Has there been a time you used your Irish wit and it got you in sh$t?

iamstop · 27-04-2018 12:51AM #1

Did your 'Irish humour' ever get you into trouble?
Explain.

I'll post a few after I hear a few of yizzers.

Graces7 · 27-04-2018 08:04AM

Looking forward to this thread developing

ted1 · 27-04-2018 08:09AM

Ended up bringing home three American girls after a party, we were all covered on sand so had to shower together to get it off. They were members daughters at a private beach club I was working. (One of them has since become very famous ) boss found out and fired me, but the same wit got me rehired shortly after.

Birneybau · 27-04-2018 08:24AM

I was arrested when asked why I was walking through Compton. Seems 'For the craic' has different connotations yonder Stateside.

2cool4school · 27-04-2018 08:30AM

ted1 wrote: »

Ended up bringing home three American girls after a party, we were all covered on sand so had to shower together to get it off. They were members daughters at a private beach club I was working. (One of them has since become very famous ) boss found out and fired me, but the same wit got me rehired shortly after.

that's not wit.

rhymes with null wit though.

Tzardine · 27-04-2018 08:35AM

While trying a drunken attempt at chatting up an American she told me that she had a Harley Davidson. She was a stunner and not somebody you would expect to have a Harley.

I told her that she must have been beating guys off all the time.

Never saw such a look of disgust. Took me a while to figure out where it went wrong lol.

Franz Von Peppercorn · 27-04-2018 08:35AM

No so much wit but there’s the time a Cork colleague of mine got into trouble for asking a mutual colleague, who was black, to “come here,boy”. This was in the US.

Franz Von Peppercorn · 27-04-2018 08:38AM

2cool4school wrote: »

that's not wit.

rhymes with null wit though.

Might be a movie he watched and got confused.

lawred2 · 27-04-2018 08:38AM

Tzardine wrote: »

While trying a drunken attempt at chatting up an American she told me that she had a Harley Davidson. She was a stunner and not somebody you would expect to have a Harley.

I told her that she must have been beating guys off all the time.

Never saw such a look of disgust. Took me a while to figure out where it went wrong lol.

Had a chuckle at that

diomed · 27-04-2018 09:05AM

Not an example of wit but true.
I worked with an accountant who went on a trip to the US head office.
He needed to change pencil numbers in the budget (before computers) and asked "Have you got a rubber?"

Tzardine · 27-04-2018 09:19AM

diomed wrote: »

Not an example of wit but true.
I worked with an accountant who went on a trip to the US head office.
He needed to change pencil numbers in the budget (before computers) and asked "Have you got a rubber?"

Yes you have to be careful. Don't ask to bum a fag either.

ted1 · 27-04-2018 09:26AM

2cool4school wrote: »

ted1 wrote: »

Ended up bringing home three American girls after a party, we were all covered on sand so had to shower together to get it off. They were members daughters at a private beach club I was working. (One of them has since become very famous ) boss found out and fired me, but the same wit got me rehired shortly after.

that's not wit.

rhymes with null wit though.

completly true. , no reason to use null wit on an Internet. When posting with a name that isn’t my actual one.

Trigger Happy · 27-04-2018 09:31AM

When I lived in england there was this old west indian couple next door. They must have been well in to their 70s.
So they had this 50th wedding anniversary party and invited me around. It was a great night, loads of booze, story telling etc.

There were about 20 people left at the end of the night, I was the only white person there. We were telling jokes and when I was asked for one I chipped in with...

"What is the difference between a Jamacian man and an Irish man? - The Jamacian man takes the dishes out of the sink before he pisses in it".

There must have been a 10 second gap before the place erupted in laughter...but I thought I was in big trouble there.

lawred2 · 27-04-2018 09:33AM

ted1 wrote: »

completly true. , no reason to use null wit on an Internet. When posting with a name that isn’t my actual one.

that's exactly when people on the internet tend to use null wit

lawred2 · 27-04-2018 09:33AM

Trigger Happy wrote: »

When I lived in england there was this old west indian couple next door. They must have been well in to their 70s.
So they had this 50th wedding anniversary party and invited me around. It was a great night, loads of booze, story telling etc.

There were about 20 people left at the end of the night, I was the only white person there. We were telling jokes and when I was asked for one I chipped in with...

"What is the difference between a Jamacian man and an Irish man? - The Jamacian man takes the dishes out of the sink before he pisses in it".

There must have been a 10 second gap before the place erupted in laughter...but I thought I was in big trouble there.

HappyAsLarE · 27-04-2018 09:37AM

I’ve learned it is too soon for the Paddy Jackson jokes.

ted1 · 27-04-2018 09:44AM

lawred2 wrote: »

ted1 wrote: »

completly true. , no reason to use null wit on an Internet. When posting with a name that isn’t my actual one.

that's exactly when people on the internet tend to use null wit

Can’t understand why. Nothing to gain. My story is 100% true. Happened in Newport, Rhode Island in 2000.

NickNickleby · 27-04-2018 09:45AM

Many years ago took my children to Orlando. There was a huge toy store there, can't remember the name but it was famous.
Anyway, we're strolling around when we come across a life-size Darth Vader model. There was a small console in front of it, and by pressing buttons you could make Darth say things. It may also have been able to do small movements like turn the head or whatever (by the way, there have been no attempted puns so far).

So, while we're standing there, this big American comes over with his small son. The son is really excited and starts pressing the buttons, and him and Dad get great craic out of it. But the kid REALLY wants it. So I turn to the Dad and say "Jayziz, don't do it, you'll be killed puttin' batteries in it".
He stared me down till eventually I shrugged and walked off.

He was probably one of the ignorant ****s we met at the Disney Parade, and I asked the ADULTS standing at the front to allow my small children to stand in front of them so they could get a glimpse - b$strds wouldn't even acknowledge. Obviously I had momentarily forgotten that we weren't at the Paddy's Day parade at home.

lawred2 · 27-04-2018 09:46AM

ted1 wrote: »

Can’t understand why. Nothing to gain. My story is 100% true. Happened in Newport, Rhode Island in 2000.

I love Newport

Great spot

Franz Von Peppercorn · 27-04-2018 09:47AM

ted1 wrote: »

completly true. , no reason to use null wit on an Internet. When posting with a name that isn’t my actual one.

Fantasy, Ted. Also nothing to do with the thread.

cantdecide · 27-04-2018 09:49AM

Usually clarifying I'm not British gets me out of trouble.

ted1 · 27-04-2018 09:50AM

Franz Von Peppercorn wrote: »

ted1 wrote: »

completly true. , no reason to use null wit on an Internet. When posting with a name that isn’t my actual one.

Fantasy, Ted. Also nothing to do with the thread.

There was a lot of wit needed to get them
Back

Neyite · 27-04-2018 10:09AM

ted1 wrote: »

Ended up bringing home three American girls after a party, we were all covered on sand so had to shower together to get it off. They were members daughters at a private beach club I was working. (One of them has since become very famous ) boss found out and fired me, but the same wit got me rehired shortly after.

Nothing worse than when dreams are just getting to the good bit and you wake up. Hate that.

Lorelli! · 27-04-2018 10:09AM

Was out with some friends before and we got talking to some Australian people.

Can't remember what the conversation was but one of the Irish lads was messing and said to one of the Australians, "at least we don't have the Union Jack in the top corner of our flag" and the Australian guy said "well...at least we don't have them on the top corner of our country!" The Irish fella laughed and said "can't argue with that"

:pac:

ted1 · 27-04-2018 10:17AM

Neyite wrote: »

ted1 wrote: »

Ended up bringing home three American girls after a party, we were all covered on sand so had to shower together to get it off. They were members daughters at a private beach club I was working. (One of them has since become very famous ) boss found out and fired me, but the same wit got me rehired shortly after.

Nothing worse than when dreams are just getting to the good bit and you wake up. Hate that.

Nothing worse than having such a boring life that you can’t believe that exciting things happens to other people

Franz Von Peppercorn · 27-04-2018 12:22PM

Another example of not so much wit, but the divide of a common language:

I was in an indie cinema in the US with two Americans, and I said I’d buy the food. They suggested we shared popcorn, so up I go and ask for the largest popcorn. Popcorn was all they really had, being indie.

“Family size?”, says the vendor quizzically.

“Sure, says I”. He proceeds to give me the largest size popcorn container I have ever seen. The bench was about waist height, and the popcorn container on the bench went up to my chin. I am 5’11. And the popcorn went higher.

Anyway he asks me, in American, if I am finished with my order. They generally put it like this:

“Is that all for you, sir?”, as in are you finished?

Which I heard as:

“Is that all for you, sir?!”

To which I replied:

“Jayuz no, Its not all for me. I am not a savage. Its me and those guys” - frantically pointing at my friends who then proceeded to fall about the place laughing.

Franz Von Peppercorn · 27-04-2018 12:23PM

Fantasy ted. Fantasy.

I think maybe it’s from Love Actually.

Mackerel and Avocado Sandwich · 27-04-2018 12:26PM

Franz Von Peppercorn wrote: »

Fantasy ted. Fantasy.

I think maybe it’s from Love Actually.

who the f**k is this Ted you keep referring to?

Franz Von Peppercorn · 27-04-2018 12:28PM

Mackerel and Avocado Sandwich wrote: »

who the f**k is this Ted you keep referring to?

Ted1. I feel that you maybe are not following the whole thread.

KathleenGrant · 27-04-2018 12:32PM

Lorelli! wrote: »

Was out with some friends before and we got talking to some Australian people.

Can't remember what the conversation was but one of the Irish lads was messing and said to one of the Australians, "at least we don't have the Union Jack in the top corner of our flag" and the Australian guy said "well...at least we don't have them on the top corner of our country!" The Irish fella laughed and said "can't argue with that" :pac:

That is brilliant...

alchemist33 · 27-04-2018 12:39PM

One night on a beach, I told my French joke to an international group of backpackers:

Why does Paris have so many tree-lined streets?

So the German army can march in the shade.

It was quite dark that night so it was hard to tell who glared at me the most, the Germans or the French girl.

Has there been a time you used your Irish wit and it got you in sh$t?

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