Tell someone you don’t want to marry them?

Lau2976 · 06-11-2017 01:35PM #1

Not sure where else to put this and if I get nothing from it at least I’ll get a laugh.

How would you tell someone you don’t want to marry them? Like before they propose. Would you hint? Tell them you know and in no uncertain terms to feck off with that behaviour? Ghost them and move into a cave to be a hermit?

Preferably would like to keep him around as I’m quite fond of the dogs. :pac:

On reflection maybe I'm too cocky and should assume he's got someone else to propose to? Or maybe he just bought himself a fancy engagement ring as an early Christmas present?

fergiesfolly · 06-11-2017 01:37PM

I DON'T want to be buried with your people

server down · 06-11-2017 01:38PM

There’s a personal issues forum if you want proper reasonable answers to this.

In the meanwhile blast him with piss. He will call off the engagement.

06-11-2017 01:39PM

leave them

me_irl · 06-11-2017 01:39PM

It's not you it's me... fear of commitment.

JimmyMcGill · 06-11-2017 01:39PM

how much is he worth dead?

*joke btw*

Lau2976 · 06-11-2017 01:41PM

JimmyMcGill wrote: »

how much is he worth dead?

Cheap bugger won't take out a life assurance policy

Lau2976 · 06-11-2017 01:42PM

6541 wrote: »

leave them

He'll take most of the dogs and then I'll be down an OH and the loves of my life

El Weirdo · 06-11-2017 01:42PM

server down wrote: »

In the meanwhile blast him with piss. He will call off the engagement.

Or not.

Wheety · 06-11-2017 01:42PM

JimmyMcGill wrote: »

how much is he worth dead?

*joke btw*

Appropriate username

JimmyMcGill · 06-11-2017 01:44PM

El Weirdo wrote: »

Or not.

Could be the start of a golden lifetime together. Let us know how it goes OP

Del2005 · 06-11-2017 01:44PM

Lau2976 wrote: »

Not sure where else to put this and if I get nothing from it at least I’ll get a laugh.

How would you tell someone you don’t want to marry them? Like before they propose. Would you hint? Tell them you know and in no uncertain terms to feck off with that behaviour? Ghost them and move into a cave to be a hermit?

Preferably would like to keep him around as I’m quite fond of the dogs. :pac:

On reflection maybe I'm too cocky and should assume he's got someone else to propose to? Or maybe he just bought himself a fancy engagement ring as an early Christmas present?

If you don't want to marry just say no when they propose. Either way if you say no at the proposal or knock it on the head before hand don't be surprised if the relationship ends since you both want different things.

donegaLroad · 06-11-2017 01:45PM

Lau2976 wrote: »

He'll take most of the dogs and then I'll be down an OH and the loves of my life

This won't end well unless you speak your mind, today.

me_irl · 06-11-2017 01:45PM

El Weirdo wrote: »

Or not.

"This better not awaken anything in me..." :pac:

valoren · 06-11-2017 01:48PM

He must be pretty confident that he will get a yes from you having gotten an engagement ring. That you feel differently suggests there is a wild variation in the expectations of your relationship. I'd wait until asked and then tell him no. It will be ruff on you both until you both decide how to progress the relationship.

06-11-2017 01:48PM

I don't think proposals in this day and age are actually a surprise to the couple other than maybe a few months around the timing. You'd have talked about it before then anyway.
Or at least I'd hope so

bear1 · 06-11-2017 01:48PM

Jokes aside you need to be pretty open and tell him you don't see a future before the poor bastard goes and wastes his time buying a ring and planning his life with you.
How long are you together? Has he hinted at marriage/kids?
Best be straight up about it and don't give him this it's not you it's me bollocks cause it's utter fcuking ****e as an excuse.
He'll be hurt obviously (or not...) but at least he knows the relationship has no future and can look elsewhere for someone who does want to marry him.

06-11-2017 01:50PM

Lau2976 wrote: »

He'll take most of the dogs and then I'll be down an OH and the loves of my life

You're a bit flippant about him. How has it got to the stage where he assumes you'll say yes, and is any of that down to your failure to give clear signals to date?

I think saying no will be the best for both of you, except he won't realise it.

06-11-2017 01:52PM

Stop taking the poor mug for granted and let him find someone who wants to marry him back. Don't string him along because you're fond of the dogs. Break up with him and let him get on with his life.

What is wrong with people these days?

7 Seconds... · 06-11-2017 01:53PM

Why don't you want to marry him?

A_Sober_Paddy · 06-11-2017 01:53PM

Candie wrote: »

Stop taking the poor mug for granted and let him find someone who wants to marry him back. Don't string him along because you're fond of the dogs. Break up with him and let him get on with his life.

What is wrong with people these days?

Generally I find people are cnuts these days, no cop on or basic human decency

06-11-2017 01:54PM

Candie wrote: »

Stop taking the poor mug for granted and let him find someone who wants to marry him back. Don't string him along because you're fond of the dogs. Break up with him and let him get on with his life.

What is wrong with people these days?

Ah lighten up, sure if you can't have an ol' giggle on social media about crushing someone's dreams...

Lau2976 · 06-11-2017 01:55PM

Deleted User wrote: »

You're a bit flippant about him. How has it got to the stage where he assumes you'll say yes, and is any of that down to your failure to give clear signals to date?

I think saying no will be the best for both of you, except he won't realise it.

Apologies, it was a total joke. Obviously I am in slight panic mode and do not want to lose him, I really do love him I just don't want the whole marriage thing with anybody ever but I do want to spend the rest of my life with him. I thought he knew this and until now i thought we were on the same page about that.

Barnavave · 06-11-2017 01:57PM

Shag his brother, he should get the message.

Alternatively you could just talk to the guy, let him know about your concerns etc, rather than ask for answers from strangers on t'internet.

Oh and pics, this thread is no good without them.

bear1 · 06-11-2017 01:57PM

Lau2976 wrote: »

Apologies, it was a total joke. Obviously I am in slight panic mode and do not want to lose him, I really do love him I just don't want the whole marriage thing with anybody ever but I do want to spend the rest of my life with him. I thought he knew this and until now i thought we were on the same page about that.

You should have made that a lot clearer in your opening post.
If you couldn't make it clear to us, how do you expect your partner to realise it?

Tell him you want to be with him forever but not with marriage. Maybe he will agree with it.

06-11-2017 01:58PM

Lau2976 wrote: »

Apologies, it was a total joke. Obviously I am in slight panic mode and do not want to lose him, I really do love him I just don't want the whole marriage thing with anybody ever but I do want to spend the rest of my life with him. I thought he knew this and until now i thought we were on the same page about that.

Talk to him and lay it out exactly like that. If marriage is a dealbreaker for him then he needs to know asap. It might not be the case that he's happy to keep things as they are and the sooner he knows your limits, the better.

bnt · 06-11-2017 02:06PM

Lau2976 wrote: »

... I just don't want the whole marriage thing with anybody ever but I do want to spend the rest of my life with him ...

I think you need to examine what "marriage" means to you, then. You want to spend the rest of your life with him ... so why not marriage? Is there something else about "marriage" that bothers you? The big expensive party is entirely optional, if that's what's bothering you. In-laws a problem? They don't have to be. Children - want or don't want? You should be talking about that long before it gets to a proposal. Too "final"? Have you seen the divorce stats these days?

Anything else? I'm struggling to see where the contradiction is.

LollipopJimmy · 06-11-2017 02:06PM

Maybe he just took up Ultimate Fighting and that's why he got a ring designer in

Wossack · 06-11-2017 02:07PM

make sure he's actually planning on proposing to you. You might have just picked it up wrong, and the 'ring designer' is actually designing a special octagonal mma fighting ring so that Pete can conquer the world of mma fighting like he has the world of business

Lau2976 · 06-11-2017 02:09PM

Barnavave wrote: »

Shag his brother, he should get the message.

Alternatively you could just talk to the guy, let him know about your concerns etc, rather than ask for answers from strangers on t'internet.

Oh and pics, this thread is no good without them.

His brother is gay and married so thats a non-starter.

But I'm a millenial... I was promised people on the t'internet would solve all my problems.

On a more serious note though I shall talk to him about it and hope that it doesn't go tits up and he doesn't leave me. I probably shouldn't insinuate I'm only here for the dogs or make jokes about blasting him with my piss, even if bad jokes make me feel less uncomfortable. The advice I've been given by those close to me was just say yes and grin and bear the wedding for him if I want to be with him, I was hoping someone not invested in our relationship would have a different insight.

Del2005 · 06-11-2017 02:11PM

Lau2976 wrote: »

Apologies, it was a total joke. Obviously I am in slight panic mode and do not want to lose him, I really do love him I just don't want the whole marriage thing with anybody ever but I do want to spend the rest of my life with him. I thought he knew this and until now i thought we were on the same page about that.

If you have been together for 5 years, 2 with children, you have the same responsibility as a married couple but with none of the protection or tax benefits.

Tell someone you don’t want to marry them?

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