don't want to tell coworkers the news

siara99 · 26-05-2018 10:38am #1

So I am about 22 weeks pregnant with my second. I would have been on the no side of the latest referendum (not allowed to vote but still a big no supporter). I'm devastated by the exit poll results and I know that a yes is most likely.

Anyways, some of my coworkers made the mistake of taking about the referendum and abortion during work hours this week as well as saying which side they would vote on. I think that was really unprofessional and bound to cause some animosity between people. Someone asked me which side I would be on and I know they are going to rub it in that the no side lost. I'm heartbroken.

Anyways, I haven't told anyone at work that I'm pregnant yet. I know I need to do it soon (before 25 weeks anyways). I just feel very uncomfortable telling a bunch of yes voters that I'm pregnant right after this very contentious referendum.

suicide_circus · 26-05-2018 10:43am

Anyone who "rubs it in" in work is a scumbag and I would take it to HR instantly. Don't stress yourself.

ted1 · 26-05-2018 10:44am

At 22 weeks I’d be very surprised if they havn’t noticed.

Also yes voters are not evil. Many simply voted yes for the hard cases of rape and FFA. They are still the same people as before the vote

khaldrogo · 26-05-2018 11:01am

siara99 wrote:

Anyways, I haven't told anyone at work that I'm pregnant yet. I know I need to do it soon (before 25 weeks anyways). I just feel very uncomfortable telling a bunch of yes voters that I'm pregnant right after this very contentious referendum.

Why? Do you think they would have wanted you to abort the baby if they knew????

The only side that feels uncomfortable I've found is the no side.

siara99 · 26-05-2018 11:02am

ted1 wrote: »

At 22 weeks I’d be very surprised if they havn’t noticed.

Also yes voters are not evil. Many simply voted yes for the hard cases of rape and FFA. They are still the same people as before the vote

I would have been supportive of the hard cases too but they threw in the on-demand and vague mental health grounds beyond 24 weeks etc. and I just couldn't support that part. I'm pretty sure 90%+ of people would support the hard cases. They should have had 2 referendums lol.

There definitely are some yes voters that will tell me that my baby 'was just a clump of cells', 'we should get rid of downs syndrome people' etc. I've seen them on Facebook yikes!

Anyways, I guess I can't believe that my coworkers would bring this up at work and especially during a meeting very vocally saying their views. It's a very contentious issue. I'm upset that they told me.

I wish I could say something about it. My company doesn't have an HR person.

siara99 · 26-05-2018 11:04am

khaldrogo wrote: »

Why? Do you think they would have wanted you to abort the baby if they knew????

The only side that feels uncomfortable I've found is the no side.

They were kind of rubbing it in on Friday that yes was going to win. I'm upset that they told me.

afkasurfjunkie · 26-05-2018 11:04am

I’m 20 weeks pregnant and I voted yes. I don’t bear any ill will against those who voted no. In fact my own mother voted no and I brought her and my father to vote yesterday. We had a hearty chat about it but I don’t think any less of her. It would be very immature of your colleagues to gloat about the results during the week.

Ursus Horribilis · 26-05-2018 11:08am

siara99 wrote: »

They were kind of rubbing it in on Friday that yes was going to win. I'm upset that they told me.

Sounds like you're being over sensitive here.

Cash_Q · 26-05-2018 11:11am

I'm 20 weeks pregnant tomorrow. I voted yes. My dad voted no which I can't really understand but that's his choice and I have to respect that. I would never rub the result in his or anyone else's face.

Your colleagues are unlikely to 'rub it in' but they may well be in jubilant spirits and there could be an air of celebration.

Your news is entirely separate. Let this result take the spotlight for a couple of days and then tell them late in the week or into next week. They shouldn't be making a connection between the two and should celebrate your news if they have even half a heart.

khaldrogo · 26-05-2018 11:12am

siara99 wrote:

They were kind of rubbing it in on Friday that yes was going to win. I'm upset that they told me.

I don't understand why it upsets you. The number of women having abortions will largely stay the same as before only now they won't have to travel to a different country to do it.

As the wise nun said(I paraphrase), the pro lifers are not pro life, they are pro birth. A baby needs more than just being born to be considered to be alive. They need food, education, a home, love.

I hope no one I know ever needs to have an abortion but at least now they can if they need to and they can do it within driving distance from their home.

eviltwin · 26-05-2018 11:14am

Not sure why you feel nervous.

Do you think they will be pushing you to have an abortion or something?

Cordell · 26-05-2018 11:18am

You can tell to that bunch of yes voters that you're pregnant, no problem, they don't have a problem with pregnant women, they never had.

siara99 · 26-05-2018 11:25am

khaldrogo wrote: »

I don't understand why it upsets you. The number of women having abortions will largely stay the same as before only now they won't have to travel to a different country to do it.

As the wise nun said(I paraphrase), the pro lifers are not pro life, they are pro birth. A baby needs more than just being born to be considered to be alive. They need food, education, a home, love.

I hope no one I know ever needs to have an abortion but at least now they can if they need to and they can do it within driving distance from their home.

I guess I come from a country where abortion is 'normalized' and people do it quite lightly.
For example, you can find quite a few 16 year olds who have had 4+ and IVF patients who had to use technology to conceive and then when they conceived naturally they said the second one wasn't the 'right time' and aborted.

In my first pregnancy the doctor pushed me to do testing for downs syndrome 3 times even though I said I was not interested and I was only 25 years of age. When I refused the 3rd time at 25 weeks she was extremely rude and said in a nasty tone of voice: 'so you are just going to have THIS baby.' She also found my age to be disappointing and thought I was too young. This kind of thinking is common place. While in labor I was asked if I had ever had any abortions... just before you are going to become a mother! Ugh!

My old coworkers in my old country told me to have an abortion next time because maternity leave was too inconvenient for them.

Anyways, perhaps in my country any pregnant woman is a target for a potential abortion.

I hope Ireland will stay away from this kind of thinking and I hope that you guys are able to maintain your positive attitude towards children and mothers.

strandroad · 26-05-2018 11:28am

siara99 wrote: »

There definitely are some yes voters that will tell me that my baby 'was just a clump of cells', 'we should get rid of downs syndrome people' etc. I've seen them on Facebook yikes!

I can't imagine anything like that happening... Voting Yes was not to force abortions on anyone. I bet you will be congratulated on your pregnancy, that's all.

eviltwin · 26-05-2018 11:30am

No one will say anything to you apart from congratulations. It's a bit ridiculous to think your colleagues will try and encourage you to have an abortion. A lot of us voted yes, we are parents, we have friends and family who have kids, we don't hate pregnancy or babies. You have nothing to worry about.

Pa8301 · 26-05-2018 11:31am

OP, I may be confusing posters but are you the same poster that opened a thread in politics a couple of days ago suggesting that there were non eligible voters receiving voting cards? It was either you or someone with a very similar username.

wiggle16 · 26-05-2018 11:33am

Sorry OP but I'm finding it hard to understand what your pregnancy has to do with anything to do with the referendum or the result.

You're saying that you wish you had a HR person, that people were vocal about their views (with which you disagree) and they would suddenly start telling you that you baby is just a clump of cells (emotionally normal people do not do that, come on like). No offense OP but you sound like the one who is creating this issue for yourself. Your co-workers are not going to connect the referendum or your views with your pregnancy, unless they are all very socially maladjusted - they have nothing to do with one another.

Would you have felt the same about telling them, if the No side had won? Would you have felt the same about telling your co-workers, if they were all No voters? If not, why??
If I'm honest, it sounds more like you have an issue with your co-workers' views, rather than they having an issue with you or your pregnancy. You might as well be saying "I don't want to wear my new hat into work on Monday because of the result" - they are not relevant to one another.

No emotionally normal person is going to bring up the referendum or abortion in relation to your pregnancy in conversation. That would be incredibly strange and hurtful behaviour.

duffman13 · 26-05-2018 11:38am

siara99 wrote: »

I guess I come from a country where abortion is 'normalized' and people do it quite lightly.
For example, you can find quite a few 16 year olds who have had 4+ and IVF patients who had to use technology to conceive and then when they conceived naturally they said the second one wasn't the 'right time' and aborted.

In my first pregnancy the doctor pushed me to do testing for downs syndrome 3 times even though I said I was not interested and I was only 25 years of age. When I refused the 3rd time at 25 weeks she was extremely rude and said in a nasty tone of voice: 'so you are just going to have THIS baby.' She also found my age to be disappointing and thought I was too young. This kind of thinking is common place. While in labor I was asked if I had ever had any abortions... just before you are going to become a mother! Ugh!

My old coworkers in my old country told me to have an abortion next time because maternity leave was too inconvenient for them.

Anyways, perhaps in my country any pregnant woman is a target for a potential abortion.

I hope Ireland will stay away from this kind of thinking and I hope that you guys are able to maintain your positive attitude towards children and mothers.

Have to say I'm finding a lot of the above hard to believe at all.

My OH is 20 weeks pregnant and voted Yes. She's had tough times with pregnancy but at the end of the day she recognises people's right to choose, even if me or her would never take that option personally.

People are morally responsible for their own actions and choices. No one else's opinions matter one bit!

Cordell · 26-05-2018 11:40am

Pa8301 wrote: »

OP, I may be confusing posters but are you the same poster that opened a thread in politics a couple of days ago suggesting that there were non eligible voters receiving voting cards? It was either you or someone with a very similar username.

I think you're right. If this is a windup, it's a damn good one

wiggle16 · 26-05-2018 11:57am

Actually no, I'll come back on that a bit. I mean everything I said in my last post but I should add:

If your problem is that you are finding it hard to accept your coworkers' views, then you need to take a step back from it for a moment and consider that this referendum brought out the very worst in people at times.

I was a strong Yes supporter but not very vocal about it, and I definitely will not be talking about it on Monday. We talked about it a few times in work, it never got heated or anything, but I was surprised by some of the things some co-workers said, on both sides.

There is one man in particular with whom I work who I get on very well - he is incredibly sweet, funny, gentle and helpful and patient - the definition of Mr Nice. A genuinely lovely man. But I was really taken aback by some of the things he said, and I wasn't the only one - he was a No supporter ( that wasn't the issue, and I had no problem with that of course), but some of the things he said were just so extreme and mad that I couldn't connect them with the personality of the man I know. He told us how he confronted a young Yes campaigner in the city centre - he described the conversation very casually but I couldn't believe some of the stuff he said to her, and that HE said them, of all people.

It bothered me for a while because it didn't match how I view him. I put it behind me by realising that this whole thing has brought out the very worst in people at times and that I know he is still a genuinely lovely person regardless of his opinions and how they differ to mine. You cannot boil people down to an aspect of themselves.

If that's how you feel about your co-workers, perhaps you should consider that their opinions on one issue don't dictate the kind of person they are, and that they likely don't think any differently of you because of your view than they did before. Until you are told otherwise, don't assume they do!

amcalester · 26-05-2018 12:03pm

Don’t worry OP, it’s only the women who voted Yes that have to have abortions.

No voters are allowed keep their babies, just make sure you tell your doctor you’re a No voter otherwise you might be called to the clinic.

wiggle16 · 26-05-2018 12:04pm

siara99 wrote: »

My old coworkers in my old country told me to have an abortion next time because maternity leave was too inconvenient for them.

Anyways, perhaps in my country any pregnant woman is a target for a potential abortion.

I hope Ireland will stay away from this kind of thinking and I hope that you guys are able to maintain your positive attitude towards children and mothers.

Didn't see this gem when I was writing my last post. What country is this supposed to be, OP?

Are there any people left there, seeing how you can hardly turn a corner without being offered an abortion?

It's really low to come on PI and make out you have an issue when all you want to do is rehash a debate and have an audience. Really low and sad.

listermint · 26-05-2018 12:10pm

This thread is a complete windup.

It's just so bloody obvious. Stop wasting people's time

FurBabyMomma · 26-05-2018 12:34pm

Obvious troll is obvious. Set up the account yesterday so today you could tell us about a litany of 'worst case scenarios' of almost forced abortions, 16 year olds with 4+ abortions and the eradication of Downs? And then throw in the old chestnut of abortions for 'vague mental health reasons' for good measure? Not buying it.

And if you are real, as someone who is a yes voter, 26 weeks pregnant on my 3rd and has struggled with mental health issues in the past, I find YOU upsetting and ignorant of the realities of life. Enjoy your pregnancy and don't worry about anyone elses, it's none of your business.

chuck eastwood · 26-05-2018 12:39pm

My wife has just passed the 8 month mark on our second and voted yes. Some of her work mates who are also our friends voted no. They had open discussions about it in work, sometimes heated but they did learn a lot about each others view point. To be honest i have no idea what purpose it would serve to hide it from them. Its not like voting yes makes them defacto baby killers

Afroshack · 26-05-2018 12:41pm

You know the Yes vote just gives women the option right? Nobody will actually make you have one.

Caranica · 26-05-2018 2:47pm

The yes side voted to allow you have choice in your pregnancy. One of my sisters was induced to suit the consultant's diary, against her will. The 8th amendment allowed him to do that. Now he couldn't. My other sister had her birth plan binned when she got to the hospital "we'll do what's necessary, the 8th says so". Now it's gone.

Your co workers voted for women, they are not monsters. Don't pre judge them because of your own view on what the referendum was about.

strandroad · 26-05-2018 3:14pm

siara99 wrote: »

In my first pregnancy the doctor pushed me to do testing for downs syndrome 3 times even though I said I was not interested and I was only 25 years of age. When I refused the 3rd time at 25 weeks she was extremely rude and said in a nasty tone of voice: 'so you are just going to have THIS baby.' She also found my age to be disappointing and thought I was too young. This kind of thinking is common place. While in labor I was asked if I had ever had any abortions... just before you are going to become a mother! Ugh!

My old coworkers in my old country told me to have an abortion next time because maternity leave was too inconvenient for them.

What country is that? It sounds bizarre even for the likes of Sweden. The last part would a warning if not firing offence if brought to HR.

Jenneke87 · 26-05-2018 6:19pm

siara99;107102260I guess I come from a country where abortion is 'normalized' and people do it quite lightly.
For example, you can find quite a few 16 year olds who have had 4+ and IVF patients who had to use technology to conceive and then when they conceived naturally they said the second one wasn't the 'right time' and aborted.

If you're a minor you need to get parental consent for an abortion. If a 16 year old had 4 abortions by the time she's 16 (let's say one every 6 months) she started being sexually active and getting pregnant since age 14 there's not a parent out there who, after the first time got her on contraceptives and very far away from boys from that moment on..Your talking nonsense here..

siara99 · 26-05-2018 9:13pm

I guess on top of this referendum I just don't want to tell them.

There's certain things at work I'm not thrilled about in terms of how the company is run and how certain managers act at times... It's not the worst job I've ever had and it's not aweful but I feel kind of meh about it and I can't quit without a huge increase in my commute so I'm kind of stuck. I can't afford to live in Dublin.

I've already had one child and it's kind of been there done that as an experienced mum. I'm also the type of person who hates a big fuss...

siara99 · 26-05-2018 9:38pm

chuck eastwood wrote: »

My wife has just passed the 8 month mark on our second and voted yes. Some of her work mates who are also our friends voted no. They had open discussions about it in work, sometimes heated but they did learn a lot about each others view point. To be honest i have no idea what purpose it would serve to hide it from them. Its not like voting yes makes them defacto baby killers

I guess in general I'm not thrilled with my workplace or the relationships I have with my coworkers. Not all of them but a few. I guess maybe if I hide it maybe it would cause them to reevaulate the relationship.

m'lady · 26-05-2018 9:47pm

siara99 wrote: »

I guess on top of this referendum I just don't want to tell them.

There's certain things at work I'm not thrilled about in terms of how the company is run and how certain managers act at times... It's not the worst job I've ever had and it's not aweful but I feel kind of meh about it and I can't quit without a huge increase in my commute so I'm kind of stuck. I can't afford to live in Dublin.

I've already had one child and it's kind of been there done that as an experienced mum. I'm also the type of person who hates a big fuss...

You hate a fuss but are worried about telling your colleagues who voted yes in the referendum (along with 66.4% of the voters in the country) that your pregnant, I think you do like fuss and also think this post is a piece of fiction.
Where is this country you say you are from?

Cash_Q · 26-05-2018 10:11pm

siara99 wrote:

I just don't want to tell them.

Then don't!

siara99 wrote:

I'm also the type of person who hates a big fuss...

Really and truly don't tell them then. Let them figure it out. It would be very rude of any of them to outright ask if you're pregnant. You have no obligation to tell anyone except your manager/supervisor. They have no right to tell anyone else either if you ask them to keep it confidential. Apply for your maternity leave and then go off quietly.

Ursus Horribilis · 26-05-2018 11:52pm

Yes, what country do you come from. I'm intrigued.

Wesser · 27-05-2018 7:35am

Canada, I'd say?

thomasdylan · 27-05-2018 10:45am

Caranica wrote: »

The yes side voted to allow you have choice in your pregnancy. One of my sisters was induced to suit the consultant's diary, against her will. The 8th amendment allowed him to do that. Now he couldn't. My other sister had her birth plan binned when she got to the hospital "we'll do what's necessary, the 8th says so". Now it's gone.

Your co workers voted for women, they are not monsters. Don't pre judge them because of your own view on what the referendum was about.

This sounds unbelievable.

siara99 · 27-05-2018 12:07pm

Jenneke87 wrote: »

siara99;107102260I guess I come from a country where abortion is 'normalized' and people do it quite lightly.
For example, you can find quite a few 16 year olds who have had 4+ and IVF patients who had to use technology to conceive and then when they conceived naturally they said the second one wasn't the 'right time' and aborted.

If you're a minor you need to get parental consent for an abortion. If a 16 year old had 4 abortions by the time she's 16 (let's say one every 6 months) she started being sexually active and getting pregnant since age 14 there's not a parent out there who, after the first time got her on contraceptives and very far away from boys from that moment on..Your talking nonsense here..

Not I my country. Parental consent is not required. And there is no law regulating abortion so it would not be illegal in the 3rd trimester. That country is Canada. Abortion on demand until birth.

siara99 · 27-05-2018 12:09pm

strandroad wrote: »

What country is that? It sounds bizarre even for the likes of Sweden. The last part would a warning if not firing offence if brought to HR.

Canada. There is no abortion law so it's abortion on demand until birth theoretically. There was no HR at that job either and the boss didn't care. That's pretty typical in the USA and Canada.

siara99 · 27-05-2018 12:10pm

Wesser wrote: »

Canada, I'd say?

Yes.

Wesser · 27-05-2018 12:10pm

Abortion in the third trimester is not abortion!!! It results in a live born baby who goes to neonatal ICU. It's just terminating a pregnant prematurely but the baby doesn't die! Happens all the time if mother is unwell.

siara99 · 27-05-2018 12:12pm

Wesser wrote: »

Abortion in the third trimester is not abortion!!! It results in a live born baby who goes to neonatal ICU. It's just terminating a pregnant prematurely but the baby doesn't die! Happens all the time if mother is unwell.

Not in Canada. It's not illegal to kill the baby at any stage. There is no law.

Addle · 27-05-2018 1:03pm

siara99 wrote: »

Not in Canada. It's not illegal to kill the baby at any stage. There is no law.

There is no law about killing?

Caranica · 27-05-2018 1:13pm

thomasdylan wrote: »

This sounds unbelievable.

This is 100% true and both this year! One in Cork and the other in Holles Street

strandroad · 27-05-2018 1:14pm

siara99 wrote: »

Not in Canada. It's not illegal to kill the baby at any stage. There is no law.

That is incorrect or at best intentionally misleading. It might not be enshrined in a single national law, but due to province regulations, medical guidelines etc. there are definitely restrictions on late term abortions.

strandroad · 27-05-2018 1:15pm

thomasdylan wrote: »

This sounds unbelievable.

Two of my friends had their birth plans effectively ignored, it's definitely a thing.

woodchuck · 27-05-2018 2:06pm

siara99 wrote: »

I just feel very uncomfortable telling a bunch of yes voters that I'm pregnant right after this very contentious referendum.

I don't understand why. I'm a yes voter and I'm pro-choice, not pro-abortion. If I found out I was pregnant tomorrow, I would keep it - that would be my choice. I have a friend who is about to give birth and voted yes. I know many others who have young children who also voted yes. We're not actually baby-haters :rolleyes:

You obviously have to tell your manager. Anyone else who will be covering your work while you're on maternity leave will also need to find out one way or another sooner or later.

Your pregnancy and the referendum are two entirely different things anyway. Give it an extra week if you'd prefer for the referendum hype to die down first. Whoever you choose to tell will just say congratulations though and then get on with their own lives... they're unlikely to give it a second thought tbh. If anything though, they'll be happy for you.

siara99 · 27-05-2018 3:30pm

strandroad wrote: »

Two of my friends had their birth plans effectively ignored, it's definitely a thing.

Wow. Birth is kind of hard to plan.. It does it's own thing but to ignore your preferences is outrageous!

siara99 · 27-05-2018 3:46pm

strandroad wrote: »

That is incorrect or at best intentionally misleading. It might not be enshrined in a single national law, but due to province regulations, medical guidelines etc. there are definitely restrictions on late term abortions.

I coukd be wrong but I've never heard of any restrictions at all. I know it would be incredibly rare to find a doctor who would be trained to perform the procedure at such a late stage but I doubt they would go to jail over it.

bee06 · 27-05-2018 3:49pm

siara99 wrote: »

Wow. Birth is kind of hard to plan.. It does it's own thing but to ignore your preferences is outrageous!

And that’s one of the reasons why so many people voted yes. The 8th amendment is about more than abortion.

siara99 · 27-05-2018 4:06pm

woodchuck wrote: »

I don't understand why. I'm a yes voter and I'm pro-choice, not pro-abortion. If I found out I was pregnant tomorrow, I would keep it - that would be my choice. I have a friend who is about to give birth and voted yes. I know many others who have young children who also voted yes. We're not actually baby-haters :rolleyes:

You obviously have to tell your manager. Anyone else who will be covering your work while you're on maternity leave will also need to find out one way or another sooner or later.

Your pregnancy and the referendum are two entirely different things anyway. Give it an extra week if you'd prefer for the referendum hype to die down first. Whoever you choose to tell will just say congratulations though and then get on with their own lives... they're unlikely to give it a second thought tbh. If anything though, they'll be happy for you.

I didnt think that the 8th amendment was good especially the hypocrisy of someone being raped and then possibly going to jail for 14 years but then the the rapist getting only 7 years. I also didn't like that someone might have to carry a dead baby to term etc. But I was hoping that a no vote would cause the government to come up with a better proposal... I'm disappointed and shocked that the country is ok with on demand... It's very much so on demand in Canada and I've seen the damage it does to a culture. It's probably similar to the UK in that respect. I really hope this does not happen to Ireland... I'm heartbroken!!!

You are right that my pregnancy is a separate issue from the referendum. I think waiting a week is a good idea.

I am anxious about Monday. I'm obviously feeling sad and my colleagues might notice... I hope they don't rub it in.

baby and crumble · 27-05-2018 4:10pm

siara99 wrote: »

.

I am anxious about Monday. I'm obviously feeling sad and my colleagues might notice... I hope they don't rub it in.

I still don't understand what you mean by 'rub it in'? Like, what, you tell them you're pregnant and they just cackle malevolently and make you an abortion appointment? That's simply never going to happen.

don't want to tell coworkers the news

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