Asking Irish birds out

GenericPastMan

So, I’m a few months out of a very long relationship. I’m early 20s and basically the first time I’ve been single. I don’t do Facebook or any of that tinder ****e cause I think it’s creepy.
Basically, I’m wondering if it is completely creepy to ask a random girl out on a date when going about my business? Like at the bus stop or in a clothes shop or something? Some opinions from ladies would be much appreciated, thanks

Mikenesson

Birds..?

GenericPastMan

Mikenesson wrote: »

Birds..?

Yeah like pigeons and seagulls

blairbear

Maybe stop calling them BIRDS for a start.

Asking a random woman out, with no rapport established, no prior connection, no proper conversation, is indeed a bit odd.

Most of the women you intend to ask out are using the online dating "s***e", so perhaps an attitude adjustment about these means may be in order.

And about many other things, I would wager.

BIRDS, I ask you...

GenericPastMan

blairbear wrote: »

Maybe stop calling them BIRDS for a start.

Asking a random woman out, with no rapport established, no prior connection, no proper conversation, is indeed a bit odd.

Most of the women you intend to ask out are using the online dating "s***e", so perhaps an attitude adjustment about these means may be in order.

And about many other things, I would wager.

BIRDS, I ask you...

Ah for god’s sake, it’s a figure of speech. I don’t actually call women “birds” IRL, don’t forget this is a post on a website. Getting all high and mighty there.
And if you think approaching a woman and introducing yourself, making conversation and asking them to go for a coffee is weirder than judging someone by a couple of photos on a dating app perhaps you require an attitude adjustment.

Silverfish

Dating sites are less weird because you're both there for the same thing generally, and she is looking to be approached.

Walking up to a woman you like the look of to ask her out as she tries to go about her day is weird.

GingerLily

GenericPastMan wrote: »

Ah for god’s sake, it’s a figure of speech. I don’t actually call women “birds” IRL, don’t forget this is a post on a website. Getting all high and mighty there.
And if you think approaching a woman and introducing yourself, making conversation and asking them to go for a coffee is weirder than judging someone by a couple of photos on a dating app perhaps you require an attitude adjustment.

Women on dating sites want to be asked out, women shopping probably don't, so it can feel creepy.

Also women aren't birds...

iamwhoiam

GenericPastMan wrote: »

Ah for god’s sake, it’s a figure of speech. I don’t actually call women “birds” IRL, don’t forget this is a post on a website. Getting all high and mighty there.
And if you think approaching a woman and introducing yourself, making conversation and asking them to go for a coffee is weirder than judging someone by a couple of photos on a dating app perhaps you require an attitude adjustment.

Maybe you were less abrasive you would have a better chance. And stop calling them birds would help too

Brussels Sprout

This thread is going well

miss_shadow

I've set up a little tent for the casualties who got offended by the op use of the word bird..


xx

blairbear

Asks for opinions from women.

Craps all over the opinion that he gets.

Don't ask anyone out, OP. For the sake of womankind.

fxotoole

miss_shadow wrote: »

I've set up a little tent for the casualties who got offended by the op use of the word bird..


xx

You can be the triage nurse, so. Expect a lot of burn injuries

CPTM

GingerLily

miss_shadow wrote: »

I've set up a little tent for the casualties who got offended by the op use of the word bird..


xx

LOL, who's offended? We're merely trying to give the OP pointers

LirW

Hope this helps.

hullaballoo

Have you tried fluffing up your feathers and perhaps learning an easy dance with maybe just two or three steps? If you also ensure that your bower has plenty of bright-coloured stones and other shiny objects, it should be like pecking fish in a barrel, OP.

I've also heard, albeit I doubt the legitimacy of the claim, that if you learn a nice tune to whistle (as against the usual mundane cooing or shrieking of many of our species), you will be flocked fairly quickly.

thisistough

blairbear wrote: »

Asking a random woman out, with no rapport established, no prior connection, no proper conversation, is indeed a bit odd.

Most of the women you intend to ask out are using the online dating "s***e"

I think I disagree with this. I’m mid 20s and have never used any of the online dating things since I find them so impersonal and sometimes the over availability of choice on them can reduce the proper connections being made.

But I don’t think the OP was suggesting that he was going to stroll up to a random girl and just go ‘you’re looking well, come with me’, more of a bit of a friendly ‘how are ya’ chat, and if there’s a connection then ask if she wants to go for coffee type thing? Surely that’s easier to do in person when you can read body language and the other person isn’t also talking to 10 other people

blairbear

Honestly, if a guy tried to strike up a conversation with me at the bus stop or in a clothes shop, as the OP suggested, I would be highly unlikely to think he was anything other than odd.

In a bar or other social outing, by all means, yes. A male stranger approaching a woman on the street could make her anxious, uncomfortable or even scared. I know men don't love to hear that, but it is true for many women.

igCorcaigh

GenericPastMan wrote: »

I’m a few months out of a very long relationship. I’m early 20s

OK....

igCorcaigh

GenericPastMan wrote: »

I don’t actually call women “birds”

Yet, you did.

Neyite

While the bird puns are amusing, this is a forum for serious advice and I presume you came here for that OP, despite your casually insulting terminology.

It's interesting in one way that you use the term 'bird' because it's making it sound like us women are a different species to you, that we are beings that you are indifferent to unless you are attracted to them and their plumage. But what you've forgotten is that we aren't a different species and more importantly, you've given no thought to whether or not the recipient might be a) available, b) interested and c) up for random chatting up on the street.

When you use the term, it seems like you view us as a flock of things and it's irrelevant which one of us lands in your net because we are all identical to you. Very off putting as if you aren't looking for someone that you could spend time with and get to know but rather someone with the correct set of orifices for you or an accessory you can show off to your mates and brag about. I know you say you don't use the term in real life but even when people don't openly verbalise stuff like that, their other speech and behaviour often gives away the mindset.

An approach at a bus stop or a shop would annoy me, and even if you might have been a person I potentially would have been interested in, your method would make it a big nope from me. It's barely a step up from catcalling in my view, and it would be clear you are taking the scattergun approach. I don't want to be chatted up when waiting for my bus, or browsing a clothes shop. It's very creepy.

Stick to the tried and tested methods of meeting people for better success. Friends of friends, socialising, and dating sites for example.

Permabear

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MistyCheese

Is there a reason you're only interested in Irish 'birds' OP?

woodchuck

Randomly introducing yourself to people and asking them out while they're waiting for a bus, shopping etc just isn't the done thing in Ireland. Because it's not the social norm, most women are likely to find it odd and off putting. It's ironic that you think online dating is creepy!

If you don't want to try online dating though, you can try meet women on nights out with friends or through hobbies/classes.

flazio

I think the key piece of advice is, have a bit of respect. And not just when you're with your lady friend. At all times. As there's more to you then what your groin is carrying, there's more to a woman then what you can see. Try to live a little deeper, it's more attractive.

Xterminator

Hi Op

if you think going online and meeting someone who is free and single and looking for a connection from the safety of their home is creepy, but walking up to a randomer in a clothes shop or bus stop who probably isn't unattached and asking the out is not creepy, then our outlooks differ greatly.

Here's the thing you seem to have overlooked. random strangers may already be in a relationship, or if they are not, they may not be looking for one. They don't know you from Adam, don't know if your a stalker/ex con/axe murderer etc.

Now people who have their status set to single on facebook etc, who can see who you are, who your friends are, can at least see your history. They can ignore messages / block you and not feel threatened if they wish. People at a bus stop dont have that safety blanket, and you would run the likelihood of making them feel uncomfortable and even unsafe by approaching them.

i wouldnt like to make people uncomfortable - so i wouldn't do it.

Judes

I'm a 53 year old women here (don't judge me -I'm not beyond it) - and I laughed when I saw the term Bird - but that's all I did - LAUGH - at his innocence. I didn't take huge offence as some Boardsies seem to have. The query came from a young man in his 20s - and he did get on here looking for advice. Some of it's been constructive and some just damning him for his naivety in maybe trying to look cool/nonchalant when using a very outdated terminology to describe us (and this is coming from an OLD HEN) So come on people in glass houses and all that - we've all sinned/slipped up :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

I've probably experienced every form of dating over the years and I've got to say the 2 times I tried online dating - the first in 2004 when it was all very new I met a "nice" man and was with him for 6 years - I thought I had met my perfect man - he seemed so honest on-line - but only so much comes up on-line - a lot can be ignored/exaggerated/lied ………………….

After my heartbreak when it ended abruptly (but that could be from any form of dating) - because he went into his "dark hole"...…… I swore never again would I go on-line.

But I was teased and cajoled by my friends after a break up last October, so I thought OK I'll give it a go again. (we're talking 13 years after my first experience).

This time I was truly "horrified" by the experience and ended up on 2 diff sites as I took my details down from first site within a matter of days and the second site after 2 weeks. Now there were some lovely men said hello and made contact - lovely - but not the type I'd be interested in - I think they saw pic and didn't actually read who/what I was who/what I was looking for - I think a lot of people on dating sites long-term are just looking for newbies (or the cattle market "fresh meat"). I was very open and honest about who I was and what I was looking for - I had nothing to lose.

But to reiterate - they didn't read who I was - the age I was - my height - my interests - my experiences etc. the type of person I wanted to meet. Please don't accuse me of being over-fussy - I got up there for a reason - I was putting myself out there and hoped I would receive the same honesty.

I did eventually agree to meet up with a man from Galway - he was a decade younger than me and although I originally told him to go away and contact women his own age - he pursued - and a friendship developed so by the time we met, I thought, he'll be in my life forever - even if just as a friend. But it was more than that and we saw each other for 6 months. Then 6 weeks ago he just went funny, all grumpy - and it's over without ever properly finishing. Yes, you will say it ran its course - but one minute he was declaring his love - planning us going on holiday together - and then telling me on the phone he didn't want to lose me - but he wasn't sure …………….. but the thing is - he lied about himself on line - because I made it clear who and what I was and he led me to believe we were on the same track - but he had deep lying issues and lied to me throughout the 6 months. Yes this could have happened with a man I met elsewhere - but when you've got all your details up there in black and white JUST READ IT!!!

This isn't a feel sorry for me story - as I have friends who used me as an example of why one should go on line from my past relationship when I first joined in 2004 - some are now happily married etc.

BUT the short point which has become a long story is that this young man has asked about approaching women and a lot of you thought this was creepy. Well to tell you the truth over the years - I find that a lot more honest then those who are lurking behind a screen - viewing you - checking you out - making comments all incognito. It can all be a bit voyeuristic.

I applaud this Poster for his honesty - and I think if he's brave enough to approach somebody - then good on him for doing that. Why is it acceptable for a person to be half "pd" in a bar / nightclub and end up with somebody? Again not a good environment.

A man approaching a women in daylight - sober - well maybe I'm a very old fashioned girl - but I think if he's brave enough to strike up coherent conversation in a bright public place - why are we shunning him and telling him he's being creepy.

Why are we viewing these ways of approach as being almost sinister - I think you all need to ask your parents/friends how they met their partner...……..

Have we lost the art of face to face conversation - are we totally reliant on Forums/Mobiles/Anonymity...……….. Methinx there's a reason I'm single

I now await the backlash that is coming my way...……………

FurBabyMomma

I agree with you Judes, in that if I was single and happened to strike up a conversation with someone who later asked for my number, I wouldn't have a problem, I could say yes or no given I'd have had time to come to some sort of adjustment. That being said, if someone just approached me looking for my number without having at least chatted to me first, or kept trying to engage me in conversation despite attempts to ignore them, there's no way it would be forthcoming. So I think it can depend on the specifics of the situation.

I also agree with the other posters in relation to the use of the word 'bird'. While some people choose to laugh it off, in this day and age most people do (or should) know that it's a misogynistic word associated with women being flighty, brainless and preening. If I knew that someone was even internally thinking of me in such a depersonalised way, I'd steer clear.

Judes

Funny that this terminology "bird" has come up as I recently wrote a witty poem about exactly that - and pointed out the positive comparisons to show why women should actually be proud of being called Birds - the poem went down very well in a mixed group situation comprising men/women of all ages -but then again - I was counteracting the negative slant on the word with positive comparisons between a Women and a Bird!!! (well the gang who listened on the night laughed).

So ladies - a phrase I heard years ago - and it may bring a little smile to your face...……….

"The reason we're called Birds - is that we pick up Worms...……."

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Silverfish

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Ah those ones probably have no interest in his seed

roro1990

In many countries, it's seen as a completely normal thing to approach women and strike up a conversation on the street so I'm not sure why it's being referred to as "creepy" when it simply isn't creepy. It takes a significant dose of fortitude to even do something like that, and the majority of men will walk away if the woman is not interested.

Unfortunately, Irish women are quite closed-minded when it comes to stuff like being approached by a randomer. It's a product of the cliquey society we live in; girls don't like being approached outside of their social circles here unless it's at a bar or club. In general, Irish people are quite closed off despite the image portrayed that we're all fun-loving, sociable party animals.

LolaJJ

roro1990 wrote: »

In many countries, it's seen as a completely normal thing to approach women and strike up a conversation on the street so I'm not sure why it's being referred to as "creepy" when it simply isn't creepy. It takes a significant dose of fortitude to even do something like that, and the majority of men will walk away if the woman is not interested.

Unfortunately, Irish women are quite closed-minded when it comes to stuff like being approached by a randomer. It's a product of the cliquey society we live in; girls don't like being approached outside of their social circles here unless it's at a bar or club. In general, Irish people are quite closed off despite the image portrayed that we're all fun-loving, sociable party animals.

He's asking about Irish women, presumably in Ireland and the consensus is that that is creepy.

If I was asked out at a bus stop 10 years ago I would have been flattered but now, with digital evolution I would just think it odd.....unless I was unbelivably stunning (sadly, I'm not)

That's not not having an open mind, it's pure logic.

Dating sites and apps are created to assist with you with this issue. You might find it creepy but millions of people around the world disgaree.

roro1990

LolaJJ wrote: »

He's asking about Irish women, presumably in Ireland and the consensus is that that is creepy.

The consensus based on a small Internet forum? Even if that is the consensus society-wide, it says a lot about how judgmental Irish women are. Many women, based on personal experience, are flattered when they are approached in public, even if those women have not been available at the time for whatever reason.

Women who aren't conditioned to believe that all men are sex-starved creeps who might assault them tend to recognize the significant fortitude and courage it takes to strike up a conversation without the help of a social lubricant such as alcohol.

LolaJJ wrote: »

Dating sites and apps are created to assist with you with this issue. You might find it creepy but millions of people around the world disgaree.

I don't find dating sites creepy at all, and I never suggested as much in my comment; I've used dating sites plenty of times. In fact, I never even mentioned dating websites in my response to the thread.

It says a lot about how rattled you are that you didn't even bother to read my reply; you simply saw red because I had the gall to tell you that approaching women in public is quite normal, and that the problem appears to be with Irish women. You then decided to make things up about me finding dating sites creepy.

LolaJJ

roro1990 wrote: »

I don't find dating sites creepy at all, and I never suggested as much in my comment; I've used dating sites plenty of times. In fact, I never even mentioned dating websites in my response to the thread.

It says a lot about how rattled you are that you didn't even bother to read my reply; you simply saw red because I had the gall to tell you that approaching women in public is quite normal, and that the problem appears to be with Irish women. You then decided to make things up about me finding dating sites creepy.

The second part of my comment was directed at the OP.

Defensive much?

roro1990

LolaJJ wrote: »

The second part of my comment was directed at the OP.

Defensive much?

Try to differentiate in a single post who you are talking to, otherwise, it's a tad hard to keep up with which part of the comment is directed at whom. Your comment read like a single reply to a single comment.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

I've been asked out at a bus stop and on the street, bus stop was fine, on the street wasn't, because one guy was creepy and the other wasn't.

There isn't really the culture in Ireland of asking strangers out, and with the advent of dating aps there isn't ever likely to be. My guard is up to a certain degree when any stranger approaches me in public because in my experience they're going to want something, it might be directions, or it might be the ride.

Given your age, the digital dating reality and the culture of the country you live in, you're going to probably have a fair bit of grief approaching strangers in public. Complain away, put yourself through that on principle if you want, but that's the reality.

Friends of friends, clubs etc are probably the best middle ground.

LolaJJ

roro1990 wrote: »

Try to differentiate in a single post who you are talking to, otherwise, it's a tad hard to keep up with which part of the comment is directed at whom. Your comment read like a single reply to a single comment.

The premise of this forum is to respond to the OP. I'm sorry it wasn't all about you!

It's Friday, It's sunny! cheer up!

roro1990

LolaJJ wrote: »

The premise of this forum is to respond to the OP. I'm sorry it wasn't all about you!

It's Friday, It's sunny! cheer up!

No worries. Enjoy your fishing for upvotes. Toodles.

GingerLily

OP, if you happen to see someone out and really want to ask them out you can try and strike up a conversation, but some people will be freaked out and some people will be annoyed because they're busy and don't want to hit on.

As long as your not going to get offended when women don't flock to your advances then you can try and respectfully ask them out that way, but you'll likely have a much lower success rate then chatting up women in a social setting.

roro1990

Lucca Brave Manic wrote: »

Friends of friends, clubs etc are probably the best middle ground.

Not everyone female friends, or friends that can introduce them to female friends. Although based on how this thread is going, such guys are probably thought of as creepy anyway.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

roro1990 wrote: »

Not everyone female friends, or friends that can introduce them to female friends. Although based on how this thread is going, such guys are probably thought of as creepy anyway.

Guys who are several degrees of social separation from ANY woman? Sure what's creepy about that :pac:

roro1990

Lucca Brave Manic wrote: »

Guys who are several degrees of social separation from ANY woman? Sure what's creepy about that :pac:

Nothing at all. Some people go through life with minimal social circles, whether due to things like social anxiety, a high level of introversion, etc. Other peoples' social lives ebb and flow between having lots of friends of the opposite sex to having none. Such is life. A very interesting thread in terms of the attitudes of modern Irish women, though. Apparently guys are creepy if they approach women in public, and they are creepy if they happen to not have friends of the opposite sex. Enlightening stuff.

NinetyTwoTeam

I'm afraid if you want asking women out in public non alcoholic situations you will have to move to America it just isn't the done thing there.

Probably not done over there much any more either now that online dating has taken off.

endacl

GenericPastMan wrote: »

Ah for god’s sake, it’s a figure of speech. I don’t actually call women “birds” IRL

In fairness, you kinda did. How is anybody supposed to get a sense of what a new poster might be like ‘IRL’?

Wanderer2010

This really is the snowflake generation we are absolutely doomed.

The OP called women birds, so what? I hear it every day of the week from men of all ages, and it doesn't mean they hate or disrespect women. In the same vein, women often call guys by nicknames as well.

People are so so so sensitive these days its unreal.

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wiggle16

Hi OP

Some feathers are definitely getting a bit too ruffled in here. It's only a word, lighten up people!

To be honest, you need to get over your aversion to the likes of Tinder and dating sites. You might think they're creepy, but they're not: realistically they're your best chance of meeting someone. In fact they're way creepier for women, considering some of the things that lads think suffice instead of a "hello".

I don't see anything particularly wrong with approaching women in the way you describe (I actually think life would be a lot easier if we could all just be straight out with each other that way) but the truth is it is very unlikely to end up in anything but a short, awkward conversation, or the silent treatment. Some girls will think you're odd, some will think you're a creep and some will just get annoyed if they're going about their business and you try to chat them up.
You also have no way of knowing if they are single, heterosexual, or available. The odds are very much against you.

Give the dating apps a try at least. You're doing yourself a disservice by believing you're too good for them, or that they're full of creeps. If you're not a creep you have nothing to worry about, like.

Basically, all other things aside, you are going to set yourself up for disappointment and rejection if you doorstep women. It's hard enough to approach someone in a pub or bar, never mind a stranger in the street, who could be having the worst day of her life for all you know... and then you come along........

Best of luck, chicken :P x

Conservatory

Just ask them their name. Relax and take it from there. Approach it like you are having a chat. If it goes well ask her out.
Don’t walk up to the bus stop ask a girl out then stand there together waiting on the bus.

That is the difference between being creepy and being non threatening and making everyone feel uncomfortable.

Bonus points if she says no then you get the same bus then you sit beside her in a huff until one of you gets to your stop.

Katgurl

I am baffled at the hostile reactions to OP's suggestion to ask girls out in day-to-day life.

I have been asked out over the years in loads of random non-pub non-online ways. Off the top of my head I've been asked out on three different occasions while giving directions, in a sports shop, on a bus, while a guy helped me find my phone in a cafe, in the park, at the post office, walking to a lecture at college... Definitely more and none were creepy. Far preferable to someone hiding behind a cover of alcohol or a computer screen. The one thing they had in common was that these were just guys that struck up conversations with me (or vice versa, can't remember) and then ended up asking me out. I am no supermodel btw, but very friendly and chatty.

The only time I remember it being weird was when there was a misunderstanding; a guy charged up to me on the street and started waffling on about a gig that night. I thought he was offering to sell me tickets so stood there like a twit asking questions then he finally said "I don't want money, I'm asking you to go out on a date" so make sure you start with an innocuous chat.

Best of luck op.

twill

Katgurl wrote: »

I have been asked out over the years in loads of random non-pub non-online ways. Off the top of my head I've been asked out on three different occasions while giving directions, in a sports shop, on a bus, while a guy helped me find my phone in a cafe, in the park, at the post office, walking to a lecture at college... Definitely more and none were creepy.

The thing, though, is that in that scenario you had already been chatting and had the chance to get some idea of what the other person was like and that no alarm bells were going off. That's why women generally don't like being asked out by random people when they are focused on other things in environments where they might not feel comfortable.