Girlfriend left me. Taking it really badly.

mada82 wrote: »

My girlfriend left me on Tuesday and I’m absolutely devestated. I know time is a healer but right now I feel numb and can’t imagine my life without her.
I text her begging to give me one more chance but she’s certain it’s over.
Really struggling badly.

I’m so sorry to read this. It’s such a difficult time for you, especially if you didn’t see the split coming.

You are going to hurt for a while but it will get easier. Obviously she doesn’t love you and you deserve to be with someone that loves you as much as you love them.

Remember that there is someone out there who will adore and appreciate you and that you could never meet them if you stayed in this relationship.

I hope that you feel better soon!

Sorry OP But the sad fact is that as others have said, time is the only healer.

I've been where you are now. It hit me badly, I ended up on anti depressants, got sick as I was so rundown through stress, lack of sleep, not eating etc.

Everyone told me time was a healer, I didn't believe them as the pain was so bad that I couldn't see it ever being over and that I would ever be back to 'normal'.

But guess what...I am back to normal.

You need to give yourself time to grieve. Forget the councillor for now, it's too early. You need to give yourself the next couple of weeks to feel upset as it is natural and you need to go through it. You need to cry and let it all out. You need to let it all sink in.

You will feel better eventually but it will take a little while. Just try not to let it consume you like I did - get up and go for a walk, talk to friends, accept invitations to go out even when all you want to do is put the covers over your head.

You will be OK, I promise.

Frowzy wrote: »

Remember that there is someone out there who will adore and appreciate you and that you could never meet them if you stayed in this relationship.

Great advice! I've never thought of it in that way before. Such a positive outlook

mada82 wrote: »

I was in with the doctor there and she gave me a great pep talk along with something to help my sleeping. Feeling a tiny bit better.

Not sure if it would be your cup of tea but I found guided meditations great...there’s a very good app called Headspace that gives a free trial.
It’s very nice to do before bed (it’s only 10 minutes) and really helped me clear my head and sleep better.

You sound like a decent person OP who deserves someone who will treat you with the kindness you deserve. She ended the relationship in a very selfish and callous way.

Again, keeping busy will help distract you and in time you will be over her. Do you have Meetup groups in your area? Brilliant way to get out there and meet people. There are so many lovely people out there.

She’s been very cold in our contact so far saying things like I ruined us and I destroyed us.[/quote]

Mada82, what u need to do is put yourself first and you need to cut all contact with her. She has left you for whatever reason, maybe she thought u were moody , maybe she changed her mind about counselling and/or a baby, maybe she didn't want to pay the loan!! She's blaming you on the break-up so not only are you grieving the break-up but also beating yourself up and running yourself down. CUT all contact, she's gone. It's time for you to look after you and build yourself esteem and confidence back up. Do not text her , reply to texts, phone her etc! She walked out and dumped you in a text message while you were in work. Today go join a gym, meet friends etc. Whatever you do is do not contact her. It will get easier in time but no healing can start if you are in contact with her.

mada82 wrote: »

She told me many times over the last few months that she couldn’t deal with me being moody anymore. I would sometimes get into moods on nights out when I felt left out. I shouldn’t have but I couldn’t stop it. I should have done more about it, went to see someone.

On the whole the relationship was great though. We got on really well, had a great laugh together. I’d always put her needs above my own as I just wanted her to be happy. That’s the way I am. I always put my other half ahead of me. But always happy to do it. .

Hello OP.
I'm very sorry to hear you've been going through such a rough time. These transitions are very hard. Very painful.. For a while.

Just for your own well being n future success. I wanted to highlight this stood out to me. When someone says they always put thier partners needs above their own. I hear 'I always put myself last. I didnt equally meet my needs'
It usually stems from low self esteem, n fear of rejection.
The reason why I wanted to mention it to you is because you also mention that you were in moods enough of the time that it put a wedge between you n your partner. Of course you are in Moods if you are putting yourself last. There is a kindness in helping others but not if it comes at the cost of self kindness. That is unloving towards yourself n that is the relationship that mainly defines your well being. If you cannot stay well in those ways.. You cannot be available to others in a relationship because your not available to yourself in terms of needs n requirements. It's often due to ignorance of our need requirements so it's sad we can't see it coming.

There is a great intimacy n connection available if both people are willing to identify thier needs n establish boundaries to maintain them. Not forfeiting thier needs out of people pleasing. In this intimacy it takes great courage to acknowledge that vulnerability, n to share it with your partner, n to guard it against thier needs overriding it. It's self respecting n by default teaches others how to respect us. That helps them learn to love us rather than resent us for failing to self care.

I hope its OK to point out that aspect. Breakups are great time for learning, with kindness about where are skills lack in terms out self care. If we are well, our relationships tend to follow.

This is going to be a tough time for you. As lame as it sounds. Practicing thinking nice thoughts about ourselves especially now helps counteract negative ones that appear more freely!

When people say **** like time heals all wounds and lots of fish in sea, it's because we have been where you are and we know it to be true because we have come out the other side and survived, hang in there man.

mada82 wrote: »

She was texting me today and mentioned I was looking well coming out of the gym. Then said she was having a bad day. Then stopped texting saying it wasn’t fair on me for her to text me.

Confused now.

Today has been a very good day otherwise. I’m feeling good.

She's a headwrecker and stringing you along. She doesn't know what she wants judging by texts. You are should cut all contact with her now for your own sanity.

It's good that you are going to the gym already as exercise is great for the head. Also maybe try take up a few new hobbies as well to fill the extra time and maybe use meet up, to try a few other new things to do.