Really Good Puns.

h7nlrp2v0g5u48 · 08-10-2018 07:09PM #1

A good pun can be as funny as a good joke so if any of you have any funny puns why not post them. I'll get the ball rolling with a few good ones.

Have you ever tried to eat a clock?

It's very time consuming.

When an escaped prisoner was caught camping out in the woods it was a clear case of criminal in tent.

It's OK to borrow a book from the public library once in a while, but try not to overdue it.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring.

The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.

When an escaped prisoner was caught camping out in the woods it was a clear case of criminal in tent.

It's OK to borrow a book from the public library once in a while, but try not to overdue it.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring.

The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Why don't some couples go to the gym?

Because some relationships don't work out.

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.

Doyler92 · 08-10-2018 07:10PM

natashaob6 wrote: »

A good pun can be as funny as a good joke so if any of you have any funny puns why not post them. I'll get the ball rolling with a few good ones.

Have you ever tried to eat a clock?

It's very time consuming.

I’ve just not had the time!

Ipso · 08-10-2018 07:11PM

I sued to be indecisive, now I'm not too sure.
Straight away, you got them by the nadgers.

corner of hells · 08-10-2018 07:12PM

natashaob6 wrote: »

A good pun can be as funny as a good joke so if any of you have any funny puns why not post them. I'll get the ball rolling with a few good ones.

Have you ever tried to eat a clock?

It's very time consuming.

I did and went back for seconds.

Ipso · 08-10-2018 07:12PM

corner of hells wrote: »

I did and went back for seconds.

Did you use both hands?

B0jangles · 08-10-2018 07:33PM

Best one I've ever seen.

h7nlrp2v0g5u48 · 08-10-2018 07:42PM

I ate a clock once and now I have too much time on my hands.

McMurphy · 08-10-2018 07:51PM

Why did the baker have smelly fingers?

Cos he kneaded a poo.

TheValeyard · 08-10-2018 08:05PM

I cant take clock jokes seriously on boards ever since our regular troll posts his clock joke.

Ipso · 08-10-2018 08:20PM

Murray TheDemonic TalkingSkull wrote: »

I cant take clock jokes seriously on boards ever since our regular troll posts his clock joke.

Do they cause a tick?

ablelocks · 08-10-2018 08:33PM

the rope threads in BA tie themselves up in bad very bad excruciating puns

Graces7 · 08-10-2018 09:02PM

Lad at uni who used to drive us mad with bad puns.... we locked him in a room and told him we would let him out when he made a really good pun.... as we walked away we heard him wailing.... "O-PUN THE DOOR..."

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 08-10-2018 09:21PM

natashaob6 wrote: »

A good pun can be as funny as a good joke so if any of you have any funny puns why not post them....

It would have been easier just to post a link. https://www.punoftheday.com/cgi-bin/disppuns.pl?ord=F

Donald Trump · 08-10-2018 09:26PM

OP,

I read the first nine puns on your list.

They were shite

I gave it one more chance and read the next one.

Did even one of them make me laugh a little?

No. No pun in ten did

castletownman · 08-10-2018 09:29PM

The GF came home from Lidl with some baked goods for the tea a while back. Asked me did I want one.

'Donut mind if I do' says I.

It was the greatest spur of the moment joke I have ever had. I laughed at my own genius for ages

Donald Trump · 08-10-2018 09:31PM

castletownman wrote: »

The GF came home from Lidl with some baked goods for the tea a while back. Asked me did I want one.

'Donut mind if I do' says I.

It was the greatest spur of the moment joke I have ever had. I laughed at my own genius for ages

Your gf usually lets me give her one to be fair

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 08-10-2018 09:51PM

Up pun my word! I thought there was a gag thread here already.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 08-10-2018 09:53PM

My girlfriend asked me for an example of a double entendre, so I gave her one.

08-10-2018 10:12PM

Cupán tae yourselves.

h7nlrp2v0g5u48 · 09-10-2018 12:05PM

Why was King Arthur's army to tired to fight?

It had too many sleepless Knights.

Which country's capital has the fastest growing population?

Ireland: Everyday it's Dublin.

09-10-2018 12:12PM

Likely the most famous pun ever made on Reddit really is a piece of genius.
Read from the very top to understand it.

https://old.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/cfbkx/im_85_certain_that_there_is_an_adult_actress_in/c0s6bzw/?context=10000

The opening post will be closed because of that link so I'll post it below. The pun comes later.

I'm 85% certain that there is an adult actress in my philosophy class.

Probably Lexi Belle, but I don't know. Any suggestions on how I can know for sure? It would be too hard (and unethical) to take a picture and put it up here... and going up to her and saying, "Don't I know you from somewhere?" would probably be a bad idea.

Hungrycol · 09-10-2018 12:28PM

natashaob6 wrote: »

A good pun can be as funny as a good joke so if any of you have any funny puns why not post them. I'll get the ball rolling with a few good ones.

It's OK to borrow a book from the public library once in a while, but try not to overdue it.

This only works in a 'merican accent.

h7nlrp2v0g5u48 · 09-10-2018 05:58PM

ebay is useless i tried to look up lighters but it only showed up 12,320 matches.

I worked as a banker but I lost interest.

How do you make antifreeze?

You take away her blanket.

I tried writing a song about tortillas but it ended up as a rap.

blade1 · 09-10-2018 06:56PM

A fella I know got his left testicle removed.
Now he is a right bollocks!

h7nlrp2v0g5u48 · 09-10-2018 07:19PM

I had jokes about unemployed people but it doesn't matter now because they never work.

I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant but I changed my mind.

I hate insect jokes the bug me.

Duck Soup · 09-10-2018 08:38PM

[say in a Scottish accent] What's the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney? Bing sings, but Walt disnae.

A friend challenged the American writer Dorothy Parker to come up with a sentence utilising the word 'horticulture'. Parker replied "You can lead a whore to culture but you can't make her think."

On another occasion, Parker was in a hotel when she saw an attractive young society woman, famous for her dalliances with members of the legal profession. The woman was hobbling, having acquired a broken leg on a skiing holiday. Parker's friend said "Goodness, what happened to her?" Parker replied "She broke her leg sliding down a barrister."

If you don't like these puns, then in the words of Groucho Marx, fine. Leave in a huff. If that's too soon then leave in a minute and a huff.

h7nlrp2v0g5u48 · 09-10-2018 09:37PM

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.

Did you hear about these new reversible jackets?

I'm waiting to see how they turn out.

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer.

I said, "No, wait! I can change."