New guy....hygeine issues

LegacyUser · 22-11-2017 01:40PM #1

So, this is really new.

That said, i've really clicked with this guy and I really want to pursue it but there is one MAJOR turn off..

We've only been on 3 dates.

The first date I didn't notice any issues with his hygeine, we had a lovely coffee and chatted loads. We had a little goodbye hug.

The second, I had lunch plans with my friends so we met fairly early in the day to walk my dog. Again, I didn't notice any issues until we had a little goodbye kiss and I got a kind of strong smell of "I didn't shower today". I figured maybe it was his coat or maybe because we were meeting early he didn't have a chance to shower....

The third date, dinner after work, same as the time before, he wasn't reeking but when I went to kiss him I got that waft and he was wearing totally different clothes.

Also, I found myself looking at his skin, he doesn't have very clear skin and it could potentially be hygeine related...if you get what I mean, he doesn't look fresh.

It's a real shame because it seems like such a superficial reason to let go of an otherwise lovely guy but we're going out again tonight and I'm just sitting here really hoping he will shower......I feel like such a bit*h

I guess there's absolutely no way I can subtly suggest he showers more often when I only know him 2 weeks. Any ideas?

Lead · 22-11-2017 03:04PM

Oh god, there's nothing worse and especially when he's at the stage of trying to impress you. I dont know how you'd get around saying something like this

Xterminator · 22-11-2017 03:13PM

Hi Op

buy him a lynx gift set as an early christmas present?
worth a try.

woodchuck · 22-11-2017 03:14PM

I'd find that really off putting. It would be an extremely awkward conversation to have, especially when you barely know the guy. Personally I wouldn't bother and just cut him loose

Addle · 22-11-2017 03:16PM

You're just going to have to bring it up OP.
Blowjobs after a shower are a good incentive.

kylith · 22-11-2017 03:41PM

Could you bring it up in a non-judgy way? Maybe say something like 'Did you go to the gym today? You're a bit sweaty'. Don't give him time to say he didn't go to the gym, that way you can alert him to the issue while allowing him to save face by saying he was exercising.

KrustyUCC · 22-11-2017 03:44PM

You could just be jumping to conclusions

In terms of the second date ye met up and walked your dog

Just as likley that he sweated on the walk as oppossed to didn't shower

Some people just sweat more than others

Still no harm in asking him about it

zoobizoo · 22-11-2017 03:47PM

Could be that he doesn't use anti perspirant.

If I don't, by the end of the day I'd notice my pits.

Even if I use a deoderant rather than an anti-persirant it happens...

Could be as simple as that...

GingerLily · 22-11-2017 03:53PM

Could it be a dirty clothing issue? I used to work with a guy who didn't wash his clothes only his mam did at the weekend, so he starred to smell progressively worse from Tuesday to Friday.

beertons · 22-11-2017 03:54PM

Ask him straight out did he wash today. Or is he wearing clean clothes

Lead · 22-11-2017 03:56PM

beertons wrote: »

Ask him straight out did he wash today. Or is he wearing clean clothes

You cant ask someone you dont know a question like that.

GingerLily · 22-11-2017 04:03PM

Lead wrote: »

You cant ask someone you dont know a question like that.

It's probably kinder to him then pretending nothing's wrong

beertons · 22-11-2017 04:04PM

Lead wrote: »

You cant ask someone you dont know a question like that.

They've had 3 dates. If he doesn't smell good by the fourth, there won't be a fifth.

Be direct, no games.

LegacyUser · 22-11-2017 04:25PM

Frankly, I wouldn't be bothered having such an awkward conversation this early in. He's a grown man, he should know to shower before a date - he should be trying to impress at this stage and honestly I'd find it a massive turn off if he wasn't bothered. If you think he's worth it, mention it but otherwise keep walking

woodchuck · 22-11-2017 04:29PM

In terms of people suggesting they hint at it, buy him a gift set etc, this would only be treating a symptom as opposed to the root cause. Unless there is a underlying medical condition, the bottom line is that he's a grown man who doesn't know how to take care of himself!! You're not his mother. It's not up to you to fix this problem. Seriously, I'd just get out now...

Dial Hard · 22-11-2017 04:34PM

KrustyUCC wrote:

Just as likley that he sweated on the walk as oppossed to didn't shower.

Some people just sweat more than others

Fresh sweat doesn't smell. If he's habitually stinky he's not washing himself and/or his clothes, simple as.

nikkibikki · 22-11-2017 05:30PM

Lead wrote:

Oh god, there's nothing worse and especially when he's at the stage of trying to impress you. I dont know how you'd get around saying something like this

There's plenty worse....

OP if it bothers you that much, cut him loose.

Emme · 22-11-2017 05:58PM

OP it will only get worse. I've been there. Dated a guy who was too posh to wash.

On one date he was telling me about a dress code his colleagues sent around the office. Included were: Have a shower every day before coming into work; change your shirt, underwear and socks daily, use a good deodorant. I think it might have been directed at him.

Another time he was telling me that his cleaning lady wanted to wash his dirty clothes but he wouldn't let her

He didn't bother shaving before dates either and it wasn't a trendy stubble, it was just neglect. I ended it because the hygiene situation didn't improve after I told him it would be nice if he could freshen up after work before coming to see me. But it was stale sweat, not fresh sweat. And he didn't have a physical job either.

Yellow pack crisps · 22-11-2017 06:02PM

Might be not drying is clothes properly or quickly enough and that damp smell is rank! It’s very strong and can smell like it’s BO!

forgodssake · 22-11-2017 06:03PM

Awful situation . My thinking on it if he is not making an extra effort at the start what will he be like in a few yrs time !!

bertsmom · 22-11-2017 07:44PM

Op I'm sorry but personal hygiene is a deal breaker for me. I would definitely be saying goodbye to this guy. Sorry if that sounds harsh I don't mean to be

foxatron · 22-11-2017 07:57PM

You could meet up and if theres a noticeable smell just lift up your own arms and say is that me and have a whiff. Then say no i dont think so it must be you ya smelly bastid. In a nice way of course!

December2012 · 22-11-2017 07:58PM

Can you do it indirectly? Eg mention that “I had a quick shower before coming out. Don’t you just love the feeling of refreshment, etc? Did you get the time to have a shower too? No? How come? Oh I always make time for a shower, particularly for a date!....”

A few laughs, a gentle tone, noticing if he does smell good...

neonsofa · 22-11-2017 08:11PM

foxatron wrote: »

You could meet up and if theres a noticeable smell just lift up your own arms and say is that me and have a whiff. Then say no i dont think so it must be you ya smelly bastid. In a nice way of course!

I think you're on to something here actually. Just say something along the lines of "someone in this cafe did not wash this morning/Smells of BO in here" in a kind of "can you smell that too?" kinda way as if it didn't even cross your mind that it could be him that stinks. It lets him know exactly what u think of the smell but he'll assume you don't know it's him. If he hasnt washed he will take note and check if its him that smells. If he hasn't made an effort the next time u see him then he obviously doesn't realise there is an issue with not washing or he doesn't care.

blairbear · 22-11-2017 09:19PM

OP, I have removed myself from platonic friendships because of the other persons poor hygiene, never mind romantic relationships.

It is an absolute deal breaker for me. I guarantee you that his apartment is filthy too btw! Or at least smells bad.

I had an ex who had great hygiene for the first six months of our relationship. He moved apartment and found it tricky to work the immersion (a grown man!!) so stopped bothering to shower unless he had been to the gym. I dumped him partially because of this. I felt like he didn't give a sh*te about me if I could turn up to dates in full make up/a blow dry/fragrant in a new dress and he smelled like wet dog across the restaurant table.

I would ditch him.

Addle · 22-11-2017 09:30PM

neonsofa wrote: »

I think you're on to something here actually. Just say something along the lines of "someone in this cafe did not wash this morning/Smells of BO in here" in a kind of "can you smell that too?" kinda way as if it didn't even cross your mind that it could be him that stinks. It lets him know exactly what u think of the smell but he'll assume you don't know it's him. If he hasnt washed he will take note and check if its him that smells. If he hasn't made an effort the next time u see him then he obviously doesn't realise there is an issue with not washing or he doesn't care.

I'd have a problem with the lack of effort, but maybe he really just is unaware?

If you're going to decide not to see him again over it, then I think you're as well bring it up.

neonsofa · 22-11-2017 09:49PM

Addle wrote: »

I'd have a problem with the lack of effort, but maybe he really just is unaware?

If you're going to decide not to see him again over it, then I think you're as well bring it up.

Some people seem to be. That's why I reckon making it clear that there is a smell,and for the sake of his ego pretending you don't know it's him, is the way to go op. It will at least make him think and if he is genuinely unaware after that then it's either call it quits or else be straight up.

If you really like him and can muster the courage, you have nothing to lose by saying it straight. Easier said than done I know. But worst that can happen is he thinks you're a bitch and he ends it. Same result as if you decide to end it now. Best outcome, he appreciates the honesty, washes himself more often and you both live happily ever after.

lazybones32 · 22-11-2017 11:00PM

It is BO, right?
I got a new dryer and my clothes smell worse coming out than they did pre-wash.

No easy way to broach the topic, op. Being direct is the only route...

Icepick · 23-11-2017 03:04AM

Don't fool yourself into thinking that you need to sort it out.
Plenty of guys you will click with who can take care of themselves out there.

Smile111 · 23-11-2017 08:46AM

I bet he is already aware of the problem.Be gentle.

murpho999 · 24-11-2017 05:03PM

KrustyUCC wrote: »

You could just be jumping to conclusions

In terms of the second date ye met up and walked your dog

Just as likley that he sweated on the walk as oppossed to didn't shower

Some people just sweat more than others

Still no harm in asking him about it

Sorry but fresh sweat does not smell. Older stale sweat does.

In terms of the OP, might be best to delicately mention that you notice something.

He might be morto but if he likes you he'll take it on board and do something about it or explain what's going on.

New guy....hygeine issues

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