Friends Wedding Abroad

woodchuck · 06-02-2018 05:27PM

GingerLily wrote: »

If the OP does NOT attend the wedding I mean

What's wrong with 50euro if you're not attending the wedding? You're absolutely right that covering your plate doesn't come into it then. So I would have thought a card with 50euro in it is a nice gesture - they're getting 50euro without even having to feed you!

Personally if I was getting married I wouldn't expect anything from someone who wasn't even attending the wedding. A card alone would be a nice. A card with money (any amount!) would be completely unnecessary, but hugely appreciated.

GingerLily · 06-02-2018 05:37PM

woodchuck wrote: »

GingerLily wrote: »

If the OP does NOT attend the wedding I mean

What's wrong with 50euro if you're not attending the wedding? You're absolutely right that covering your plate doesn't come into it then. So I would have thought a card with 50euro in it is a nice gesture - they're getting 50euro without even having to feed you!

Personally if I was getting married I wouldn't expect anything from someone who wasn't even attending the wedding. A card alone would be a nice. A card with money (any amount!) would be completely unnecessary, but hugely appreciated.

For a close friend I think you shouldn't give them a smaller gift because you couldn't attend the wedding. They're a close friend after all.

Dev84 · 06-02-2018 05:43PM

OP I'm struggling to see what advice you are looking for here?

On one hand you are saying that you think it's cheeky what your friend has done and that the flights etc are a lot of money.

People have said that if it's a case that you can't afford it then don't go but you seem certain you are going.

So what's the complaint?

Meeeee79 · 06-02-2018 05:48PM

Could you arrive the day of the wedding and fly out the Tuesday? That way its only 3 nights so just a long weekend really.

skallywag · 06-02-2018 06:25PM

woodchuck wrote: »

Personally if I was getting married I wouldn't expect anything from someone who wasn't even attending the wedding.

+1

Absolute most I would expect is a token gift of some nature, it actually concerns me a little that some couples could possibly expect anything more from someone who is is not even going

woodchuck · 06-02-2018 06:38PM

GingerLily wrote: »

For a close friend I think you shouldn't give them a smaller gift because you couldn't attend the wedding. They're a close friend after all.

I suppose I see it differently... for me I'd view it as giving a larger present if attending (to cover the cost of being fed etc) rather than seeing it as a smaller present if not attending!

(different for a foreign wedding though as you've already gone to a huge expense to attend)

_Dara_ · 07-02-2018 04:21AM

Hubs and I are going to a wedding in Albufeira in October. Looking forward to it. However... the groom went to great pains to explain how his wedding will be no more expensive to attend than one in Ireland. We’ll be there from Friday to Monday so that’s obviously nonsense. But we’re thinking we’ll have to give the standard €150 gift we give as a couple because if he thinks it will cost the same to attend as an Irish wedding, he might wonder why we gave a smaller gift. Aaarrrgh, wedding politics!

the_syco · 07-02-2018 05:28AM

Kevin Gigantic Machine wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Correction; there are no Sunday flights to Ireland. There are still Sunday flights to the UK.

tringle · 07-02-2018 07:21AM

I hate weddings, too much bother, too expensive and nearly always when you want to do.something else.

An OP I would have agreed with you about Ibiza but apparently it is an amazing place inland or away from all the clubs.
What about renting some place with hubby either in Ibiza or somewhere close that you can travel to the wedding. I would take my holiday first and the wedding at the end of it, that way you will be all sun glowed and chilled. Look into activity holidays in the area.

I have no idea about presents, if I was getting married abroad I would insist that your attendance would be the only present I needed. But they don't seem to have done this. Maybe drop hints about the cost of travelling to the wedding so she doesn't expect a big gift.

Any plans yet for the hen party, will that be another weekend away somewhere that you will have to splash out for?

mick121 · 07-02-2018 09:19AM

woodchuck wrote:

Personally if I was getting married I wouldn't expect anything from someone who wasn't even attending the wedding. A card alone would be a nice. A card with money (any amount!) would be completely unnecessary, but hugely appreciated.

woodchuck wrote:

What's wrong with 50euro if you're not attending the wedding? You're absolutely right that covering your plate doesn't come into it then. So I would have thought a card with 50euro in it is a nice gesture - they're getting 50euro without even having to feed you!

This,the sense of entitlement for some bride and grooms is appalling. A wedding gift is just that,a gift,no minimum or max just a gift.they should be happy for people to attend.its at the stage where your invited to a party by another couple and as such are by society bound to pay x amount.next we will be charging for birthdays etc.Give what you can afford,if they value your friendship they will understand and not fall out over you being a few euro "short of minimum donation"

whoopsadoodles · 07-02-2018 09:28AM

mick121 wrote: »

This,the sense of entitlement for some bride and grooms is appalling. A wedding gift is just that,a gift,no minimum or max just a gift.they should be happy for people to attend.its at the stage where your invited to a party by another couple and as such are by society bound to pay x amount.next we will be charging for birthdays etc.Give what you can afford,if they value your friendship they will understand and not fall out over you being a few euro "short of minimum donation"

And that is exactly why my close friend would get the same gift regardless of whether I had to "cover my plate" or not because it's a gift for their wedding/marriage, not a payment for dinner.

Peatys · 07-02-2018 09:32AM

My wife and i went to Ibiza a few years ago. We stayed in the mountains on the north side of the island. Didn't go near san antonio and have no interest in beaches.

It was a great holiday. Check it out before discounting it.

woodchuck · 07-02-2018 10:51AM

whoopsadoodles wrote: »

And that is exactly why my close friend would get the same gift regardless of whether I had to "cover my plate" or not because it's a gift for their wedding/marriage, not a payment for dinner.

And that's fine if that's what you choose to do. But I don't think couples getting married would expect this!

Personally I tend to give the same amount regardless of who's wedding I'm attending (a sibling might be the exception). If it's a very close friend, it's likely that you've already contributed towards the celebration in the run up to and on the day (organising the hen, helping put together wedding favours, doing a reading etc). Surely that has more value than money in a card ever could?? I might also try to think of a small but meaningful gift in addition to money in a card.

SusanC10 · 07-02-2018 12:09PM

We got married abroad. We put some little poem in with the invitation amounting to "your presence is our present" or similar. We did not expect Gifts.

We still recieved Gifts from the vast majority of those who travelled and from a lot of people who we invited but could not make it. One of my favourite gifts was from close Friends of my Parents who could not travel.

We missed 2 Weddings abroad both close Friends and gave the same Gifts as we would have if we had attended.

On the other hand my Husband's nephew got married abroad 3 years ago. We went with our 2 Kids and as it was not our annual family holiday it worked out quite ecpensive for the 4 days we were there. We still got an Email with a link to a Honeymoon Fund asking for a contribution which we did make. While we would have given a Gift anyway, we felt it a bit much that they asked.

witchgirl26 · 07-02-2018 05:08PM

OP I honestly think that you're being a little dismissive of Ibiza as a place. Now I'm not saying that you stay for 2 full weeks but is staying a couple of days and exploring the island (away from the beaches and clubs) not potentially an idea? I know quite a few people who've gone there and been really surprised. I would have been a bit dismissive of Tenerife before because all I knew of it was about the night life but going there and looking into it taught me that there was much more to it than that and it's one of the best places I've been.

In regards friends weddings abroad - I wouldn't take too much to heart what was said about people being able to make it their holiday. Anyone I know who's gotten married abroad has said that but it was always as a suggestion never a given.

I do change the gift amount I give people based on the relationship I have with them. Siblings got more than friends and close friends got more than other friends.

splinter65 · 07-02-2018 11:50PM

If she’s sensible then your friend will already know that yourself and your husband don’t really enjoy beach holidays, so she shouldn’t be surprised if you call around to see her to tell her that you won’t be going,
Most of us work hard all year and hope to get a fortnight off to relax and have fun.
Not everyone likes the Med etc. and to me, it would be unreasonable of her to expect you to make such an expensive sacrifice.
Unreasonable and unnecessary .
It won’t make any difference to her if you’re not there. She must have known when she planned it that not everyone would go. That was the risk that she took.
If you really don’t want to go then I would advise that you arrange to meet her and tell her. Don’t make a big deal out of it because it’s not a big deal and don’t apologise because there’s no need.
Give the present you would have given had the wedding been in Ireland.
Join in all the other pre wedding plans and ignore any slight huffing that might arise from either her or the other girls.
She’s getting married....needs to put her big girl pants on!!!

Friends Wedding Abroad

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