Problems with new BF and his ex

You have being seeing each other a couple of months. His kids take precedence over a short term relationship. I understand you know each other for longer but if someone was putting pressure and Having children questions and talking long term after such a short term I’d be worried. Maybe I am wrong but this seems to be getting too serious too quick. You are talking about financials etc way too early.

Op I had to reply as I was in a similar situation years ago and it was horrible. I met a guy in work (sound familiar?) and he was flirty and friendly with me. I was flattered as I was lacking in self worth and having someone actually fancy me and feel good about myself was a big thing. he had a child and an ex - grand. He lived with the child and the ex. The ex didn't work and as such this poor man was exhausted from working all day and then looking after the child at night. he was broke as well from funding it all. He had me and the rest of the people who knew him in work eating out of the palm of his hand - my god he would make you broken hearted for him! Long story short OP I got out of there after about a year and half at that stage he owed me money (which I have never gotten back) and was expecting another child with his ex. It was all lies but the thing is these people they have themselves convinced its true so they will convince you as well. They could tell you black was white and you would believe it. This lad it turned out was continually fighting with his ex but they were not seperated - they lived together FFS they were just an argumentative couple. Yes she didnt work but actually the house was hers - she had another kid by another guy so she got the house from the council so he wasnt actually paying a penny in fact he shoukdnt have been living there with her claiming single mother. he was broke more so due to his drinking and his recreational drug habit. His ex was actually quite a nice girl. yes she didnt work but she had two kids and was living off benefits and not getting any money off him. She also reared the kids as he did sweet FA to help. She was far from the lazy do nothing he wanted to brand her as while he was getting the ride on the side. 


First OP you may not realise it but you are vulnerable. You have been I believe from what someone else said further up in a bad relationship before so you dont value yourself - your attractive, employed and without any baggage but rather than seeing yourself as the prize you are you you seek out and are grateful for anyone who will have you and will allow any and all flaws on their side while still picking on yourself. Its impossible to see something when you are in it - you need some time to yourself away from this mess to see whats going on and to think about what YOU want. You also need to believe that there are good men out there who dont cheat and lie and involve a truckload of drama.Its hard to believe this when you know only bad relationships - I know ive been there I was in a bad relationship for ten years after I broke up with the character above (what can I say I sure know how to pick them). Im now finally with  someone who isnt perfect but actually values me as a person and makes me feel like I am enough just as I am.It took me a long time to get used to being treated well by someone. 
This mad your with - firstly if he honestly spends as much time as he claims cleaning up after two teenagers then all three of them need a swift kick up the hole! Honestly think about that - he has to run home to do laundry for his teenagers because his wife doesnt do it? have they no other clothes? has to go home because the wife is asking him where he is more like. Its a sob story pure and simple designed to make you feel sorry for him and the hard life he claims he has. 

As for being seperated - his wife knows. hmm - did you tell her? Did you meet her? or did he just tell you he told her? His family - have you met them as his girlfriend? or did he tell you he told them as well? he is living willingly with his ex and two teenagers with no intention of changing it and meanwhile the scraps from the table he feeds you are one evening a week after work (he has probably told her he has to work late or has a hobby) and at the weekned for a few hours (probably out with the lads or helping a friend). Ask yourself OP - do you not deserve better than these little scraps of time wit someone who will suddenly speed off 'home' because his teenager needs a clean tshirt so urgently that he has to drop everything. As for the two weeks sun holiday - ah yeah because teenagers are usually devastated if they dont have two weeks with their parents. 

The wife - please stop judging this woman - shes probably not actually half as bad as he makes out. He is painting her in the worst possible light because a) he can claim thats where all his money goes (do you end up paying for most things such as dinner / drinks / cinema because the poor mans wife spend all his cash?), b) your less likely to want to meet her (which is great for him) and c) you will feel sorry for him. 

Sorry to be so harsh OP but like I said ive been there before and its a horrible situation that I wouldnt wish on anyone. I know what its like to want to be loved so much that you will accept anything and everything and put up with any amount of sh*t but please stop doing it as it will hurt you more the longer you do. . You really need to get out of there, take some time to yourself and think about what you want in life and make a plan to spend some time alone and if you ever start dating again to insist to yourself that it is with someone who respects you and can make you happy.

OldNotWIse wrote: »

lol the cheek, actually we haven't done that yet as I wanted to wait and he is happy enough to wait until I am ready.

OP, so ye are’nt going out doing stuff socially cause he is broke, there’s no sex but he has someone to unburden his woes to and vent about his wife/situation to for a few measly hours a week, seriously what are you getting out of this beyond empty promises of a family in the next year before he rushes off to do laundry. That is not a relationship. You are an unpaid therapist.
And seriously you’ve talked about committing to having a family with this guy but not ready to have sex?
And why do you see it as cheeky that I asked about sex, be honest with yourself, ask yourself if you are in a promising adult relationship with someone committed to you, spending time with you and concerned for your well being. He sounds like a selfish asshole and you are buying it.

He’s not separated. He can say he is all he likes, he’s not.

As you said they might not be sleeping together (but could well be) but for all intents and purposes they’re together.

Your worth more than being someone’s last option for a few hours of their time. You’re not a priority for him and you won’t be

I have read through this thread and something seems very off about this man and his family situation.

Does his "ex" know he is seeing somebody? Really?

You don't seem to have a proper relationship (yet), you just listen to his woes and dare I say it, empty promises.

What difference is there between this man and the average married chancer looking for a bit on the side, apart from the fact ye haven't had sex yet?

My advice - cut loose, run for the hills and find somebody who's available for a proper relationship. Better still, sort yourself out and build up your self-confidence. This man is an emotional leech who has nothing to give you but grief. Don't waste any more of your life on him.