Weapon for protection?

Doodoo · 20-04-2018 10:05PM #1

Alarm went off in the middle of the night. Investigated but was a false alarm.
Thinking I should really have something to protect myself in case the next one isn't.
Have many people some sort of a weapon under the bed for just this scenario? What's your choice?

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 20-04-2018 10:09PM

A good dog and a pair of running shoes depending on how big the intruders are.

Conall Cernach · 20-04-2018 10:09PM

Claw hammer under the locker and a choice of 3 swords on various walls.

gifted · 20-04-2018 10:11PM

Set herself and the kids on any intruder.....I know, a bit extreme but ......

blindside88 · 20-04-2018 10:12PM

I have an extendable asp (baton) and my hunting knife on the bedside locker. Theyre more there out of laziness from not moving them than for protection.

nullzero · 20-04-2018 10:12PM

Get your alarm serviced and leave your Rambo fantasies alone.

sheesh · 20-04-2018 10:18PM

on't put what you have in the thread!!!

you are not allowed have offensive weapons in Ireland.

John_Rambo · 20-04-2018 10:21PM

Conall Cernach wrote: »

Claw hammer under the locker and a choice of 3 swords on various walls.

Aside from interior design criminality there's three handy gifts for would be intruders. They can roam empty handed without incriminating evidence and literally take their pick from dodgy wall art weaponry.

Duff · 20-04-2018 10:22PM

A belt of a big feckin stick and any potential intruder wouldn't be long leaving.

John_Rambo · 20-04-2018 10:24PM

nullzero wrote: »

Get your alarm serviced and leave your Rambo fantasies alone.

100% agreed.

andmynameisrambo

antodeco · 20-04-2018 10:24PM

My farts. Walk into the bedroom. Boom. Smell based forcefield

Sky King · 20-04-2018 10:25PM

Knacker whacker on top of the wardrobe

buried · 20-04-2018 10:26PM

WhiteHouse's 'Wriggle Like a f**king Eel' turned up to 11 on a hi power Marshall Amplifier.
This will also make your in laws/relations get the f**k out the gaff too, they more likely to rob you than anyone

nullzero · 20-04-2018 10:28PM

John_Rambo wrote: »

100% agreed.

andmynameisrambo

I thought it was just rhyming slang for a sandwich.

Beanntraigheach · 20-04-2018 10:28PM

A short Japanese sword.
It's the first thing I'd go for if I ever felt under threat.

John_Rambo · 20-04-2018 10:31PM

This is hilarious.

peasant · 20-04-2018 10:31PM

There are a few handy sticks (from recent garden clearances) left in strategic positions in and around the house. Nothing too long or heavy...just the right size so that you can swing it quick and hard even when cornered.

(a baseball bat or similar is an outdoors tool only and a hammer or knife is way too dangerous in case it gets turned against you...as would be the baseball bat)

Cantona's Collars · 20-04-2018 10:36PM

Run towards them naked waving your erection at them.

corner of hells · 20-04-2018 10:38PM

I tie the JRT to a brush handle at night , it's a sorta javelin with teeth.

The kids also liberally sprinkle Lego everywhere in the off chance the burglar has no shoes on.

Capt'n Midnight · 20-04-2018 10:40PM

I call mine Ol' Painless because what else do you call an M134 Minigun ?

"just had to grit your teeth and hold on"
"like firing a chainsaw."

scudzilla · 20-04-2018 10:40PM

Have 2 dogs and some strategically placed weapons dotted around, a flick stick and 2 small (foot/foot and a half) bats near doors.

You'll see people say ah, i have baseball bats, no use whatsoever as in a typical hall you wouldn't be able to get any swing on it

buried · 20-04-2018 10:41PM

Make sure they can't get in the first place by following the Dude's logic

4ensic15 · 21-04-2018 12:13AM

A guard interviewed on radio years ago said there are 2 things burglars don't like, noise and light. The way to deal with intruders is to have switches that can turn on light everywhere and start radios etc playing. The burglars won't hang around.

PandaPoo · 21-04-2018 12:40AM

We took an exercise machine apart a few years ago and kept a really heavy metal part from the base. We keep it under the bed, it's called the skull crusher!

Noveight · 21-04-2018 12:42AM

As of right now the best I could do is a hefty Harp pint glass. That'll do nicely.

az2wp0sye65487 · 21-04-2018 12:53AM

If I was woken in the middle of the night by a burglar I'd like to think i'd get the kids & wife into one room and lock the door. Shout at the intruders to tell them where the car keys / wallet / purse etc. are (all drownstairs) and ask them not to come upstairs. Oh yeah - then ring 999 and stay locked in til the gardai arrive 6-8 hours later.

In reality, the last time we were woken by a noise during the night I hopped out of bed bollock naked and headed for the door. The wife said "you've no clothes on!" To which I replied "i'm more intimidating that way"
Still obviously half asleep & talking bullsh1t! Luckily there was nobody there.

Tigger · 21-04-2018 01:01AM

When people don’t train their big smelly dogs they give them to the pound cos they are badly behaved
So I take them cos nobody else wants them
I train them and stuff but thy are still big smelly dogs so they

1 make other houses look like a much easier target
2 destroy everything I own so there’s nothing worth taking

Job oxo

dsaint1 · 21-04-2018 01:02AM

nullzero wrote: »

Get your alarm serviced and leave your Rambo fantasies alone.

So you assume an alarm going off will 100% protect your family from an intruder?

EndaHonesty · 21-04-2018 01:05AM

Doodoo wrote: »

Alarm went off in the middle of the night. Investigated but was a false alarm.
Thinking I should really have something to protect myself in case the next one isn't.
Have many people some sort of a weapon under the bed for just this scenario? What's your choice?

It might not have been a false alarm.

The alarm might have done it's job and scared off the burgular.

The truth is a noisy, sensitive alarm is the best protection against house burglaries.

The criminals will look for an easier target and leave you alone...

dsaint1 wrote: »

So you assume an alarm going off will 100% protect your family from an intruder?

Nothing is 100% but a working alarm will reduce he chances of a home intrusion by a very significant margin.

Grayson · 21-04-2018 01:14AM

contents insurance and running shoes.

I had a friend who was a martial arts trainer. He used to say it doesn't matter how much martial arts you know, if you fight a guy with a knife you'll get cut.

All the people saying they'd use weapons, well they would have to be lucky enough to get the first hit in and hope it would be enough.

Get contents insurance and let them have everything and get out of there.

At a push get a dog (as someone mentioned already) but don't think you could take a burglar.

Canis Lupus · 21-04-2018 01:21AM

Demi Witty Lubricant wrote: »

A good dog and a pair of running shoes depending on how big the intruders are.

The dog will need two pairs and they don't like wearing runners so I'm not sure how good that plan is.

Weapon for protection?

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