How would you feel if your partner turned out to be transgender?

07-03-2018 09:35AM

Deal breaker for me, but more about the deceit than anything else. For them to pass themselves off as a woman, they'd need to describe their past in those terms, which means plenty of lies rather than just one big lie.

The physical side would be disturbing, but honestly, if I hadn't noticed from sleeping together, then it hardly matters that much.

Nah. The lies are enough reason. I might want to continue the relationship, but without trust, there really is no future.

07-03-2018 09:51AM

Pepefrogok wrote: »

Love how the really progressive are signalling their virtue by saying it wouldn't bother them one bit haha, sure I can believe that some might learn to live with it but not to be bothered one bit about what you thought was a vagina actually being a inside out penis??

I'm not signalling any virtue. I honestly just don't care. In Thailand years ago, I slept with a woman who in hindsight was too perfectly molded, and the idea of it doesn't bother me a bit. I haven't seen a hotter person since either.

Bambi985 · 07-03-2018 09:55AM

Too perfectly molded?? What does that mean?

Cee-Jay-Cee · 07-03-2018 10:04AM

It would be end-game for me. Just not my thing.

07-03-2018 10:04AM

Bambi985 wrote: »

Too perfectly molded?? What does that mean?

I'm sure you can work out what I mean. Think plastic surgery everywhere.

GarIT · 07-03-2018 10:09AM

I’d be going to the guardaí I consented to have sex with a woman not a man. If you hide that you are transgender that’s rape imo.

Pac1Man · 07-03-2018 10:10AM

Nope! Complete deal breaker.

I don't believe the legitimacy of the whole subject to begin with.

GarIT · 07-03-2018 10:16AM

The Commissar wrote: »

How would I live with the shame? No vengeance is required.

I don’t think I could. I don’t think I’d harm them but I’d have to kill myself, I couldn’t live on waking up knowing I was with a man.

wakka12 · 07-03-2018 10:19AM

Bambi985 wrote: »

Too perfectly molded?? What does that mean?

2 good 2 be real
surgically enhanced

Pepefrogok · 07-03-2018 10:27AM

Oh yes if I found out the woman I had spent My life with, shared stories of our youth together, made love together turned out to have been a bloke it wouldn't bother me one bit! I would imagine it would be less of a shock that that day when I found out I'd ran out of soy milk for my granola! Why would the life of lies bother me? Or the fact that I had been kissing, caressing and making love to a male body? I am far to forward thinking and enlightened for that to bother me!

_Dara_ · 07-03-2018 10:29AM

seenitall wrote: »

Tbh, I think it would be well nigh impossible to "surprise" me in that manner. Men have Adam's apples, women don't, men and women's bones structures (think shoulders) and where the fat lands on them are different, not to mention the muscle systems, hair growth patterns, or voice difference. Just look at someone like Chaz Bono, if you are observant enough, there will be MANY giveaways. I really don't think that someone born as a woman could fool me for very long. Talking on average of course. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, but I do think in this instance they would be rare.

Yeah, I think this is a good point. I think you’d figure it out pretty fast.

One eyed Jack · 07-03-2018 10:30AM

wakka12 wrote: »

2 good 2 be real
surgically enhanced

Tbh wakka if someone comes out with an expression like that, I'd be given to thinking their knowledge of the opposite sex must be extremely limited. We aren't talking about fleshlights or sex dolls here. People who are transgender are still people, and reducing a person to the sum of their body parts is actually displaying an ignorance of the concept of what it is to be transgender. It's their mind, not just their physical characteristics that are important, and you would have to account for the complications and complexities that would have on any kind of relationship with that person. If they're struggling with their gender identity, then it really shouldn't be that hard to understand why someone who isn't transgender would struggle to understand that persons struggle with their identity. It would put an enormous burden on any relationship, and for a lot of people they just don't want to deal with that.

seamus · 07-03-2018 11:08AM

Anyone talking about how they'd automatically get violent, needs to go get some professional help. You're sick.

Being angry is normal. Creaming your pants dreaming about the violence you'd dish out, is not.

Pyr0 · 07-03-2018 11:15AM

greencap wrote: »

There'd be a distinct possibility of violence.

I know thats not a fashionable thing to say but thats how I'd react.

Why would you get violent?

07-03-2018 11:19AM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Tbh wakka if someone comes out with an expression like that

Are you referring to what I said?

Chrongen · 07-03-2018 11:21AM

wakka12 wrote: »

I seem to be in the minority of people who wouldn't mind. Im gay but if I had a boyfriend and found out he was born a girl, I can't say it'd bother me , so long as the had all their working parts.. And I don't particularly understand why it'd bother people if you like them and are attracted to them currently, but it does bother a lot of people clearly, so I am genuinely curious to hear people's reasons why.
Id be very interested to hear about their life before and how they used to look etc..but I can't imagine Id feel any disgust or lesser attraction just because of what they used to be or look like

And do you think a trans person should be obliged to tell you they are trans if you get into a relationship with somebody?
No need to for anything nasty to be said

Surely you'd have copped on when you saw the artificial mickey and ballbag.

branie2 · 07-03-2018 11:22AM

Avatar MIA wrote: »

Would you never want kids?

I would, but we'd adopt some

wakka12 · 07-03-2018 11:22AM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Tbh wakka if someone comes out with an expression like that, I'd be given to thinking their knowledge of the opposite sex must be extremely limited. We aren't talking about fleshlights or sex dolls here. People who are transgender are still people, and reducing a person to the sum of their body parts is actually displaying an ignorance of the concept of what it is to be transgender. It's their mind, not just their physical characteristics that are important, and you would have to account for the complications and complexities that would have on any kind of relationship with that person. If they're struggling with their gender identity, then it really shouldn't be that hard to understand why someone who isn't transgender would struggle to understand that persons struggle with their identity. It would put an enormous burden on any relationship, and for a lot of people they just don't want to deal with that.

I was just clarifying the statement 'too perfectly folded'. I don't necessarily agree

Bambi985 · 07-03-2018 11:49AM

When you say "turned out to be transgender", do you mean you're a woman who thinks she's dating a bloke and then suddenly he reveals that he was once a "she"? Or that your male partner suddenly reveals that he thinks he is in fact a woman born in the wrong body years down the line?

The first one I don't think is feasible, there's going to be too many anatomical differences and inconsistencies for you to NOT know fairly soon in the relationship tbh. The second one, I'd try to be supportive but any romantic dynamic between us would quickly dissipate, attraction isn't really something you can negotiate and I'm a straight woman who's into men who are and always have been men. I've never been attracted to a transgender man and it's probably not going to suddenly start happening now.

07-03-2018 11:54AM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Tbh wakka if someone comes out with an expression like that, I'd be given to thinking their knowledge of the opposite sex must be extremely limited. We aren't talking about fleshlights or sex dolls here. People who are transgender are still people, and reducing a person to the sum of their body parts is actually displaying an ignorance of the concept of what it is to be transgender. It's their mind, not just their physical characteristics that are important, and you would have to account for the complications and complexities that would have on any kind of relationship with that person. If they're struggling with their gender identity, then it really shouldn't be that hard to understand why someone who isn't transgender would struggle to understand that persons struggle with their identity. It would put an enormous burden on any relationship, and for a lot of people they just don't want to deal with that.

Your post just furthers this notion that they're a different type of people with very specific concerns and worries. While it is more likely they have issues, they're not delicate China. A small minority of transgender people want this whole thing to a blown-up public conversation, but most just get on with it and don't want to be seen as "broken", and most certainly don't want to be treated any differently.

It's the same with victims of abuse.. The amount of well-meaning fools who come out with stuff like "Jaysus they're lives must be ruined."

Pawwed Rig · 07-03-2018 11:58AM

branie2 wrote: »

I would, but we'd adopt some

Easy as that?

darced · 07-03-2018 12:02PM

This post has been deleted.

Pawwed Rig · 07-03-2018 12:03PM

seamus wrote: »

Anyone talking about how they'd automatically get violent, needs to go get some professional help. You're sick.

I don't necessarily agree tbh. If someone feels they have been violated then anger may be a normal response. An extreme form of anger could lead to violence. A lot would depend on the exact circumstances and the way in which one partner told the other.
GarIT compared it to rape above. Now I don't necessarily agree with him but I have heard it proposed repeatedly here and elsewhere that sex under false pretences should be considered rape.
To stretch the point you wouldn't have to look too hard to find people advocating violence against rapist.

Again context is key.

seamus · 07-03-2018 12:03PM

Bambi985 wrote: »

The first one I don't think is feasible, there's going to be too many anatomical differences and inconsistencies for you to NOT know fairly soon in the relationship tbh.

I think that's stunningly naive.

There's a thread on reddit at the moment asking women about their experiences with men with exceptionally large or small penises.

And what stands out in the thread is the stunning variety of shapes, sizes and locations in which said appendages present themselves. There are stories of guys with toddler's arms hanging between their legs, others with baby carrots, others of hot-dog shaped cocks (at full mast), i.e. long and thin.

Likewise have a think about women's bodies - and not just the ones you see in porn. And the incredible array of shapes and sizes in which all their bits appear.

Anyone who thinks that they'd pick a former man a mile off is coming from the 1980s tbh. They're imaging the over-the-top transvestite - for whom the distorted masculine is an essential part of their persona - and not a fully transitioned person who has settled into their skin and doesn't have any exaggerated masculine or feminine traits hanging out and begging for attention.

In most cases unless someone had pointed out to you beforehand that being transgender was a possibility, there's a good chance you'd be completely oblivious when confronted with their naked form.

Pepefrogok · 07-03-2018 12:09PM

seamus wrote: »

I think that's stunningly naive.

There's a thread on reddit at the moment asking women about their experiences with men with exceptionally large or small penises.

And what stands out in the thread is the stunning variety of shapes, sizes and locations in which said appendages present themselves. There are stories of guys with toddler's arms hanging between their legs, others with baby carrots, others of hot-dog shaped cocks (at full mast), i.e. long and thin.

Likewise have a think about women's bodies - and not just the ones you see in porn. And the incredible array of shapes and sizes in which all their bits appear.

Anyone who thinks that they'd pick a former man a mile off is coming from the 1980s tbh. They're imaging the over-the-top transvestite - for whom the distorted masculine is an essential part of their persona - and not a fully transitioned person who has settled into their skin and doesn't have any exaggerated masculine or feminine traits hanging out and begging for attention.

In most cases unless someone had pointed out to you beforehand that being transgender was a possibility, there's a good chance you'd be completely oblivious when confronted with their naked form.

No chance, a surgery formed vagina is nothing like the real thing, I mean sure if it was a case of limited sex in a dark room it might go unnoticed but an artificial vagina would soon be notised in the real world, it dosent self lubricant, it dosent smell or taste like a vagina and it dosent really look like one either.

freshpopcorn · 07-03-2018 12:12PM

I wouldn't be happy at all and the relationship would defiantly be over.
I'd also major questioned myself how did I fall for it be it in television or in reality I have always being able to tell.
Another issue would be were they lying to me all the time I'm cool with people having a sex change it's your body but I find I'd generally have different opinions to transgendered people in generally and we wouldn't get on.
I'd be mortified to be honest. I've no idea how I'd tell people.

....... · 07-03-2018 12:16PM

This post has been deleted.

LadyMacBeth_ · 07-03-2018 12:27PM

Some people talking about anatomical differences, I think you may be thinking of older people who have transitioned. I've seen pictures of people who are transgender and I would never have guessed at all, with younger and prepubescent people transitioning it will be more and more difficult to tell. That being said though I've never seen a transgender person naked so maybe I'd notice scars from operations or things like that.

Now this guy, I couldn't care less that he was born a woman, I'd very happily get up on him :pac:

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Tar.Aldarion · 07-03-2018 12:28PM

Would only care that they had lied/kept it hidden. Wouldn't care otherwise.

Bambi985 · 07-03-2018 12:31PM

seamus wrote: »

I think that's stunningly naive.

It's not naive at all. Without meaning to sound crass, I've seen enough appendages to know when something is up beyond a fella being exceptionally small/large/thin or whatever down there, not to mention how it tends to function in an intimate setting. There's going to be a noticeable difference.

And that's just one part of it. I've never been attracted to a transgender male or indeed not guessed that they were a transgender male. They can pass more easily than transgender women, but there are noticeable differences.

How would you feel if your partner turned out to be transgender?

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