What fresh hell is this?!

Doctors room ghost · 18-02-2018 12:11AM

If johnnyflash writes a book I’ll definitely buy it.prob pre order.think we should have one of them fundme things set up and he can be the pen and paper and we be the bank
Hell hes definitely up there with the great pig head.
King Kong’s thumb.ha

Fann Linn · 18-02-2018 12:19AM

Ajsoprano wrote: »

I’ve been trying to read this post out to the missus the last 20 minutes but kept breaking out laughing every time I got to the shoes out the attic line. You should write a book of short stories.

Same here. Now the wife has just found out that they sell this 'Complete ****' on Amazon.

YFlyer · 18-02-2018 11:36AM

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Of course they understand the principals of taking a dump. Potty training and all that. I'm not sure an 8 and 10 year old were able to understand the sight of some overweight auld lad in a pair of mustard coloured slacks squatting in a sand dune loafing out the 'demons of dinnertime past', while they were out for a walk before lunch.

Johnny you should go into the archives and read up on Flutt

JohnnyFlash · 18-02-2018 08:14PM

YFlyer wrote: »

Johnny you should go into the archives and read up on Flutt

Never heard of the guy. What’s the username?

Hector Bellend · 18-02-2018 08:21PM

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I've started taking this powder recently called Complete Greens. You mix it with water, and it's meant to have 5 portions of green vegetables in it - brocolli, kale etc. Foul stuff, but it's giving me a great glow, and a fúcking boner you could hang your washing on.

The worst thing about it is that once you start to feel some pressure on the badge, you've about 3 minutes tops to get yourself perched on the shítter. The shíte itself is about a foot long once you open the bomb doors. Sometimes you have to take the brush to it to allow it to flush. What's good though is that very little paper work is required afterwards to return the area to a pristine state.

Awesome.

Huge horn you say?

JohnnyFlash · 18-02-2018 08:39PM

Hector Bellend wrote: »

Awesome.

Huge horn you say?

Massive horn, Hector. Formidable even. You could use it to beat hippies out of a commune.

Dakota Dan · 18-02-2018 08:41PM

mad muffin wrote: »

I had an inguinal hernia op yesterday home in the evening. Today from midway I could not shît. Takes the usual… prune juice. Senokote.

Finally relief comes at midnight. Only brief relief.

Now I’ve been on the toilet on and off for the last two hours with the shîts… what fresh hell is this?!

Fresh hell, where in the name of Jaysus did you come up with that?

Poor Uncle Tom · 18-02-2018 09:22PM

mad muffin wrote: »

I had an inguinal hernia op yesterday home in the evening. Today from midway I could not shît. Takes the usual… prune juice. Senokote.

Finally relief comes at midnight. Only brief relief.

Now I’ve been on the toilet on and off for the last two hours with the shîts… what fresh hell is this?!

Chew a mouthfull of spring grass, works wonders for the sooks, you'll sh*t over a four bar gate and through the eye of a needle after it.

Zaph · 18-02-2018 09:32PM

Dakota Dan wrote: »

Fresh hell, where in the name of Jaysus did you come up with that?

Apparently it's what Dorothy Parker said whenever her phone or doorbell rang.

What fresh hell is this?!

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