Over weight baby - Child abuse?

emilymemily · 28-06-2018 08:23AM #1

Theres this woman that I used to go to school with, we're friends on facebook and when we bump into each other we have a quick chat, she's quite heavy and has been since ive known her, the thing is.. and I know its not my business really but her baby is obese, the child is not even one and looks the size of a 3 year old.
Theres no medical conditions, she's the type to post everything from a nappy rash to serious illness and personal stories on facebook. The child is just really really obese, she calls the child 'pud' and 'pudding' in reference to his weight. Id never say anything of course but isnt that child abuse?
When parents over feed their children theyre setting them up for a life time of unhealthy eating habits and a multitude of health problems. If someone underfed their child theyd be accused of neglect and the child would be taken into care, why is it not the same for over feeding children?

wexie · 28-06-2018 08:31AM

Oh yay, this thread will definitely go well and will be full of polite and well thought out remarks.

Personally I think it's hard to say without seeing the actual babies. Healthy (young babies) certainly usually are pretty chubby which they eventually grow out of, in my experience once they start moving around a bit more and from what I understand this can be more pronounced in bottle fed babies. If it's actually as big as you say it is then of course that's not a good thing.

Whether or not it constitutes child abuse I don't know, I think I'd call it poor or uninformed parenting. Certainly in the eyes of the law/HSE/whatever it wouldn't be considered child abuse but that's not a particularly high bar.

corks finest · 28-06-2018 08:32AM

emilymemily wrote: »

Theres this woman that I used to go to school with, we're friends on facebook and when we bump into each other we have a quick chat, she's quite heavy and has been since ive known her, the thing is.. and I know its not my business really but her baby is obese, the child is not even one and looks the size of a 3 year old.
Theres no medical conditions, she's the type to post everything from a nappy rash to serious illness and personal stories on facebook. The child is just really really obese, she calls the child 'pud' and 'pudding' in reference to his weight. Id never say anything of course but isnt that child abuse?
When parents over feed their children theyre setting them up for a life time of unhealthy eating habits and a multitude of health problems. If someone underfed their child theyd be accused of neglect and the child would be taken into care, why is it not the same for over feeding children?

Obese kid obese parent

Pac1Man · 28-06-2018 08:39AM

It is a form of child abuse in my opinion (although not from a legal standing). You're giving them such a disadvantage starting out, both medically and socially. You can't blame a lack of knowledge now either with the information that is available to us.

Graces7 · 28-06-2018 08:59AM

emilymemily wrote: »

Theres this woman that I used to go to school with, we're friends on facebook and when we bump into each other we have a quick chat, she's quite heavy and has been since ive known her, the thing is.. and I know its not my business really but her baby is obese, the child is not even one and looks the size of a 3 year old.
Theres no medical conditions, she's the type to post everything from a nappy rash to serious illness and personal stories on facebook. The child is just really really obese, she calls the child 'pud' and 'pudding' in reference to his weight. Id never say anything of course but isnt that child abuse?
When parents over feed their children theyre setting them up for a life time of unhealthy eating habits and a multitude of health problems. If someone underfed their child theyd be accused of neglect and the child would be taken into care, why is it not the same for over feeding children?

Surely the baby is still being seen by health care? Not sure what the system is here.

There may be factors you are unaware of also.

TheMilkyPirate · 28-06-2018 09:01AM

100% a form of child abuse. It sickens me to see obese kids, Are there parents just ignoring it or what?

FFred · 28-06-2018 09:01AM

Scuttery cow .. Scuttery calf

somesoldiers · 28-06-2018 09:07AM

hummm both our boys were born at big weights, 11 7lbs the eldest. looked quite chubby up to he got more active at 15 months or so, then the puppy fat flew off.
Youngest is going the same way, maybe a bit of this going on also?

I was a big of a fatty myself when the eldest was born though I decided to go the other way and get more active myself, here I am 6st lighter and feeling all the better for it

Hitman3000 · 28-06-2018 09:08AM

emilymemily wrote:

Theres this woman that I used to go to school with, we're friends on facebook and when we bump into each other we have a quick chat, she's quite heavy and has been since ive known her, the thing is.. and I know its not my business really but her baby is obese, the child is not even one and looks the size of a 3 year old. Theres no medical conditions, she's the type to post everything from a nappy rash to serious illness and personal stories on facebook. The child is just really really obese, she calls the child 'pud' and 'pudding' in reference to his weight. Id never say anything of course but isnt that child abuse? When parents over feed their children theyre setting them up for a life time of unhealthy eating habits and a multitude of health problems. If someone underfed their child theyd be accused of neglect and the child would be taken into care, why is it not the same for over feeding children?

You could have picked a better forum than AH to put this in, unless you are seeking spiteful nasty responses...

wexie · 28-06-2018 09:09AM

Graces7 wrote: »

Surely the baby is still being seen by health care? Not sure what the system is here.

There's regular developmental checkups but I don't think the public health nurse would have any powers other than to mention the child is overweight.

TheMilkyPirate wrote: »

100% a form of child abuse. It sickens me to see obese kids, Are there parents just ignoring it or what?

If the parents themselves are obese they'll likely not see it as an issue. You have to remember that there are people out there that think ketchup or chips can be considered one of your 5-a-day....

One eyed Jack · 28-06-2018 09:12AM

emilymemily wrote: »

Theres this woman that I used to go to school with, we're friends on facebook and when we bump into each other we have a quick chat, she's quite heavy and has been since ive known her, the thing is.. and I know its not my business really but her baby is obese, the child is not even one and looks the size of a 3 year old.
Theres no medical conditions, she's the type to post everything from a nappy rash to serious illness and personal stories on facebook. The child is just really really obese, she calls the child 'pud' and 'pudding' in reference to his weight. Id never say anything of course but isnt that child abuse?
When parents over feed their children theyre setting them up for a life time of unhealthy eating habits and a multitude of health problems. If someone underfed their child theyd be accused of neglect and the child would be taken into care, why is it not the same for over feeding children?

Because people passing judgement excuse themselves of any responsibility by saying it's none of their business, and so it goes unreported, and the parents aren't accused of either child neglect or abuse. That's why children continue to be neglected and abused, because the people who feign concern for the child are simply more interested in criticising and passing judgement on the parents of the child or children in question.

In short - if you actually cared for the welfare of the child, you would have reported it already, rather than posting about it on social media where nobody here can actually do anything about it to help the child in question.

whisky_galore · 28-06-2018 09:15AM

Know a couple with a kid, now the kid looked 'normal' sized to me, but could not get over the amount of absolute shyte food being dished out as snacks.
Like chocolate / crisps and all that, it wasn't laid out for my visit it appeared to be the everyday routine.

The wife is kind of heavy. Knew yer man from school, he was always a bit stout but now can't get over how much fatter he's gotten. Having changed jobs from mechanic to lorry driver didn't do him any favours.

wexie · 28-06-2018 09:15AM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

In short - if you actually cared for the welfare of the child, you would have reported it already, rather than posting about it on social media where nobody here can actually do anything about it to help the child in question.

Honest question....

Report it to whom? And what do you think would happen?

I agree by the way about the whole posting on social media, just not too sure what else you might be able to do other than try to speak to the parents and I totally see why people wouldn't want to do that because it's hardly likely to go over well.

seamus · 28-06-2018 09:32AM

TheMilkyPirate wrote: »

100% a form of child abuse. It sickens me to see obese kids, Are there parents just ignoring it or what?

They don't see it.

Literally, do not see their child as fat.

"Abuse" is too strong a term, it implies malice; either deliberate or incidental.

"Neglect" is a better term as it implies that the child's needs are not being fulfilled because of apathy or ignorance.

My experience is that PHN's are not slow to tell parents when their babies fall outside the bell curve. I have no doubt the woman in the OP is told her baby is fat every time she attends one.

But she doesn't see it, not really. "She's just a bit of a pudding", "It's puppy fat", "She'll grow out of it". and so forth.

But realistically what can the state do? Start taking fat children away? That's a dangerous precedent - what other classes of neglect would be included? 6 year olds who can't count to ten? 12 year olds who don't play any sports?

Certainly something a little more heavy-handed could work, like a mandatory visit from Tusla. But it's not easy to change people's perspective on this.

Neyite · 28-06-2018 09:34AM

There's usually developmental checks around 18 months or 2 years, and if a child is showing signs of excessive weight for their height /age, the nurse will be blunt on telling the mother about it and giving her a lecture on obesity, given a nutrition book and maybe even a follow up check scheduled.

It's worth pointing out though that some babies that age can get very 'fat' but it usually melts away when they start to become mobile and burn it off. You can't put a baby that on a diet or restrict food, all you can do is give them healthy food.

It does balance out when they are toddlers /kids if parents keep the healthy food choices and not switch to junk.

biko · 28-06-2018 09:45AM

Are you giving your child meat?
In my vegan opinion that is abuse*

Sugary drinks?
Call da cops!

*everyone is someone else's bad person.

One eyed Jack · 28-06-2018 09:51AM

wexie wrote: »

Honest question....

Report it to whom? And what do you think would happen?

They could start here:

TUSLA: Contact a social worker

Or make a report in their local Garda station.

If the social worker or the Garda agreed with the OP then an investigation would be carried out, the Gardaí would liaise with social services (for all the criticism they receive as organisations, there are some fantastic people working in both the Gardaí and social services), and both the parents and the children would be offered the help they need if it was decided they actually needed help. Sometimes it's decided that it's in the best interests of the child to temporarily remove them from the family home, but always with the intention that the child or children will return to the family home at some point.

I agree by the way about the whole posting on social media, just not too sure what else you might be able to do other than try to speak to the parents and I totally see why people wouldn't want to do that because it's hardly likely to go over well.

Exactly, they're more concerned for their own welfare than they are the welfare of the child, so nothing is done and the child in their eyes continues to be neglected and abused while they know about it, and do nothing.

....... · 28-06-2018 10:02AM

This post has been deleted.

Dravokivich · 28-06-2018 10:07AM

My nephew could have been considered obese too juding by the OP's observation. But you've to remember they're very small. Most of them will grow out of it. People here talking about them burning it off when getting more active, forget to mention they can also start to lose it as they get taller.

wexie · 28-06-2018 10:11AM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

They could start here:
If the social worker or the Garda agreed with the OP then an investigation would be carried out, the Gardaí would liaise with social services (for all the criticism they receive as organisations, there are some fantastic people working in both the Gardaí and social services), and both the parents and the children would be offered the help they need if it was decided they actually needed help. Sometimes it's decided that it's in the best interests of the child to temporarily remove them from the family home, but always with the intention that the child or children will return to the family home at some point.

I don't know Jack, I'd love to believe that something would be done, I'm by no means advocating the children being taken away from these parents but if that child is indeed so overweight it's clear these parents could do with a bit of help and a dose of reality.

But from what I gather the resources simply aren't there. I'd would really love to be wrong on that though. There's no denying at this stage that obesity is going to become a very serious health issue (more so than it already is)

heretothere · 28-06-2018 10:17AM

You can't mention that a child is over weight without people screaming that it is a medical condition etc.

No for most kids it simply is NOT a medical condition it is over eating and under exercising. All you have to do is think back to your own childhood. I was in primary school in the 90s in a class of about 35 one girl was very over weight and one girl was a bit pudgy. The rest of us were whip-its.

LirW · 28-06-2018 10:35AM

I don't know, I think self-diagnosing overweight in a 1 year old is difficult. My boy was breast fed and that child was MASSIVE. Seriously huge and chubby. As the years went on the pudginess went and it turned out he's a big lad with a pretty solid frame. He's 7 and has the height and the weight of a 10 year old and he's totally in proportion. The nurses closely monitor that and are quite blunt about it, when the kid is on their own individual curve, so be it.
Of course it's more likely to have an obese child when the parents are obese but in such a young age it's a dangerous assumption because it could be that they're just like it.
I got lots of remarks from others too that the kid is so pudgy and big and there was literally nothing I could do about it. He grew out of it and is simply a tall boy with a pretty muscular frame, something that runs in his father's family, They're all between 185 and 200 cm an have athletes frames. The daughter on the other hand is small and petite and more on the small side.

Graces7 · 28-06-2018 10:38AM

Neyite wrote: »

There's usually developmental checks around 18 months or 2 years, and if a child is showing signs of excessive weight for their height /age, the nurse will be blunt on telling the mother about it and giving her a lecture on obesity, given a nutrition book and maybe even a follow up check scheduled.

It's worth pointing out though that some babies that age can get very 'fat' but it usually melts away when they start to become mobile and burn it off. You can't put a baby that on a diet or restrict food, all you can do is give them healthy food.

It does balance out when they are toddlers /kids if parents keep the healthy food choices and not switch to junk.

Thanks. Much the same as the UK system although some kids fall through the net for various reasons .

farmchoice · 28-06-2018 10:46AM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

They could start here:

TUSLA: Contact a social worker

Or make a report in their local Garda station.

If the social worker or the Garda agreed with the OP then an investigation would be carried out, the Gardaí would liaise with social services (for all the criticism they receive as organisations, there are some fantastic people working in both the Gardaí and social services), and both the parents and the children would be offered the help they need if it was decided they actually needed help. Sometimes it's decided that it's in the best interests of the child to temporarily remove them from the family home, but always with the intention that the child or children will return to the family home at some point.

Exactly, they're more concerned for their own welfare than they are the welfare of the child, so nothing is done and the child in their eyes continues to be neglected and abused while they know about it, and do nothing.

I'd defiantly go down the cops route, in fact if it was me and i saw a chubby child and i knew what the OP knows about the mother ( her address, bit chunky herself etc) id simply call 999 and report it as a crime in progress.
this is too important to be left to an internet discussion board 999 now and if nothing happens within a few hours call again and sure you might as well call tulsa while you have the phone in your hand.

Hector Bellend · 28-06-2018 10:50AM

emilymemily wrote: »

Theres this woman that I used to go to school with, we're friends on facebook and when we bump into each other we have a quick chat, she's quite heavy and has been since ive known her, the thing is.. and I know its not my business really but her baby is obese, the child is not even one and looks the size of a 3 year old.
Theres no medical conditions, she's the type to post everything from a nappy rash to serious illness and personal stories on facebook. The child is just really really obese, she calls the child 'pud' and 'pudding' in reference to his weight. Id never say anything of course but isnt that child abuse?
When parents over feed their children theyre setting them up for a life time of unhealthy eating habits and a multitude of health problems. If someone underfed their child theyd be accused of neglect and the child would be taken into care, why is it not the same for over feeding children?

If youre so concerned why didn't you say it to her?

facehugger99 · 28-06-2018 11:00AM

Yeah, I hate seeing fat parents with a fat kid in tow.

It may not be abuse but it's incredibly irresponsible parenting.

You are literally disadvantaging your child whether consciously or not by instilling very damaging and unhealthy eating habits.

I do the shopping and see a lot of fat parents with their trolleys full of cheap, sugary ****e, no fresh fruit or veg, just processed crap. The supermarkets and producers are part of the problem as the amount of 'value deals' that center around buying crap is disgusting.

There's obviously an element of lack of education about food nutrition too.
And topping it all off, there are a bunch a fat obvious,lazy arsehole parents who genuinely don't give a fcuk beyond where there next sugar hit is coming from.

So yeah, it's a complex issue.

wexie · 28-06-2018 11:18AM

facehugger99 wrote: »

I do the shopping and see a lot of fat parents with their trolleys full of cheap, sugary ****e, no fresh fruit or veg, just processed crap. The supermarkets and producers are part of the problem as the amount of 'value deals' that center around buying crap is disgusting.

I think this is a really big issue, the fact you can go into the supermarket and buy fish fingers, chips and beans for a fiver. Really healthy foods should be cheaper and all the mass produced processed stuff.

Not sure what could be done about it though. But I think it's bizarre you could buy a giant pack of custard creams for less than the price of a bag of apples.

Graces7 · 28-06-2018 12:05PM

wexie wrote: »

I think this is a really big issue, the fact you can go into the supermarket and buy fish fingers, chips and beans for a fiver. Really healthy foods should be cheaper and all the mass produced processed stuff.

Not sure what could be done about it though. But I think it's bizarre you could buy a giant pack of custard creams for less than the price of a bag of apples.

All the supermarkets have a variety of fruit and vegetables at 49 cents. Even SV these days.. Getting kids to eat it is what matters,from an early age

Skyfloater · 28-06-2018 12:23PM

I think it suits some obese parents to have obese children, so that they can point to them and say "Look you see, I've tried to do something about my own weight, but it's all genetic"

mcmoustache · 28-06-2018 12:33PM

biko wrote: »

Are you giving your child meat?
In my vegan opinion that is abuse*

Sugary drinks?
Call da cops!

*everyone is someone else's bad person.

This isn't really the same though. The parents are turning their kid, who has no choice in the matter, into a fat-assed pudgy thing who'll have difficulty getting a shift, let alone a ride. At best he'll be resigned to riding other lard-arses and that's not pretty.

heretothere · 28-06-2018 03:01PM

facehugger99 wrote: »

The supermarkets and producers are part of the problem as the amount of 'value deals' that center around buying crap is disgusting.

I often get a salad box for lunch in Mace it's €4.50 they've a great selection of diff salads and are not stingy at all so I think it's pretty good. But a hot chicken fillet roll, coke and crisps is €4! Madness

I think the main key will be education though, you can do a massive healthy shop just as cheaply as a junk shop.

Over weight baby - Child abuse?

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