How would you feel if your partner turned out to be transgender?

Tbh, I think it would be well nigh impossible to "surprise" me in that manner. Men have Adam's apples, women don't, men and women's bones structures (think shoulders) and where the fat lands on them are different, not to mention the muscle systems, hair growth patterns, or voice difference. Just look at someone like Chaz Bono, if you are observant enough, there will be MANY giveaways. I really don't think that someone born as a woman could fool me for very long. Talking on average of course. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, but I do think in this instance they would be rare.

wakka12 wrote: »

I seem to be in the minority of people who wouldn't mind. Im gay but if I had a boyfriend and found out he was born a girl, I can't say it'd bother me , so long as the had all their working parts.. And I don't particularly understand why it'd bother people if you like them and are attracted to them currently, but it does bother a lot of people clearly, so I am genuinely curious to hear people's reasons why.
Id be very interested to hear about their life before and how they used to look etc..but I can't imagine Id feel any disgust or lesser attraction just because of what they used to be or look like

And do you think a trans person should be obliged to tell you they are trans if you get into a relationship with somebody?
No need to for anything nasty to be said

It'd completely change my perception of them, because they're literally not the person I thought they were. Of course it'd be an absolute deal-breaker and I would have no interest in discussing it with them. If they knew me well enough, then it wouldn't be anything new to them that I would have no interest in being with someone who is transgender.

I could like them and be attracted to them currently while I didn't know they were transgender, but of course finding out at any point they are transgender would make them no longer attractive to me. I absolutely do think that someone who is transgender should inform their potential partners that they are transgender and allow the person to make an informed decision as to whether or not that's a deal breaker for them. It's not just for their potential partners benefit, but it's also for their own benefit as keeping something like that to themselves will have a negative effect on their mental health in the long run.

I'd be ringing the media as we'd have a medical breakthrough considering she's had two kids

It's a tough one to answer. Not something I could give a definite on unless I was in the situation. But if we slot in my wife and hypothesise that she had turned around and told me, it definitely wouldn't have been an "ugh, no". Unless we had only just started going out.

But if she told me after we'd been going out years, it's probably the deceit that would be harder than the truth - the fact that any life I thought I was going to have, would change.

And I'm older now with the benefit of perspectives. Teenage or early twenties me may have had a lot of difficulty with the "ick" factor.

When you think about it logically, we're not emotionally attracted to the opposite gender. The intellectual and emotional attraction can occur between anyone of any orientation. It's the combination of the emotional attraction and the physical attraction that determines if you've got a romance on your hands.

And in that regard, does it make any difference that the bits down under have been surgically created? As long as they're the physical bits you like, then what's the issue?

Would be a relationship deal breaker for me. I'd have very sad feelings about it, but i'd of course support them as a friend on their journey.

My sexual inclinations wouldnt gel with it, so to respect my own sexual orientation would require an end to the relationship, in the same aspect it respects them as their chosen gender.

Avatar MIA wrote: »

I don't think you get the premise. Suppose your boyfriend/husband says they identify as a woman and want to get gender reassigned, and or start living as a woman.

Nah OP clearly means if they had already gone through reassigning etc.

I'd just be most pissed off that they lied to me for so long/kept a huge part of their life from me.

Avatar MIA wrote: »

I don't think you get the premise. Suppose your boyfriend/husband says they identify as a woman and want to get gender reassigned, and or start living as a woman.

Well, I certainly didn't get that from the OP, all right. But ok, it would be a turn off. I am attracted to men because of their male characteristics in the main, they are kind of some of the prerequsites for me to feel attracted to somebody (what can I do, I am so boringly straight! ) so while I can see myself continuing to care about a partner no matter what, attraction or being in love is a whole other can of worms.

If I had a girlfriend, and she told me she was born male, I'd support her.

seamus wrote: »

When you think about it logically, we're not emotionally attracted to the opposite gender. The intellectual and emotional attraction can occur between anyone of any orientation. It's the combination of the emotional attraction and the physical attraction that determines if you've got a romance on your hands.

I would disagree with that, because logic would dictate that because of the differences in gender between men and women (which is the basis for someone who identifies as transgender), part of my identity as someone who is heterosexual, is an emotional and romantic attraction to people of the opposite gender to me. Whether I may or may not find them physically attractive are based on superficial traits and expectations based upon my perception of their gender. I could be emotionally and physically attracted to a man, but I would never consider a romantic relationship with a man.

And in that regard, does it make any difference that the bits down under have been surgically created? As long as they're the physical bits you like, then what's the issue?

Yes, it absolutely does make a difference. Their secondary sexual characteristics have been surgically created. They're the bits I may like, but they're artificial, they're not authentic, which is important for me personally. I'm not into fake secondary sex characteristics for starters, and I wouldn't be reducing someone to just their body parts. For me it literally has to be the whole package, and not just the absence of a package that makes the difference between whether I would consider a relationship or not with someone who is transgender.