Two-day weddings

Sultan of Bling · 08-03-2018 08:32AM

Peregrinus wrote:

The rehearsal dinner, as noted, is a fairly small and low-key business. It's not the done thing to go over the top and go to a massively fancy place; you go to a place where people will feel comfortable, and which will be suitable for chatting and socialising. So, a nice restaurant. Not a Michelin-starred place, and not McDonald's. As Electric Sheep says, it's often a chance for the two families to spend a bit of time together before the hurley-burley of the wedding.

I feel it is just another gimmick concocted by businesses as another way for people to part with their cash.

If they brought out "wedding magic beans", that guarantee future happiness, some people would fall for it.

Peregrinus · 08-03-2018 08:39AM

Sultan of Bling wrote: »

I feel it is just another gimmick concocted by businesses as another way for people to part with their cash.

If they brought out "wedding magic beans", that guarantee future happiness, some people would fall for it.

Well, everything with "wedding" in front of it tends to cost between 3 and 10 times as much as if it didn't have "wedding" in front of it.

But, at least in the US, rehearsal dinners are not marketed as such, or charged as such. You just make a booking in a restaurant for X number of people. The restaurant does not know, and does not need to know, the nature of the occasion, and the charges are the same charges that would be incurred any time a group of people go out to dinner.

Birdsong · 08-03-2018 09:47AM

Electric Sheep wrote:

The 2 day wedding on the other hand reeks of a couple who can't bear to relinquish the limelight.

This exactly, I don't do the 2nd day, not even my brothers! They're often Sunday which means taking Monday off work, which I don't think is a good use ood annual leave.

Meeting up with everyone for breakfast the next day is enough by me.

lazygal · 08-03-2018 11:24AM

Peregrinus wrote: »

Well, everything with "wedding" in front of it tends to cost between 3 and 10 times as much as if it didn't have "wedding" in front of it.

I don't think this is the case. Our band, photographer, venue and other suppliers all had a rate. The venue had a rate for events, based on the type of menu you wanted. If we had had a funeral with the same menu it would have cost the same as our wedding meal did per head. If I wanted to hire our photographer for the 12 hours she spent photographing our wedding and delivering prints and an album it was the same for a wedding as any other event. Same rate for the band playing a corporate event as our wedding.
I think the difference is that with a wedding you're hiring a lot of suppliers all at once. At most other events you'll just hire a band, or a photographer, or pay for a meal and drinks. When we looked at each individual cost, none were extortionate and all were worth the money.
If anyone doesn't want to go to an event, just don't go. People won't be offended.

MOH · 08-03-2018 11:35AM

Electric Sheep wrote: »

The 2 day wedding on the other hand reeks of a couple who can't bear to relinquish the limelight.

Utter nonsense.

A lot of times there's a lot of stress on the couple getting married on the day, between worrying everything is going to go OK, and between preparation in the morning, photographs, being a bit more isolated during dinner, many don't get to spend much time relaxing with all their friends at least until well into the evening.

A second day gives the couple a chance to just chill informally with their friends without any of the pressure of hosting the day, and a bit more time to catch up with people.

If you don't want to go, then don't. If you think they're pretentious tossers who are only interesting in hogging the limelight, maybe skip the wedding in the first place.

missmatty · 08-03-2018 11:46AM

It's true, you don't really get a chance to chill with people until quite late in the evening on the day. We did the rounds of a few tables between courses and otherwise would have missed speaking to some people who went to bed early. Also if you have a few people coming later in the evening you spend time talking to them and it takes you longer to get to others, so it's understandable why some people want a second day.

GingerLily · 08-03-2018 12:03PM

When I've talked to guests after my wedding everyone's highlight was either the band or the BBQ the next day, the weather was glorious and everyone just sat, ate and relaxed. I loved my second day because I had barely any attention, I could just talk to guests and not worry about what I should be doing.

Most people were gone by 4 and didn't take the day off work.

lazygal · 08-03-2018 12:06PM

GingerLily wrote: »

When I've talked to guests after my wedding everyone's highlight was either the band or the BBQ the next day, the weather was glorious and everyone just sat, ate and relaxed. I loved my second day because I had barely any attention, I could just talk to guests and not worry about what I should be doing.

Most people were gone by 4 and didn't take the day off work.

The only people who lasted until the singsong stage in my parents on the second day were the rellies and a few very close friends we loved catching up with. It was a Saturday, we had a Friday wedding. Great night!

duffman13 · 08-03-2018 12:32PM

lazygal wrote: »

I don't think this is the case. Our band, photographer, venue and other suppliers all had a rate. The venue had a rate for events, based on the type of menu you wanted. If we had had a funeral with the same menu it would have cost the same as our wedding meal did per head. If I wanted to hire our photographer for the 12 hours she spent photographing our wedding and delivering prints and an album it was the same for a wedding as any other event. Same rate for the band playing a corporate event as our wedding.
I think the difference is that with a wedding you're hiring a lot of suppliers all at once. At most other events you'll just hire a band, or a photographer, or pay for a meal and drinks. When we looked at each individual cost, none were extortionate and all were worth the money.
If anyone doesn't want to go to an event, just don't go. People won't be offended.

I've got to say this a little naive around rates. I've organised functions for professional and personal occasions and the difference in cost particularly for bands and venues can be staggering between what would be offered for a work conference or the like.

I recently organised a Friday conference and Gala dinner in a well known hotel which is very popular for weddings, 5 course meal, wine included for the evening affair and a good lunch for the attendants on the day. I priced a basic wedding package in the same hotel and it was for a similar number of people, the price was almost triple what I'd paid for a conference.

We'd booked the vast majority of rooms in the hotel on the night and it was 40 euro per room cheaper than the wedding rate. Similarly we got a band who do weddings for a two hour show which was 1250, same band actually charge close to 3k for a wedding. It shows the level if haggling that can be done in my eyes.

By the way all the above was for a Friday at the end of August and booked about 9 months in advance.

splinter65 · 08-03-2018 12:48PM

Peregrinus wrote: »

Why "good Lord"? The bride's parents traditionally pay for the whole wedding reception, which is a vastly bigger affair.

The rehearsal dinner, as noted, is a fairly small and low-key business. It's not the done thing to go over the top and go to a massively fancy place; you go to a place where people will feel comfortable, and which will be suitable for chatting and socialising. So, a nice restaurant. Not a Michelin-starred place, and not McDonald's. As Electric Sheep says, it's often a chance for the two families to spend a bit of time together before the hurley-burley of the wedding.

It's usually a few days before the wedding, which often makes it smaller still, since not all of the bridal party will be in town. The bigger your role on the day, the more effort you are expected to make to attend the rehearsal and the dinner but it's understood that, if you can't go, you can't go.

Ah sorry peregrinus I’m just astonished at all these extra dinners and parties and stuff that have been tacked on, in my opinion, to what used to be a fairly enjoyable family occasion.
Its being sold as “traditional” when it’s not, well not here in Ireland.
It’s being imported from the US if we were being honest, where it probably is traditional.
I see another US imported “tradition” is having professional engagement photos taken.
While I know all these things are great news for service providers, I do feel a bit sorry for couples who are financially strapped trying to keep up with all these new “traditions”.
It’s seems that keeping it simple now is getting more and more difficult.

LirW · 08-03-2018 02:01PM

While I know all these things are great news for service providers, I do feel a bit sorry for couples who are financially strapped trying to keep up with all these new “traditions”.
It’s seems that keeping it simple now is getting more and more difficult.

True that, it's especially difficult because your immediate family sees more and more on how it all could be and the expectations are high. The pressure is definitely on and it's not easy keeping it cool.

On topic: We didn't go to the second day we were invited to because we had a 3 hour car trip home with a baby and we knew we wouldn't/couldn't leave until 6pm.
Not planning a second day ourselves really, we don't even wanna leave the hotel room tbh.

woodchuck · 09-03-2018 10:53AM

Peregrinus wrote: »

Well, everything with "wedding" in front of it tends to cost between 3 and 10 times as much as if it didn't have "wedding" in front of it.

But, at least in the US, rehearsal dinners are not marketed as such, or charged as such. You just make a booking in a restaurant for X number of people. The restaurant does not know, and does not need to know, the nature of the occasion, and the charges are the same charges that would be incurred any time a group of people go out to dinner.

Pardon my ignorance, but I'm genuinely curious. If someone in Ireland wanted a very low key wedding, say a registry office followed by a dinner with small numbers, can you just book a table at a restaurant as normal? Or would you have to "declare" that it's for a wedding? I would assuming saying it's a wedding when you're booking would up the price like you said. But what happens if you just book a table for a dozen people and show up in a wedding dress? Would the restaurant consider it poor form and/or up the price at that point? (this is assuming the only wedding thing is the clothes, no speeches etc).

LirW · 09-03-2018 11:03AM

woodchuck wrote: »

Pardon my ignorance, but I'm genuinely curious. If someone in Ireland wanted a very low key wedding, say a registry office followed by a dinner with small numbers, can you just book a table at a restaurant as normal? Or would you have to "declare" that it's for a wedding? I would assuming saying it's a wedding when you're booking would up the price like you said. But what happens if you just book a table for a dozen people and show up in a wedding dress? Would the restaurant consider it poor form and/or up the price at that point? (this is assuming the only wedding thing is the clothes, no speeches etc).

We're doing one like that and there are a few places I'm eyeing with. In my initial enquiry I always say it's a wedding party for X people looking for a meal.
All places are quite accommodating and give me options of just a big reserved area in the open restaurant or if they have a private dining option, they explain them to you too. Food prices are the same either way, because a lot of places do set meals from a certain group size on (varies from 30 - open end per head).

When you book a proper wedding, in the package there is a lot more included, you get private use of the space, the catering for a big party is entirely different than for 15 or 20 people, you have canapes, drinks, the hire of audio equipment and table, extra waiting and kitchen staff is required, there is usually an event manager spending a lot of time planning your event and all that needs to be paid.
The problem is, people don't see what's going on behind the scenes and how much work it is involved that your day runs smoothly. It's the same with flowers, singers, bands, pick whatever you want. You pay a premium that your day runs smoothly, because there are so many people involved that you're probably never going to see.

Peregrinus · 09-03-2018 11:04AM

woodchuck wrote: »

Pardon my ignorance, but I'm genuinely curious. If someone in Ireland wanted a very low key wedding, say a registry office followed by a dinner with small numbers, can you just book a table at a restaurant as normal? Or would you have to "declare" that it's for a wedding? I would assuming saying it's a wedding when you're booking would up the price like you said. But what happens if you just book a table for a dozen people and show up in a wedding dress? Would the restaurant consider it poor form and/or up the price at that point? (this is assuming the only wedding thing is the clothes, no speeches etc).

No, you can certainly do what you say. But if you approach venues, service providers, etc, explicitly in connection with a wedding, then they'll immediately steer you towards products, services, packages, etc, that are geared towards weddings, and priced in a fairly princely fashion.

For example, if you hire a nice car and driver for a day, or an afternoon, to take a visiting businessman around town, you'll find it costs strikingly less than hiring a similar car, but garnished with white ribbons, to ferry a bride and groom between home, wedding venue, reception venue, etc.

PhoenixParker · 09-03-2018 11:10AM

woodchuck wrote: »

Pardon my ignorance, but I'm genuinely curious. If someone in Ireland wanted a very low key wedding, say a registry office followed by a dinner with small numbers, can you just book a table at a restaurant as normal? Or would you have to "declare" that it's for a wedding? I would assuming saying it's a wedding when you're booking would up the price like you said. But what happens if you just book a table for a dozen people and show up in a wedding dress? Would the restaurant consider it poor form and/or up the price at that point? (this is assuming the only wedding thing is the clothes, no speeches etc).

It depends a bit.

A lot of venues will have a policy of one wedding a day, and will sign a contract to that effect with the weddings they book.

If it's a venue that does that and you show up in a wedding dress on a day they've booked another wedding you're likely to find yourself in a pickle. That applies more to hotels and similar than normal restaurants though.

LirW · 09-03-2018 11:19AM

No, you can certainly do what you say. But if you approach venues, service providers, etc, explicitly in connection with a wedding, then they'll immediately steer you towards products, services, packages, etc, that are geared towards weddings, and priced in a fairly princely fashion.

Depends on the size of the party. If you're having a tiny wedding party of 20 people, there is no venue that does packages for such small occasions and instead offer you the option of private dining. I'm currently sitting with a few PDFs of different locations open and I'm surprised how reasonable they all are really. If it's a tiny wedding party, birthday or just a nice evening of some friends reconnecting doesn't make a difference to them in that case. You're also charged the same price as any other group event.

splinter65 · 09-03-2018 01:16PM

woodchuck wrote: »

Pardon my ignorance, but I'm genuinely curious. If someone in Ireland wanted a very low key wedding, say a registry office followed by a dinner with small numbers, can you just book a table at a restaurant as normal? Or would you have to "declare" that it's for a wedding? I would assuming saying it's a wedding when you're booking would up the price like you said. But what happens if you just book a table for a dozen people and show up in a wedding dress? Would the restaurant consider it poor form and/or up the price at that point? (this is assuming the only wedding thing is the clothes, no speeches etc).

Showing up in a wedding dress is no bother but you would not have any of the usual privacy with your wedding party that you’d normally enjoy on your wedding day.

aceygray · 09-03-2018 01:50PM

woodchuck wrote: »

Pardon my ignorance, but I'm genuinely curious. If someone in Ireland wanted a very low key wedding, say a registry office followed by a dinner with small numbers, can you just book a table at a restaurant as normal? Or would you have to "declare" that it's for a wedding? I would assuming saying it's a wedding when you're booking would up the price like you said. But what happens if you just book a table for a dozen people and show up in a wedding dress? Would the restaurant consider it poor form and/or up the price at that point? (this is assuming the only wedding thing is the clothes, no speeches etc).

This is what we did. I can't remember if we told them or not when booking that it was a wedding, but our guests just ordered off the normal menu, with normal prices. We had a cake delivered, which they brought out after the dinner for us to cut, no extra charge. But it was a very small wedding, jut 11 guests, and we weren't wearing "traditional" wedding clothes.

10-03-2018 06:08PM

Love the second days of weddings always a great session and an excuse to go for the cure (straight after breakfast in the hotel on a few occasions

). I actually dislike when people don't have a second day and will definitely be having a big second day for my own wedding.

Wheety · 11-03-2018 07:21PM

LirW wrote: »

Depends on the size of the party. If you're having a tiny wedding party of 20 people, there is no venue that does packages for such small occasions and instead offer you the option of private dining. I'm currently sitting with a few PDFs of different locations open and I'm surprised how reasonable they all are really. If it's a tiny wedding party, birthday or just a nice evening of some friends reconnecting doesn't make a difference to them in that case. You're also charged the same price as any other group event.

We had 20 and told the restaurant it was for a wedding. They were amazing with us and told us we could put together a set menu with 2 or 3 options for each course and they printed the menus with our names on the top of it. Think it was 40 per person. They kept the wine flowing too and we had an area on a balcony away from everyone else.

LirW · 11-03-2018 07:24PM

Wheety wrote: »

We had 20 and told the restaurant it was for a wedding. They were amazing with us and told us we could put together a set menu with 2 or 3 options for each course and they printed the menus with our names on the top of it. Think it was 40 per person. They kept the wine flowing too and we had an area on a balcony away from everyone else.

We're currently negotiating with a place in the city centre but they are fantastic and very accommodating. Everyone I'm telling about is pretty amazed about the prices we're getting (the same as yours). Such an appealing way to do it in my opinion.

Wheety · 11-03-2018 07:28PM

LirW wrote: »

We're currently negotiating with a place in the city centre but they are fantastic and very accommodating. Everyone I'm telling about is pretty amazed about the prices we're getting (the same as yours). Such an appealing way to do it in my opinion.

Could be the same place. Ours was in City Centre too. Dublin 2

LirW · 11-03-2018 07:30PM

Wheety wrote: »

Could be the same place. Ours was in City Centre too. Dublin 2

If it's The Dean, send me a PM

Wheety · 11-03-2018 07:32PM

LirW wrote: »

If it's The Dean, send me a PM

Nah not The Dean. Although I had brunch in there recently. Very nice restaurant. If it's a nice day, the balcony is lovely too.

We were in Matt the Treshers.

Meauldsegosha · 12-03-2018 12:26AM

We’re getting married next year. Hadn’t really thought about a second day until a few of our guests asked about it. If we do something it will low key like going back to our local and ordering platters.

mcgiggles · 12-03-2018 10:16AM

It really bugs me that Ireland is becoming so "Americanised" when it comes to weddings! They are expensive enough affairs without throwing in rehearsal dinners, dinners the second day etc.. We had a rehearsal with the priest to run through moving chairs and just how the ceremony will run and that was it. Just bridal party, went back to mums house everyone had a drink and went on their way! I've only ever gone to the second day of very close friends or families weddings and they were usually just in a local with a bit of finger food! We got married the 30th December, so day after was NYE, we told everyone they were all welcome to come out the second night for a few pints and pizza in our local but no pressure cos of the date and families and getting babysitters.. And the general expense and a wedding being such a long day/ night in the first case! we had about 15 people I'd say, it was really chilled, we loved it! we were just in our local and they ordered us in pizza and bits to eat.. Tbh hubs was sick (as was half the wedding!) and if we hadn't organised it we would have stayed on the couch ourselves haha

ec18 · 12-03-2018 10:32AM

We're doing the same a second day in a bar at the hotel, people can stop in and out if they want and have some bar food and a drink.

aceygray · 12-03-2018 11:40AM

LirW wrote: »

If it's The Dean, send me a PM

Mine was the Dean! Everyone loved it, and they were great to us all night

Hector Savage · 12-03-2018 12:06PM

Boom is back, people just don't know what to do with their money.

Well, at least everyone is rich again.

duffman13 · 12-03-2018 12:12PM

Hector Savage wrote: »

Boom is back, people just don't know what to do with their money.

Well, at least everyone is rich again.

It's a weird one, I'm getting married next year and three friends and a sister is getting married before then. All have borrowed significant sums to pay for it which definitley feels like boom time. We have been lucky enough to have saved for it and may need to borrow a small sum if there are any interruptions to our saving cycle but i can't believe the level people are going to.

I dont think the 2nd day is a big deal if its just a few pints in the pub tbh, it's when it's a BBQ and DJ with bells and whistles I find it a bit OTT.

Two-day weddings

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