None of my work colleagues follow me on facebook or Instagram?

Danyella · 05-07-2018 11:03PM #1

This is something that maybe shouldn't get to me but it does.
I'm 26 and I have been working as a health care assistant in a nursing home for over 2 years now. All my colleagues (there's about 30) are all friends on Facebook and not one person has ever added me.
There's a girl that everyone hates and no one is friends with her either. I'm nice to everyone, nd my page is not on private, people can add me , they just don't.
This really bothers me because the other day we were all sitting at lunch and one girl wanted a facebook status shared by everyone at lunch, and they were all like "I have it shared, I have it shared" and they were all giggling and laughing about it, nd I was just sitting there. I Felt so stupid.
How does this sound to everyone?

Danyella · 05-07-2018 11:15PM

Might I add I worked in a place 4 years ago and it was the exact same situation. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm a very quiet person if that's any help

Wanderer78 · 05-07-2018 11:20PM

Very introverted person here, never had a Facebook account, seems like a very unusual site whereby a whole pile of nothingness occurs. Just enjoy your work, interact with work mates as best you can, and enjoy their company, humans have surprisingly common interests and can be very enjoyable to talk to

Sam Quentin · 05-07-2018 11:21PM

Have you tried adding one of your colleagues, maybe just to get the ball rolling!?

Danyella · 05-07-2018 11:34PM

Sam Quentin wrote: »

Have you tried adding one of your colleagues, maybe just to get the ball rolling!?

I haven't but I thought out of 30 of them at least one of them would have added me. This has me really upset because I think they hate me

05-07-2018 11:39PM

its everyone else's job to make the first move?

Danyella · 06-07-2018 12:01AM

[Deleted User] wrote: »

its everyone else's job to make the first move?

Well no, if 2 people added me id add the others, but out of 30 people, not one person has added me, and new girls come to work and they're friends with them within a few days on Facebook

Ursus Horribilis · 06-07-2018 01:14AM

This isn't about Facebook really, is it? You've not said a word here about how you get on with your colleagues in the real world. Do you have any friends in work? If they socialise, do you ever get invited? If you're not connecting with them in real life, social media is the least of your problems.

Sam Quentin · 06-07-2018 01:33AM

Danyella wrote: »

I haven't but I thought out of 30 of them at least one of them would have added me. This has me really upset because I think they hate me

I don't think you should be to upset.
I have a funny feeling your probably quite the opposite to those guys, you seem like the type who doesn't like to get drunk every weekend and maybe has no stupid embarrassing stories to throw around at work?
Unfortunately in Ireland that can come across(to shallow small minded people)as being snobby and unapproachable, if your a female and quite the looker then that can sometimes go against you to,.. As in some people might not want to make you feel even more confident than they 'think' you are right now!?
It's complicated what I'm trying to explain and I hope you understand.....
Anyway I bet if you throw out a friends request to your favourite colleague and they accept,,. Then the rest of them or some of them will follow....
Good Luck.

Danyella · 06-07-2018 02:57AM

Sam Quentin wrote: »

I don't think you should be to upset.
I have a funny feeling your probably quite the opposite to those guys, you seem like the type who doesn't like to get drunk every weekend and maybe has no stupid embarrassing stories to throw around at work?
Unfortunately in Ireland that can come across(to shallow small minded people)as being snobby and unapproachable, if your a female and quite the looker then that can sometimes go against you to,.. As in some people might not want to make you feel even more confident than they 'think' you are right now!?
It's complicated what I'm trying to explain and I hope you understand.....
Anyway I bet if you throw out a friends request to your favourite colleague and they accept,,. Then the rest of them or some of them will follow....
Good Luck.

Thanks for the nice reply.. I probably come across as the type not to be out drinking weekends away. And I can assure you I'm not. But I do socialise, meet my friends for nights out every 4 weeks or that, go to weddings etc. I tell all my colleagues these things and they 're like "oh had you a good time on holidays...was the wedding good?" Etc. But yet never any friend requests after 2 years.
As for the looks, I admit I have been told several times im very attractive but I think I'm not good looking, well from pictures anyways I look closer to Chewbacca than Beyonce. Haha

All jokes aside, there are stunning looking girls in work and they have no issues with being friends on Facebook with colleagues.
I understand this comes across needy, but I can't help wonder why this is a problem in both this job and my last one. It makes me feel like **** to be honest. If i received friend requests from 2 or 3 people I wouldnt care. But out of 30 people, zero. This would surely have others wondering

Payton · 06-07-2018 05:49AM

It's not really about Facebook. It's about your self esteem. I don't do Facebook, never had and never will its just not for me.
If you did become friends with them what would be the outcome...snoop around their photos, their storyline, maybe send them a few messages and the world would be right?

By all accounts they seem like nice people your working with friendly and polite. Enjoy the conversations you have. Enjoy your little bit of privacy on your Facebook profile.

Life is not about being liked or friended on a virtual platform where the art of conversation and social interaction is behind a keyboard. Your going to face bigger challenges in life other than Facebook.

Addle · 06-07-2018 06:05AM

So you're p-d off with colleagues about not doing something that you haven't done yourself?
I don't get it?
Surely that was your opportunity to follow them when they brought up Facebook in conversation?

Mj2016 · 06-07-2018 06:10AM

Not sure if this helps, but We have a girl that works with us. She's a complete know it all about everything, you can't have a private conversation without her butting in and known more about my own life than she knows. Really annoying person, has to tell everyones business to all of us. She is highly annoying and non of us have added her on social media. She's deluded and thinks the manager fancies her. You have to avoid conversation with her and the story always reverts back to her life and the stories go on for ages. Maybe they're all wondering why you've never bothered to add any of them. Also, they're work colleagues and not your friends from outside work so screw them ðŸ˜ðŸ˜

06-07-2018 06:12AM

Real life friends are much better than facebook friends. You’re not missing out on anything at all so just get on with your life, make and enjoy your own experiences in real life and forget about gawking at the pure crap other people try to push via facebook. If they matter to you, you’ll be friends with them offline.

Big Bag of Chips · 06-07-2018 06:34AM

Add a few of them yourself. I don't understand your reluctance to add them if you want to be part of it. You're waiting for 1 or 2 to add you, and then you'll add the others. Why don't you add 1 or 2, and then then others will probably add you. I started a new job a while ago and obviously loads of my colleagues are Facebook friends. After a few weeks I sent a friend request to a few. They accepted. Now we're Facebook friends who barely interact online. Much like 90% of my Facebook friends

You are seriously overthinking this.

Danyella · 06-07-2018 07:26AM

I understand that a lot of people cannot understand why FB is so important to me. And all in all its not very important to me. It's more WHY they aren't adding me as opposed to wanting to be friends with them on Facebook. It's more my personality I'm worried about, even though I always thought my personality was fine.

I suppose what makes me even more annoyed is that my previous job, (which was also with many females, around my age) was the exact same story. I remember thinking at the time the same as I am thinking now so I just added all of them and they accepted, but I worked there for 2 years ish, and no one ever added me. but now that it's happening in this job too, I suppose I just want some answers really

Caranica · 06-07-2018 07:29AM

Why do you want them to see your social media? Personally I've blocked a lot of my colleagues on social media, spending 8-12 hours with them a day 5 days a week is as much of them that I want in my life and I certainly don't want to share my life outside work with them. I do have a handful of work friends on SM but we tend to do stuff outside work anyway.

OP add them if you want them, spending time and energy dissecting the reasons none of them may have added you is not healthy.

Danyella · 06-07-2018 07:44AM

Everyone has been so generous with replies and I am very thankful for the opinions. I suppose i just wanted to figure out why this keeps happening. It's nothing overly got to do with Facebook itself. It's more WHY they add others and not me. What is it about ME that's different. Because the more I think about it , the more I remember different others times it happened. It wasn't just the 2 workplaces

wylo · 06-07-2018 07:44AM

OP, seriously just add one or two, they will all come flooding in over time after that because others will have the confidence to add you.

No offence but this is kind of silly because you’re putting it on them and wondering why they’re not adding you.

If you do get on with them then I wouldn’t be surprised if one or two wanted to add you but said they wouldn’t Incase they’d seem weird.

Most People are at least very mildly insecure (or hesitant to put it more accurately), popular people, extroverts, introverts, etc.

Just add someone you KNOW you get on with.

If the real issue is about self esteem or the belief they don’t like you, then this has nothing to do with FB.

Unfortunately people with low self esteem can actually appear a little standoffish without realising it, making them more difficult to be open to (eg more reluctant to add them on FB etc).

When I was younger I had low self esteem and know for a fact in hindsight that i was probably a little less approachable.

Danyella · 06-07-2018 07:49AM

Caranica wrote: »

Why do you want them to see your social media? Personally I've blocked a lot of my colleagues on social media, spending 8-12 hours with them a day 5 days a week is as much of them that I want in my life and I certainly don't want to share my life outside work with them. I do have a handful of work friends on SM but we tend to do stuff outside work anyway.

OP add them if you want them, spending time and energy dissecting the reasons none of them may have added you is not healthy.

I know, and driving home in tears over 2 girls cliquing together for the 12 hour day, is certainly unhealthy. What I mean by this is, 4 health care assistant would be on in a day. One has to be a male, then it leaves 3 girls. I love when the other 2 girls are one oldish and one youngish. Because when it's me, and 2 young girls, they clique together, go on the same lunch, work together with the same patients. And I'm totally outcasted.

Addle · 06-07-2018 07:56AM

Danyella wrote: »

I understand that a lot of people cannot understand why FB is so important to me. And all in all its not very important to me. It's more WHY they aren't adding me as opposed to wanting to be friends with them on Facebook. It's more my personality I'm worried about, even though I always thought my personality was fine.

I suppose what makes me even more annoyed is that my previous job, (which was also with many females, around my age) was the exact same story. I remember thinking at the time the same as I am thinking now so I just added all of them and they accepted, but I worked there for 2 years ish, and no one ever added me. but now that it's happening in this job too, I suppose I just want some answers really

Maybe just for the same reason you're not adding them?

Midnight Sundance · 06-07-2018 08:10AM

Maybe they don’t realise that you’re not on their friends list. If your not friends with any of them then you won’t come up in suggested friends either.
I’m sure when one adds you it will get the ball rolling so maybe ask one or two to be friends and I’m sure that it might happen from there.

fishy_fishy · 06-07-2018 08:13AM

Jeez OP, you're your own worst enemy here. Just add them. They practically gave you an invite, "will you all share this on facebook". Most people with a little bit of self confidence would have said "oh I don't actually have you added as a friend. Here, I'll add you now and share it".

Regarding the two young people going off, it actually sounds like you're really meek as a person. Meek people are bloody hard work to hang around with until they settle into a friendship. You just have to learn to be more outgoing. I was very shy in my late teens and read a thing saying shyness is rude. Took offence, then thought about it and realised it is rude. Not intentionally, but it is. You need to make the effort to be more outgoing and gregarious, otherwise why would they go to the effort of coaxing you along gently? That's tiring. Also, if they're just being bitchy why not have lunch with the man on duty?

woodchuck · 06-07-2018 08:15AM

Danyella wrote: »

I love when the other 2 girls are one oldish and one youngish. Because when it's me, and 2 young girls, they clique together, go on the same lunch, work together with the same patients. And I'm totally outcasted.

So it could just be an age thing?

OP I think you're seriously overthinking this and far to emotionally invested in who adds you on facebook. You shouldn't need a friend request on facebook to feel validated.

If you want to be friends with them on facebook, send 1 or 2 requests yourself first to get the ball rolling.

lawred2 · 06-07-2018 08:17AM

Danyella wrote: »

This is something that maybe shouldn't get to me but it does.
I'm 26 and I have been working as a health care assistant in a nursing home for over 2 years now. All my colleagues (there's about 30) are all friends on Facebook and not one person has ever added me.
There's a girl that everyone hates and no one is friends with her either. I'm nice to everyone, nd my page is not on private, people can add me , they just don't.
This really bothers me because the other day we were all sitting at lunch and one girl wanted a facebook status shared by everyone at lunch, and they were all like "I have it shared, I have it shared" and they were all giggling and laughing about it, nd I was just sitting there. I Felt so stupid.
How does this sound to everyone?

Work on having real friends and stop being concerned about Facebook or whatever..

When they were sharing something on Facebook, why didn't you ask what it was rather than feeling stupid?

Akrasia · 06-07-2018 08:40AM

What about the poor guy who it seems never has anyone to talk to?

Come on OP. It takes 2 to tango. If you want people to open up to you, you need to show an interest in their lives and not just wait for them to include you in their social group.

Add them on Facebook. Talk to whoever you're rostered with, oldish, youngish or male, and if that doesn't work then you can start wondering why people don't like you.

Maybe they do like you but think you're a quiet person who likes to get on with her work. Maybe they don't like you because of some way you act around them or something work related. First you have to actively engage with them to find out

lawred2 · 06-07-2018 09:05AM

Look at it from their point of view, they were all laughing and joking at the table and you showed zero interest. The usual thing would be to ask if you were interested. They weren't to know that you were sitting there feeling left out and stupid. They may just think that you are nice to work with but not particularly interested in that side of things. But clearly you are. So the onus is on you to show that.

K_P · 06-07-2018 09:12AM

The onus is on you here to add them if it's upsetting you. It's been two years so they probably think you're not interested or not into social media or whatever. This is a problem that has such an easy fix. Just add them and stop obsessing over why they didn't add you. You'll tie yourself up in knots and create scenarios and reasons in your head that aren't true.

I'm quiet and reserved myself, but I've learned you HAVE to put yourself out there just a little bit. The world won't come to you without you putting in a little bit of work in.

Please, just add them.

witchgirl26 · 06-07-2018 09:25AM

OP honestly it could be that they just don't realised you're not connected on it. Just add one of them. I did same in my workplace & there was suddenly a thing of "oh you're not connected, here let me add you too".

Big Bag of Chips · 06-07-2018 09:45AM

How do you know they've added the others? How do you know the others didn't send the first friend request. You are determined to feel wronged here, but there is a really really quick and simple solution to fixing most of your feelings of being left out.

Add one or two and start including yourself.

WIZWEB · 06-07-2018 11:06AM

A few years ago My FB account had just under 5000 people on it. Much less now as I realised what a time waste it was putting up attention seeking posts or pics. Few of these people I knew and much less cared about me. I remember the days of how I externalised my worth through 'likes' and shallow things like that. I'd meet up with friends on it over the years and one common denominator was that our lives were most often very different to the exciting facade we portrayed in this virtual world.

None of my work colleagues follow me on facebook or Instagram?

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