Has there been a time you used your Irish wit and it got you in sh$t?

Grayson · 27-04-2018 12:42PM

alchemist33 wrote: »

One night on a beach, I told my French joke to an international group of backpackers:

Why does Paris have so many tree-lined streets?

So the German army can march in the shade.

It was quite dark that night so it was hard to tell who glared at me the most, the Germans or the French girl.

I said that to some germans and french and they laughed.
I also used my favorite german joke.

What's the first thing a German does when he's making breakfast?

Invade the kitchen.

SuperSean11 · 27-04-2018 12:49PM

Franz Von Peppercorn wrote: »

Ted1. I feel that you maybe are not following the whole thread.

You’re missing important character development

Blitzkrieger · 27-04-2018 12:56PM

Franz Von Peppercorn wrote: »

No so much wit but there’s the time a Cork colleague of mine got into trouble for asking a mutual colleague, who was black, to “come here,boy”. This was in the US.

Once heard of a cork guy getting fired from a multinational for greeting a (black) US colleague on the third morning of a course with "How's it going, bai?" Same company is supposed to pride itself for diversity, but one culture misinterpreting another can get you fired if you offend your american overlords.....

Quick public service announcement for anyone thinking of visiting Cork - we say "like" and "bai" a lot.

....But back on topic. I won't go into the details because they're long and not that funny, but to this day the sister of a friend of mine hates me for an anecdote I told the first time we met. It a strange but true story about a couple of guys I worked with and I pretended to be in complete agreement with them. She was so shocked I kept (not exaggerating but) emphasising their story, with the punch line revealing that I actually had a different opinion. The trouble was she was so shocked by the detail of the story I don't think she really registered the punch line, so to this day still hates me. Maybe I should have concentrated more on the point I was trying to make and less on the lols.

*shrugs

I don't see her much anyway...

Riskymove · 27-04-2018 12:57PM

iamstop wrote: »

Did your 'Irish humour' ever get you into trouble?
Explain.

I'll post a few after I hear a few of yizzers.

I think US security, especially at airports has been a particualr issue for irish wit

lawred2 · 27-04-2018 01:17PM

alchemist33 wrote: »

One night on a beach, I told my French joke to an international group of backpackers:

Why does Paris have so many tree-lined streets?

So the German army can march in the shade.

It was quite dark that night so it was hard to tell who glared at me the most, the Germans or the French girl.

actual laugh out loud

lawred2 · 27-04-2018 01:17PM

Grayson wrote: »

I said that to some germans and french and they laughed.
I also used my favorite german joke.

What's the first thing a German does when he's making breakfast?

Invade the kitchen.

and again

humberklog · 27-04-2018 01:43PM

After an away sunday pub cricket league match we all retired for lashings of beer in the host teams local boozer. Everyone was jolly and cracking jokes until I thought this was ok -
"What's blue and white and goes across the water at 320 miles an hour? - Lord Mountbatten's pumps!"

The pub was in Romsey (Mountbatten's home town). We were asked to leave. It was a long, quiet and awkward bus journey back to Southampton as my team weren't happy either- rightly so.

Managed to patch it up with my mates and team afterwards.

Carry · 27-04-2018 01:46PM

Grayson wrote: »

(...)
I also used my favorite german joke.

What's the first thing a German does when he's making breakfast?

Invade the kitchen.

Hahaha

. I'll never be able to go into my kitchen for breakfast without a big smile now! Thanks!
(and I'm German)

ursa actos · 27-04-2018 10:08PM

The brother getting off the plane after a long (for a smoker anyway) flight to the US and saying "Jesus I'd murder a fag.." :O

Heavy water · 27-04-2018 10:32PM

I was on a summer working holiday in Atlantic City with my friend who is snow white. This black guy passes and throws a comment to her that she should get out in the sun more. "And end up like you, no thanks!" she snapped and the 2 of us Irish green horns legged it.

lawred2 · 27-04-2018 10:43PM

Heavy water wrote: »

I was on a summer working holiday in Atlantic City with my friend who is snow white. This black guy passes and throws a comment to her that she should get out in the sun more. "And end up like you, no thanks!" she snapped and the 2 of us Irish green horns legged it.

More dodgy than witty to be fair

Heavy water · 27-04-2018 11:23PM

lawred2 wrote: »

More dodgy than witty to be fair

Interesting. I thought it was a justified response as he had commented on her whiteness. But deffo was risky hence the running off.

MarkY91 · 27-04-2018 11:31PM

It wasn't an issue or anything but I found it kinda funny when my brother and I were hanging out with an American couple in Vegas in a party bus tour. We explained how we were so pissed all week. They were perplexed why we would be so angry all week in Vegas. I then realised what was going on and had to correct myself

seachto7 · 28-04-2018 12:10AM

Some amount of thick paddy whacks on this thread. Embarrassing .

Donald Trump · 28-04-2018 01:43AM

Tzardine wrote: »

While trying a drunken attempt at chatting up an American she told me that she had a Harley Davidson. She was a stunner and not somebody you would expect to have a Harley.

I told her that she must have been beating guys off all the time.

Never saw such a look of disgust. Took me a while to figure out where it went wrong lol.

Who'd pay for the dry-cleaning afterwards?

Hammer89 · 28-04-2018 02:51AM

My wit got me f*cked out of a strip club in Canada, even though it was a horrible misunderstanding I think.

Strippers go totally naked in Canada during lapdances, so I'm upstairs getting a dance and your one, with her bare vagina out, is bouncing up and down on my boner, which is still in my jeans obviously; that's not why I got thrown out. But as a joke, I say to her, 'Sorry but I think I just made you pregnant'. Obviously the joke here is that she made me ejaculate, which wasn't far off the truth, and with the position at which she was 'riding' me, I thought it'd be funny. You had to be there.

Anyways, she didn't see the funny side at all. She got off me, called over the bouncer. I'm thinking, 'What? What have I done?' He marches me downstairs and out of the building, despite my protestations. I'm livid outside, trying to lodge an appeal with the dooorman. "She hustled me, boss. I want my money back." At the time I'd genuinely no idea why she cut short the dance, so I'm a bit petty and wanted my $20 back. "Did you hear me?" Your man didn't take his eyes off his phone once. "F*ck ya's. You're a bunch of robbing c*nts!"

I walk back to the hostel, probably leaving a trail of precum behind me, but the next morning I formed a theory that I remain convinced by. I concluded that she probably only heard the word 'pregnant' and assumed I was either fat shaming her or asking if she was expecting, which I wasn't on both accounts obviously.

I guess the moral of the story is don't try to make a stripper laugh.

doolox · 28-04-2018 03:34AM

I remember the night me and a group of lads went into a pub in Montreal and encountered the sparsely dressed women who not only served drinks but "danced" if requested. We were sternly told by the bouncers not to touch the women who engaged in some lap dancing which a certain corporeal member found incredibly frustrating...

I noticed that the locals were completely oblivious to the female cleavage and other private parts on display while the tourists were obvious by their gapes and looks of lascivious astonishment. I found this more amusing than the female nudity on display.

Whereas I would have expected the Irish to be astonished and amused by this display I was surprised that the US people present in the bar were just as uptight and astonished by the frank display of nudity in most of the bars in Montreal. It is Quebec after all and French.

Vive la difference.

lawred2 · 28-04-2018 07:43AM

Cool stories

Has there been a time you used your Irish wit and it got you in sh$t?

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