Friends Wedding Abroad

c6ysaphjvqw41k

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irelandrover

Can you fly to Ibiza from somewhere else or fly out of Ibiza on the Sunday to an actual holiday destination ye want to go?

So take 2 weeks holidays at that time but only spend 2 days in Ibiza.

georgina toadbum

I've no advice how to make it cheaper but if you can't afford it, you can't afford it. And if going to this wedding will mean you use up your holiday leave and aren't able to go on one with your husband then personally I wouldn't go.

These are the risks people who arrange to have their wedding abroad face. Not everyone has the annual leave or the money to spend 4 nights away in a different country.

ec18

don't go?

c6ysaphjvqw41k

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GingerLily

You don't have to go, so don't.

If she's a real friend she wouldn't want to put you out so much just to attend, and if she's that selfish to be annoyed by it - then why would you want to be there for her anyway?

SusanC10

We wouldn't sacrifice our annual family holiday to go to a wedding abroad. I would also find it odd to be at a wedding without my Husband. Unless maybe I knew a lot of other people there.

We have been to a good few Weddings abroad but we have also missed 2 good friends Weddings as it just didn't suit for us to go.

You also don't sound like you really want to go.
Maybe just politely decline.

c6ysaphjvqw41k

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irelandrover

Where do you want to go on holiday. For instance there is a flight from Ibiza to Madrid on the sunday morning for €28.
Just have your husband meet you there.

Dublin -> Ibiza -> Madrid -> Dublin is available for €236.

SusanC10

Kevin Gigantic Machine wrote: »

I will know pretty much everyone at the wedding. A lot of the girls going are not bringing their partners to either save money or because they wont know anyone.

Could you look at flying through the UK ? May work out cheaper ? And you wouldn't have to stay for 4 nights then.

Triceratops Ballet

If you really want to go to the wedding, Ibiza is actually a lovely place with plenty to do, outside of the bars, clubs and beaches. You could spend your two days there and then there's ferries to the other islands, or even to Barcelona, you could also fly out of IBZ to somewhere more suited to your tastes.

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Sunny Dayz

I'd imagine there's a lot to do in Ibiza apart from eating and drinking. Can't you get a connecting flight on the Sunday or Monday and spend a few days where you would like to go?


Is it worth missing out on your friend's wedding over it though? I've had to decline a wedding invite abroad from a relative in the past. But I know if it was immediate family or a close friend, I wouldn't dream of missing it.


We have a wedding this summer mid week and away elsewhere in Ireland. We are forgoing our annual holiday and making a week of it where this wedding is located. Sure I'd love to go abroad for a bit a sun, but I'm really looking forward to this wedding, and getting loads of time to catch up with people.

whoopsadoodles

As above. There's loads to see and do in Ibiza. Maybe look into it a bit more before writing it off as a terrible holiday. It's a beautiful Island and you never need to go anywhere near the club scene.

lazygal

It is cheeky to have a mindset that people will use your chosen wedding date and venue as their holiday.
Only you can decide what the best course of action is. Will you resent spending so much time and money because your friend decided to have a wedding abroad?
For us we have two children and our family holiday is the only holiday we're taking this year. I wouldn't change that even if a close friend was getting married and I would hope they'd understand why. Having a wedding abroad is taking the risk that a lot of people won't make it for many reasons.

c6ysaphjvqw41k

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SusanC10

Kevin Gigantic Machine wrote: »

Thanks for the suggestions guys, I'll look into some of them. Maybe I could just leave on the Sun using a connecting flight, or even meet my husband somewhere, sounds like that might work depending on flights!

Regarding a wedding gift, what would you guys give if you were to attend, and also if you were not to attend?

Honestly, if I was going to go I would ask my Husband to come with me for 2 days and then either go elsewhere together on Ibiza or get a connecting flight elsewhere.

If she is a v good friend I would actually give the same gift regardless of whether I went or not.

lazygal

If I spent money to attend a wedding abroad I'd probably give a small gift like a frame or vase.
If I wasn't able to go and it was a close friend I would give the normal gift I would give. Which is usually €150/€200 cash in a card.

GingerLily

Kevin Gigantic Machine wrote: »

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If she's a good friend I think if you don't attend you should give the normal gift you would have given to her if she had gotten married in Ireland and you had attended.

If she isn't a close friend then no gift is really required.

If you go I think you could get away with buying a gift nearer the 50e mark, as you had to spend so much to attend.

duffman13

Kevin Gigantic Machine wrote: »

Thanks for the suggestions guys, I'll look into some of them. Maybe I could just leave on the Sun using a connecting flight, or even meet my husband somewhere, sounds like that might work depending on flights!

Regarding a wedding gift, what would you guys give if you were to attend, and also if you were not to attend?

I wouldn't be going mad on a gift for a destination wedding like that. If your in the wedding party and are traveling I'd give max 200 as a couple. If i wasn't going id give the same tbh

PhoenixParker

I'd look into the ferries off the island.

Fly In, do the wedding then hop on a ferry to the East coast of Spain (or similar) and drive somewhere you want to go. Then find a cheap flight home.

I'd look into Ibiza a little more before dismissing it completely. Away from the craziness it's apparently an amazing upmarket holiday destination.

woodchuck

Kevin Gigantic Machine wrote: »

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I'd probably give 50euro (max) in a card either way.

If you attend, you'll already have spent a huge amount on flights and accommodation to be there. Therefore a small present is enough. 50euro should "cover your plate", especially if you're there alone.

If you're not attending, there's obviously no need to "cover your plate". However if she's a good friend, 50euro is still a nice gesture.

whoopsadoodles

If I didn't go to a very close friend's wedding the gift would remain the same as if I did.

However, if my close friend got married abroad and I did attend, I would probably give a slightly reduced gift.

If I got married abroad, I would be very clear about the fact I did not want any gifts at all but that doesn't seem to be the case for a lot of folk unfortunately.

skywayavenue

I got married in Ibiza in June last year.
Ryanair flew 5 times a week from Dublin - if that's an option? They initially only released 3 days a week but I think it was March or April and they released the next few days.

I am biased - but it really is a beautiful island. There is a lot more to do than eat and drink, although the food is delicious!

Hitman3000

Kevin Gigantic Machine wrote:

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Maybe listen to your husband and decline the invite to your friend politely. Bung 200 in a card sorted.

marvin80

GingerLily wrote: »

You don't have to go, so don't.

If she's a real friend she wouldn't want to put you out so much just to attend, and if she's that selfish to be annoyed by it - then why would you want to be there for her anyway?

When it comes to weddings I find the wedding party are only interested in looking after themselves.
For example, I know a couple that got married in Cyprus - their family had a villa there so they used that as their base for the wedding.
There was only one flight a week so it meant spending a week on holiday there.
Some friends declined and they fell out over this - ridiculous.

GingerLily

woodchuck wrote: »

I'd probably give 50euro (max) in a card either way.

If you attend, you'll already have spent a huge amount on flights and accommodation to be there. Therefore a small present is enough. 50euro should "cover your plate", especially if you're there alone.

If you're not attending, there's obviously no need to "cover your plate". However if she's a good friend, 50euro is still a nice gesture.

I don't agree, I think 50quid from a close friend is a bit cheap unless they're under financial stress. For a close friend give the amount you would give her regardless, this isn't cover your plate territory!

ec18

GingerLily wrote: »

I don't agree, I think 50quid from a close friend is a bit cheap unless they're under financial stress. For a close friend give the amount you would give her regardless, this isn't cover your plate territory!

Wouldn't agree at all. The wedding will already have cost the quests the best part of 1000 any gifts after attending the wedding should be a token in nature unless the OP is loaded :P

georgina toadbum

GingerLily wrote: »

I don't agree, I think 50quid from a close friend is a bit cheap unless they're under financial stress. For a close friend give the amount you would give her regardless, this isn't cover your plate territory!

Even if the wedding is abroad?

woodchuck

GingerLily wrote: »

I don't agree, I think 50quid from a close friend is a bit cheap unless they're under financial stress. For a close friend give the amount you would give her regardless, this isn't cover your plate territory!

She doesn't sound like such a good friend though if she's expecting people to use up all their annual leave to attend the wedding!

GingerLily

georgina toadbum wrote: »

GingerLily wrote: »

I don't agree, I think 50quid from a close friend is a bit cheap unless they're under financial stress. For a close friend give the amount you would give her regardless, this isn't cover your plate territory!

Even if the wedding is abroad?

If the OP does NOT attend the wedding I mean

woodchuck

GingerLily wrote: »

If the OP does NOT attend the wedding I mean

What's wrong with 50euro if you're not attending the wedding? You're absolutely right that covering your plate doesn't come into it then. So I would have thought a card with 50euro in it is a nice gesture - they're getting 50euro without even having to feed you!

Personally if I was getting married I wouldn't expect anything from someone who wasn't even attending the wedding. A card alone would be a nice. A card with money (any amount!) would be completely unnecessary, but hugely appreciated.

GingerLily

woodchuck wrote: »

GingerLily wrote: »

If the OP does NOT attend the wedding I mean

What's wrong with 50euro if you're not attending the wedding? You're absolutely right that covering your plate doesn't come into it then. So I would have thought a card with 50euro in it is a nice gesture - they're getting 50euro without even having to feed you!

Personally if I was getting married I wouldn't expect anything from someone who wasn't even attending the wedding. A card alone would be a nice. A card with money (any amount!) would be completely unnecessary, but hugely appreciated.

For a close friend I think you shouldn't give them a smaller gift because you couldn't attend the wedding. They're a close friend after all.

Dev84

OP I'm struggling to see what advice you are looking for here?

On one hand you are saying that you think it's cheeky what your friend has done and that the flights etc are a lot of money.

People have said that if it's a case that you can't afford it then don't go but you seem certain you are going.

So what's the complaint?

Meeeee79

Could you arrive the day of the wedding and fly out the Tuesday? That way its only 3 nights so just a long weekend really.

skallywag

woodchuck wrote: »

Personally if I was getting married I wouldn't expect anything from someone who wasn't even attending the wedding.

+1

Absolute most I would expect is a token gift of some nature, it actually concerns me a little that some couples could possibly expect anything more from someone who is is not even going

woodchuck

GingerLily wrote: »

For a close friend I think you shouldn't give them a smaller gift because you couldn't attend the wedding. They're a close friend after all.

I suppose I see it differently... for me I'd view it as giving a larger present if attending (to cover the cost of being fed etc) rather than seeing it as a smaller present if not attending!

(different for a foreign wedding though as you've already gone to a huge expense to attend)

_Dara_

Hubs and I are going to a wedding in Albufeira in October. Looking forward to it. However... the groom went to great pains to explain how his wedding will be no more expensive to attend than one in Ireland. We’ll be there from Friday to Monday so that’s obviously nonsense. But we’re thinking we’ll have to give the standard €150 gift we give as a couple because if he thinks it will cost the same to attend as an Irish wedding, he might wonder why we gave a smaller gift. Aaarrrgh, wedding politics!

the_syco

Kevin Gigantic Machine wrote: »

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Correction; there are no Sunday flights to Ireland. There are still Sunday flights to the UK.

tringle

I hate weddings, too much bother, too expensive and nearly always when you want to do.something else.

An OP I would have agreed with you about Ibiza but apparently it is an amazing place inland or away from all the clubs.
What about renting some place with hubby either in Ibiza or somewhere close that you can travel to the wedding. I would take my holiday first and the wedding at the end of it, that way you will be all sun glowed and chilled. Look into activity holidays in the area.

I have no idea about presents, if I was getting married abroad I would insist that your attendance would be the only present I needed. But they don't seem to have done this. Maybe drop hints about the cost of travelling to the wedding so she doesn't expect a big gift.

Any plans yet for the hen party, will that be another weekend away somewhere that you will have to splash out for?

mick121

woodchuck wrote:

Personally if I was getting married I wouldn't expect anything from someone who wasn't even attending the wedding. A card alone would be a nice. A card with money (any amount!) would be completely unnecessary, but hugely appreciated.

woodchuck wrote:

What's wrong with 50euro if you're not attending the wedding? You're absolutely right that covering your plate doesn't come into it then. So I would have thought a card with 50euro in it is a nice gesture - they're getting 50euro without even having to feed you!

This,the sense of entitlement for some bride and grooms is appalling. A wedding gift is just that,a gift,no minimum or max just a gift.they should be happy for people to attend.its at the stage where your invited to a party by another couple and as such are by society bound to pay x amount.next we will be charging for birthdays etc.Give what you can afford,if they value your friendship they will understand and not fall out over you being a few euro "short of minimum donation"

whoopsadoodles

mick121 wrote: »

This,the sense of entitlement for some bride and grooms is appalling. A wedding gift is just that,a gift,no minimum or max just a gift.they should be happy for people to attend.its at the stage where your invited to a party by another couple and as such are by society bound to pay x amount.next we will be charging for birthdays etc.Give what you can afford,if they value your friendship they will understand and not fall out over you being a few euro "short of minimum donation"

And that is exactly why my close friend would get the same gift regardless of whether I had to "cover my plate" or not because it's a gift for their wedding/marriage, not a payment for dinner.

Peatys

My wife and i went to Ibiza a few years ago. We stayed in the mountains on the north side of the island. Didn't go near san antonio and have no interest in beaches.

It was a great holiday. Check it out before discounting it.

woodchuck

whoopsadoodles wrote: »

And that is exactly why my close friend would get the same gift regardless of whether I had to "cover my plate" or not because it's a gift for their wedding/marriage, not a payment for dinner.

And that's fine if that's what you choose to do. But I don't think couples getting married would expect this!

Personally I tend to give the same amount regardless of who's wedding I'm attending (a sibling might be the exception). If it's a very close friend, it's likely that you've already contributed towards the celebration in the run up to and on the day (organising the hen, helping put together wedding favours, doing a reading etc). Surely that has more value than money in a card ever could?? I might also try to think of a small but meaningful gift in addition to money in a card.

SusanC10

We got married abroad. We put some little poem in with the invitation amounting to "your presence is our present" or similar. We did not expect Gifts.

We still recieved Gifts from the vast majority of those who travelled and from a lot of people who we invited but could not make it. One of my favourite gifts was from close Friends of my Parents who could not travel.

We missed 2 Weddings abroad both close Friends and gave the same Gifts as we would have if we had attended.

On the other hand my Husband's nephew got married abroad 3 years ago. We went with our 2 Kids and as it was not our annual family holiday it worked out quite ecpensive for the 4 days we were there. We still got an Email with a link to a Honeymoon Fund asking for a contribution which we did make. While we would have given a Gift anyway, we felt it a bit much that they asked.

witchgirl26

OP I honestly think that you're being a little dismissive of Ibiza as a place. Now I'm not saying that you stay for 2 full weeks but is staying a couple of days and exploring the island (away from the beaches and clubs) not potentially an idea? I know quite a few people who've gone there and been really surprised. I would have been a bit dismissive of Tenerife before because all I knew of it was about the night life but going there and looking into it taught me that there was much more to it than that and it's one of the best places I've been.

In regards friends weddings abroad - I wouldn't take too much to heart what was said about people being able to make it their holiday. Anyone I know who's gotten married abroad has said that but it was always as a suggestion never a given.

I do change the gift amount I give people based on the relationship I have with them. Siblings got more than friends and close friends got more than other friends.

splinter65

If she’s sensible then your friend will already know that yourself and your husband don’t really enjoy beach holidays, so she shouldn’t be surprised if you call around to see her to tell her that you won’t be going,
Most of us work hard all year and hope to get a fortnight off to relax and have fun.
Not everyone likes the Med etc. and to me, it would be unreasonable of her to expect you to make such an expensive sacrifice.
Unreasonable and unnecessary .
It won’t make any difference to her if you’re not there. She must have known when she planned it that not everyone would go. That was the risk that she took.
If you really don’t want to go then I would advise that you arrange to meet her and tell her. Don’t make a big deal out of it because it’s not a big deal and don’t apologise because there’s no need.
Give the present you would have given had the wedding been in Ireland.
Join in all the other pre wedding plans and ignore any slight huffing that might arise from either her or the other girls.
She’s getting married....needs to put her big girl pants on!!!