Asking Irish birds out

roro1990 · 08-06-2018 02:42PM

In many countries, it's seen as a completely normal thing to approach women and strike up a conversation on the street so I'm not sure why it's being referred to as "creepy" when it simply isn't creepy. It takes a significant dose of fortitude to even do something like that, and the majority of men will walk away if the woman is not interested.

Unfortunately, Irish women are quite closed-minded when it comes to stuff like being approached by a randomer. It's a product of the cliquey society we live in; girls don't like being approached outside of their social circles here unless it's at a bar or club. In general, Irish people are quite closed off despite the image portrayed that we're all fun-loving, sociable party animals.

LolaJJ · 08-06-2018 02:56PM

roro1990 wrote: »

In many countries, it's seen as a completely normal thing to approach women and strike up a conversation on the street so I'm not sure why it's being referred to as "creepy" when it simply isn't creepy. It takes a significant dose of fortitude to even do something like that, and the majority of men will walk away if the woman is not interested.

Unfortunately, Irish women are quite closed-minded when it comes to stuff like being approached by a randomer. It's a product of the cliquey society we live in; girls don't like being approached outside of their social circles here unless it's at a bar or club. In general, Irish people are quite closed off despite the image portrayed that we're all fun-loving, sociable party animals.

He's asking about Irish women, presumably in Ireland and the consensus is that that is creepy.

If I was asked out at a bus stop 10 years ago I would have been flattered but now, with digital evolution I would just think it odd.....unless I was unbelivably stunning (sadly, I'm not)

That's not not having an open mind, it's pure logic.

Dating sites and apps are created to assist with you with this issue. You might find it creepy but millions of people around the world disgaree.

roro1990 · 08-06-2018 03:06PM

LolaJJ wrote: »

He's asking about Irish women, presumably in Ireland and the consensus is that that is creepy.

The consensus based on a small Internet forum? Even if that is the consensus society-wide, it says a lot about how judgmental Irish women are. Many women, based on personal experience, are flattered when they are approached in public, even if those women have not been available at the time for whatever reason.

Women who aren't conditioned to believe that all men are sex-starved creeps who might assault them tend to recognize the significant fortitude and courage it takes to strike up a conversation without the help of a social lubricant such as alcohol.

LolaJJ wrote: »

Dating sites and apps are created to assist with you with this issue. You might find it creepy but millions of people around the world disgaree.

I don't find dating sites creepy at all, and I never suggested as much in my comment; I've used dating sites plenty of times. In fact, I never even mentioned dating websites in my response to the thread.

It says a lot about how rattled you are that you didn't even bother to read my reply; you simply saw red because I had the gall to tell you that approaching women in public is quite normal, and that the problem appears to be with Irish women. You then decided to make things up about me finding dating sites creepy.

LolaJJ · 08-06-2018 03:15PM

roro1990 wrote: »

I don't find dating sites creepy at all, and I never suggested as much in my comment; I've used dating sites plenty of times. In fact, I never even mentioned dating websites in my response to the thread.

It says a lot about how rattled you are that you didn't even bother to read my reply; you simply saw red because I had the gall to tell you that approaching women in public is quite normal, and that the problem appears to be with Irish women. You then decided to make things up about me finding dating sites creepy.

The second part of my comment was directed at the OP.

Defensive much?

roro1990 · 08-06-2018 03:23PM

LolaJJ wrote: »

The second part of my comment was directed at the OP.

Defensive much?

Try to differentiate in a single post who you are talking to, otherwise, it's a tad hard to keep up with which part of the comment is directed at whom. Your comment read like a single reply to a single comment.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 08-06-2018 03:37PM

I've been asked out at a bus stop and on the street, bus stop was fine, on the street wasn't, because one guy was creepy and the other wasn't.

There isn't really the culture in Ireland of asking strangers out, and with the advent of dating aps there isn't ever likely to be. My guard is up to a certain degree when any stranger approaches me in public because in my experience they're going to want something, it might be directions, or it might be the ride.

Given your age, the digital dating reality and the culture of the country you live in, you're going to probably have a fair bit of grief approaching strangers in public. Complain away, put yourself through that on principle if you want, but that's the reality.

Friends of friends, clubs etc are probably the best middle ground.

LolaJJ · 08-06-2018 03:38PM

roro1990 wrote: »

Try to differentiate in a single post who you are talking to, otherwise, it's a tad hard to keep up with which part of the comment is directed at whom. Your comment read like a single reply to a single comment.

The premise of this forum is to respond to the OP. I'm sorry it wasn't all about you!

It's Friday, It's sunny! cheer up!

roro1990 · 08-06-2018 03:43PM

LolaJJ wrote: »

The premise of this forum is to respond to the OP. I'm sorry it wasn't all about you!

It's Friday, It's sunny! cheer up!

No worries. Enjoy your fishing for upvotes. Toodles.

GingerLily · 08-06-2018 03:44PM

OP, if you happen to see someone out and really want to ask them out you can try and strike up a conversation, but some people will be freaked out and some people will be annoyed because they're busy and don't want to hit on.

As long as your not going to get offended when women don't flock to your advances then you can try and respectfully ask them out that way, but you'll likely have a much lower success rate then chatting up women in a social setting.

roro1990 · 08-06-2018 03:47PM

Lucca Brave Manic wrote: »

Friends of friends, clubs etc are probably the best middle ground.

Not everyone female friends, or friends that can introduce them to female friends. Although based on how this thread is going, such guys are probably thought of as creepy anyway.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 08-06-2018 03:50PM

roro1990 wrote: »

Not everyone female friends, or friends that can introduce them to female friends. Although based on how this thread is going, such guys are probably thought of as creepy anyway.

Guys who are several degrees of social separation from ANY woman? Sure what's creepy about that :pac:

roro1990 · 08-06-2018 03:57PM

Lucca Brave Manic wrote: »

Guys who are several degrees of social separation from ANY woman? Sure what's creepy about that :pac:

Nothing at all. Some people go through life with minimal social circles, whether due to things like social anxiety, a high level of introversion, etc. Other peoples' social lives ebb and flow between having lots of friends of the opposite sex to having none. Such is life. A very interesting thread in terms of the attitudes of modern Irish women, though. Apparently guys are creepy if they approach women in public, and they are creepy if they happen to not have friends of the opposite sex. Enlightening stuff.

NinetyTwoTeam · 08-06-2018 04:28PM

I'm afraid if you want asking women out in public non alcoholic situations you will have to move to America it just isn't the done thing there.

Probably not done over there much any more either now that online dating has taken off.

endacl · 08-06-2018 04:33PM

GenericPastMan wrote: »

Ah for god’s sake, it’s a figure of speech. I don’t actually call women “birds” IRL

In fairness, you kinda did. How is anybody supposed to get a sense of what a new poster might be like ‘IRL’?

Wanderer2010 · 08-06-2018 04:34PM

This really is the snowflake generation we are absolutely doomed.

The OP called women birds, so what? I hear it every day of the week from men of all ages, and it doesn't mean they hate or disrespect women. In the same vein, women often call guys by nicknames as well.

People are so so so sensitive these days its unreal.

....... · 08-06-2018 04:35PM

This post has been deleted.

wiggle16 · 08-06-2018 08:23PM

Hi OP

Some feathers are definitely getting a bit too ruffled in here. It's only a word, lighten up people!

To be honest, you need to get over your aversion to the likes of Tinder and dating sites. You might think they're creepy, but they're not: realistically they're your best chance of meeting someone. In fact they're way creepier for women, considering some of the things that lads think suffice instead of a "hello".

I don't see anything particularly wrong with approaching women in the way you describe (I actually think life would be a lot easier if we could all just be straight out with each other that way) but the truth is it is very unlikely to end up in anything but a short, awkward conversation, or the silent treatment. Some girls will think you're odd, some will think you're a creep and some will just get annoyed if they're going about their business and you try to chat them up.
You also have no way of knowing if they are single, heterosexual, or available. The odds are very much against you.

Give the dating apps a try at least. You're doing yourself a disservice by believing you're too good for them, or that they're full of creeps. If you're not a creep you have nothing to worry about, like.

Basically, all other things aside, you are going to set yourself up for disappointment and rejection if you doorstep women. It's hard enough to approach someone in a pub or bar, never mind a stranger in the street, who could be having the worst day of her life for all you know... and then you come along........

Best of luck, chicken

:P

x

Conservatory · 08-06-2018 08:35PM

Just ask them their name. Relax and take it from there. Approach it like you are having a chat. If it goes well ask her out.
Don’t walk up to the bus stop ask a girl out then stand there together waiting on the bus.

That is the difference between being creepy and being non threatening and making everyone feel uncomfortable.

Bonus points if she says no then you get the same bus then you sit beside her in a huff until one of you gets to your stop.

Katgurl · 08-06-2018 09:02PM

I am baffled at the hostile reactions to OP's suggestion to ask girls out in day-to-day life.

I have been asked out over the years in loads of random non-pub non-online ways. Off the top of my head I've been asked out on three different occasions while giving directions, in a sports shop, on a bus, while a guy helped me find my phone in a cafe, in the park, at the post office, walking to a lecture at college... Definitely more and none were creepy. Far preferable to someone hiding behind a cover of alcohol or a computer screen. The one thing they had in common was that these were just guys that struck up conversations with me (or vice versa, can't remember) and then ended up asking me out. I am no supermodel btw, but very friendly and chatty.

The only time I remember it being weird was when there was a misunderstanding; a guy charged up to me on the street and started waffling on about a gig that night. I thought he was offering to sell me tickets so stood there like a twit asking questions then he finally said "I don't want money, I'm asking you to go out on a date"

so make sure you start with an innocuous chat.

Best of luck op.

twill · 08-06-2018 11:40PM

Katgurl wrote: »

I have been asked out over the years in loads of random non-pub non-online ways. Off the top of my head I've been asked out on three different occasions while giving directions, in a sports shop, on a bus, while a guy helped me find my phone in a cafe, in the park, at the post office, walking to a lecture at college... Definitely more and none were creepy.

The thing, though, is that in that scenario you had already been chatting and had the chance to get some idea of what the other person was like and that no alarm bells were going off. That's why women generally don't like being asked out by random people when they are focused on other things in environments where they might not feel comfortable.

ConnyMcDavid · 09-06-2018 12:26AM

twill wrote: »

The thing, though, is that in that scenario you had already been chatting and had the chance to get some idea of what the other person was like and that no alarm bells were going off. That's why women generally don't like being asked out by random people when they are focused on other things in environments where they might not feel comfortable.

They probably didn't even need directions and just used it as a conversation starter, and pounced on a search for a phone to start conversation. All with a view of asking someone out. It doesn't make it less random.

never_mind · 09-06-2018 04:31PM

Oh my god... does everything have to turn into a political debate these days?! Calling girls birds is NOT an issue Jesus Christ. I heard a woman friend recently refer to w guy as a Fck Boy..?! Get over it!

OP, do what you think feels right and best of luck to you!

Neyite · 09-06-2018 05:12PM

Mod:

Roro1990, your post was deleted as it contained no advice for the OP, and also contained uncivil content directed at other posters. Any more posts taking potshots at others will result in a warning /ban.

FurBabyMomma · 09-06-2018 06:39PM

Thanks for proving the exact points that are provoking such rage in you now. This is the kind of crap women have to deal with every day, and see how easily it comes out? But of course, we're the touchy ones ...

Rikand · 09-06-2018 07:26PM

If you have the confidence for it, I think you're dead right to ask someone out on the street.

As humans, we communicate so much with facial expressions that you can get a decent read off a person just by talking to them. Sure how else did speed dating become such a hit ? Couple of minutes to talk to someone and then make your decision.

Its becoming a lost art in this day and age and something i only ever really see in the movies these days. Something a lot of women i know romanticize about....

..... Though maybe they're not in this thread

Good luck out there

GenericPastMan · 09-06-2018 09:27PM

The reactions to this post have been so funny, a very mixed bag.
I still don’t see the big issue with the use of “birds”, but, if I offended anyone it wasn’t intended that way. I was simply looking for some advice. My group of friends are about 50/50 male/female and when I ask one of the girls “what are the birds doing this weekend?” they don’t seem to mind, but I wouldn’t use the term with a stranger.
Slightly concerned that most people think anyone who strikes up a conversation with you has an ulterior motive or is simply looking for casual sex. I must have more faith in society than most.
I’d also never charge up to someone and ask them out point blank and I agree that is creepy.
Maybe I’m old fashioned for my age but I still think face-to-face is the way to go. Surely being able to talk to eachother rather than sending messages back and forth over tinder will give you a better idea of someone’s character. How else could you find out if you initially have chemistry with someone?

FurBabyMomma · 09-06-2018 10:14PM

GenericPastMan, I actually thought most people here said they would be ok with someone asking them out if they struck up a conversation first, as opposed to just asking them out without even speaking to them. Definitely still a lot to be said for face-to-face meetings!

snowflaked · 09-06-2018 10:30PM

What about writing your number on a piece of paper and saying- can I give you this? And then just walk away. Reduces the shock element for girls who may by default say no and give them time to think and then a means of contacting you.

In relation be being asked out randomly, girls may think it's romantic when ita guys they are attracted to and creepy for those who they are not attracted to. Absolutely it is always worth a shot!! What have you got to lose. We all need thicker skins!

Actually laughing at the birds comments blown out of proportion ðŸ€£

AllForIt · 09-06-2018 10:36PM

I don't know if this is any good but when it comes to either meeting ppl or one night stands - I've never asked anyone out. Mind you I'm gay so maybe it works differently in our circles.

I had a couple of partners in my life. They didn't work out long term for reasons that are irrelevant to the thread. But my attitude is that 'things just naturally happen'. That is the way it has always been for me anyhoo.

What I have found over the years is that you might have had your eye on someone for some time that you might think is the best person ever but when you eventually meet then if you ever do - what you though of them initially is not what you got.

I think the best way to meet a partner is just to be sociable, be yourself, don't try to force anything. If it was meant to be then it will be. You can meet a partner completely out of the blue and hit it off famously from the word go.

So what I'm saying is, if the person you have your eye on is really and truly interested in you - you won't have to ask them out. It will be apparent to you both that there is something going on wherever it may lead. I think 'asking someone out' is rather old fashioned and won't necessarily lead to anything anyway.

Pac1Man · 09-06-2018 11:03PM

OP take the ridiculous reactions of your use of the word 'birds' with a pinch of salt. Those likely to get offended are more prone to spending a lot of time on social media and internet forums, so the reactions you see here are not indicative of actual real life.

Regarding your issue, the cold approach is always a risk. It would be best to have some kind of rapport beforehand.

Asking Irish birds out

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