Have you ever had an unwanted sexual experience? Mod warning in op - updated 6/3/18

Mollyb60 · 20-02-2018 04:22PM

professore wrote: »

Compared to some of the other accounts this looks completely innocent on the surface - and is the kind of thing that gives #MeToo a bad name.

"I think he even touched my hair" ... you should be SURE.

Go to any latin country and this will happen you every 5 minutes - particularly as a redhead.

How do you know he was following you and not just going in the same direction? Was he saying anything to you?

Excuse me, this was over 15 years ago. So I can't quite remember if he touched my hair or not but there was a comment made about my hair and I remember him being uncomfortably close to me. If you cannot understand how a large man approaching an 18 year old woman at night on an empty street might be intimidating then you've no right to question me. I know he followed me because I could see him. I checked over my shoulder every few steps. He stayed very close to me the whole time and was staring intently. He had been walking the other direction before he met me so he did not just randomly decide to change direction after meeting me.

I should be SURE? If I were taking him to court then fine, but I'm just sharing my story of an encounter that was terrifying for me which has stayed with me. Thanks for your support. :rolleyes:

wakka12 · 20-02-2018 04:25PM

Not about me but my mum who lived in a rural area growing up said a creepy priest used to always call over randomly to check in on local families. Her mother was extremely religious and so loved having him over, but my mum said he'd always insist on kisses and hugs and sitting on his lap and them performing dances and stuff for him. My mum said she did so because she was told by her mother and would be punished for refusing, and said she'd shudder whenever he kissed her on her face. Her little brother though point blank refused to keep touching the priest and sitting on his lap and his mum (my grandmother) didn't talk to him for an entire week after, he was only 7 or 8 at the time

Ireland was so ****ed up 40 years ago

looksee · 20-02-2018 04:25PM

dudeeile wrote: »

Just for a bit of clarity regarding anonymity, is it not true that mods and above can view IP addresses of any poster?

No, it is absolutely not true, as a mod I cannot see anyone's IP address, or email address, or private messages or any other information of that kind.

endacl · 20-02-2018 04:27PM

eviltwin wrote: »

Are some men really so lacking in self awareness that they can't see how this could be intimidating to a woman?

Most of us are. I'm 6'4" and north of 17st. I'm a nice fella, but I'm aware that I present a big silhouette! I get that on a deserted street I might have somebody looking over their shoulder if I was trotting along behind them. It's always been my habit, since I was a teenager, to cross to the other side if there was a woman walking alone in front of me. No big deal.

Amirani · 20-02-2018 04:28PM

professore wrote: »

Go to any latin country and this will happen you every 5 minutes - particularly as a redhead.

How do you know he was following you and not just going in the same direction? Was he saying anything to you?

I've talked to some girls from Spain and Greece about this in the past. It's definitely a cultural thing, and it's a bit of a chicken and an egg situation. Generalising a bit obviously, but for the most part; guys are a lot more forward, and girls are a lot more stand-offish or "hard to get". So typical flirting or chatting up in Ireland just wouldn't tend to resonate over there and would seem overly timid or like you weren't interested. The whole thing seems like a bit more of a game.

It does seem unusual compared to what you're used to, but it's by no means "all Latin men being creeps" or "all Latin women being hard work" as people seem to think, it's just relative.

....... · 20-02-2018 04:32PM

This post has been deleted.

kingtut · 20-02-2018 04:33PM

At a Dublin boards beers I met one particular girl who seemed to take a fancy to me despite me not reciprocating.

Over the following few weeks she would text a lot and every day send at least 1 photo (innocent enough at first however after a few weeks she ended up sending nudes).

I didn't ask her for any of it so it was pretty uncomfortable that she just kept going despite me not responding .... no clue if she is still active or not.

kylith · 20-02-2018 04:36PM

endacl wrote: »

Most of us are. I'm 6'4" and north of 17st. I'm a nice fella, but I'm aware that I present a big silhouette! I get that on a deserted street I might have somebody looking over their shoulder if I was trotting along behind them. It's always been my habit, since I was a teenager, to cross to the other side if there was a woman walking alone in front of me. No big deal.

I know, and am related to, big men, and it's awful that the majority of fellas who are lovely and would never dream of hurting anyone have to be aware of how terrifying they can be to women just for walking down the street.

banie01 · 20-02-2018 04:51PM

endacl wrote: »

Most of us are. I'm 6'4" and north of 17st. I'm a nice fella, but I'm aware that I present a big silhouette! I get that on a deserted street I might have somebody looking over their shoulder if I was trotting along behind them. It's always been my habit, since I was a teenager, to cross to the other side if there was a woman walking alone in front of me. No big deal.

Ditto, I'm a little bit taller tho

On a serious note, yes its always an issue in how I present myself to people not just females. Size can be very intimidating and particularly so for the opppsite sex.
I have similar habits of either crossing the road or staying "unobtrusive" if I cross paths with a lady. Its horse for courses bit i do find that I'm always trying to present the least threatening aspect possible if I cross paths with a female.
Its a weird situation in fairness, that concern/guilt can be apparent when no action has been taken by me.

meeeeh · 20-02-2018 04:55PM

professore wrote: »

Compared to some of the other accounts this looks completely innocent on the surface - and is the kind of thing that gives #MeToo a bad name.

"I think he even touched my hair" ... you should be SURE.

Go to any latin country and this will happen you every 5 minutes - particularly as a redhead.

How do you know he was following you and not just going in the same direction? Was he saying anything to you?

Oh stop with the bs. You pick up on signals, I remember an occasion when my friend and brother picked up on similar situation without me saying anything to them. You know when someone walks too closely, invades your personal space and similar. I would trust description of someone who was there a lot more than someone on internet who feels the need to pontificate about something they know nothing about.

arybvtcw0eolkf · 20-02-2018 04:59PM

banie01 wrote: »

Ditto, I'm a little bit taller tho
On a serious note, yes its always an issue in how I present myself to people not just females. Size can be very intimidating and particularly so for the opppsite sex.
I have similar habits of either crossing the road or staying "unobtrusive" if I cross paths with a lady. Its horse for courses bit i do find that I'm always trying to present the least threatening aspect possible if I cross paths with a female.
Its a weird situation in fairness, that concern/guilt can be apparent when no action has been taken by me.

I do the same. Although I'm only standing at 6'1'', but I'm a big guy and I know I'm 'tough' looking to some people.

meeeeh · 20-02-2018 05:04PM

Alexis Ambitious Wax wrote: »

I do the same. Although I'm only standing at 6'1'', but I'm a big guy and I know I'm 'tough' looking to some people.

I'm 5'5" woman and I try to alert people ahead of me with coughing so I don't startle them. For me it's a bit of common courtesy.

arybvtcw0eolkf · 20-02-2018 05:06PM

meeeeh wrote: »

I'm 5'5" woman and I try to alert people ahead of me with coughing so I don't startle them. For me it's a bit of common courtesy.

Nothing worse than tripping over a small woman when you're a tall man, thank you for your kind consideration

Wibbs · 20-02-2018 05:07PM

meeeeh wrote: »

Oh stop with the bs. You pick up on signals,

Quite a few don't pick up social signals and cues so well M. In my experience anyway the occasional woman can be like that, but it's mostly men. On the rare occasions I've actually questioned a guy over something like that they seemed to genuinely not "see the harm". Which is more a concern IMHO. At least someone who sees they may be making mistakes has the hope they can change.

Chrongen · 20-02-2018 05:09PM

I'm a male and when I was 11 I was molested by my mother's friend's 13 year old daughter. Loved every minute of it.

Also chased around the park / green by neighbourhood girls, held down, tickled, kissed, groped, balls grabbed etc. You'd pretend you were trying to escape but in reality you'd let them ensnare you. They always smelled nice when they were wrestling you to the ground.

Then when grown up (or at least older) had the usual bum grabs, crotch grabs, rubbing tits up against you in pubs, clubs etc.

None of it was ever unwanted though so. Had suggestive sexual approaches and innuendos from women in the workplace but was usually able to deal with it in a lighthearted way. One woman frequently suggested sex in her office but while it sounds exciting I wasn't going to risk it and get fired if it was found out. She was a good sport about it. We snogged after Friday drinks one time but nothing else.

meeeeh · 20-02-2018 05:10PM

Alexis Ambitious Wax wrote: »

Nothing worse than tripping over a small woman when you're a tall man, thank you for your kind consideration

Shocking.

People can walk in the park deep in thought or conversation and even small woman can startle them if she suddenly just appears behind them.

Tabnabs · 20-02-2018 05:11PM

Chrongen wrote: »

I'm a male and when I was 11 I was molested by my mother's friend's 13 year old daughter. Loved every minute of it.

Also chased around the park / green by neighbourhood girls, held down, tickled, kissed, groped, balls grabbed etc. You'd pretend you were trying to escape but in reality you'd let them ensnare you. They always smelled nice when they were wrestling you to the ground.

Then when grown up (or at least older) had the usual bum grabs, crotch grabs, rubbing tits up against you in pubs, clubs etc.

None of it was ever unwanted though so. Had suggestive sexual approaches and innuendos from women in the workplace but was usually able to deal with it in a lighthearted way. One woman frequently suggested sex in her office but while it sounds exciting I wasn't going to risk it and get fired if it was found out. She was a good sport about it. We snogged after Friday drinks one time but nothing else.

So basically nothing to do with the thread topic then, just sexual encounters you can recall?

Rory28 · 20-02-2018 05:15PM

looksee wrote: »

No, it is absolutely not true, as a mod I cannot see anyone's IP address, or email address, or private messages or any other information of that kind.

Isn't that what someone who could see all that would say? Look at your username. Its all coming together now.

Losing my virginity was an unwanted sexual experience. I was 17 and in playa de inglais (we called it play de finglas because we were hilarious). I lost it to a lady when I didn't even want to but peer pressure being what it is and me at the time being whatever is deeper than Narnia in the closet I just wanted to lose the virgin tag as quick as I could to keep appearances. I hated every part of it but the lady was nice after the fact.

Its not exactly keeping with the theme but it was unwanted.

arybvtcw0eolkf · 20-02-2018 05:20PM

looksee wrote: »

No, it is absolutely not true, as a mod I cannot see anyone's IP address, or email address, or private messages or any other information of that kind.

A lot of people won't believe that, so here's a voice from the ranks.

I moderated on at least four forum here over the years (before realizing I was on a fool errant) ~ an moderator absolutely can not see IP addresses, PM's or email addresses.

You've basically a few more buttons on your screen than an ordinary user, most of them will get you into a world of bother and aren't worth using unless you've hours of your time to justify your actions.

SlipperyPeople · 20-02-2018 05:26PM

Alexis Ambitious Wax wrote: »

A lot of people won't believe that, so here's a voice from the ranks.

You've basically a few more buttons on your screen than an ordinary user, most of them will get you into a world of bother and aren't worth using unless you've hours of your time to justify your actions.

For example?

tritium · 20-02-2018 05:27PM

kingtut wrote: »

At a Dublin boards beers I met one particular girl who seemed to take a fancy to me despite me not reciprocating.

Over the following few weeks she would text a lot and every day send at least 1 photo (innocent enough at first however after a few weeks she ended up sending nudes).

I didn't ask her for any of it so it was pretty uncomfortable that she just kept going despite me not responding .... no clue if she is still active or not.

That’s creepy, like stalker creepy...

Greentopia · 20-02-2018 05:49PM

endacl wrote: »

Most of us are. I'm 6'4" and north of 17st. I'm a nice fella, but I'm aware that I present a big silhouette! I get that on a deserted street I might have somebody looking over their shoulder if I was trotting along behind them. It's always been my habit, since I was a teenager, to cross to the other side if there was a woman walking alone in front of me. No big deal.

Thank you for doing that and being so self aware. It's a simple thing to do but really does make women feel safer at night especially when a man does such a small act of consideration for us.

kylith wrote: »

I know, and am related to, big men, and it's awful that the majority of fellas who are lovely and would never dream of hurting anyone have to be aware of how terrifying they can be to women just for walking down the street.

But a woman doesn't know what guy is lovely and what guy is a possible sexual assailant. Our default is that if any guy is following us too closely behind and our instinct tells you something is wrong then that guy is a threat to our safety. It's something that we've internalised.

That we can't feel safe just walking down a street anywhere on our own day or night is what is awful. Yes ye have to be aware, sorry for the inconvenience but our need to feel safe just going about our daily lives is more important than the minor inconvenience of having to be cross a street and be aware of how ye should behave if you are to be a considerate and conscious member of your gender; and of the dangers felt and the impact your behaviour may have on a woman in public on her own.

pilly · 20-02-2018 05:52PM

endacl wrote:

Most of us are. I'm 6'4" and north of 17st. I'm a nice fella, but I'm aware that I present a big silhouette! I get that on a deserted street I might have somebody looking over their shoulder if I was trotting along behind them. It's always been my habit, since I was a teenager, to cross to the other side if there was a woman walking alone in front of me. No big deal.

It can be awkward for women too. When I'm walking somewhere in the dark and I feel the presence of someone large behind me I'm often afraid to turn around and check in case you cause offence to someone.

It's a strange one. I often think "Will you just fcuking overtake me".

leggo · 20-02-2018 06:01PM

Anyone who goes running will know this is a big thing. I remember when I first started, trying to think of ways to run without terrifying everyone in front of me. At one stage, it began to wind me up to the point I was tempted to shout ahead to warn them I was cool and just out for a run. Then I copped it’d probably be way worse if someone hears footsteps moving at pace mixed with abject yelling coming towards them.

kylith · 20-02-2018 06:02PM

Greentopia wrote: »

But a woman doesn't know what guy is lovely and what guy is a possible sexual assailant. Our default is that if any guy is following us too closely behind and our instinct tells you something is wrong then that guy is a threat to our safety. It's something that we've internalised.

That we can't feel safe just walking down a street anywhere on our own day or night is what is awful. Yes ye have to be aware, sorry for the inconvenience but our need to feel safe just going about our daily lives is more important than the minor inconvenience of having to be cross a street and be aware of how ye should behave if you are to be a considerate and conscious member of your gender; and of the dangers felt and the impact your behaviour may have on a woman in public on her own.

I'm a woman myself, so I know what it's like. I'm just making the point that it's a shame that the majority of men, who are lovely, also have their lives messed up (to a much lesser extent) by those pathetic scumbags who threaten women.

It's awful that we have to regard every man as a threat, but it is also awful that good men have to go through their lives trying to broadcast to us how not a threat they are. I know what we have to do is shíte, but it is also crappy to go through your life with half the population afraid of you.

kylith · 20-02-2018 06:05PM

leggo wrote: »

Anyone who goes running will know this is a big thing. I remember when I first started, trying to think of ways to run without terrifying everyone in front of me. At one stage, it began to wind me up to the point I was tempted to shout ahead to warn them I was cool and just out for a run. Then I copped it’d probably be way worse if someone hears footsteps moving at pace mixed with abject yelling coming towards them.

It'd probably be quite scary to have someone chasing you down the street at high speed yelling 'I'm not going to rape you!' I think I'd probably assume it was a double bluff of some kind.

andekwarhola · 20-02-2018 06:09PM

hungoverbunny wrote: »

For example?

There's a UI button in the mod interface that inserts matey banter and Hooker And Coke references into replies when it detects another moderator as recipient.

20-02-2018 06:12PM

I've just stopped trying. :pac: One time I crossed the road to ask a girl who was falling over in high-heels if she wanted me to call a taxi, she was absolutely mangled. Well-lit area, bit of traffic, but we were both going towards a much quieter area. An attempt at a shove and some drunken mumble-barking was enough for me to leave her. Now I just keep my head down, less hassle that way.

Unwanted sexual experiences, not a whole lot for me.
Usual girls chasing to pin me down and kiss me til I cried, there's a few photos around.
When I was 8 a few teenage girls got me to look at a porno mag in a park. Then threatened to tell my parents. :pac:
I had to employ the Neo several times with a girl in my teens who wouldn't get the message even in front of people. She'd also sit on my knee when I wasn't looking and was incredibly difficult to get off.
Other than that the usual, middle-aged ones going for my arse and dick. I think I'm too old-looking now for them to get off on it.

meeeeh · 20-02-2018 06:13PM

I think there is a limit to being afraid though. At some stage you have to also approach things a bit more from a rational point of view. If I go for a run in dark or walk the dog in the woods which are not frequented much in the dark it's highly unlikely some sexual predator will spend night after night waiting for some random person that might or might not show up. In that case it's much more likely they are in the woods for exactly the same reason as you - exercise.

HappyAsLarE · 20-02-2018 06:21PM

meeeeh wrote: »

I think there is a limit to being afraid though. At some stage you have to also approach things a bit more from a rational point of view. If I go for a run in dark or walk the dog in the woods which are not frequented much in the dark it's highly unlikely some sexual predator will spend night after night waiting for some random person that might or might not show up. In that case it's much more likely they are in the woods for exactly the same reason as you - exercise.

Conversely if you continue to take the risk it is inevitable that something will happen.

Have you ever had an unwanted sexual experience? Mod warning in op - updated 6/3/18

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