None of my work colleagues follow me on facebook or Instagram?

jen70

if i seen a work colleague had no mutual friends with me I wouldn't add them maybe as i would think perhaps they don't want to be friends with colleagues on Facebook and they wouldn't accept my request, if you add a few of them id say you will get people adding you then. don't overthink it, i wouldn't say it's anything personal.

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

wonski

OP, read about exclusion, unintentional exclusion and self exclusion at work or social situations...

It seems like instead of taking a step forward and inviting one or two people you are expecting them to do it.

Just do it!

Facebook is only one thing, you want to be part of the team and it sometimes does require some effort.

That effort should come from both sees, but sometimes others don't realized you are being excluded and you need to remind them of your presence by, for example, inviting one or two people you feel most comfortable with, to Facebook.

If you skip a lot of work drinks etc, while you are perfectly entitled to do, this will have an effect on how you are seen at work and people will stop asking you coming out with them etc.

Not fair, but that is just in human nature.

Hope it helps.

SirChenjin

Start with small steps, OP.
Leave aside thoughts of Facebook etc for now. Make a real effort with colleagues to chat and be friendly, regardless of whether they are older or similar aged to you.
It's not nice to feel that there are cliques, but sometimes they do exist. Not everyone will be part of them so start by getting to know some of the others in the workplace.

Make sure that you have plenty of outside interests also. Work is work.
All the best. Things will improve but you need to start somewhere.

Danyella

Thanks everyone for your answers. I started this thread thinking no one would answer, but I'm very happy I got a lot of opinions there, I will take some of the advice on board!

Ursus Horribilis

jen70 wrote: »

if i seen a work colleague had no mutual friends with me I wouldn't add them maybe as i would think perhaps they don't want to be friends with colleagues on Facebook and they wouldn't accept my request, if you add a few of them id say you will get people adding you then. don't overthink it, i wouldn't say it's anything personal.

I was about to come back and make this very point. I'd think the very same thing if I viewed a colleague's profile and saw that they weren't friends with anyone else in work.

You sound very insecure and perhaps that's something you need to work on. You're depending too much on social media to validate your relationships with your colleagues when in fact it should be the other way round.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I am introverted and have had the same feelings in many situations in my life. I HATE adding people on facebook. It stresses me out wondering if I should do it or not. Maybe they will say no.. etc. But I know now that I have no problem adding someone that I have a genuine connection with so I don't bother considering adding acquaintances anymore. If they added me i'd accept. So I can really understand why you don't want to add them.

Every house share I ever had the other girls became friends and I seemed to be on the outside - but looking back it was really because I didn't have anything in common with them.

I get upset every few months about not having friends in work and having very few friends in real life. Its always the same pattern, I get depressed, a few days of depression and I will have a cry (in work, on the drive home, basically anywhere I am alone). I will eventually tell my husband whats bothering me and have a cry to him and then I will feel better about it again. Hopefully you are the same and once you have gotten it off your chest here you will feel better.

Wanderer2010

Danyella wrote: »

Might I add I worked in a place 4 years ago and it was the exact same situation. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm a very quiet person if that's any help

OP, nothing on Facebook or Instagram etc is truly "real". Its all about me me and me again, self obsessed garbage where people somehow think that the world is interested in their latest cake recipe/trip to the gym/opinion on abortion etc. Its a narcissists dream and if you needed help at 3am or if you had to reach out to someone then 99% of people who you are connected with would run a mile. Its not real. I appreciate you want to fit in and social media is a platform for that but its worrying that you put so much stead on what work mates may or may not think about you.
Do you have friends outside of work? If not, then maybe join a club or get out there even once a week for an activity that will expose you to different people, and try to put less emphasis on what the people at your job do or say. Just do a good job, be nice to everyone and then focus on your outside life because if you put the key to your happiness in someone else's hands, you will never be satisfied.

Birdsong

Danyella wrote:

I understand that a lot of people cannot understand why FB is so important to me. And all in all its not very important to me. It's more WHY they aren't adding me as opposed to wanting to be friends with them on Facebook. It's more my personality I'm worried about, even though I always thought my personality was fine.

They are probably wondering the betty same thing. WHY after two years you haven't added any of them.

Big Bag of Chips

I understand how getting on and being friends with your workmates is very important at your age. I often see people here advising people to just go to work, do the job and go home. But very often, especially in your 20s, early 30s etc, workmates are your social circle. After all, we tend to spend the greater part of our day with our colleagues. We definitely spend more time in their company than any other friends, so getting along and being included is a bit of a big deal.

Add them OP. It'll take a second. People will include you but you have to let them know you are willing to be included. You might not be in to nights out, but even liking and commenting on a picture or whatever will include you in what's going on. And by including yourself, they will then include you more.

I think you are overestimating the amount of thought these people are giving you. You think they are deliberately excluding you because they hate you. The reality is they are all far too wrapped up in themselves to give others all that much thought. Join in, if you want. They'll be glad of the added attention

Cash_Q

Sam Quentin wrote:

Have you tried adding one of your colleagues, maybe just to get the ball rolling!?

Danyella wrote:

new girls come to work and they're friends with them within a few days on Facebook

Maybe the new girls make the first move and add one or two of them and then the rest follow suit?If I were you I'd add a few of them and then stop stressing about this