None of my work colleagues follow me on facebook or Instagram?

Danyella

This is something that maybe shouldn't get to me but it does.
I'm 26 and I have been working as a health care assistant in a nursing home for over 2 years now. All my colleagues (there's about 30) are all friends on Facebook and not one person has ever added me.
There's a girl that everyone hates and no one is friends with her either. I'm nice to everyone, nd my page is not on private, people can add me , they just don't.
This really bothers me because the other day we were all sitting at lunch and one girl wanted a facebook status shared by everyone at lunch, and they were all like "I have it shared, I have it shared" and they were all giggling and laughing about it, nd I was just sitting there. I Felt so stupid.
How does this sound to everyone?

Danyella

Might I add I worked in a place 4 years ago and it was the exact same situation. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm a very quiet person if that's any help

Wanderer78

Very introverted person here, never had a Facebook account, seems like a very unusual site whereby a whole pile of nothingness occurs. Just enjoy your work, interact with work mates as best you can, and enjoy their company, humans have surprisingly common interests and can be very enjoyable to talk to

Sam Quentin

Have you tried adding one of your colleagues, maybe just to get the ball rolling!?

Danyella

Sam Quentin wrote: »

Have you tried adding one of your colleagues, maybe just to get the ball rolling!?

I haven't but I thought out of 30 of them at least one of them would have added me. This has me really upset because I think they hate me

its everyone else's job to make the first move?

Danyella

[Deleted User] wrote: »

its everyone else's job to make the first move?

Well no, if 2 people added me id add the others, but out of 30 people, not one person has added me, and new girls come to work and they're friends with them within a few days on Facebook

Ursus Horribilis

This isn't about Facebook really, is it? You've not said a word here about how you get on with your colleagues in the real world. Do you have any friends in work? If they socialise, do you ever get invited? If you're not connecting with them in real life, social media is the least of your problems.

Sam Quentin

Danyella wrote: »

I haven't but I thought out of 30 of them at least one of them would have added me. This has me really upset because I think they hate me

I don't think you should be to upset.
I have a funny feeling your probably quite the opposite to those guys, you seem like the type who doesn't like to get drunk every weekend and maybe has no stupid embarrassing stories to throw around at work?
Unfortunately in Ireland that can come across(to shallow small minded people)as being snobby and unapproachable, if your a female and quite the looker then that can sometimes go against you to,.. As in some people might not want to make you feel even more confident than they 'think' you are right now!?
It's complicated what I'm trying to explain and I hope you understand.....
Anyway I bet if you throw out a friends request to your favourite colleague and they accept,,. Then the rest of them or some of them will follow....
Good Luck.

Danyella

Sam Quentin wrote: »

I don't think you should be to upset.
I have a funny feeling your probably quite the opposite to those guys, you seem like the type who doesn't like to get drunk every weekend and maybe has no stupid embarrassing stories to throw around at work?
Unfortunately in Ireland that can come across(to shallow small minded people)as being snobby and unapproachable, if your a female and quite the looker then that can sometimes go against you to,.. As in some people might not want to make you feel even more confident than they 'think' you are right now!?
It's complicated what I'm trying to explain and I hope you understand.....
Anyway I bet if you throw out a friends request to your favourite colleague and they accept,,. Then the rest of them or some of them will follow....
Good Luck.

Thanks for the nice reply.. I probably come across as the type not to be out drinking weekends away. And I can assure you I'm not. But I do socialise, meet my friends for nights out every 4 weeks or that, go to weddings etc. I tell all my colleagues these things and they 're like "oh had you a good time on holidays...was the wedding good?" Etc. But yet never any friend requests after 2 years.
As for the looks, I admit I have been told several times im very attractive but I think I'm not good looking, well from pictures anyways I look closer to Chewbacca than Beyonce. Haha

All jokes aside, there are stunning looking girls in work and they have no issues with being friends on Facebook with colleagues.
I understand this comes across needy, but I can't help wonder why this is a problem in both this job and my last one. It makes me feel like **** to be honest. If i received friend requests from 2 or 3 people I wouldnt care. But out of 30 people, zero. This would surely have others wondering

Payton

It's not really about Facebook. It's about your self esteem. I don't do Facebook, never had and never will its just not for me.
If you did become friends with them what would be the outcome...snoop around their photos, their storyline, maybe send them a few messages and the world would be right?

By all accounts they seem like nice people your working with friendly and polite. Enjoy the conversations you have. Enjoy your little bit of privacy on your Facebook profile.

Life is not about being liked or friended on a virtual platform where the art of conversation and social interaction is behind a keyboard. Your going to face bigger challenges in life other than Facebook.

Addle

So you're p-d off with colleagues about not doing something that you haven't done yourself?
I don't get it?
Surely that was your opportunity to follow them when they brought up Facebook in conversation?

Mj2016

Not sure if this helps, but We have a girl that works with us. She's a complete know it all about everything, you can't have a private conversation without her butting in and known more about my own life than she knows. Really annoying person, has to tell everyones business to all of us. She is highly annoying and non of us have added her on social media. She's deluded and thinks the manager fancies her. You have to avoid conversation with her and the story always reverts back to her life and the stories go on for ages. Maybe they're all wondering why you've never bothered to add any of them. Also, they're work colleagues and not your friends from outside work so screw them ðŸ˜ðŸ˜

Real life friends are much better than facebook friends. You’re not missing out on anything at all so just get on with your life, make and enjoy your own experiences in real life and forget about gawking at the pure crap other people try to push via facebook. If they matter to you, you’ll be friends with them offline.

Big Bag of Chips

Add a few of them yourself. I don't understand your reluctance to add them if you want to be part of it. You're waiting for 1 or 2 to add you, and then you'll add the others. Why don't you add 1 or 2, and then then others will probably add you. I started a new job a while ago and obviously loads of my colleagues are Facebook friends. After a few weeks I sent a friend request to a few. They accepted. Now we're Facebook friends who barely interact online. Much like 90% of my Facebook friends

You are seriously overthinking this.

Danyella

I understand that a lot of people cannot understand why FB is so important to me. And all in all its not very important to me. It's more WHY they aren't adding me as opposed to wanting to be friends with them on Facebook. It's more my personality I'm worried about, even though I always thought my personality was fine.

I suppose what makes me even more annoyed is that my previous job, (which was also with many females, around my age) was the exact same story. I remember thinking at the time the same as I am thinking now so I just added all of them and they accepted, but I worked there for 2 years ish, and no one ever added me. but now that it's happening in this job too, I suppose I just want some answers really

Caranica

Why do you want them to see your social media? Personally I've blocked a lot of my colleagues on social media, spending 8-12 hours with them a day 5 days a week is as much of them that I want in my life and I certainly don't want to share my life outside work with them. I do have a handful of work friends on SM but we tend to do stuff outside work anyway.

OP add them if you want them, spending time and energy dissecting the reasons none of them may have added you is not healthy.

Danyella

Everyone has been so generous with replies and I am very thankful for the opinions. I suppose i just wanted to figure out why this keeps happening. It's nothing overly got to do with Facebook itself. It's more WHY they add others and not me. What is it about ME that's different. Because the more I think about it , the more I remember different others times it happened. It wasn't just the 2 workplaces

wylo

OP, seriously just add one or two, they will all come flooding in over time after that because others will have the confidence to add you.

No offence but this is kind of silly because you’re putting it on them and wondering why they’re not adding you.

If you do get on with them then I wouldn’t be surprised if one or two wanted to add you but said they wouldn’t Incase they’d seem weird.

Most People are at least very mildly insecure (or hesitant to put it more accurately), popular people, extroverts, introverts, etc.

Just add someone you KNOW you get on with.

If the real issue is about self esteem or the belief they don’t like you, then this has nothing to do with FB.

Unfortunately people with low self esteem can actually appear a little standoffish without realising it, making them more difficult to be open to (eg more reluctant to add them on FB etc).

When I was younger I had low self esteem and know for a fact in hindsight that i was probably a little less approachable.

Danyella

Caranica wrote: »

Why do you want them to see your social media? Personally I've blocked a lot of my colleagues on social media, spending 8-12 hours with them a day 5 days a week is as much of them that I want in my life and I certainly don't want to share my life outside work with them. I do have a handful of work friends on SM but we tend to do stuff outside work anyway.

OP add them if you want them, spending time and energy dissecting the reasons none of them may have added you is not healthy.

I know, and driving home in tears over 2 girls cliquing together for the 12 hour day, is certainly unhealthy. What I mean by this is, 4 health care assistant would be on in a day. One has to be a male, then it leaves 3 girls. I love when the other 2 girls are one oldish and one youngish. Because when it's me, and 2 young girls, they clique together, go on the same lunch, work together with the same patients. And I'm totally outcasted.

Addle

Danyella wrote: »

I understand that a lot of people cannot understand why FB is so important to me. And all in all its not very important to me. It's more WHY they aren't adding me as opposed to wanting to be friends with them on Facebook. It's more my personality I'm worried about, even though I always thought my personality was fine.

I suppose what makes me even more annoyed is that my previous job, (which was also with many females, around my age) was the exact same story. I remember thinking at the time the same as I am thinking now so I just added all of them and they accepted, but I worked there for 2 years ish, and no one ever added me. but now that it's happening in this job too, I suppose I just want some answers really

Maybe just for the same reason you're not adding them?

Midnight Sundance

Maybe they don’t realise that you’re not on their friends list. If your not friends with any of them then you won’t come up in suggested friends either.
I’m sure when one adds you it will get the ball rolling so maybe ask one or two to be friends and I’m sure that it might happen from there.

fishy_fishy

Jeez OP, you're your own worst enemy here. Just add them. They practically gave you an invite, "will you all share this on facebook". Most people with a little bit of self confidence would have said "oh I don't actually have you added as a friend. Here, I'll add you now and share it".

Regarding the two young people going off, it actually sounds like you're really meek as a person. Meek people are bloody hard work to hang around with until they settle into a friendship. You just have to learn to be more outgoing. I was very shy in my late teens and read a thing saying shyness is rude. Took offence, then thought about it and realised it is rude. Not intentionally, but it is. You need to make the effort to be more outgoing and gregarious, otherwise why would they go to the effort of coaxing you along gently? That's tiring. Also, if they're just being bitchy why not have lunch with the man on duty?

woodchuck

Danyella wrote: »

I love when the other 2 girls are one oldish and one youngish. Because when it's me, and 2 young girls, they clique together, go on the same lunch, work together with the same patients. And I'm totally outcasted.

So it could just be an age thing?

OP I think you're seriously overthinking this and far to emotionally invested in who adds you on facebook. You shouldn't need a friend request on facebook to feel validated.

If you want to be friends with them on facebook, send 1 or 2 requests yourself first to get the ball rolling.

lawred2

Danyella wrote: »

This is something that maybe shouldn't get to me but it does.
I'm 26 and I have been working as a health care assistant in a nursing home for over 2 years now. All my colleagues (there's about 30) are all friends on Facebook and not one person has ever added me.
There's a girl that everyone hates and no one is friends with her either. I'm nice to everyone, nd my page is not on private, people can add me , they just don't.
This really bothers me because the other day we were all sitting at lunch and one girl wanted a facebook status shared by everyone at lunch, and they were all like "I have it shared, I have it shared" and they were all giggling and laughing about it, nd I was just sitting there. I Felt so stupid.
How does this sound to everyone?

Work on having real friends and stop being concerned about Facebook or whatever..

When they were sharing something on Facebook, why didn't you ask what it was rather than feeling stupid?

Akrasia

What about the poor guy who it seems never has anyone to talk to?

Come on OP. It takes 2 to tango. If you want people to open up to you, you need to show an interest in their lives and not just wait for them to include you in their social group.

Add them on Facebook. Talk to whoever you're rostered with, oldish, youngish or male, and if that doesn't work then you can start wondering why people don't like you.

Maybe they do like you but think you're a quiet person who likes to get on with her work. Maybe they don't like you because of some way you act around them or something work related. First you have to actively engage with them to find out

lawred2

Look at it from their point of view, they were all laughing and joking at the table and you showed zero interest. The usual thing would be to ask if you were interested. They weren't to know that you were sitting there feeling left out and stupid. They may just think that you are nice to work with but not particularly interested in that side of things. But clearly you are. So the onus is on you to show that.

K_P

The onus is on you here to add them if it's upsetting you. It's been two years so they probably think you're not interested or not into social media or whatever. This is a problem that has such an easy fix. Just add them and stop obsessing over why they didn't add you. You'll tie yourself up in knots and create scenarios and reasons in your head that aren't true.

I'm quiet and reserved myself, but I've learned you HAVE to put yourself out there just a little bit. The world won't come to you without you putting in a little bit of work in.

Please, just add them.

witchgirl26

OP honestly it could be that they just don't realised you're not connected on it. Just add one of them. I did same in my workplace & there was suddenly a thing of "oh you're not connected, here let me add you too".

Big Bag of Chips

How do you know they've added the others? How do you know the others didn't send the first friend request. You are determined to feel wronged here, but there is a really really quick and simple solution to fixing most of your feelings of being left out.

Add one or two and start including yourself.

WIZWEB

A few years ago My FB account had just under 5000 people on it. Much less now as I realised what a time waste it was putting up attention seeking posts or pics. Few of these people I knew and much less cared about me. I remember the days of how I externalised my worth through 'likes' and shallow things like that. I'd meet up with friends on it over the years and one common denominator was that our lives were most often very different to the exciting facade we portrayed in this virtual world.

jen70

if i seen a work colleague had no mutual friends with me I wouldn't add them maybe as i would think perhaps they don't want to be friends with colleagues on Facebook and they wouldn't accept my request, if you add a few of them id say you will get people adding you then. don't overthink it, i wouldn't say it's anything personal.

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

wonski

OP, read about exclusion, unintentional exclusion and self exclusion at work or social situations...

It seems like instead of taking a step forward and inviting one or two people you are expecting them to do it.

Just do it!

Facebook is only one thing, you want to be part of the team and it sometimes does require some effort.

That effort should come from both sees, but sometimes others don't realized you are being excluded and you need to remind them of your presence by, for example, inviting one or two people you feel most comfortable with, to Facebook.

If you skip a lot of work drinks etc, while you are perfectly entitled to do, this will have an effect on how you are seen at work and people will stop asking you coming out with them etc.

Not fair, but that is just in human nature.

Hope it helps.

SirChenjin

Start with small steps, OP.
Leave aside thoughts of Facebook etc for now. Make a real effort with colleagues to chat and be friendly, regardless of whether they are older or similar aged to you.
It's not nice to feel that there are cliques, but sometimes they do exist. Not everyone will be part of them so start by getting to know some of the others in the workplace.

Make sure that you have plenty of outside interests also. Work is work.
All the best. Things will improve but you need to start somewhere.

Danyella

Thanks everyone for your answers. I started this thread thinking no one would answer, but I'm very happy I got a lot of opinions there, I will take some of the advice on board!

Ursus Horribilis

jen70 wrote: »

if i seen a work colleague had no mutual friends with me I wouldn't add them maybe as i would think perhaps they don't want to be friends with colleagues on Facebook and they wouldn't accept my request, if you add a few of them id say you will get people adding you then. don't overthink it, i wouldn't say it's anything personal.

I was about to come back and make this very point. I'd think the very same thing if I viewed a colleague's profile and saw that they weren't friends with anyone else in work.

You sound very insecure and perhaps that's something you need to work on. You're depending too much on social media to validate your relationships with your colleagues when in fact it should be the other way round.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I am introverted and have had the same feelings in many situations in my life. I HATE adding people on facebook. It stresses me out wondering if I should do it or not. Maybe they will say no.. etc. But I know now that I have no problem adding someone that I have a genuine connection with so I don't bother considering adding acquaintances anymore. If they added me i'd accept. So I can really understand why you don't want to add them.

Every house share I ever had the other girls became friends and I seemed to be on the outside - but looking back it was really because I didn't have anything in common with them.

I get upset every few months about not having friends in work and having very few friends in real life. Its always the same pattern, I get depressed, a few days of depression and I will have a cry (in work, on the drive home, basically anywhere I am alone). I will eventually tell my husband whats bothering me and have a cry to him and then I will feel better about it again. Hopefully you are the same and once you have gotten it off your chest here you will feel better.

Wanderer2010

Danyella wrote: »

Might I add I worked in a place 4 years ago and it was the exact same situation. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm a very quiet person if that's any help

OP, nothing on Facebook or Instagram etc is truly "real". Its all about me me and me again, self obsessed garbage where people somehow think that the world is interested in their latest cake recipe/trip to the gym/opinion on abortion etc. Its a narcissists dream and if you needed help at 3am or if you had to reach out to someone then 99% of people who you are connected with would run a mile. Its not real. I appreciate you want to fit in and social media is a platform for that but its worrying that you put so much stead on what work mates may or may not think about you.
Do you have friends outside of work? If not, then maybe join a club or get out there even once a week for an activity that will expose you to different people, and try to put less emphasis on what the people at your job do or say. Just do a good job, be nice to everyone and then focus on your outside life because if you put the key to your happiness in someone else's hands, you will never be satisfied.

Birdsong

Danyella wrote:

I understand that a lot of people cannot understand why FB is so important to me. And all in all its not very important to me. It's more WHY they aren't adding me as opposed to wanting to be friends with them on Facebook. It's more my personality I'm worried about, even though I always thought my personality was fine.

They are probably wondering the betty same thing. WHY after two years you haven't added any of them.

Big Bag of Chips

I understand how getting on and being friends with your workmates is very important at your age. I often see people here advising people to just go to work, do the job and go home. But very often, especially in your 20s, early 30s etc, workmates are your social circle. After all, we tend to spend the greater part of our day with our colleagues. We definitely spend more time in their company than any other friends, so getting along and being included is a bit of a big deal.

Add them OP. It'll take a second. People will include you but you have to let them know you are willing to be included. You might not be in to nights out, but even liking and commenting on a picture or whatever will include you in what's going on. And by including yourself, they will then include you more.

I think you are overestimating the amount of thought these people are giving you. You think they are deliberately excluding you because they hate you. The reality is they are all far too wrapped up in themselves to give others all that much thought. Join in, if you want. They'll be glad of the added attention

Cash_Q

Sam Quentin wrote:

Have you tried adding one of your colleagues, maybe just to get the ball rolling!?

Danyella wrote:

new girls come to work and they're friends with them within a few days on Facebook

Maybe the new girls make the first move and add one or two of them and then the rest follow suit?If I were you I'd add a few of them and then stop stressing about this