Is 200 enough of a wedding present from a couple?

Couchpotato82 · 18-06-2018 02:01PM

robinph wrote: »

Or you could spin the way of looking at things on their head and:

I wouldn't expect my guests to feel obligated to pay for my choice of wedding venue and the costs I chose for my event that I asked them to come along and celebrate with me.

If it is such a big deal to treat your friends and family to a couple of hundred euro expense at your wedding then don't invite them.

Just a different way of looking at weddings.

Spin on its head? That’d be arseways so yeah?ðŸ€—
Each to their own I guess. The OP was talking about being a guest, not the a bride/groom. No one forces anyone to attend. I prefer to not cost the bride and groom money due to attending. If others disagree and are happy to give a photo frame or whatever then fair enough too.

robinph · 18-06-2018 02:19PM

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

I prefer to not cost the bride and groom money due to attending.

But they invited you. You'd hope they could afford what they are paying for before asking you to attend.

Don't give them money in order to cover their costs. Give them a gift (or money if you must) for getting married and to wish them well in their new life together. The value of what you give them should have zero relation to the cost of your meal they stick infront of you, it should be to do with your relationship with them and primarily what you can afford. Any other calculations being put into figuring out what to give and people should be re-evaluating what a friendship is.

Couchpotato82 · 18-06-2018 02:36PM

robinph wrote: »

But they invited you. You'd hope they could afford what they are paying for before asking you to attend.

Don't give them money in order to cover their costs. Give them a gift (or money if you must) for getting married and to wish them well in their new life together. The value of what you give them should have zero relation to the cost of your meal they stick infront of you, it should be to do with your relationship with them and primarily what you can afford. Any other calculations being put into figuring out what to give and people should be re-evaluating what a friendship is.

Yep agreed in the most part. There’s no calculator involved. €300 if we go as a couple. €200 if one of us is on our own. (Eg a work wedding). More if it’s best friends or siblings.

It’s what I want to give and can afford to give. If someone thinks it’s ok to give €50 or €100 that’s on them, but I won’t be swayed by their arguments as to why they think this is plenty. I happen to think it’s stingy. But stingy people don’t like it to be known that they’re tight, hence the handwringing going on about “special day” bla bla bla instead of admitting they’re tight!

iamwhoiam · 18-06-2018 02:39PM

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

Yep agreed in the most part. There’s no calculator involved. €300 if we go as a couple. €200 if one of us is on our own. (Eg a work wedding). More if it’s best friends or siblings.

It’s what I want to give and can afford to give. If someone thinks it’s ok to give €50 or €100 that’s on them, but I won’t be swayed by their arguments as to why they think this is plenty. I happen to think it’s stingy. But stingy people don’t like it to be known that they’re tight, hence the handwringing going on about “special day” bla bla bla instead of admitting they’re tight!

You are so judgemental about other peoples choices .

robinph · 18-06-2018 02:49PM

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

Yep agreed in the most part. There’s no calculator involved. €300 if we go as a couple. €200 if one of us is on our own. (Eg a work wedding). More if it’s best friends or siblings.

It’s what I want to give and can afford to give. If someone thinks it’s ok to give €50 or €100

You were doing so well until this point.

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

that’s on them, but I won’t be swayed by their arguments as to why they think this is plenty. I happen to think it’s stingy. But stingy people don’t like it to be known that they’re tight, hence the handwringing going on about “special day” bla bla bla instead of admitting they’re tight!

Then you become all judgemental about there being certain standards of payment due for the honour of attending a wedding. It's either a gift, or it's a charge. The problem with the idea of €200 per couple is that is a charge. If someone gives €200 that is great, if someone else gives €20, or nothing other than a card, that is equally great.

murpho999 · 18-06-2018 03:01PM

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

The old days where the brides parents pay for the whole thing are long gone. Couples save and pay for their big day themselves and at around the same time as they start a family or buy a house. Is it so bad to give them a decent gift on the day.

I’d my own wedding fully paid off months in advance through working hard for it. Friends and family would know that I wasn’t under financial pressure yet they all gave generously. We made a donation to Marymount hospice as my father in law got great care there in his final days, and the guests more than covered the cost of the day. So the balance went there. We didn’t bother with the honeymoon as we’ve smallies and didn’t want to go without them.

When I go to a wedding I want to make sure I pay my way and then some. I don’t want a free ride from anybody. A wedding will cost around €70-€100 per head. To not at least cover the cost of your attendance is the height of tightness to be honest.
For someone to turn up, eat and drink for free and then give a €25 picture frame is just pure miserly carry on.
These are the same types who’ll skip a round, argue for separate bills when having a meal, give crappy tips to servers etc. None of my friends are like that. I’m not like that and I wouldn’t be friendly with anyone who is. It’s the most unattractive of human traits.

For those who think that’s against the spirit of the whole shebang, there’s a handy little box that can be ticked on the invite. RSVP with a “I will not attend” and carry on with life.!!

I disagree with practically everything in this post.

Firstly, it’s the couple themselves who decide to have a wedding and they also decide the size of it, guest list, venue meals etc. They are in total control of every decision.

If they invite you to their wedding then for me it’s a sign that they value as a family member/friend and want you to be part of their day and they should have budgeted for it.

The financial cost is not the concern of the invited guest and they should not worry about it. Weddings often involve travel, accommodation, clothing, drinks etc and these costs soon mount up.

Secondly, I’ve never been to an Irish wedding where you get free drink for the night. At best you’d get prosecco reception, wine with the meal, and maybe a drink for the toast and that’s it. The rest of the day is your own expense.

I have been at weddings in Europe, where all drinks are included and the expectation for a present is much smaller. €50 per person would be seen as normal.

The choice of present is entirely personal and up to the individual and their personal circumstances and they should not be judged on it.

I never skip rounds or argue over bills but I would have issues with the amount a wedding present should be and don’t also agree with giving large tips to servers as this is not the USA and they get paid a minimum wage just like other people in other industries who would never get tips.

BuboBubo · 18-06-2018 03:02PM

Following this thread with interest as I have a summons - oops, wedding to attend in September.

I don't want to go, it's my husband's nephews wedding, they're a close family so he is adamant about going. (Is it possible to send him on his own I wonder?)

The husband's sister (groom's ma) has given very unsubtle hints "oh this wedding is costing them a fortune" "they have everything for their house already, they've lived together for years sure", "they're going on a really expensive honeymoon..." "everyone is giving them money, that's the best thing to do..."

They live 100 km away, the wedding reception is miles away, on a fcukin weekday "Saturday's are soooo expensive, they saved soooo much money having it on a weekday"

I'll give them an ironing board.

Couchpotato82 · 18-06-2018 03:03PM

iamwhoiam wrote: »

You are so judgemental about other peoples choices .

I’m ok with this. If you chose to give a cheap gift then you are stingy. Simple as.
I count myself very lucky that my friends and family don’t have the miserly trait as, outside of this thread I don’t think it’s ever even come up in conversation about a gift being “too much”

johnnyskeleton · 18-06-2018 03:05PM

Are Am Eye wrote: »

It's an awful pity that it's treated as an entrance fee.
Or that gifts are de facto covering the cost of the event.
Let's say some people were going through a tough time financially. Should
they turn down a wedding invitation. Because they can't pay their way in.
Would the couple still want them there gift or not. Due to a bond of friendship.

Also, I'd like to think that if I and a hundred other people give a young couple cash on their wedding day, that can be used to form part of a deposit for a house or to cover costs in their first few years of childcare etc. As it is, it's either an entrance fee as you say, or more often it doesn't even cover the costs of the wedding and so even with everyone giving money the bride and groom are still out of pocket!

BuboBubo · 18-06-2018 03:05PM

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

I’m ok with this. If you chose to give a cheap gift then you are stingy. Simple as.
I count myself very lucky that my friends and family don’t have the miserly trait as, outside of this thread I don’t think it’s ever even come up in conversation about a gift being “too much”

Or just poor.

Some people are poor.

iamwhoiam · 18-06-2018 03:06PM

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

I’m ok with this. If you chose to give a cheap gift then you are stingy. Simple as.
I count myself very lucky that my friends and family don’t have the miserly trait as, outside of this thread I don’t think it’s ever even come up in conversation about a gift being “too much”

I get the impression you are enjoying telling us all how generous you are . If you were one of mine I would pull them up on their showing off . Then again I can't imagine any of mine being so judgmental or showing off

Couchpotato82 · 18-06-2018 03:11PM

iamwhoiam wrote: »

I get the impression you are enjoying telling us all how generous you are . If you were one of mine I would pull them up on their showing off . Then again I can't imagine any of mine being so judgmental or showing off

It’s an anonymous Internet forum. I could be talking out my arse. Don’t get so precious about it.

See the thing about stingy people is it’s not enough for them to be tight. They must also try convince others to be similarly miserly so it doesn’t reflect poorly on them.

By the way I don’t think I’m being overly generous, it just seems to be the done thing in my circle to more than cover the cost of attending.

iamwhoiam · 18-06-2018 03:13PM

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

It’s an anonymous Internet forum. I could be talking out my arse. Don’t get so precious about it.

See the thing about stingy people is it’s not enough for them to be tight. They must also try convince others to be similarly miserly so it doesn’t reflect poorly on them.

By the way I don’t think I’m being overly generous, it just seems to be the done thing in my circle to more than cover the cost of attending.

You could indeed and I am guessing you are actually doing just that ! Lol at you being the Big I Am !!

18-06-2018 03:15PM

Couchpotato82 wrote: »

I’m ok with this. If you chose to give a cheap gift then you are stingy. Simple as.
I count myself very lucky that my friends and family don’t have the miserly trait as, outside of this thread I don’t think it’s ever even come up in conversation about a gift being “too much”

Or maybe you've been to numerous weddings this year and also have to fund your own life, so you can't stretch to something that is sufficiently expensive to satisfy bridezilla!

not sure what you think is "cheap", but I think you're forgetting about the infinite amount of financial positions guests might find themselves in.

If we're gonna treat weddings like a business transaction, can the guests offset the costs of attending the wedding from the gift? Sure the bride and groom might OWE guests money then!

18-06-2018 03:17PM

BuboBubo wrote: »

Following this thread with interest as I have a summons - oops, wedding to attend in September.

I don't want to go, it's my husband's nephews wedding, they're a close family so he is adamant about going. (Is it possible to send him on his own I wonder?)

The husband's sister (groom's ma) has given very unsubtle hints "oh this wedding is costing them a fortune" "they have everything for their house already, they've lived together for years sure", "they're going on a really expensive honeymoon..." "everyone is giving them money, that's the best thing to do..."

They live 100 km away, the wedding reception is miles away, on a fcukin weekday "Saturday's are soooo expensive, they saved soooo much money having it on a weekday"

I'll give them an ironing board.

yes it is! send him on his tod, he'll be grand. Sure you probably cant get the day off work anyway (or something along those lineS) :pac:

robinph · 18-06-2018 03:31PM

mistersifter wrote: »

yes it is! send him on his tod, he'll be grand. Sure you probably cant get the day off work anyway (or something along those lineS) :pac:

But then he'll have to pay the single supplement penalty and be paying twice as much for half the food and only one glass of prosseco.

_Dara_ · 18-06-2018 03:33PM

We’re going to a wedding in Spain in October. Now, I’m really looking to it. Friends and late season sun. Nice. The groom is a friend of my husband’s and is a total stinge. Even in his 30s, he sneaks naggins into pubs routinely. This is what we’re dealing with here. He 100% chose the destination wedding because it’s much cheaper. For them.

We saw him recently and he launched into the “It’s as cheap as attending a wedding in Ireland!” spiel. No it feckin’ isn’t. Like I said, I am looking forward to it but it absolutely won’t be cheaper. I barely drink so Irish weddings never cost me much and I’ll happily rewear outfits and do my own make up. Flights, transfers, accommodation, food, taxis. You can’t get away with just hand luggage for a wedding flight either.

Because he is of the belief that it will be no more expensive for guests to go abroad for the wedding and because he is a massive stinge, it looks like he’ll be expecting the usual wedding gift from people. I’m really ill and not working and I will have to save hard and tighten my belt to afford this. I know we could just say “Fuck it!” and give a smaller gift but we don’t want our close group of friends to think we’re the scabby ones.

IMO, any couple going for the cheaper foreign wedding should explicitly insist that there is no requirement for anyone to give gifts. That way people will feel more comfortable giving smaller gifts.

iamwhoiam · 18-06-2018 03:34PM

robinph wrote: »

But then he'll have to pay the single supplement penalty and be paying twice as much for half the food and only one glass of prosseco.

What happens if he doesn't like the dessert ? Does he get a few bob back !!!

facehugger99 · 18-06-2018 03:38PM

_Dara_ wrote: »

We’re going to a wedding in Spain in October. Now, I’m really looking to it. Friends and late season sun. Nice. The groom is a friend of my husband’s and is a total stinge. Even in his 30s, he sneaks naggins into pubs routinely. This is what we’re dealing with here. He 100% chose the destination wedding because it’s much cheaper. For them.

We saw him recently and he launched into the “It’s as cheap as attending a wedding in Ireland!” spiel. No it feckin’ isn’t. Like I said, I am looking forward to it but it absolutely won’t be cheaper. I barely drink so Irish weddings never cost me much and I’ll happily rewear outfits and do my own make up. Flights, transfers, accommodation, food, taxis. You can’t get away with just hand luggage for a wedding flight either.

Because he is of the belief that it will be no more expensive for guests to go abroad for the wedding and because he is a massive stinge, it looks like he’ll be expecting the usual wedding gift from people. I’m really ill and not working and I will have to save hard and tighten my belt to afford this. I know we could just say “Fuck it!” and give a smaller gift but we don’t want our close group of friends to think we’re the scabby ones.

IMO, any couple going for the cheaper foreign wedding should explicitly insist that there is no requirement for anyone to give gifts. That way people will feel more comfortable giving smaller gifts.

It sounds like most of this is coming from you own head.

_Kaiser_ · 18-06-2018 03:39PM

Two weddings to go to in the next 12-18 months...

- First one is a work colleague/mate. He's a good lad but only see him 2/3 times a year and chat on the IM group we have. Never met his misssus. I'm thinking €100 max (I'll have to drive a good 90 mins to the place as well).
On the plus side, it should be a bit of craic with the lads so I don't mind SO much.

- Second one is the little fella's uncle. Hardly know him to be honest and fully expect to be on babysitting/chauffeur duties most of the day anyway. I think that will involve a day off work (one of these mid-week weddings!) and a 2 hour drive.
I'd be inclined to skip it entirely, but can't really as the little lad has already been told about it and is all excited. I suppose another €100 there as well.

If/when my turn comes, it'll be a simple ceremony (registry office even), and low-key reception for close family and friends. Leaving aside the ridiculous amount of money some couples spend on this (money which would be far better put towards the mortgage and kids that generally follow not long afterwards), I've no interest in putting on a "look at how well we're doing" show for people which is mostly what it's about anyway.

Couchpotato82 · 18-06-2018 03:42PM

iamwhoiam wrote: »

You could indeed and I am guessing you are actually doing just that ! Lol at you being the Big I Am !!

Yeah busted Sherlock!!
Next time you’re emptying your change jar into a wedding card for a mate, rest assured it’s completely normal and that no-one gives €200+ cos that time you heard about it was just a bull****ter on the internet!!

Later, EbeneezerðŸ‘

_Dara_ · 18-06-2018 03:44PM

facehugger99 wrote: »

It sounds like most of this is coming from you own head.

No, believe me, I know him very well. Every time without fail that he’s part of a group meal, he throws a conniption over the splitting of the bill. Every single time. And we’re not talking great differences in what people ordered, we’re talking him quibbling over €2. My husband dreads him being at group meals for this reason. There is always a scene made, without fail.

At a wedding we were at recently, he kept retiring to his car to pour out more drinks for him and the missus-to-be.

He brings naggins to pubs.

Definitely not in my head.

iamwhoiam · 18-06-2018 03:49PM

_Dara_ wrote: »

No, believe me, I know him very well. Every time without fail that he’s part of a group meal, he throws a conniption over the splitting of the bill. Every single time. And we’re not talking great differences in what people ordered, we’re talking him quibbling over €2. My husband dreads him being at group meals for this reason. There is always a scene made, without fail.

At a wedding we were at recently, he kept retiring to his car to pour out more drinks for him and the missus-to-be.

He brings naggins to pubs.

Definitely not in my head.

Made me laugh !! I can picture him and the missus escaping out to the car and sneaking a drink !!!
I was at a wedding a few years ago and after the event both sides realised there was a woman at it that no one knew !!! They said it to the manager next morning and he looked shocked and said it was the second time that month that he got that complaint !! A serial imposter!!

_Dara_ · 18-06-2018 03:55PM

iamwhoiam wrote: »

Made me laugh !! I can picture him and the missus escaping out to the car and sneaking a drink !!!
I was at a wedding a few years ago and after the event both sides realised there was a woman at it that no one knew !!! They said it to the manager next morning and he looked shocked and said it was the second time that month that he got that complaint !! A serial imposter!!

Jaysus!

This guy’s fiancé is a lovely woman. Would you not treat your wife-to-be an overpriced drink from the bar FFS instead of dragging her outside periodically (and her in heels!)?

Electric Sheep · 18-06-2018 03:59PM

nthclare wrote: »

Do couples actually judge people on staying at the wedding hotel, and how much they slip into the envelope...

As you can see from some of the posters here, some do. I would not be surprised to hear that some of them keep a spreadsheet of who gave what so they can reciprocate with precision.

iamwhoiam · 18-06-2018 03:59PM

_Dara_ wrote: »

Jaysus!

This guy’s fiancé is a lovely woman. Would you not treat your wife-to-be an overpriced drink from the bar FFS instead of dragging her outside periodically (and her in heels!)?

The imposter sat at the bar flirting with all and sundry and both sides thought she was the others mad auntie !

_Dara_ · 18-06-2018 04:00PM

iamwhoiam wrote: »

The imposter sat at the bar flirting with all and sundry and both sides thought she was the others mad auntie !

What a loon.

freshpopcorn · 18-06-2018 04:02PM

To be honest if I was getting married in the morning. I wouldn't really care what people gave or even if they gave nothing but I'd prefer cash. I'd have no issue with gifts and if I didn't like them they'd make handy presents in the future.
The only thing I wouldn't like would be a hotel voucher for hotels that a miles away from where I live and you'd probably end up putting a good bit of cash towards it as well.

jk23 · 18-06-2018 04:03PM

Just reading this thread all I can think of the BOOM is back, it’s crazy basically friends are paying for the couple to get married :O

nthclare · 18-06-2018 04:08PM

Electric Sheep wrote: »

As you can see from some of the posters here, some do. I would not be surprised to hear that some of them keep a spreadsheet of who gave what so they can reciprocate with precision.

True I wouldn't be surprised myself terms and conditions.

Ironically these selfish brats usually end up splitting up in a few year's anyhow and trool dating websites looking to better themselves.

Any half decent sane man or woman isn't going to take on the drama that another man or woman left behind.

I wouldn't marry into the kind of marriages described here, I'm more traditional in an earthy sense.

Each to their own I suppose....

Is 200 enough of a wedding present from a couple?

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