How would you feel if your partner turned out to be transgender?

wakka12

I seem to be in the minority of people who wouldn't mind. Im gay but if I had a boyfriend and found out he was born a girl, I can't say it'd bother me , so long as the had all their working parts.. And I don't particularly understand why it'd bother people if you like them and are attracted to them currently, but it does bother a lot of people clearly, so I am genuinely curious to hear people's reasons why.
Id be very interested to hear about their life before and how they used to look etc..but I can't imagine Id feel any disgust or lesser attraction just because of what they used to be or look like

And do you think a trans person should be obliged to tell you they are trans if you get into a relationship with somebody?
No need to for anything nasty to be said

amcalester

I’d be a bit surprised but it’d also explain why the toilet seat is always up.

Casualsingby

Wouldn't be for me but each to their own.

Hande hoche!

No longer surprised by her sporting success.

tayto lover

If she had three balls she could be a pawnbroker.

Avatar MIA

Would explain her excellent parallel parking skills.

To be honest it would be a deal breaker. I'd still love them, but as far as a personal relationship, that would be at an end.

seenitall

Tbh, I think it would be well nigh impossible to "surprise" me in that manner. Men have Adam's apples, women don't, men and women's bones structures (think shoulders) and where the fat lands on them are different, not to mention the muscle systems, hair growth patterns, or voice difference. Just look at someone like Chaz Bono, if you are observant enough, there will be MANY giveaways. I really don't think that someone born as a woman could fool me for very long. Talking on average of course. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, but I do think in this instance they would be rare.

retro:electro

It would explain why the bastard has better eyelashes than I do.

One eyed Jack

wakka12 wrote: »

I seem to be in the minority of people who wouldn't mind. Im gay but if I had a boyfriend and found out he was born a girl, I can't say it'd bother me , so long as the had all their working parts.. And I don't particularly understand why it'd bother people if you like them and are attracted to them currently, but it does bother a lot of people clearly, so I am genuinely curious to hear people's reasons why.
Id be very interested to hear about their life before and how they used to look etc..but I can't imagine Id feel any disgust or lesser attraction just because of what they used to be or look like

And do you think a trans person should be obliged to tell you they are trans if you get into a relationship with somebody?
No need to for anything nasty to be said

It'd completely change my perception of them, because they're literally not the person I thought they were. Of course it'd be an absolute deal-breaker and I would have no interest in discussing it with them. If they knew me well enough, then it wouldn't be anything new to them that I would have no interest in being with someone who is transgender.

I could like them and be attracted to them currently while I didn't know they were transgender, but of course finding out at any point they are transgender would make them no longer attractive to me. I absolutely do think that someone who is transgender should inform their potential partners that they are transgender and allow the person to make an informed decision as to whether or not that's a deal breaker for them. It's not just for their potential partners benefit, but it's also for their own benefit as keeping something like that to themselves will have a negative effect on their mental health in the long run.

Birneybau

*drops the hand*

That's not a sheila...

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seenitall wrote: »

Tbh, I think it would be well nigh impossible to "surprise" me in that manner. Men have Adam's apples, women don't, men and women's bones structures (think shoulders) and where the fat lands on them are different, not to mention the muscle systems, hair growth patterns, or voice difference. Just look at someone like Chaz Bono, if you are observant enough, there will be MANY giveaways. I really don't think that someone born as a woman could fool me for very long. Talking on average of course. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, but I do think in this instance they would be rare.

I don't think you get the premise. Suppose your boyfriend/husband says they identify as a woman and want to get gender reassigned, and or start living as a woman.

Richard Hillman

https://youtu.be/HAbIL8C2JJ0

seamus

I'd be ringing the media as we'd have a medical breakthrough considering she's had two kids

It's a tough one to answer. Not something I could give a definite on unless I was in the situation. But if we slot in my wife and hypothesise that she had turned around and told me, it definitely wouldn't have been an "ugh, no". Unless we had only just started going out.

But if she told me after we'd been going out years, it's probably the deceit that would be harder than the truth - the fact that any life I thought I was going to have, would change.

And I'm older now with the benefit of perspectives. Teenage or early twenties me may have had a lot of difficulty with the "ick" factor.

When you think about it logically, we're not emotionally attracted to the opposite gender. The intellectual and emotional attraction can occur between anyone of any orientation. It's the combination of the emotional attraction and the physical attraction that determines if you've got a romance on your hands.

And in that regard, does it make any difference that the bits down under have been surgically created? As long as they're the physical bits you like, then what's the issue?

Avatar MIA

Richard Hillman wrote: »

https://youtu.be/HAbIL8C2JJ0

No Thanks :pac:

manonboard

Would be a relationship deal breaker for me. I'd have very sad feelings about it, but i'd of course support them as a friend on their journey.

My sexual inclinations wouldnt gel with it, so to respect my own sexual orientation would require an end to the relationship, in the same aspect it respects them as their chosen gender.

riffmongous

Go shoot a judge for the RA?

neonsofa

Avatar MIA wrote: »

I don't think you get the premise. Suppose your boyfriend/husband says they identify as a woman and want to get gender reassigned, and or start living as a woman.

Nah OP clearly means if they had already gone through reassigning etc.

I'd just be most pissed off that they lied to me for so long/kept a huge part of their life from me.

Sleepy

I'd be amazed since I was there when she gave birth to our daughter!

Avatar MIA

neonsofa wrote: »

Nah OP clearly means if they had already gone through reassigning etc.

I'd just be most pissed off that they lied to me for so long/kept a huge part of their life from me.

Apologies to the poster above. My bad.

arybvtcw0eolkf

Depends really, but mostly it probably wouldn't bother me.

If I was hooking up with someone and she (I'm a straight man) told me that she was transgendered I don't think it would be a deal breaker, dunno because I'm not single so I'm not in the look out for anyone.

If I was already committed to a relationship and she dropped the news on me I think I'd be taken aback, probably take a step back and give it some thought but I honestly doubt it would be a deal breaker by that stage because this now is the person I've fallen in love with, and how do you fall out of love with someone?.

Long story short, I'd hope [think] it wouldn't make a whole lot of difference to me.

Now if someone was to tell me they were 'gender fluid' that would be a deal breaker ~ don't stick your micky into crazy and all that.

seenitall

Avatar MIA wrote: »

I don't think you get the premise. Suppose your boyfriend/husband says they identify as a woman and want to get gender reassigned, and or start living as a woman.

Well, I certainly didn't get that from the OP, all right. But ok, it would be a turn off. I am attracted to men because of their male characteristics in the main, they are kind of some of the prerequsites for me to feel attracted to somebody (what can I do, I am so boringly straight! ) so while I can see myself continuing to care about a partner no matter what, attraction or being in love is a whole other can of worms.

DEFTLEFTHAND

Surely it's not something that could be hidden for long anway.

For ethical reasons I think it is imperative to disclose this info up front to a prospective partner.

branie2

If I had a girlfriend, and she told me she was born male, I'd support her.

minikin

You’ld have to admire a woman for having the balls to become a man.

Avatar MIA

branie2 wrote: »

If I had a girlfriend, and she told me she was born male, I'd support her.

Would you never want kids?

TerrorFirmer

Even given that a rare few men make convincing women to the extent of unquestioning acceptance (perhaps with the much earlier interventions happening now this will change in the future, as boys start to become girls pre-puberty), or that women actually generally transition to male with very good results, actual gender reassignment surgery bares very little resemble to the real thing. It's not something that could be just hidden under normal, healthy relationship circumstances.

It wouldn't be for me at all for that reason. Not because of the 'they used to be X' part of it. Can imagine it would be very weird seeing the 'old' them though, through pictures and stuff.

One eyed Jack

seamus wrote: »

When you think about it logically, we're not emotionally attracted to the opposite gender. The intellectual and emotional attraction can occur between anyone of any orientation. It's the combination of the emotional attraction and the physical attraction that determines if you've got a romance on your hands.

I would disagree with that, because logic would dictate that because of the differences in gender between men and women (which is the basis for someone who identifies as transgender), part of my identity as someone who is heterosexual, is an emotional and romantic attraction to people of the opposite gender to me. Whether I may or may not find them physically attractive are based on superficial traits and expectations based upon my perception of their gender. I could be emotionally and physically attracted to a man, but I would never consider a romantic relationship with a man.

And in that regard, does it make any difference that the bits down under have been surgically created? As long as they're the physical bits you like, then what's the issue?

Yes, it absolutely does make a difference. Their secondary sexual characteristics have been surgically created. They're the bits I may like, but they're artificial, they're not authentic, which is important for me personally. I'm not into fake secondary sex characteristics for starters, and I wouldn't be reducing someone to just their body parts. For me it literally has to be the whole package, and not just the absence of a package that makes the difference between whether I would consider a relationship or not with someone who is transgender.

_Kaiser_

Would be an instant deal-breaker I'm afraid, but I'd also be very unhappy that they didn't tell me from the start as I'd feel that the whole relationship was based on a lie given that as a straight man I'd only be interested in 100% natural/original/real women, and "she" would have known that.

Each to their own, but not for me.

wakka12

_Kaiser_ wrote: »

Would be an instant deal-breaker I'm afraid, but I'd also be very unhappy that they didn't tell me from the start as I'd feel that the whole relationship was based on a lie given that as a straight man I'd only be interested in 100% natural/original/real women, and "she" would have known that.

Each to their own, but not for me.

Fair enough.And how would you feel about a woman who had significant plastic surgery and wanted to change how she looked, for whatever reason, would you still like her if you found out she used to look very different. For the sake of argument pretend the extensive plastic surgery didn't make her look weird as in you wouldn't have known she had surgery when you met her

The Legend Of Kira

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNPI1Zbd-nk

Avatar MIA

_Kaiser_ wrote: »

I'd also be very unhappy that they didn't tell me from the start as I'd feel that the whole relationship was based on a lie .

There's been a few of these types of responses, perhaps I'm an unreconstructed male, but if I was with someone that told me they were previously a fully signed up man with meat and two veg I'd not be in the least bit happy. Not very PC I know.

If my wife told me she was transgender and wanted to change I'd be a lot more sympathetic towards that (not thrilled obviously). Maybe I'm not totally unreconstructed

The Legend Of Kira

On a serious note I wouldn,t date someone if I knew they were transgender to begin with,, but to answer the hypothetical question posed by the OP "" How would you feel if your partner turned out to transgender ? "" Id  prob feel deceived & pi**** off to be quite honest- it be end of relationship altogether for good- Id wonder if the person lied about 1 aspect of their past,, what other aspects of their past could they be lying about too also ?

Hitman3000

wakka12 wrote:

No need to for anything nasty to be said

Yet you posted in AH.........

eviltwin

I wouldn't like it if my husband did a Caitlyn Jenner. I'd support him and he'd still be my best mate but I would have to grieve for the man I lost if that makes sense. I don't know if I'd be as attracted to him as a woman

I wouldn't have an issue with a new partner being transgender though. I'd never see that as a reason to discount someone. It wouldn't bother me at all.

Pawwed Rig

It'd be a dealbreaker for me. I just wouldn't be attracted to them after finding out and would be fairly peeved that they entered the relationship under false pretenses.

The Backwards Man

I'd be like the Flintstones.

_Dara_

I’d mind. I’d very much mind. Good luck to transgender folk but I only want men who were always men. The relationship would be over.

Working class heroes

Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. Not one bit.

JenovaProject

_Dara_ wrote: »

I’d mind. I’d very much mind. Good luck to transgender folk but I only want men who were always men. The relationship would be over.

Totally agree.
Except I only want women who were always women.

The Backwards Man

The Backwards Man wrote: »

I'd be like the Flintstones.

Yabba Dabba Doo?

The Backwards Man

Halle Nice Grocer wrote: »

Yabba Dabba Doo?

Having a gay old time.

Sounds a lot better in my head than having to write it out though in fairness.

clairewithani

I thought I was very accepting and broad minded but it appears I am not. It would be a deal breaker for me. I wouldn't be able to get past that.

LadyMacBeth_

I'm bi-sexual so it wouldn't make any difference to me. I'd be annoyed if someone kept it from me for a long time though because that's deceitful. I do think it's best to be up front with a partner early on if you are transgender to avoid any confrontations later on.

_Kaiser_

wakka12 wrote: »

Fair enough.And how would you feel about a woman who had significant plastic surgery and wanted to change how she looked, for whatever reason, would you still like her if you found out she used to look very different. For the sake of argument pretend the extensive plastic surgery didn't make her look weird as in you wouldn't have known she had surgery when you met her

Not the same at all TBH, but no that wouldn't bother me.

If the idea is to get me to say that I'd be "discriminatory" against transgender partners - absolutely! Their life, their choice and that's fair enough, but it doesn't mean I have to personally be involved with them.

AttentionBebe

I'd wonder what paraphernalia "she" used to get me pregnant twice

wakka12

_Kaiser_ wrote: »

Not the same at all TBH, but no that wouldn't bother me.

If the idea is to get me to say that I'd be "discriminatory" against transgender partners - absolutely! Their life, their choice and that's fair enough, but it doesn't mean I have to personally be involved with them.

No i think its perfectly reasonable. I was just wondering what people's reasons were

jimmycrackcorm

I'd be bitterly disappointed if the result was that she didn't turn out to look like a Thai ladyboy at the end of the process...

DEFTLEFTHAND

AttentionBebe wrote: »

I'd wonder what paraphernalia "she" used to get me pregnant twice

Turkey baster?

greencap

The relationship would be off instantly.

There'd be a distinct possibility of violence.

I know thats not a fashionable thing to say but thats how I'd react.

Even moreso in the case of some kind of one night action/surprise. There'd be no feelings there so I'd most likely beat the bejesus out of them.

I'll probably be alone in that opinion on the forum, but I can assure you a high percentage of men would react the same. So be up front about it.

CarlosHarpic

Dump them.

Junkyard Tom

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3BY72RF8vc