Secret Instagram account..should I run a mile??

runningbuddy · 26-01-2018 10:10AM

Hi ursus, no, I'm def finished. I too hate liars. I was totally honest with him from the beginning. He seems very keen on a relationship and knows there is something off. I will be honest with him, rather than him wondering why I finished.

I just don't get it. I can understand maybe embellishing certain things when you meet someone but that was a blatant lie.

runningbuddy · 26-01-2018 10:13AM

georgina toadbum wrote: »

Why are you bothering to stalk him? It's clear as day he's been lying to you so why would you want to engage in any sort of relationship with him?

Curiosity more than anything :pac:

georgina toadbum · 26-01-2018 10:15AM

I think you should just say you're not feeling it and leave it at that. This really isn't a relationship, you've never met him, you don't owe him an explanation. By telling him about this you're just opening the doors for him to give you an explanation. And I'd almost bet my life on it that you will believe any excuse he gives you.

runningbuddy · 26-01-2018 10:19AM

georgina toadbum wrote: »

I think you should just say you're not feeling it and leave it at that. This really isn't a relationship, you've never met him, you don't owe him an explanation. By telling him about this you're just opening the doors for him to give you an explanation. And I'd almost bet my life on it that you will believe any excuse he gives you.

I have met him Georg, my original post was a bit ambiguous !!

It is early stages but he is keen on taking things further. I have been dumped in the past, left high and dry and it's not nice. I would rather give him an explanation. It is just bizarre, he is 45, not 15 FFS.

njs030 · 26-01-2018 11:10AM

Someone you hardly know said he didn't have an Instagram account and it turns out he does? So what! Since when are we entitled to know everything about everyone we've just met - online dating has created this false intimacy.

He's entitled to some privacy from you op and considering you hardly know him you have absolutely no right to go snooping through his life.

If you want to end it do but remember people are as entitled to their privacy as you are to yours, perhaps he was planning on deleting all those likes and then adding you or maybe he would have deleted his account so it would have been true. If you go looking for trouble you'll find it.

runningbuddy · 26-01-2018 11:14AM

notjustsweet wrote: »

Someone you hardly know said he didn't have an Instagram account and it turns out he does? So what! Since when are we entitled to know everything about everyone we've just met - online dating has created this false intimacy.

He's entitled to some privacy from you op and considering you hardly know him you have absolutely no right to go snooping through his life.

If you want to end it do but remember people are as entitled to their privacy as you are to yours, perhaps he was planning on deleting all those likes and then adding you or maybe he would have deleted his account so it would have been true. If you go looking for trouble you'll find it.

It isn't someone I hardly know. We have been dating for a while. We have slept together, been intimate. He has told me he would like things to progress.

We had a random conversation about Instagram, social media, etc. He was adamant he loathes Instagram yet he has a very active account. It was a blatant lie.

Mokuba · 26-01-2018 11:17AM

Is there anything more cringeworthy or pathetic than thirsty lads liking and commenting on Instagram girls selfies.

I am genuinely shocked that somebody could get to that age and still be doing it (I can't believe anyone would do it in the first place, mind). And better yet, lie about having an account. And better yet, pretend you are above it.

Stop "stalking" him and move on. There are plenty of other guys.

runningbuddy · 26-01-2018 11:27AM

See, this is all new to me. I am not completely in the dark ages. I use FB occasionally, pretty savvy but I genuinely thought Instagram for teens, maybe because I have two teens who constantly post bull**** selfies

. I would have considered 45 a little too "old" for Instagram but hey ......

Mokuba · 26-01-2018 11:34AM

runningbuddy wrote: »

See, this is all new to me. I am not completely in the dark ages. I use FB occasionally, pretty savvy but I genuinely thought Instagram for teens, maybe because I have two teens who constantly post bull**** selfies . I would have considered 45 a little too "old" for Instagram but hey ......

I'd personally try to keep a wide enough berth of people who live life with a mentality of "If I don't post it on social media how will anyone know I was there". Anyone who spends entire events taking regular snapchats instead of enjoying the event itself. And anyone who regularly posts up selfies for validation. Look at me I'm so beautiful. It's all so, so fake.

You would hope that someone in their 40's would have the maturity and the wherewithal to not partake in that culture. And he seems to know it himself, but still does anyway and lies about it.

It's odd, creepy, juvenile and you don't need to be getting involved with someone like that.

runningbuddy · 26-01-2018 11:42AM

Mokuba, it is def an addiction. I remember being laid up with flu and was on FB constantly....in the end it really got to me :mad: and thankfully just log on now and again.

Another thing I have noticed is, this guy spends an awful lot of time online, FB, etc.

woodchuck · 26-01-2018 11:54AM

I agree that this is definitely a red flag. I could understand very early on someone might nod along and agreeing with someone elses opinions due to nerves. However it sounds like this went beyond that. Particularly since he's using the account to comment on photos of younger women.

However your own behaviour leaves a bad taste in the mouth too. Why are you spending so much time stalking this guy?? I can understand when you initially found out about the account you might have gotten a bit carried away. But now you're also saying that he spends a lot of time online, FB etc. You're coming across as a bit intense, especially for someone who by all accounts just broke up with someone else weeks ago and for a very new relationship. By all means break it off with this guy, but I think you'd benefit from some time alone before jumping into another relationship so soon.

njs030 · 26-01-2018 01:16PM

runningbuddy wrote: »

It isn't someone I hardly know. We have been dating for a while. We have slept together, been intimate. He has told me he would like things to progress.

We had a random conversation about Instagram, social media, etc. He was adamant he loathes Instagram yet he has a very active account. It was a blatant lie.

Oh sorry, your earlier posts don't give that impression. It's kinda hard to advise when your drip feeding information.

Well yeah then it is a bit weird tbh. How do you know how active he is if his account is private BTW?

georgina toadbum · 26-01-2018 01:18PM

notjustsweet wrote: »

Oh sorry, your earlier posts don't give that impression. It's kinda hard to advise when your drip feeding information.

Well yeah then it is a bit weird tbh. How do you know how active he is if his account is private BTW?

It looks like she's going into the person who he's liking pictures, and scrolling through the 'likes' to find him.

I don't really know how she would have seen that he liked the pictures in the first place.

blairbear · 26-01-2018 01:26PM

Tbh as soon as I match someone on tinder who looks promising, I look at their Instagram (it's linked through Tinder much of the time) or their fb if we have mutual friends.

With online dating, it's savvy to check them out online. There is often nobody to vouch for them. Even after a few dates, it's hard to know whether the person is a decent/safe human being or not.

Maybe some of the posters here think looking up someone that you're dating online is a step too far, but for me and my friends, we see it as sensible and a necessary step to keep ourselves safe and clued in. I've had one or two nasty encounters with men who seemed lovely beforehand. I would never go on a date now unless I had some idea of who the person was and what they are about.

That is part of dating as a woman in 2018, I feel.

runningbuddy · 26-01-2018 01:28PM

Yep, came across the girl he "likes" and see that he follows/likes her.

Anyway, just met up with him. Really didn't want to tell him I was no longer interested by txt/msg.

I just said I wasn't really feeling it anymore. He asked why. I just said I was a little uncomfortable as I happened to come across his Instagram account. He got a little defensive. He said he didn't mention it as he felt it wasn't a big deal. I said I had asked him and he vehemently denied having an account. I could tell he was uncomfortable. He said he was sorry but he only set it up to keep in touch with his sons (!) and he doesn't use it for much. This is bull**** as I can see, although his account is private, I can see he has 300 posts, which is a very active account. I didn't bring this up. I just said I was done.

He genuinely seemed upset but I don't trust him. I don't know if it is liking/commenting on the other woman's pics.....either way, I'm out!!

georgina toadbum · 26-01-2018 01:30PM

blairbear wrote: »

Tbh as soon as I match someone on tinder who looks promising, I look at their Instagram (it's linked through Tinder much of the time) or their fb if we have mutual friends.

With online dating, it's savvy to check them out online. There is often nobody to vouch for them. Even after a few dates, it's hard to know whether the person is a decent/safe human being or not.

Maybe some of the posters here think looking up someone that you're dating online is a step too far, but for me and my friends, we see it as sensible and a necessary step to keep ourselves safe and clued in. I've had one or two nasty encounters with men who seemed lovely beforehand. I would never go on a date now unless I had some idea of who the person was and what they are about.

That is part of dating as a woman in 2018, I feel.

I don't see a problem looking up peoples Instagram/Twitter/Facebook. I've done it myself. But if his account is private I'd leave it at that. I wouldn't go looking through the likes of other people's photos to see if he liked them.

Ghekko · 26-01-2018 02:01PM

runningbuddy wrote: »

Yep, came across the girl he "likes" and see that he follows/likes her.

Anyway, just met up with him. Really didn't want to tell him I was no longer interested by txt/msg.

I just said I wasn't really feeling it anymore. He asked why. I just said I was a little uncomfortable as I happened to come across his Instagram account. He got a little defensive. He said he didn't mention it as he felt it wasn't a big deal. I said I had asked him and he vehemently denied having an account. I could tell he was uncomfortable. He said he was sorry but he only set it up to keep in touch with his sons (!) and he doesn't use it for much. This is bull**** as I can see, although his account is private, I can see he has 300 posts, which is a very active account. I didn't bring this up. I just said I was done.

He genuinely seemed upset but I don't trust him. I don't know if it is liking/commenting on the other woman's pics.....either way, I'm out!!

So he was still lying to you - best leave him in the past now, block him so he doesn't try to manipulate you with more lies.

njs030 · 26-01-2018 02:37PM

blairbear wrote: »

Tbh as soon as I match someone on tinder who looks promising, I look at their Instagram (it's linked through Tinder much of the time) or their fb if we have mutual friends.

With online dating, it's savvy to check them out online. There is often nobody to vouch for them. Even after a few dates, it's hard to know whether the person is a decent/safe human being or not.

Maybe some of the posters here think looking up someone that you're dating online is a step too far, but for me and my friends, we see it as sensible and a necessary step to keep ourselves safe and clued in. I've had one or two nasty encounters with men who seemed lovely beforehand. I would never go on a date now unless I had some idea of who the person was and what they are about.

That is part of dating as a woman in 2018, I feel.

That's understandable but you'd have to do an awful lot of snooping to find who he was following and how many times he had liked their photos. It goes beyond checking they are who they say they are who they are to actively breaching their privacy and that of other people in their lives. It's really creepy imo.

Having 300 posts doesn't make it an active account at all. It could have been a previously active account that he had no interest in any more.

Ursus Horribilis · 26-01-2018 02:51PM

300 sounds active to me. We also don't know when he was liking these photos but it could be an ongoing thing. If that's what he wants to do on Instagram, why lie so vehemently? And when confronted with the truth today he continued to lie.

runningbuddy · 26-01-2018 02:51PM

Notsosweet, this girl, my daughter also follows. They have a mutual interest. My daughter just showed me her pic and I saw the guy comment. Small world, I know. Fair enough, I did have a look at her page...it's public and I saw his comments, etc.

runningbuddy · 26-01-2018 03:05PM

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

300 sounds active to me. We also don't know when he was liking these photos but it could be an ongoing thing. If that's what he wants to do on Instagram, why lie so vehemently? And when confronted with the truth today he continued to lie.

He has liked every single day. From a few years ago up until last night (okay, I know I sound like a crazy stalker now lol).

He likes and comments every single pic except the ones with her hubby included.

runningbuddy · 26-01-2018 03:06PM

I do get they could be friends. I have male friends who are married but I'd be friends with their wives/gfs too.

njs030 · 26-01-2018 04:07PM

runningbuddy wrote: »

Notsosweet, this girl, my daughter also follows. They have a mutual interest. My daughter just showed me her pic and I saw the guy comment. Small world, I know. Fair enough, I did have a look at her page...it's public and I saw his comments, etc.

Is she a blogger?

njs030 · 26-01-2018 04:11PM

runningbuddy wrote: »

He has liked every single day. From a few years ago up until last night (okay, I know I sound like a crazy stalker now lol).

He likes and comments every single pic except the ones with her hubby included.

Tbh yes you do. Going back years on the profile of a woman you don't know and looking at her pictures every single day to see if he liked them is obsessive.

You're better off out of it and perhaps need some time being single to look at why you acted this way before you start dating again.

runningbuddy · 26-01-2018 04:14PM

notjustsweet wrote: »

Is she a blogger?

No. My daughter is and this woman follows her.

osarusan · 26-01-2018 05:27PM

notjustsweet wrote: »

Tbh yes you do. Going back years on the profile of a woman you don't know and looking at her pictures every single day to see if he liked them is obsessive.

I might agree, except that this guy vehemently denied having an account at all.

I can understand some extra digging to see what he was up to on this account he wanted to keep hidden from her.

runningbuddy · 26-01-2018 06:04PM

I genuinely don't think there is anything going on between him and her but I am just not comfortable with the lying about his account at all and I think he is a bit too old (ok, 45 isn't old!) to be constantly liking a woman's posts on Instagram, friend or not but that is just me.

Ursus Horribilis · 26-01-2018 06:11PM

I'd have to see the messages and know what relationship there is between the two of them first. Context may be needed. It might be fine for all we know.

njs030 · 26-01-2018 06:12PM

osarusan wrote: »

I might agree, except that this guy vehemently denied having an account at all.

I can understand some extra digging to see what he was up to on this account he wanted to keep hidden from her.

Why? Allegedly the problem was the lie. Once he had an account the lie is uncovered.

It's not at all reasonable to go through hundreds if not thousands of a complete strangers photos to see if a man the op has known for a short time has liked her photos.

homerjay2005 · 26-01-2018 06:16PM

so man has instagram account and gets dumped because he says he doesnt? wow, this is a new low for boards, this is the definition of over reaction and some of the advice here is disturbing - there is no upper age limit or restriction for people being allowed to use and like pictures. its a public social media outlet and everybody should be entitled to use as they please within whats deemed acceptable by the site.

calling a man based on his age a creep and a sleez, is grossly unfair - if it was a woman liking a picture of a pubicity craving male in his 30s, i doubt one person on here would be calling her a creep or a sleez and as usual, its double standards.

and id be pretty sure there is not one person in the "dump him" brigade that hasnt told their partner a small lie or two (or 100) at some stage of their lives.

notjustsweet wrote: »

Tbh yes you do. Going back years on the profile of a woman you don't know and looking at her pictures every single day to see if he liked them is obsessive.

You're better off out of it and perhaps need some time being single to look at why you acted this way before you start dating again.

absolutely spot on.

runningbuddy wrote: »

I genuinely don't think there is anything going on between him and her but I am just not comfortable with the lying about his account at all and I think he is a bit too old (ok, 45 isn't old!) to be constantly liking a woman's posts on Instagram, friend or not but that is just me.

im sorry, but this is a very strange attitude. you seem to be writing him off in life, he is only 45. give him a break ffs.

Secret Instagram account..should I run a mile??

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