt if I had to gauge it but I've never had a problem attracing women.

And the whole 'only as good as your worst flaw' argument is genuinely a reflection on your own confidence than anything anyone else would think about you.

I would say you probably already know that.

Bro, I'm my biggest fan, frankly I haven't a clue what girls don't see in me but ultimately they decide who is worthy and not and I've been left on the scrapheap. As has been repeated here, women cannot help who they find attractive. You either win or lose. I lost. It sucks, you and your friends must have had other qualities that allowed u overcome your looks deficiencies. I'm currently gonna try put on 10kg and see if I have more luck. Unlikely because I'm a midget and 10kg will make me look comical.

Dalomanakora · 13-11-2018 9:26pm

completedit wrote: »

Bro, I'm my biggest fan, frankly I haven't a clue what girls don't see in me but ultimately they decide who is worthy and not and I've been left on the scrapheap. As has been repeated here, women cannot help who they find attractive. You either win or lose. I lost. It sucks, you and your friends must have had other qualities that allowed u overcome your looks deficiencies. I'm currently gonna try put on 10kg and see if I have more luck. Unlikely because I'm a midget and 10kg will make me look comical.

With all due respect, if you're your biggest fan, I'd hate to see your enemies!

Throughout this thread and elsewhere on boards, you've insulted your looks, your height, your penis size, your physical build, basically anything physical about yourself, you've insulted.

And that's really fcuking sad man. I'm a similar age to you and I've been through that self loathing enough to have needed therapy when I was younger, so I get it.

But it's not healthy. You don't need to keep feeling like that. You can talk to someone, get help and learn to truly love yourself.

Until you genuinely love yourself, you probably won't meet someone or have a healthy relationship tbh.

You deserve to be happy. Seriously.

professore · 13-11-2018 9:26pm

I don't understand the reaction I'm getting here to be honest. It's surely common knowledge that a small percentage of men gets most of the women? It's always been like that for as long as I can remember. There were 30 guys in my leaving cert year back in the CBS I went to in 89. One guy could have his pick of the equivalent convent school class girls. He was like a rock star. There were a few more who could score with a good bit of luck on their side. Then there were some more like myself who could maybe get lucky once a year. The rest were pariahs. Point being it was a pyramid rather than a fair distribution. And it was all looks. Nothing to do with personality. As it happens he wasn't a bad sort but there was nothing special about his personality. And from reading here it seems to be even worse now.

Having said that most of them eventually found someone, but they had a very limited chance to date different people, which I feel is essential to find the right person.

completedit · 13-11-2018 9:38pm

Dalomanakora wrote: »

With all due respect, if you're your biggest fan, I'd hate to see your enemies!

Throughout this thread and elsewhere on boards, you've insulted your looks, your height, your penis size, your physical build, basically anything physical about yourself, you've insulted.

And that's really fcuking sad man. I'm a similar age to you and I've been through that self loathing enough to have needed therapy when I was younger, so I get it.

But it's not healthy. You don't need to keep feeling like that. You can talk to someone, get help and learn to truly love yourself.

Until you genuinely love yourself, you probably won't meet someone or have a healthy relationship tbh.

You deserve to be happy. Seriously.

Thanks you seem a good person but my self image has been moulded over the past decade, every rejection, every girl who acted like I wasnt there, every girl who dodged me and got with some guy in class/group who has a reputation for being a player, acting like I don't exist, scowling at me lol you'd swear I did something mean to them, desexualizing me, I had girls compare me to ****ing Will in the Inbetweeners, you know the scene where he's in bed with Charlotte, they were like 'I can imagine that's what you'd be like':mad: In a better testament to my looks I did hear 'He would be good looking if you didn't know who he was' :O Strangely the nicest thing anyone said to me.

Dalomanakora · 13-11-2018 9:50pm

completedit wrote: »

Thanks you seem a good person but my self image has been moulded over the past decade, every rejection, every girl who acted like I wasnt there, every girl who dodged me and got with some guy in class/group who has a reputation for being a player, acting like I don't exist, desexualizing me, I had girls compare me to ****ing Will in the Inbetweeners, you know the scene where he's in bed with Charlotte, they were like 'I can imagine that's what you'd be like':mad: In a better testament to my looks I did hear 'He would be good looking if you didn't know who he was' :O Strangely the nicest thing anyone said to me.

That happens to lots of people though, especially younger people.

I've been compared to Ozzy Osbourne as a teenager - by my own siblings! I was told I was too ugly to go to my debs, I was told my ex definitely didn't assault me cause I was too ugly for him to want to do that. The nicest compliment I got as a teenager was being told I looked like a pretty version of ugly Betty.

But who cares? I've grown out of my weird awkward phase and I'm happily very average now. I like my eyes and lips, I'm okay with my figure and height. Theres loads I'd change but who wouldn't?

Some people were cnuts to you. It happens, unfortunately. And it sounds like you got it badly.

But why would you allow some assholes who set out to make you feel bad, to determine how you live your life now?

They're assholes, their opinions are irrelevant and you're giving them far, far too much credence by even thinking of what they said to you.

professore · 13-11-2018 10:03pm

completedit wrote: »

Thanks you seem a good person but my self image has been moulded over the past decade, every rejection, every girl who acted like I wasnt there, every girl who dodged me and got with some guy in class/group who has a reputation for being a player, acting like I don't exist, scowling at me lol you'd swear I did something mean to them, desexualizing me, I had girls compare me to ****ing Will in the Inbetweeners, you know the scene where he's in bed with Charlotte, they were like 'I can imagine that's what you'd be like':mad: In a better testament to my looks I did hear 'He would be good looking if you didn't know who he was' :O Strangely the nicest thing anyone said to me.

I've had some of that too in my time.

I bet you're not bad looking at all, you are just meeting women with a hugely inflated sense of their attractiveness.

What about foreign women? I had far more luck with them than Irish women.

TerrorFirmer · 13-11-2018 10:33pm

professore wrote: »

I don't understand the reaction I'm getting here to be honest. It's surely common knowledge that a small percentage of men gets most of the women? It's always been like that for as long as I can remember. There were 30 guys in my leaving cert year back in the CBS I went to in 89. One guy could have his pick of the equivalent convent school class girls. He was like a rock star. There were a few more who could score with a good bit of luck on their side. Then there were some more like myself who could maybe get lucky once a year. The rest were pariahs. Point being it was a pyramid rather than a fair distribution. And it was all looks. Nothing to do with personality. As it happens he wasn't a bad sort but there was nothing special about his personality. And from reading here it seems to be even worse now.

Having said that most of them eventually found someone, but they had a very limited chance to date different people, which I feel is essential to find the right person.

With all due respect what sort of yardstick is the leaving cert? The school era is more about popularity than anything else, rather then looks.

It seems a few people here are just looking to find a scapegoat and like minded individuals for their own insecurity.

You can't transplant teenage mentality into the wider dating game....that's just absurd.

The vast majority of the population does just fine in the adult world. If a person finds throughout their 20's unable to meet people, the problem simply lies with the individual.

Most people will tell you that the most successful guys they know, by any yardstick, are charismatic people with strong personalities.

But, even going back to your Leaving Cert case study, sure, there's always going to be good looking guys who do well, but I think most of us will also remember the apes who had little going for them other than their popularity...and they still did well.

No matter what way you try to look at it, or through whatever convenient lens, the simple fact is that looks only ever take you so far, and aren't the be-all and end-all....and never were, at any stage.

GemmaOG · 13-11-2018 11:10pm

I was really hoping I misunderstood the title hahaha.

Lillybloom · 13-11-2018 11:14pm

B0jangles wrote: »

Because for some people it's easier to blame all their problems on one, specific, unalterable characteristic than deal with the fact that it's not their height, it's their personality and the attitude they give off, that are the real problems.

In this case, because some women say they only want to meet men over a certain height, that means men under that height can give up any hope of ever meeting anyone, and anyone who claims otherwise is either deluding themselves or secretly a billionaire movie star (because those are the only other things women care about).

It's a self-fulfilling prophecy that allows for a lot of complaining and no actual effort.

I sense pain in you, what caused this?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 14-11-2018 12:05am

completedit wrote: »

Thanks you seem a good person but my self image has been moulded over the past decade, every rejection, every girl who acted like I wasnt there, every girl who dodged me and got with some guy in class/group who has a reputation for being a player, acting like I don't exist, scowling at me lol you'd swear I did something mean to them, desexualizing me, I had girls compare me to ****ing Will in the Inbetweeners, you know the scene where he's in bed with Charlotte, they were like 'I can imagine that's what you'd be like':mad: In a better testament to my looks I did hear 'He would be good looking if you didn't know who he was' :O Strangely the nicest thing anyone said to me.

Why are you putting the person you are, your self worth, on women? They’re totally free to get with whoever they want to get with, player or not. Nobody owes you anything but yourself. Desexualising you? Why? Because they don’t fancy you?? Would you date someone you weren’t attracted to? Who you had no connection with? Who you were just not into? I doubt it, and that would be ok too. That wouldn’t make you a terrible person. You can only make yourself happy. Don’t give anyone else that power

professore · 14-11-2018 12:06am

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

Most people will tell you that the most successful guys they know, by any yardstick, are charismatic people with strong personalities.

But, even going back to your Leaving Cert case study, sure, there's always going to be good looking guys who do well, but I think most of us will also remember the apes who had little going for them other than their popularity...and they still did well.

Ape types are physically attractive to a lot of women. The male equivalent of a woman with huge boobs. Not my style but a lot of guys like them.

Still don't agree on the charismatic personality thing. It's always looks. Michael D Higgins has a charismatic personality but I bet he didn't kill it with the ladies back in the day.

Feisar · 14-11-2018 12:39am

Some people really seem to despise the opposite sex here!

Ya win some ya loose some, move on.

AllForIt · 14-11-2018 12:56am

I have no faith in dating apps whatsoever.

I prefer going to clubs/pubs where ppl might fancy me cause their drunk

I actually hate internet dating. In the gay world they are full of guys looking for instant hook ups. Not my style.

Wibbs · 14-11-2018 1:11am

Lillybloom wrote: »

I sense pain in you, what caused this?

Gimme A Pound · 14-11-2018 1:19am

Lillybloom wrote: »

I sense pain in you, what caused this?

And the others, are you gonna ask them what caused pain in them?

misstearheus · 14-11-2018 1:27am

While on the Topic, a question for ye. Is there any way of finding out or knowing Matches that un-match?!? I think sometimes Notification actually says you have matched with x and gives their name. And other times, it says you have one new match, and then I go into a white screen with a circle circling into oblivion because obviosly they have just un-matched a whole 2 nano seconds later and there's no-one there in the match-screen only a white space!:( Would just like to know who the un-matched Match was!

kerryjack · 14-11-2018 11:10am

Lads trying to find a lifelong parner is like trying to pick the winner of the grand national, first you need a good horse thats good over fences, some will fall at first fence, then you need a good stayer that will be able to go the distance, than of course no point of having a good horse if you dont have good jockey that will keep rideing her to the finish line.

Mister Vain · 14-11-2018 8:53pm

Amaris Tasteless Smallpox wrote: »

Why are you putting the person you are, your self worth, on women? They’re totally free to get with whoever they want to get with, player or not. Nobody owes you anything but yourself. Desexualising you? Why? Because they don’t fancy you?? Would you date someone you weren’t attracted to? Who you had no connection with? Who you were just not into? I doubt it, and that would be ok too. That wouldn’t make you a terrible person. You can only make yourself happy. Don’t give anyone else that power

Exactly, why put so much time and energy into something that is making you miserable? There are plenty of other things you could be doing that are more productive and make you happy. There's an old saying, "If you do what you've always done, you will get what you've always gotten."

One eyed Jack · 14-11-2018 9:02pm

completedit wrote: »

I just think there's something you're not revealing.

TBH, I'm nearly 30, I won't be bothering dating once I hit 30, I wanted a carefree young romance and I never got it.

I saw this quoted later as I skipped forward in the thread. I thought that can’t be right, had to go back and check you weren’t being misquoted.

The reason I left the conversation was because I thought there’s no point in arguing with a teenager.

I’m genuinely surprised, which is fcuking rare for me :pac:

jimmycrackcorm · 15-11-2018 12:02am

kerryjack wrote:

Lads trying to find a lifelong parner is like trying to pick the winner of the grand national, first you need a good horse thats good over fences, some will fall at first fence, then you need a good stayer that will be able to go the distance, than of course no point of having a good horse if you dont have good jockey that will keep rideing her to the finish line.

That was always the case before the internet age. At least its a little easier now than getting constantly refused asking for a 'slow dance'

completedit · 15-11-2018 12:47pm

Yeah, it's easy to see why you would assume that, 30 year old, never had a gf, no girls interested, it will stifle your growth a little bit that's for sure.

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