Have you ever had an unwanted sexual experience? Mod warning in op - updated 6/3/18

Arghus wrote: »

It's all got a bit meta hasn't it?

Wow, I didn't realise there was a set of instructions I was to follow when I was raped.

I was 17, about to turn 18, and was at a house party. I'd had a few drinks but was not very drunk. My sister who had come to the party with me had fecked off with a fella, and with the only house key. (She was in college, I was due to start a few weeks later, was visiting her for a few days) I had no key to her place and no way of contacting her (this was well before mobile phones) so I stayed at the party house. Went upstairs to bed on my own. About an hour or two later I was woken by a guy beside me in the bed, someone I'd chatted to earlier in the night. I had not flirted with him, kissed him or done or said anything which may have led him to believe I was interested in him.when I was woken by him I asked him wtf he was doing, he responded by mauling my breasts. He tried to pull my top up. I told him not to. I told him to stop, said no, said I didn't want to, repeatedly. He didn't stop. He kept at me. I kept saying no, he kept saying that he knew I really wanted it, that I wasn't as innocent as I looked. I kept asking him to stop, telling him he was hurting me, telling him I didn't want it, I told him I was a virgin (which was true) and that I did not want to have sex with him. That didn't stop him. I tried to push him off, I couldn't. He was bigger and stronger than me. When he told me to "shut the fcuk up", I did exactly that as I figured he might hit me/beat me up/strangle me otherwise. Better to 'just' be raped than to be raped and murdered, eh? So I lay there while he raped me, crying, torn and bleeding. I actually lay beside him for a few hours afterwards, as he snored, I was upset, traumatised and frozen. When he woke he actually kissed me and thanked me before he left.

I didn't tell anyone immediately afterwards. I was traumatised, scared, embarrassed and humiliated. I wanted to forget it. I didn't want my parents to find out, it would have destroyed them. I didn't want my sister to feel guilty for leaving me in the house. So focussed was I on keeping it quiet that I gathered the blood-stained bed sheets and took them home with me to wash, telling the
host and my sister that I had puked and it was only fair I do the laundry. I never reported it cos I didn't want the stress, the degradation, the humiliation on top of what I'd already had. I didn't want to have to discuss it with guards. I didn't want my parents to ever find out. I didn't want to go through a trial with a barrister asking me awful questions. And I felt that somehow I was partly responsible as I put myself in a situation where I was in a bedroom of a house where there were strangers.

But yeah, maybe it would have been better if I'd read the manual on what to do while you're being raped and afterwards, and behaved exactly as people (who have never been raped, as if they had they would not come out with such idiotic definitive statements) think I should have.

Wibbs wrote: »

Again - and it's understandable - you're giving a good demonstration of how mob rule tends to work. In every narrative there are three sides; one side, the other and the truth. Whenever society puts too much weight on either of the first two, it's not good. At all*. Justice in a civilised society attempts or should attempt to tease out the last one.




*on the subject matter of the thread examples would be certain societies that automatically assume the woman is at fault QV: Iran and not so long ago many western societies including our own. Idiotic. Equally idiotic is to automatically assume the man is always at fault. That pendulum can swing too damned far in the other direction in the search for a balance. And IMHO we're seeing that at the moment in the West.