don't want to tell coworkers the news

m'lady

siara99 wrote: »

I guess on top of this referendum I just don't want to tell them.

There's certain things at work I'm not thrilled about in terms of how the company is run and how certain managers act at times... It's not the worst job I've ever had and it's not aweful but I feel kind of meh about it and I can't quit without a huge increase in my commute so I'm kind of stuck. I can't afford to live in Dublin.

I've already had one child and it's kind of been there done that as an experienced mum. I'm also the type of person who hates a big fuss...

You hate a fuss but are worried about telling your colleagues who voted yes in the referendum (along with 66.4% of the voters in the country) that your pregnant, I think you do like fuss and also think this post is a piece of fiction.
Where is this country you say you are from?

Cash_Q

siara99 wrote:

I just don't want to tell them.

Then don't!

siara99 wrote:

I'm also the type of person who hates a big fuss...

Really and truly don't tell them then. Let them figure it out. It would be very rude of any of them to outright ask if you're pregnant. You have no obligation to tell anyone except your manager/supervisor. They have no right to tell anyone else either if you ask them to keep it confidential. Apply for your maternity leave and then go off quietly.

Ursus Horribilis

Yes, what country do you come from. I'm intrigued.

Wesser

Canada, I'd say?

thomasdylan

Caranica wrote: »

The yes side voted to allow you have choice in your pregnancy. One of my sisters was induced to suit the consultant's diary, against her will. The 8th amendment allowed him to do that. Now he couldn't. My other sister had her birth plan binned when she got to the hospital "we'll do what's necessary, the 8th says so". Now it's gone.

Your co workers voted for women, they are not monsters. Don't pre judge them because of your own view on what the referendum was about.

This sounds unbelievable.

siara99

Jenneke87 wrote: »

siara99;107102260I guess I come from a country where abortion is 'normalized' and people do it quite lightly. 
For example, you can find quite a few 16 year olds who have had 4+ and IVF patients who had to use technology to conceive and then when they conceived naturally they said the second one wasn't the 'right time' and aborted. 

If you're a minor you need to get parental consent for an abortion. If a 16 year old had 4 abortions by the time she's 16 (let's say one every 6 months) she started being sexually active and getting pregnant since age 14 there's not a parent out there who, after the first time got her on contraceptives and very far away from boys from that moment on..Your talking nonsense here..

Not I my country. Parental consent is not required. And there is no law regulating abortion so it would not be illegal in the 3rd trimester. That country is Canada. Abortion on demand until birth.

siara99

strandroad wrote: »

What country is that? It sounds bizarre even for the likes of Sweden. The last part would a warning if not firing offence if brought to HR.

Canada. There is no abortion law so it's abortion on demand until birth theoretically. There was no HR at that job either and the boss didn't care. That's pretty typical in the USA and Canada.

siara99

Wesser wrote: »

Canada, I'd say?

Yes.

Wesser

Abortion in the third trimester is not abortion!!! It results in a live born baby who goes to neonatal ICU. It's just terminating a pregnant prematurely but the baby doesn't die! Happens all the time if mother is unwell.

siara99

Wesser wrote: »

Abortion in the third trimester is not abortion!!! It results in a live born baby who goes to neonatal ICU. It's just terminating a pregnant prematurely but the baby doesn't die! Happens all the time if mother is unwell.

Not in Canada. It's not illegal to kill the baby at any stage. There is no law.

Addle

siara99 wrote: »

Not in Canada. It's not illegal to kill the baby at any stage. There is no law.

There is no law about killing?

Caranica

thomasdylan wrote: »

This sounds unbelievable.

This is 100% true and both this year! One in Cork and the other in Holles Street

strandroad

siara99 wrote: »

Not in Canada. It's not illegal to kill the baby at any stage. There is no law.

That is incorrect or at best intentionally misleading. It might not be enshrined in a single national law, but due to province regulations, medical guidelines etc. there are definitely restrictions on late term abortions.

strandroad

thomasdylan wrote: »

This sounds unbelievable.

Two of my friends had their birth plans effectively ignored, it's definitely a thing.

woodchuck

siara99 wrote: »

I just feel very uncomfortable telling a bunch of yes voters that I'm pregnant right after this very contentious referendum.

I don't understand why. I'm a yes voter and I'm pro-choice, not pro-abortion. If I found out I was pregnant tomorrow, I would keep it - that would be my choice. I have a friend who is about to give birth and voted yes. I know many others who have young children who also voted yes. We're not actually baby-haters :rolleyes:

You obviously have to tell your manager. Anyone else who will be covering your work while you're on maternity leave will also need to find out one way or another sooner or later.

Your pregnancy and the referendum are two entirely different things anyway. Give it an extra week if you'd prefer for the referendum hype to die down first. Whoever you choose to tell will just say congratulations though and then get on with their own lives... they're unlikely to give it a second thought tbh. If anything though, they'll be happy for you.

siara99

strandroad wrote: »

Two of my friends had their birth plans effectively ignored, it's definitely a thing.

Wow. Birth is kind of hard to plan.. It does it's own thing but to ignore your preferences is outrageous!

siara99

strandroad wrote: »

That is incorrect or at best intentionally misleading. It might not be enshrined in a single national law, but due to province regulations, medical guidelines etc. there are definitely restrictions on late term abortions.

I coukd be wrong but I've never heard of any restrictions at all. I know it would be incredibly rare to find a doctor who would be trained to perform the procedure at such a late stage but I doubt they would go to jail over it.

bee06

siara99 wrote: »

Wow. Birth is kind of hard to plan.. It does it's own thing but to ignore your preferences is outrageous!

And that’s one of the reasons why so many people voted yes. The 8th amendment is about more than abortion.

siara99

woodchuck wrote: »

I don't understand why. I'm a yes voter and I'm pro-choice, not pro-abortion. If I found out I was pregnant tomorrow, I would keep it - that would be my choice. I have a friend who is about to give birth and voted yes. I know many others who have young children who also voted yes. We're not actually baby-haters :rolleyes:

You obviously have to tell your manager. Anyone else who will be covering your work while you're on maternity leave will also need to find out one way or another sooner or later.

Your pregnancy and the referendum are two entirely different things anyway. Give it an extra week if you'd prefer for the referendum hype to die down first. Whoever you choose to tell will just say congratulations though and then get on with their own lives... they're unlikely to give it a second thought tbh. If anything though, they'll be happy for you.

I didnt think that the 8th amendment was good especially the hypocrisy of someone being raped and then possibly going to jail for 14 years but then the the rapist getting only 7 years. I also didn't like that someone might have to carry a dead baby to term etc. But I was hoping that a no vote would cause the government to come up with a better proposal... I'm disappointed and shocked that the country is ok with on demand... It's very much so on demand in Canada and I've seen the damage it does to a culture. It's probably similar to the UK in that respect. I really hope this does not happen to Ireland... I'm heartbroken!!!

You are right that my pregnancy is a separate issue from the referendum. I think waiting a week is a good idea.

I am anxious about Monday. I'm obviously feeling sad and my colleagues might notice... I hope they don't rub it in.

baby and crumble

siara99 wrote: »

.

I am anxious about Monday. I'm obviously feeling sad and my colleagues might notice... I hope they don't rub it in.

I still don't understand what you mean by 'rub it in'? Like, what, you tell them you're pregnant and they just cackle malevolently and make you an abortion appointment? That's simply never going to happen.

NinetyTwoTeam

yeah you're dead right because voting for the rights of women to choose what each individual one can do when they fall pregnant means they would definitely want you to abort your baby.

this is the laughable logic of people who voted No, thank god nearly 70% of the population isn't so ridiculous.

strandroad

siara99 wrote: »

I coukd be wrong but I've never heard of any restrictions at all. I know it would be incredibly rare to find a doctor who would be trained to perform the procedure at such a late stage but I doubt they would go to jail over it.

You seem to have some fears about pregnancy related topics that are completely unfounded in reality... you can't rock up heavily pregnant and have a "baby killed" in Canada, and your colleagues will not insult you or make you do anything with your pregnancy that you don't like. It's just not at all realistic to put it mildly... Is there a chance you have developed some form of a phobia, or perhaps your sensitivity is heightened during pregnancy?

notsoyoungwan

siara99 wrote: »

You are right that my pregnancy is a separate issue from the referendum. I think waiting a week is a good idea.

I am anxious about Monday. I'm obviously feeling sad and my colleagues might notice... I hope they don't rub it in.

I mean this in the nicest possible way: your colleagues won’t really care too much about your pregnancy announcement. They’re your colleagues, not your family or friends. They’ll do the necessary, ie congratulate you, ask polite questions about how you are and when you’re due, and then they’ll go back to their own lives and not caring. That’s it. They won’t start any triumphalism sh1te about the referendum and they won’t ask you to have an abortion.

bee06

siara99 wrote: »

I didnt think that the 8th amendment was good especially the hypocrisy of someone being raped and then possibly going to jail for 14 years but then the the rapist getting only 7 years. I also didn't like that someone might have to carry a dead baby to term etc. But I was hoping that a no vote would cause the government to come up with a better proposal... I'm disappointed and shocked that the country is ok with on demand... It's very much so on demand in Canada and I've seen the damage it does to a culture. It's probably similar to the UK in that respect. I really hope this does not happen to Ireland... I'm heartbroken!!!

You are right that my pregnancy is a separate issue from the referendum. I think waiting a week is a good idea.

I am anxious about Monday. I'm obviously feeling sad and my colleagues might notice... I hope they don't rub it in.

The bit you’re missing is that Irish women have been having abortions for a very long time. They were going to the UK or ordering pills online and risking their lives. And certain pro-life people didn’t care as long as it wasn’t happening officially in Ireland.

I voted yes and if my colleague voted no I certainly wouldn’t be rubbing it in on Monday. That’s dickhead behaviour. If they do just say I respect your decision to vote yes, please pay me the same courtesy (assuming you were respectful of their decision previously).

thomasdylan

Caranica wrote: »

This is 100% true and both this year! One in Cork and the other in Holles Street

I believe birth plans being ignored but I just can't understand how in the last year someone would have said "we'll do what's necessary, the 8th says so".

Ursus Horribilis

Are you sure you didn't start this thread to reignite the debate around the 8th?

Wesser

Ignoring birth plans is nothing to do with 8th amendment.
At the least... It's driven by fear of litigation if baby is deprived of oxygen..... at the worst.... It's assault if the patient has not given consent to a procedure.....
But it has NOTHING to do with the 8th.

Caranica

thomasdylan wrote: »

I believe birth plans being ignored but I just can't understand how in the last year someone would have said "we'll do what's necessary, the 8th says so".

Nor could my sister but it changed her vote from a No to a Yes

lunamoon

I'm also pregnant and a yes voter as well as the majority of my colleagues. They do not give a hoot about my pregnancy. I'm a colleague, not a family or partner. My baby to them is about as relevant as your baby is to me. I find it baffling that you think this changes anything. That you would even think they would even suggest having an abortion to you is insane. I think you should seek out some counselling.