Is it ok to skip your debs?

vithit · 10-04-2018 10:16PM #1

I go to a tiny, rural school and suffered from bad social anxiety until late TY/5th year. I was picked on a lot & branded as a weirdo. Nowadays, I have people I talk to, but I would never meet up with them and maybe drink with them at large parties. I don't have any friends at school. I really don't see any point in going, but my mum thinks I should. And I won't get a date,I'm invisible to boys in my school. I don't know how I'll meet boys outside of school either over the summer as I have no one to go out drinking with locally.

1hnr79jr65 · 11-04-2018 12:38AM

I went to my friends place and played xbox and had some beers and pizza.

Debs is a non mandatory social activity, if you dont want to go, then dont. Go do something fun instead, maybe some travel or have a binge night catching up on tv show or something

johnnysmack · 11-04-2018 12:41AM

I never bothered with my debs either. It really doesn't matter to be honest. Go do something you want to do and enjoy instead.

Dog walker 1234 · 11-04-2018 05:18AM

It doesn't matter whether you go or not. Do whatever makes you happy.

Malayalam · 11-04-2018 05:27AM

Course it's ok to skip it. They are often a torture anyway, people dolled up in expensive gear that they will be puking down the front of before they even get off the bus. Far more sensible to stay home and avoid the melee. Some day in the future you will be telling the story cheerfully and people will say you were dead right, so get in ahead of yourself and be cheerful now. Do it

Wexfordboy89 · 11-04-2018 05:30AM

Do what makes you happy if going to your debs is going to make you unhappy dont go.theres plenty of other ways to meet ppl outside of drinking you dont always get to see the real person when drink is envolved.do you have any hobbies eg singing.are there any local groups you can.join to meet ppl your age who like the same things you do.I didnt go to mine had no interest in going.like you I was bullied in school.

Ted_YNWA · 11-04-2018 05:32AM

I never went to mine either. Hasnt bothered me in slightest. Would have similarly social awkward in school too.

Did LC in 2001. At 17/18 it is seen as a big deal. As you get older, it loses its significance. I have moved to a different part of country now. I don't think I have ever chatted about debs attendance to anyone. No one will know or care. There will be plenty more events & social events that you will attend. Believe me, they all roll into one.

TG1 · 11-04-2018 05:53AM

Went to mine and I wish I'd skipped it. Like you I was in two minds, and gave in to pressures and went. Spent the night in a dress I wasn't comfortable in with people I wasn't comfortable with. I got fed up and left about 11 anyway wishing I hadn't spent the money!
By 9pm the majority there will not know who is and isn't there. If you don't want to go, don't, and as someone above suggested, decide to do something you like doing instead.

lazygal · 11-04-2018 05:56AM

Never went and never gave it a second thought. 17 years on its totally irrelevant.

LegacyUser · 11-04-2018 07:08AM

I'm 21 and never went to mine a few years ago.

I knew it would be a mess, it was an all-girls school and there had been nothing but drama in the last two years. My mam was bitterly upset over it but I couldn't justify the money on dress etc. when I knew I wouldn't enjoy it, and that everyone I knew would be wrapped up with their dates and I'd end up sitting in the toilets.

Since then I have gone to college and gone to balls and dances of societies and had an amazing time with people I love being with

there'll be infinite more chances to dress up and look amazing, only those times it'll be with your friends and people you feel comfortable being yourself with.

Mr. Incognito · 11-04-2018 10:00AM

Never went

Didnt miss it

Went to a friends the following year

Got hammered-- spent a fortune- fell asleep in a shed.

If you are not bothered dont bother.

Sinister Kid · 11-04-2018 10:45AM

I hated school... I took the money & went to Edinburgh for a weekend with my mate. Best idea ever.

ger vallely · 11-04-2018 05:59PM

I can tell you, now as a 47 year old, choosing not to go to my debs has had zero impact on my life. I know I may as well be a million years old in your eyes but I was 17,school was the same- cool people and people who lived for the debs. I had no interest. It's had no impact. Do what you feel is right. If you do go, my daughter brought her friend, another girl. They had great fun.

rainbowtrout · 11-04-2018 06:24PM

I didn't go to mine, and while it seemed like everyone was going realistically a third of my year (all girls school) didn't actually go. Now I'm a teacher and i see the same thing, there's always a group of students that don't go and it's fine. It just seems like everyone is going when there's a lot of talk about it.

To put it in perspective OP, there's a thread that was in After Hours in the last day or two about the debs, and plenty were posting that they didn't even remember who they went with or what was the name of their debs date. Really not that life changing an experience if they don't remember that basic detail. It's just another night to get drunk, only in fancy clothes.

Sephiroth_dude · 11-04-2018 06:35PM

Never went to mine, didn't have many pals in school though, no regrets.

Ursus Horribilis · 11-04-2018 06:37PM

If you've got no real bond with your classmates I don't see why you you'd bother going. Once you finish school, you're probably never going to lay eyes on most of them again, let alone speak to them. All they'll be to you are people you happened to go through school with but weren't your friends really.

Far more important to you will be what you do next. If you go on to college you'll be starting again with a blank slate. Have you done any work on that aspect of your life? How you'll go about making new friends and meeting new people.

Pyr0 · 12-04-2018 10:43AM

Use any money you'd spend on a debs and go on a weekend holiday somewhere with a few mates if you can. The debs is a waste of money and a night you'll most likely never remember with any fondness at all.

Mokuba · 12-04-2018 11:00AM

I know it seems like a big deal right now, but in a few years you will look back on it as completely insignificant.

It's a small bit of craic if you like the person you go with or if you have a good bond with the year. That's it. It's not the be all and end all.

As somebody who went to 3, I can't remember who or who didn't go to my own schools one and I don't care either. And I'm not in touch with any of the people whom I went with.

pwurple · 12-04-2018 11:04AM

Skip away, no biggie. You like what you like. I had no interest then, and still wouldn't be into large events. Not a fan of college balls or big festivals either. I'm fairly social, but prefer smaller groups where I can have some chats with my friends, instead of blaring music and a lot of langerated eejits.
Nothing wrong with having confidence in your own preferences.

vithit · 14-04-2018 10:44PM

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

If you've got no real bond with your classmates I don't see why you you'd bother going. Once you finish school, you're probably never going to lay eyes on most of them again, let alone speak to them. All they'll be to you are people you happened to go through school with but weren't your friends really.

Far more important to you will be what you do next. If you go on to college you'll be starting again with a blank slate. Have you done any work on that aspect of your life? How you'll go about making new friends and meeting new people.

Yeah, hopefully going to NUIG next year. The points for my course are pretty low and I’m hoping they stay that way

I do plan on joining societies etc. Honestly, I’m fairly sociable outside of school. I have two close friends who live fairly far away who I met through work. It’s just that I’ve never been able to shed my reputation at school, and living in a rural area with no clubs or sports bar the GAA has fairly limited my social life.

vithit · 14-04-2018 10:47PM

Guys thank you all so much for your replies. Ye are right, I don’t have to go if I don’t want to. I can think of so many other better ways to spend €400 euro.

Irish_rat · 15-04-2018 02:31AM

vithit wrote: »

I go to a tiny, rural school and suffered from bad social anxiety until late TY/5th year. I was picked on a lot & branded as a weirdo. Nowadays, I have people I talk to, but I would never meet up with them and maybe drink with them at large parties. I don't have any friends at school. I really don't see any point in going, but my mum thinks I should. And I won't get a date,I'm invisible to boys in my school. I don't know how I'll meet boys outside of school either over the summer as I have no one to go out drinking with locally.

What appears significant now will appear so insignificant a few years down the line. You will never need any of those in school for what is a massive life ahead of you.

Skip the debs you won't regret it.

Irish_rat · 15-04-2018 02:53AM

vithit wrote: »

Yeah, hopefully going to NUIG next year. The points for my course are pretty low and I’m hoping they stay that way I do plan on joining societies etc. Honestly, I’m fairly sociable outside of school. I have two close friends who live fairly far away who I met through work. It’s just that I’ve never been able to shed my reputation at school, and living in a rural area with no clubs or sports bar the GAA has fairly limited my social life.

Definitely focus on education it's the one thing that matters right now, the rest will all come together in time.

Wanderer2010 · 15-04-2018 11:04AM

lazygal wrote: »

Never went and never gave it a second thought. 17 years on its totally irrelevant.

Agree with this. Really, things like Debs, being popular, wearing the right thing etc seem like the most important things on the planet in school but when you get older and live life, it really does absolutely vanish from your memory. I cant believe the things that used to worry me, and nearly 2 decades after I left school. 90% of it is totally forgotten about. You wont even remember it.

CopperLady · 15-04-2018 10:55PM

vithit wrote: »

Yeah, hopefully going to NUIG next year. The points for my course are pretty low and I’m hoping they stay that way I do plan on joining societies etc. Honestly, I’m fairly sociable outside of school. I have two close friends who live fairly far away who I met through work. It’s just that I’ve never been able to shed my reputation at school, and living in a rural area with no clubs or sports bar the GAA has fairly limited my social life.

This was my exact experience too! I had a school friend comment on how I had 'come out of my shell so quickly' in college but I just pointed out that people were weird and close-minded at school and just couldn't let go of the image they had decided on for me so I didn't bother trying with them! I hadn't changed, I just stopped wasting my time in school trying to shake the 'weirdo' image. I had tons of friends outside school that no-one seemed to figure out! University was such a breath of fresh air!

vithit wrote: »

Guys thank you all so much for your replies. Ye are right, I don’t have to go if I don’t want to. I can think of so many other better ways to spend €400 euro.

I replied to your post on reddit OP, like on there I'd advise getting a laptop or something useful for college instead like I did! Haha! You won't regret it, I guarantee that once you're a few months into college that school will be a distant irrelevant memory for you. Good luck in the exams!

little miss sunshine1 · 16-04-2018 08:45AM

I would n't bother going, it's a total cringe -worthy event. Never went to mine, the idea horrified me at the time. Spending hours with a bunch of people, the half of them you don't even particularly like that much. It's not as if you're going to see these people again.

Don't worry about it.

mike2084 · 17-04-2018 11:03PM

Never went to mine and I'm fairly certain I missed nothing, overhyped night to make money for local dress hire businesses.

Step23 · 18-04-2018 09:53PM

I didn't go to mine, used the money I would have spent to buy something I collected a time, still have said item and never once regretted not going. I was asked however by my tutor why I wasn't going so a heads up in case you may get asked!

LegacyUser · 26-04-2018 01:29PM

I had lots of friends in school and got the mandatory date for the debs(spent the meal together, then like the majority of people there just went their separate ways for the night to hang out with their friends, maybe get one of the photos). It was fun to be out with all my friends but really expensive and forgettable once I went to college.

Looking back I shouldn't have bothered. The amount of money spent on limo, rented suit, flower thing for date, ticket for the event, drink. There was things I needed a lot more back then like new clothes, driving lessons or a laptop.

lulu1 · 29-04-2018 09:09PM

In our school all the names are put into a hat and you have to go with whoever is picked for you that way there is no one without a partner

'Don't go if you don't want to it's only a money racket anyway

kob29 · 08-05-2018 07:26PM

In total agreement with everyone else, dont bother if you dont want to. Never went, couldnt care less to this day. Good to see you have perspective that there is life beyond secondary school. Plan forward to that and jump in!

Is it ok to skip your debs?

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