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Really Good Puns.

h7nlrp2v0g5u48

A good pun can be as funny as a good joke so if any of you have any funny puns why not post them. I'll get the ball rolling with a few good ones.

Have you ever tried to eat a clock?

It's very time consuming.

When an escaped prisoner was caught camping out in the woods it was a clear case of criminal in tent.

It's OK to borrow a book from the public library once in a while, but try not to overdue it.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring.

The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.

When an escaped prisoner was caught camping out in the woods it was a clear case of criminal in tent.

It's OK to borrow a book from the public library once in a while, but try not to overdue it.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring.

The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Why don't some couples go to the gym?

Because some relationships don't work out.

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.

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Doyler92

natashaob6 wrote: »

A good pun can be as funny as a good joke so if any of you have any funny puns why not post them. I'll get the ball rolling with a few good ones.

Have you ever tried to eat a clock?

It's very time consuming.

I’ve just not had the time!

Ipso

I sued to be indecisive, now I'm not too sure.
Straight away, you got them by the nadgers.

corner of hells

natashaob6 wrote: »

A good pun can be as funny as a good joke so if any of you have any funny puns why not post them. I'll get the ball rolling with a few good ones.

Have you ever tried to eat a clock?

It's very time consuming.

I did and went back for seconds.

Ipso

corner of hells wrote: »

I did and went back for seconds.

Did you use both hands?

B0jangles

Best one I've ever seen.

h7nlrp2v0g5u48

I ate a clock once and now I have too much time on my hands.

McMurphy

Why did the baker have smelly fingers?

Cos he kneaded a poo.

TheValeyard

I cant take clock jokes seriously on boards ever since our regular troll posts his clock joke.

Ipso

Murray TheDemonic TalkingSkull wrote: »

I cant take clock jokes seriously on boards ever since our regular troll posts his clock joke.

Do they cause a tick?

ablelocks

the rope threads in BA tie themselves up in bad very bad excruciating puns

Graces7

Lad at uni who used to drive us mad with bad puns.... we locked him in a room and told him we would let him out when he made a really good pun.... as we walked away we heard him wailing.... "O-PUN THE DOOR..."

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

natashaob6 wrote: »

A good pun can be as funny as a good joke so if any of you have any funny puns why not post them....

It would have been easier just to post a link. https://www.punoftheday.com/cgi-bin/disppuns.pl?ord=F

Donald Trump

OP,

I read the first nine puns on your list.

They were shite

I gave it one more chance and read the next one.

Did even one of them make me laugh a little?

No. No pun in ten did

castletownman

The GF came home from Lidl with some baked goods for the tea a while back. Asked me did I want one.

'Donut mind if I do' says I.

It was the greatest spur of the moment joke I have ever had. I laughed at my own genius for ages

Donald Trump

castletownman wrote: »

The GF came home from Lidl with some baked goods for the tea a while back. Asked me did I want one.

'Donut mind if I do' says I.

It was the greatest spur of the moment joke I have ever had. I laughed at my own genius for ages

Your gf usually lets me give her one to be fair

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Up pun my word! I thought there was a gag thread here already.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

My girlfriend asked me for an example of a double entendre, so I gave her one.

[Deleted User]

Cupán tae yourselves.

h7nlrp2v0g5u48

Why was King Arthur's army to tired to fight?

It had too many sleepless Knights.

Which country's capital has the fastest growing population?

Ireland: Everyday it's Dublin.

[Deleted User]

Likely the most famous pun ever made on Reddit really is a piece of genius.
Read from the very top to understand it.

https://old.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/cfbkx/im_85_certain_that_there_is_an_adult_actress_in/c0s6bzw/?context=10000

The opening post will be closed because of that link so I'll post it below. The pun comes later.

I'm 85% certain that there is an adult actress in my philosophy class.

Probably Lexi Belle, but I don't know. Any suggestions on how I can know for sure? It would be too hard (and unethical) to take a picture and put it up here... and going up to her and saying, "Don't I know you from somewhere?" would probably be a bad idea.

Hungrycol

natashaob6 wrote: »

A good pun can be as funny as a good joke so if any of you have any funny puns why not post them. I'll get the ball rolling with a few good ones.

It's OK to borrow a book from the public library once in a while, but try not to overdue it.

This only works in a 'merican accent.

h7nlrp2v0g5u48

ebay is useless i tried to look up lighters but it only showed up 12,320 matches.

I worked as a banker but I lost interest.

How do you make antifreeze?

You take away her blanket.

I tried writing a song about tortillas but it ended up as a rap.

blade1

A fella I know got his left testicle removed.
Now he is a right bollocks!

h7nlrp2v0g5u48

I had jokes about unemployed people but it doesn't matter now because they never work.

I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant but I changed my mind.

I hate insect jokes the bug me.

Duck Soup

[say in a Scottish accent] What's the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney? Bing sings, but Walt disnae.

A friend challenged the American writer Dorothy Parker to come up with a sentence utilising the word 'horticulture'. Parker replied "You can lead a whore to culture but you can't make her think."

On another occasion, Parker was in a hotel when she saw an attractive young society woman, famous for her dalliances with members of the legal profession. The woman was hobbling, having acquired a broken leg on a skiing holiday. Parker's friend said "Goodness, what happened to her?" Parker replied "She broke her leg sliding down a barrister."

If you don't like these puns, then in the words of Groucho Marx, fine. Leave in a huff. If that's too soon then leave in a minute and a huff.

h7nlrp2v0g5u48

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.

Did you hear about these new reversible jackets?

I'm waiting to see how they turn out.

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer.

I said, "No, wait! I can change."

pickarooney

Why does everyone drink coffee in the Gaeltacht?
Because there's a bean an tí.

newport2

Did you hear about the carrot that died?

There was a big turnip at the funeral.

And the priest said "lettuce pray"

The Rape of Lucretia

Hector Bellend

Joe Duffy should read this. He'd have a raging horn.