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Christmas party, Boss might have tried to rape me

13

Comments

  • #62
    lifeandtimes
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,021 ✭✭✭lifeandtimes


    GingerLily wrote: »
    Do you think it's that easy for a rape victims to get justice?

    First off No one,including the op said she was raped,also no one said she would get justice but his career and life would be ruined.

    None of the celebrities accused of sexual assault have been convicted by a court of law so no "justice" there but all their careers have been ruined and their lives a pretty much over


  • #63
    njs030
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,030 ✭✭✭njs030


    Paddy Cow wrote: »
    Taking a case against him would be career suicide. Imagine future employers googling her and it turns out she sued her boss because they got caught kissing by his wife after getting hammered at the office party and it was too awkward to work there anymore. I can't imagine anyone would want to hire her. It's not a risk I'd be willing to take.

    She would be taking a case because her boss forced her to work from home after they were caught kissing after a party by his wife which changed her terms of employment without notice or agreement.


  • #64
    dudara
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,518 ✭✭✭✭dudara


    Hunky Monster wrote: »
    I said the same a few days ago and my post was instantly deleted by the mods.

    This story has too many plot holes..

    If you have a problem with a post, please use Report Post to alert the moderators. Please do not comment on thread yourself.

    Can I remind everyone that the expectation in PI is that posters will provide constructive, on-topic advice to the OP. No generalisations, no comments on moderating, no sidebars.

    Thanks
    dudara


  • #65
    Paddy Cow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,576 ✭✭✭Paddy Cow


    notjustsweet wrote: »
    She would be taking a case because her boss forced her to work from home after they were caught kissing after a party by his wife which changed her terms of employment without notice or agreement.
    Legally the boss doesn't have a leg to stand on and she would win against him. However, do you think future employers would touch her with a barge pole afterwards? They're not going to get court transcripts and go over them with a fine tooth comb to see who was right or wrong. All they'll see is a woman who got drunk at the christmas party, snogged the boss and sued him. She will look like a trouble maker and not someone worth the risk employing. It's not fair but that's the reality.


  • #66
    Paddy Cow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,576 ✭✭✭Paddy Cow


    Permabear wrote: »
    This post had been deleted.
    We're talking about employment court ;)


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  • #67
    Tenigate
    Closed Accounts Posts: 846 ✭✭✭Tenigate


    notjustsweet wrote: »
    She would be taking a case because her boss forced her to work from home after they were caught kissing after a party by his wife which changed her terms of employment without notice or agreement.

    She's been asked to work from home because she told her boss "I said to him that I might have to get the Gardai involved". Not because of her drunken antics.


  • #68
    njs030
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,030 ✭✭✭njs030


    Tenigate wrote: »
    She's been asked to work from home because she told her boss "I said to him that I might have to get the Gardai involved". Not because of her drunken antics.

    It's still illegal to change her employment contract without notice.
    The fact she's now leaving her job could stand as constructive dismissal.

    It's a sad but true thing that people would be afraid to go to an employment court to deal with issues like this where their employer has broken the law because of a fear of future employment.
    Ireland is horrendous in protecting workers rights.


  • #69
    GingerLily
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,766 ✭✭✭GingerLily


    Tenigate wrote: »
    She's been asked to work from home because she told her boss "I said to him that I might have to get the Gardai involved". Not because of her drunken antics.

    You don't know what was said first - it's not clear in the OP.


  • #70
    lifeandtimes
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,021 ✭✭✭lifeandtimes


    notjustsweet wrote: »
    It's still illegal to change her employment contract without notice.
    The fact she's now leaving her job could stand as constructive dismissal.

    It's a sad but true thing that people would be afraid to go to an employment court to deal with issues like this where their employer has broken the law because of a fear of future employment.
    Ireland is horrendous in protecting workers rights.

    No one knows if it's in her contract thay she can be asked to work from home


  • #71
    njs030
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,030 ✭✭✭njs030


    lifeandtimes wrote: »
    No one knows if it's in her contract thay she can be asked to work from home

    Fair point.


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  • #72
    Wrongway1985
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,514 ✭✭✭Wrongway1985


    notjustsweet wrote: »
    It's still illegal to change her employment contract without notice.
    The fact she's now leaving her job could stand as constructive dismissal.

    Not really the response certainly seems to be she is willing to leave the job of her own accord due to the shame. The boss could've asked her to work from home to make situation easier naturally, no suggestion of having to agree to this if chosen not to.


  • #73
    Tiddlypeeps
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,103 ✭✭✭Tiddlypeeps


    OP this is a pretty terrible site to seek advice on for this type of thing. There are a large number of MRA types who will shout down literally every mention of the word rape unless you can provide undeniable proof there and then. They would rather see 1,000 legitimate victims silenced if it means saving one person from false allegations, even if those allegations are posted anonymously with no identifying information which will have zero impact on the life of the accused.

    If I were you I'd ignore all the nastiness being flung at you in this thread, ask for it to be closed and move to more female friendly environment to seek advice. There are a bunch of resources out there for victims of assault. I don't know any numbers you can call off hand (not sure I'd be allowed link them even if I did) but a quick google should reveal a bunch of resources you can avail of. Despite what others have been saying, you have been assaulted. People don't return home from a casual drunken fling covered in bruises. What happened to you is not normal and feeling violated is a totally reasonable response.


  • #74
    Tenigate
    Closed Accounts Posts: 846 ✭✭✭Tenigate


    helpveryconfused wrote: »
    I just want to get out of this job, my husband and I agree that I'm never going to be alone in the same room as this man again.

    Op, your story is as well-polished as your boss and his wife's story. There are no prizes for that.

    If your boss and his wife own the company, you're probably right to leave as soon as possible. Get a reference, get your holiday pay, and perhaps take gardening leave (they did say you could work from home, right?)

    And for god sake LEARN from the experience. No point blaming your boss, his wife, the barman or least of all the shot.


  • #75
    Permabear
    Closed Accounts Posts: 39,019 ✭✭✭✭Permabear


    This post has been deleted.


  • #76
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Akrasia wrote: »
    The op said in an update a few hours ago (which I think a lot of you missed because posts on this forum need to be reviewed by a mod before they appear) that the bosses wife now wants her to come into the office now. That seems like a quick change of heart from only a day or two ago where she was being told to stay away...

    Yeah but was told to come in and tidy... not to work.


  • #77
    Iseedeadpixels
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,782 ✭✭✭Iseedeadpixels


    Tiddlypeeps wrote: »
    OP this is a pretty terrible site to seek advice on for this type of thing. There are a large number of MRA types who will shout down literally every mention of the word rape unless you can provide undeniable proof there and then. They would rather see 1,000 legitimate victims silenced if it means saving one person from false allegations, even if those allegations are posted anonymously with no identifying information which will have zero impact on the life of the accused.

    If I were you I'd ignore all the nastiness being flung at you in this thread, ask for it to be closed and move to more female friendly environment to seek advice. There are a bunch of resources out there for victims of assault. I don't know any numbers you can call off hand (not sure I'd be allowed link them even if I did) but a quick google should reveal a bunch of resources you can avail of. Despite what others have been saying, you have been assaulted. People don't return home from a casual drunken fling covered in bruises. What happened to you is not normal and feeling violated is a totally reasonable response.

    No she needs the views of both genders, she has bruises from falling, the bosses wife has said she saw them kissing, you are clearly ignoring specifics to suit some sort of agenda, the likes of you will ruin the life of someone and put real victims off from coming forward when the truth comes out that it was mutual.....wish I was a mod on here at times.


  • #78
    Tiddlypeeps
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,103 ✭✭✭Tiddlypeeps


    Scraps and bruises on elbows and knees, sure. On her thighs tho :confused:


  • #79
    Addle
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,817 ✭✭✭Addle


    Akrasia wrote: »
    The op said in an update a few hours ago (which I think a lot of you missed because posts on this forum need to be reviewed by a mod before they appear) that the bosses wife now wants her to come into the office now. That seems like a quick change of heart from only a day or two ago where she was being told to stay away...
    How can his wife dictate what happens at work?
    Is she a boss/an employer too?


  • #80
    spaceHopper
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,175 ✭✭✭spaceHopper


    helpveryconfused wrote: »
    The last thing she told me on that call was to not tell anyone else about what happened, she wants to keep it quiet, also a few hours later, she texted me asking me to come into work on Thursday or Friday for tidy up some work.

    I don't want to go into details about the company because I want to keep it anonymous and keep their identity secret, but she and her husband both control the company, so that's made it even more awkward, they run the company, I run the office, basically, I'm his secretary/pa. He can't run the place without me, at least not until he finds a replacement.

    If you still think something happened, for your own sake consider talking to somewhere like the rape crisis center.

    His wife has made her decision she's standing by him and can she be forced to give evidence against him?

    Running the company is not your problem, chances are you aren't going to get a good reference from them. If you aren't happy quit, pick up work temping and the find something better as soon as you can.


  • #81
    SAMTALK
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,353 ✭✭✭SAMTALK


    Tiddlypeeps wrote: »
    Scraps and bruises on elbows and knees, sure. On her thighs tho :confused:

    Outside of thighs ? I often found bruises on my thighs from bumping into tables etc. (and that's sober!)


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  • #82
    HandsomeBob
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,977 ✭✭✭HandsomeBob


    Addle wrote: »
    How can his wife dictate what happens at work?
    Is she a boss/an employer too?

    If there's no HR it sounds like a small firm/business that the OP works in. In such firms it's very much possible that couples could be working together.

    I'd run a mile OP tbh, whatever about your boss committing a crime or not, he sounds like an absolutely toxic and manipulative individual.


  • #83
    Hannibal_Smith
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,446 ✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    OP If you really feel something happened, it is worth talking to someone. I would say people like the rape crisis centre have heard stories like this a lot. At the very least they will be trained to try and help you get your ducks in a row and make some sense of what happened. Your head must be melted going round in circles with it and it is distressing trying to remember stuff that is just not there. Maybe making the call is a bit daunting, even your gp might be able to help. Leaving your job over this is not right and employment rights are there for a reason.

    I'll admit, when I read your first post I thought it was down to drunken Christmas party antics, but clearly you are certain something else happened. And I'm sorry for jumping the gun.

    So have a think about talking to someone...or even writing down what you actually remember. Write down what the husband is telling you and then write down what the wife has told you. Keep all three versions separate so that your mind doesn't get muddied. It might help you remember more, but it also might just stop the head spin.


  • #84
    Iseedeadpixels
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,782 ✭✭✭Iseedeadpixels


    Tiddlypeeps wrote: »
    Scraps and bruises on elbows and knees, sure. On her thighs tho :confused:

    I wake up with random bruises on my thighs does that mean Im raped while I sleep?


  • #85
    lifeandtimes
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,021 ✭✭✭lifeandtimes


    Tiddlypeeps wrote: »
    If I were you I'd ignore all the nastiness being flung at you in this thread, ask for it to be closed and move to more female friendly environment to seek advice

    That's the kinda of attitude "only females will understand and should have a say" that diminishes feminism and the like. (I as a man support feminism and the real feminists who are happy to open the floor to debate and work together for equality, not the so called "feminazis" who actually give real feminists a bad name and a major headache from what I've discussed with them

    Both genders need to contribute and what makes you think the majority of posts in thos thread aren't from woman?

    The fact that everything is anonymous on this boarda makes it easier for men and woman a like to speak their mind without fear of being ridiculed by their own peers and gender and this sometimes doesnt sit well with everyone but so be it.

    Op has given her version of events and this is the view of the people reading it


  • #86
    Iseedeadpixels
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,782 ✭✭✭Iseedeadpixels


    helpveryconfused wrote: »
    apparently I kept falling (i woke up covered in thorns and bruises).

    Dont see any mention of bruised thighs unless its posted in another post.


  • #87
    Wrongway1985
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,514 ✭✭✭Wrongway1985


    Iseedeadpixels wrote: »
    Dont see any mention of bruised thighs unless its posted in another post.

    #23


  • #88
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    While I agree i think rape is too strong a word to use in this situation, and i wouldn't consider it rape. It is not a pleasant situation and is not something I would want to be dealing with at anytime, never mind in the run up to Christmas. I think OP you should go and speak to a professional, be it a counsellor or the rape crisis centre to help you. Get out of that place and try put this behind you.

    I worked in a place before that was entirely men. I kept a record of every time i was sexually harassed in case I ever needed to escalate things. It was rampant, it destroyed my mental health and my view of men in general. I got out of there and honestly if I had taken it to court I would have won easily. But I didn't. I wanted to forget the place ever existed and thankfully am in a much better place. My current employment would never tolerate that behaviour. People can't believe the things that happened to this day, and I've actually been asked ridiculous questions like "well what were you wearing?" As if my office clothes meant I should be sexually harassed by men old enough to be my father. Don't even get me started on the Christmas party carry on!!!


  • #89
    Iseedeadpixels
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,782 ✭✭✭Iseedeadpixels


    Wrongway1985 wrote: »
    #23

    Cheers dunno how I missed it :/


  • #90
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,048 ✭✭✭.......


    This post has been deleted.


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  • #91
    lifeandtimes
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,021 ✭✭✭lifeandtimes


    ....... wrote: »
    You missed it in your haste to discredit the OP.

    However, given that she herself has stated she has no recollection of events, I'm not entirely clear why it's so important to you to do so.

    The whole point of this thread is for OP to get opinions on what happened, everyone here is only reading her version of events and making their own conclusions which is what the OP wants


This discussion has been closed.
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