Relentless taunting and bullying that leads to suicide.

skylight1987 · 04-04-2018 08:09PM

I suffered fierce from bullies in primary but by secondary I was able to back up for myself. however I witnessed a girl in the year below me endure horrific teenage bullying , this was very early 1990s. she had kissed a boy a few girls liked and they gave her a dreadful time. even battered her with flour and eggs while she was walking home from school a few times . so I think it goes on in every generation its just that its all on social media now which makes it extra hard and embarrassing and unfortunately fatal

ennis81 · 04-04-2018 08:32PM

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

Totally agree with you, I asked my teenager why they don't do this when being bullied online and I was told it worse to be offline and out of the social media loop, I feel sorry for the teens of today

Paddy Cow · 04-04-2018 09:52PM

Tyson Harsh Cylinder wrote: »

I agree. But you also have to worry about the kind of kids/teenagers who seem to see nothing wrong in targeting someone in a really vicious way and not even relenting when their target tries to take their own life; instead almost seeing it as some kind of 'win' and boasting and jeering about it on social media. There has to be something seriously wrong with kids who instigate that kind of thing, and their followers who keep going along with it, even when it has obviously taken a very, very serious turn.

There was a horrific case in America of a teenager who badgered her boyfriend into killing himself. He filled his car with carbon monoxide but got out and she told him to get back in. She got done for involuntary manslaughter. Some people are really cruel.

Church on Tuesday · 04-04-2018 11:00PM

Sad thing is, bullying can happen at anytime in one's life really. And in can be from anyone in a social circle and any age.

The people who bully, in my opinion, and it's only my opinion, are people who have severe issues which they are basically acting out on their chosen victim.

Usually have a chip on their shoulder about something or are insecure in themselves, jealousy etc.

Social media has become a veritable playground for bullies, and on social media it can be done in subtle or not so subtle ways.

It's disgusting.

Franz Von Peppercorn · 04-04-2018 11:00PM

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Kids pretty much have stopped using Facebook Except (scarily) for looking for jobs. It's pretty much the preserve of oldersters and job hunters now.

And I'm sorry, but I just don't buy the story in the original article.

Young woman with a physical disability is doing just fine until she turns 18. Then she starts going out (it doesn't say explicitly, but I assume clubbing) with a new set of friends and they turn out to be ****s.

Yeah - so where were her original friends? Why'd she stop going out with them and start hanging out with people who were cruel to her? I can understand it from school kids: they have no choice who they go to school with. But once you turn 18 you have a lot more choices, and at least the beginnings of enough brain cells to use them.

I reckon there's a whole 'nother side to the story.

Why in God’s name would anybody make this up. The story’s true.

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 05-04-2018 09:52AM

BrokenArrows wrote: »

The general problem is that it's kids that do this stuff and you can't lock up kids.
And kids who do this in a lot of cases cannot be controlled by their parents so really what do you do.

Surely there's some sanctions? Community service, juvenile detention centres, heavy fines etc etc.

Hector Bellend · 05-04-2018 10:46AM

There's a simple solution if there was the legal will.

Charge them or their parents with Manslaughter.

Their actions led directly to the death of one of their peers. The consequences should reflect this.

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 05-04-2018 10:54AM

Hector Bellend wrote: »

There's a simple solution if there was the legal will.

Charge them or their parents with Manslaughter.

Their actions led directly to the death of one of their peers. The consequences should reflect this.

I agree. I think one or two high profile prosecutions might serve as a serious wake up call, not only to the bullies but to the parents and schools who often turn a blind eye or go into denial.

Hector Bellend · 05-04-2018 10:56AM

Tyson Harsh Cylinder wrote: »

I agree. I think one or two high profile prosecutions might serve as a serious wake up call, not only to the bullies but to the parents and schools who often turn a blind eye or go into denial.

That's also an issue that needs to be addressed.

tattooed · 05-04-2018 11:27AM

Deleted User wrote: »

Hardly relatively recent. I'm in my early 40s and I was relentlessly bullied in both primary and secondary school. Physical and emotional abuse. I had the misfortune of having my parents as teachers in both schools. I also have a shaking disorder (the more obvious reason to be bullied about).

I really can relate to this.I was also bullied severely from 1st to 6th year.
Like yourself I sustained injuries that had I been an adult would probably have resulted in the people involved being charged with assault.
6 years ago I got an invite to the renunion of the school and having sorted myself out I let it be known quite publicly that these lads were assholes when I was in school with them for 6 years and why would I want to socialise with them now.

There have always been kids/teens who either punish for their own pleasure or to gain social standing with others. Before I was 18, I was put in hospital 4 times by others. Not a simple beating, but broken bones. I won't go into the emotional abuse except to say that young people can be very inventive in how they want to abuse someone else.

This isn't new behavior. They've just got some new delivery systems for their abuse.

Roll on 20 years later and I find that my daughter is being severely bullied in her secondary school.
There was this little asshole that handed her a pack of razor blades and told her to "do the world a favour"
When she didnt do that he handed her a rope with a noose knot tied in it and aksed her to do the same.
I found out,called the school and was told that they were "investigating the incidents"
Heard nothing for weeks and called again and do you know what the school told me?

The parents were "major contributors to the school and the it had to be handled in a sensitive manner"

So I flipped.
Told the principal that Id be waiting outside and sort it out myself.
To this day I never once got an apology or explanation from that school.

jimgoose · 05-04-2018 11:31AM

tattooed wrote: »

...this little asshole that handed her a pack of razor blades and told her to "do the world a favour"
When she didnt do that he handed her a rope with a noose knot tied in it and aksed her to do the same...

It would be extremely difficult to persuade me not to bundle the little bastard into a van, take him away somewhere nice and quiet and give him the old SAS "fake helicopter" job for a few hours.

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 05-04-2018 11:38AM

tattooed wrote: »

I really can relate to this.I was also bullied severely from 1st to 6th year.
Like yourself I sustained injuries that had I been an adult would probably have resulted in the people involved being charged with assault.
6 years ago I got an invite to the renunion of the school and having sorted myself out I let it be known quite publicly that these lads were assholes when I was in school with them for 6 years and why would I want to socialise with them now.

Roll on 20 years later and I find that my daughter is being severely bullied in her secondary school.
There was this little asshole that handed her a pack of razor blades and told her to "do the world a favour"
When she didnt do that he handed her a rope with a noose knot tied in it and aksed her to do the same.
I found out,called the school and was told that they were "investigating the incidents"
Heard nothing for weeks and called again and do you know what the school told me?

The parents were "major contributors to the school and the it had to be handled in a sensitive manner"

So I flipped.
Told the principal that Id be waiting outside and sort it out myself.
To this day I never once got an apology or explanation from that school.

I would be making a formal complaint about that Principal.

I heard about a similar incident at a very well heeled Sth Co. Dublin girls' secondary school. A crowd of unpleasant bullies who drove a schoolgirl to a nervous breakdown were constantly defended by the Principal because she didn't want to upset a particular group of parents.

That kind of behaviour from school principals should be investigated.

irishrebe · 05-04-2018 12:35PM

Franz Von Peppercorn wrote: »

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Kids pretty much have stopped using Facebook Except (scarily) for looking for jobs. It's pretty much the preserve of oldersters and job hunters now.

And I'm sorry, but I just don't buy the story in the original article.

Young woman with a physical disability is doing just fine until she turns 18. Then she starts going out (it doesn't say explicitly, but I assume clubbing) with a new set of friends and they turn out to be ****s.

Yeah - so where were her original friends? Why'd she stop going out with them and start hanging out with people who were cruel to her? I can understand it from school kids: they have no choice who they go to school with. But once you turn 18 you have a lot more choices, and at least the beginnings of enough brain cells to use them.

I reckon there's a whole 'nother side to the story.

Why in God’s name would anybody make this up. The story’s true.

If you haven't noticed, people on here love to claim that things aren't true. Says a lot about a person when their obviously very narrow life experience and black and white thinking means they can't fathom something which is completely believable to most of us.

shesty · 05-04-2018 12:39PM

tattooed wrote: »

I really can relate to this.I was also bullied severely from 1st to 6th year.
Like yourself I sustained injuries that had I been an adult would probably have resulted in the people involved being charged with assault.
6 years ago I got an invite to the renunion of the school and having sorted myself out I let it be known quite publicly that these lads were assholes when I was in school with them for 6 years and why would I want to socialise with them now.

Roll on 20 years later and I find that my daughter is being severely bullied in her secondary school.
There was this little asshole that handed her a pack of razor blades and told her to "do the world a favour"
When she didnt do that he handed her a rope with a noose knot tied in it and aksed her to do the same.
I found out,called the school and was told that they were "investigating the incidents"
Heard nothing for weeks and called again and do you know what the school told me?

The parents were "major contributors to the school and the it had to be handled in a sensitive manner"

So I flipped.
Told the principal that Id be waiting outside and sort it out myself.
To this day I never once got an apology or explanation from that school.

Jesus.
She should have handed them back, told him to take his own advice.
That's actually shocking, what sort of experiences/upbringing has that young child/teen had to make him think that's acceptable behaviour?In any part of life?

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 05-04-2018 12:41PM

shesty wrote: »

Jesus.
She should have handed them back, told him to take his own advice.
That's actually shocking, what sort of experiences/upbringing has that young child/teen had to make him think that's acceptable behaviour?In any part of life?

The Principal's reaction is really shocking as well.

badtoro · 05-04-2018 12:48PM

Deleted User wrote: »

I wish there was some way to teach teens how to protect themselves from these muppets. For most of us, we learn how to do so in our twenties after the worst of it is finished.

There is, punch them in the mouth, and if they open it again, punch them some more.

Naturally that comment will get criticised and etc blah, but I can tell you from experience it is the only thing a bully understands.

Once a bully realises there is a cost to their fun, they **** off because as pointed out they're only cowards anyway.

irishrebe · 05-04-2018 12:56PM

Tyson Harsh Cylinder wrote: »

tattooed wrote: »

I really can relate to this.I was also bullied severely from 1st to 6th year.
Like yourself I sustained injuries that had I been an adult would probably have resulted in the people involved being charged with assault.
6 years ago I got an invite to the renunion of the school and having sorted myself out I let it be known quite publicly that these lads were assholes when I was in school with them for 6 years and why would I want to socialise with them now.

Roll on 20 years later and I find that my daughter is being severely bullied in her secondary school.
There was this little asshole that handed her a pack of razor blades and told her to "do the world a favour"
When she didnt do that he handed her a rope with a noose knot tied in it and aksed her to do the same.
I found out,called the school and was told that they were "investigating the incidents"
Heard nothing for weeks and called again and do you know what the school told me?

The parents were "major contributors to the school and the it had to be handled in a sensitive manner"

So I flipped.
Told the principal that Id be waiting outside and sort it out myself.
To this day I never once got an apology or explanation from that school.

I would be making a formal complaint about that Principal.

I heard about a similar incident at a very well heeled Sth Co. Dublin girls' secondary school. A crowd of unpleasant bullies who drove a schoolgirl to a nervous breakdown were constantly defended by the Principal because she didn't want to upset a particular group of parents.

That kind of behaviour from school principals should be investigated.

The adults can be as bad as or worse than the kids. My cousin had a friend who was relentlessly bullied at secondary school and every adult involved just turned a blind eye, including his parents who were too busy working to listen, and told him to just ignore them and they were just jealous because he was smart and got good grades, etc. The typical useless platitudes doled out by clueless people. He did ignore them but they just stepped it up and it got worse and worse. He refused to go to school and his parents made him. He went home by himself after they'd dropped him off and they punished him for his 'bad behaviour'. He was punished by the school and his parents for playing truant. The bullies were delighted by this, knowing he had nobody to back him up except a few friends at school who were way out of their depth. They'd hound him on social media, send him anonymous messages, wait for him after school every day, steal his books and homework so he got into trouble, take his lunch off him and throw it in the bin so he went hungry...just relentless bullying that went on for months on end. His parents punished his playing truant and worsening grades by taking away the few things he loved like his video games and grounded him so he couldn't see his friends at the weekend. One Monday they dropped him off at school as usual and came home at 6pm to find him hanged in his bedroom. My cousin said it was sickening to listen to all the statements by the teachers and his parents and have them all asking how could have happened. He said as far as he was concerned, they might as well have killed him themselves. He tried so many times to explain what was going on and get help and nobody was interested.

irishrebe · 05-04-2018 12:57PM

badtoro wrote: »

Deleted User wrote: »

I wish there was some way to teach teens how to protect themselves from these muppets. For most of us, we learn how to do so in our twenties after the worst of it is finished.

There is, punch them in the mouth, and if they open it again, punch them some more.

Naturally that comment will get criticised and etc blah, but I can tell you from experience it is the only thing a bully understands.

Once a bully realises there is a cost to their fun, they **** off because as pointed out they're only cowards anyway.

And then those people doing that get punished and treated as the problem, and the bully has even more impunity to get away with their behaviour.

jimgoose · 05-04-2018 12:57PM

irishrebe wrote: »

The adults can be as bad as or worse than the kids. My cousin had a friend who was relentlessly bullied at secondary school and every adult involved just turned a blind eye, including his parents who were too busy working to listen, and told him to just ignore them and they were just jealous because he was smart and got good grades, etc. The typical useless platitudes doled out by clueless people. He did ignore them but they just stepped it up and it got worse and worse. He refused to go to school and his parents made him. He went home by himself after they'd dropped him off and they punished him for his 'bad behaviour'. He was punished by the school and his parents for playing truant. The bullies were delighted by this, knowing he had nobody to back him up except a few friends at school who were way out of their depth. They'd hound him on social media, send him anonymous messages, wait for him after school every day, steal his books and homework so he got into trouble, take his lunch off him and throw it in the bin so he went hungry...just relentless bullying that went on for months on end. His parents punished his playing truant and worsening grades by taking away the few things he loved like his video games and grounded him so he couldn't see his friends at the weekend. One Monday they dropped him off at school as usual and came home at 6pm to find him hanged in his bedroom. My cousin said it was sickening to listen to all the statements by the teachers and his parents and have them all asking how could have happened. He said as far as he was concerned, they might as well have killed him themselves. He tried so many times to explain what was going on and get help and nobody was interested.

That poor, poor child.

jimgoose · 05-04-2018 01:03PM

irishrebe wrote: »

And then those people doing that get punished and treated as the problem, and the bully has even more impunity to get away with their behaviour.

Only until he starts running out of teeth.

badtoro · 05-04-2018 01:04PM

irishrebe wrote: »

And then those people doing that get punished and treated as the problem, and the bully has even more impunity to get away with their behaviour.

Doesn't matter. What matters is the self esteem of the person getting bullied. If they punch a bully in the mouth and it stops, then being penalised by some other ****head is a small cost. It will stand them through life.

The softly softly rubbish does not work. Often Gardaí are powerless or clueless and schools are most often indifferent.

irishrebe · 05-04-2018 01:41PM

badtoro wrote: »

irishrebe wrote: »

And then those people doing that get punished and treated as the problem, and the bully has even more impunity to get away with their behaviour.

Doesn't matter. What matters is the self esteem of the person getting bullied. If they punch a bully in the mouth and it stops, then being penalised by some other ****head is a small cost. It will stand them through life.

The softly softly rubbish does not work. Often Gardaí are powerless or clueless and schools are most often indifferent.

In all honesty, that was my usual MO and it generally worked, but I was significantly taller and stronger than almost everyone else for the first few years of secondary, things that meant I wasn't bullied by my peer group all that much to start with. One nasty little cow tried it for a while until I finally snapped and literally picked her up and threw her across the changing room before PE. Never heard a peep out of her and her friends after that. Maybe not so easy for a small, skinny kid or one with a disability, i.e. the kids who are usually the 'easy victims' the bullies home in on in the first place, especially if they have no friends to look out for them.

badtoro · 05-04-2018 01:49PM

irishrebe wrote: »

In all honesty, that was my usual MO and it generally worked, but I was significantly taller and stronger than almost everyone else for the first few years of secondary, things that meant I wasn't bullied by my peer group all that much to start with. One nasty little cow tried it for a while until I finally snapped and literally picked her up and threw her across the changing room before PE. Never heard a peep out of her and her friends after that. Maybe not so easy for a small, skinny kid or one with a disability, i.e. the kids who are usually the 'easy victims' the bullies home in on in the first place, especially if they have no friends to look out for them.

I was 6ft in 6th class and was still bullied from age 4 to 16 when I left school and at 21 I tried to kill myself.

Ordinary people, who aren't involved, don't understand the damage this does to a person all through their life. Been through the ringer with teachers, Gardaí, priests, parents going to houses etc.

Waste. Of. Time.

The only place playground issues get sorted is on the playground.

As they say, it's not the size of the dog in the fight it's the size of the fight in the dog.

In fairness I can't speak for the child with a disability, but any able bodied child can be taught self defense and manners. Those two things will stand to them as they'll learn whats acceptable and what''s not.

I don't believe in turning the other cheek in this world as it only makes both sides of your face hurt. That is why I made my first comment on this thread.

If he/she is bigger than you, make the first one count.

jimgoose · 05-04-2018 01:53PM

05-04-2018 04:50PM

badtoro wrote: »

There is, punch them in the mouth, and if they open it again, punch them some more.

Naturally that comment will get criticised and etc blah, but I can tell you from experience it is the only thing a bully understands.

Once a bully realises there is a cost to their fun, they **** off because as pointed out they're only cowards anyway.

I disagree because bullies tend to come in packs, and hitting one or more of them usually turns out badly. I know. I took self-defense classes when I was a teen, and while I hurt them, they were able to hurt me more. It does help to show that you can hurt some of them badly though. It reduces the level of damage you receive because they don't want you to feel you have nothing to lose, and therefore you might go nuts on them. I do agree that all kids should be taught some defensive behaviors (I quite liked the Israeli unarmed instruction that was popular a few years ago. No fancy Martial art. Just simple and direct streetfighting)

The point is to learn not to care about their opinions and to understand that pain doesn't last forever.

I think it's admirable that many posters here believe that, they, as adults can insert themselves into the teens world and protect them. Personally, I think you'll just generate more attention towards the teen from people who normally would be aiming elsewhere. Teens need to learn to be self-sufficient for their own protection. To understand that emotional abuse only affects them if they care about it, and that physical abuse can be reduced by taking some precautions.

I've been a teacher for the last seven years abroad (Asia mostly) doing Mid/High school and university levels. I do have students asking me about their options since I do talk about bullying in class, because it's cross-cultural, and you'll find it at all educational levels. It's the feeling of hopelessness that is the danger. That's the killer. And honestly, it's only the student/teen that can overcome it.

I've seen the initiatives in various schools but usually they just push the bullying further away from the sight of adults/officials. It also seems to decrease the chance of other students informing a teacher that something is happening.

05-04-2018 04:58PM

irishrebe wrote: »

And then those people doing that get punished and treated as the problem, and the bully has even more impunity to get away with their behaviour.

Which is why you do it away from the view of Adults/officials. Just like the bullies tend to do to their target... The audiences are only going to be peers.

Some people only respond to physical responses, and responses which are in excess of their own. They've based their value system on the ability to project power/influence over others. It's usually a combination of both physical intimidation along with some behavioral 'flaw' being displayed. (which is a rather strong limitation of the movement against corporal punishment)

You'll find the same from adults (both male and female) from various cultures. They seem to seek out others to dominate and only really react to either a success in displaying their "superiority" or when someone forces them to back down. (Physically or emotionally)

Bullying is a mannerism that is part of being human. For some. They naturally gravitate towards behaving that way, and will only stop when they meet serious resistance. As a child/teen, the options are much more limited for the victims. As an Adult, usually we've learned better how to protect ourselves (one way or another)

em_cat · 05-04-2018 05:31PM

Brylee Green Shamrock wrote: »

And that's what responsible parents do. Children are taught to use, and deal with, these thing properly by their parents and they grow to use them with care. There seems to be a school of thought that social media is compulsory, all powerful and non-selective. My children and grandchildren use social media but they know who to liaise with, who to ignore and how to turn away from the seedier side of it. What person continues to read comments or posts from vindictive nasty people? You don't hang around with people who bully or belittle you, so why do so on social media?

Well said, couldn’t say it better so enjoy the dopamine hit!

badtoro · 05-04-2018 06:35PM

Deleted User wrote: »

I disagree because bullies tend to come in packs, and hitting one or more of them usually turns out badly. I know. I took self-defense classes when I was a teen, and while I hurt them, they were able to hurt me more. It does help to show that you can hurt some of them badly though. It reduces the level of damage you receive because they don't want you to feel you have nothing to lose, and therefore you might go nuts on them. I do agree that all kids should be taught some defensive behaviors (I quite liked the Israeli unarmed instruction that was popular a few years ago. No fancy Martial art. Just simple and direct streetfighting)

The point is to learn not to care about their opinions and to understand that pain doesn't last forever.

I think it's admirable that many posters here believe that, they, as adults can insert themselves into the teens world and protect them. Personally, I think you'll just generate more attention towards the teen from people who normally would be aiming elsewhere. Teens need to learn to be self-sufficient for their own protection. To understand that emotional abuse only affects them if they care about it, and that physical abuse can be reduced by taking some precautions.

I've been a teacher for the last seven years abroad (Asia mostly) doing Mid/High school and university levels. I do have students asking me about their options since I do talk about bullying in class, because it's cross-cultural, and you'll find it at all educational levels. It's the feeling of hopelessness that is the danger. That's the killer. And honestly, it's only the student/teen that can overcome it.

I've seen the initiatives in various schools but usually they just push the bullying further away from the sight of adults/officials. It also seems to decrease the chance of other students informing a teacher that something is happening.

Krav maga? I've been meaning to do it.

We disagree. Ive waded into groups of 20 plus that were unfriendly to me. Shrinking violets. They didnt come to the aid of their "friend" the bully either.

jimgoose · 06-04-2018 08:27AM

badtoro wrote: »

Krav maga? I've been meaning to do it.

We disagree. Ive waded into groups of 20 plus that were unfriendly to me. Shrinking violets. They didnt come to the aid of their "friend" the bully either.

Nah, never happens. Just identify the biggest, thickest-looking buck-ape - he'll be the ringleader - and go straight for him, not a single word, no dancing or shape-throwing, just drop him. I mean stretch him out. The rest go running off bawling for mama VERY fast. :pac::pac::pac:

Ashbourne hoop · 06-04-2018 09:32AM

irishrebe wrote: »

The adults can be as bad as or worse than the kids. My cousin had a friend who was relentlessly bullied at secondary school and every adult involved just turned a blind eye, including his parents who were too busy working to listen, and told him to just ignore them and they were just jealous because he was smart and got good grades, etc. The typical useless platitudes doled out by clueless people. He did ignore them but they just stepped it up and it got worse and worse. He refused to go to school and his parents made him. He went home by himself after they'd dropped him off and they punished him for his 'bad behaviour'. He was punished by the school and his parents for playing truant. The bullies were delighted by this, knowing he had nobody to back him up except a few friends at school who were way out of their depth. They'd hound him on social media, send him anonymous messages, wait for him after school every day, steal his books and homework so he got into trouble, take his lunch off him and throw it in the bin so he went hungry...just relentless bullying that went on for months on end. His parents punished his playing truant and worsening grades by taking away the few things he loved like his video games and grounded him so he couldn't see his friends at the weekend. One Monday they dropped him off at school as usual and came home at 6pm to find him hanged in his bedroom. My cousin said it was sickening to listen to all the statements by the teachers and his parents and have them all asking how could have happened. He said as far as he was concerned, they might as well have killed him themselves. He tried so many times to explain what was going on and get help and nobody was interested.

There are no words.....

Relentless taunting and bullying that leads to suicide.

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