SIL upset over date

Toots · 11-10-2017 01:29PM

eviltwin wrote: »

The principal can say a wedding isn't a good enough reason. When I got married my in laws came over from the UK. My nieces had to take two days off school and I ended up having to write a letter to the principal because he initially said no. He changed his mind. My own child took the entire week off no bother.

Yeah it's the completely down to the individual principal. I know one of my cousins was told by their child's principal that unless it was life or death, he wouldn't give permission for the child to be absent. The other cousin's school is more easy going around the odd day off for things like weddings, provided the child hasn't missed too many days of school already due to illness.

Rekop dog · 11-10-2017 01:34PM

The sister should get a babysitter or come on her own full stop. She should realise the unneeded drama and stress she's causing you two in the run up to your big day and stop being so self involved. Some people are so full of self importance it's untrue.
I'm sure she'd have preferred her kid to be there but the date is set and to change it for her convenience would be ludicrous.

Don't pander to her anymore and carry on OP. It's really not worth ruining your day over, you've come across more than reasonable in your posts.

kylith · 11-10-2017 01:49PM

GingerLily wrote: »

That's a big presumption to make, I would think the OP would have mentioned it if it were the case.

I would think the OP would have mentioned it if it weren't the case. Either way, it would be worth investigating with the SiL

11-10-2017 01:53PM

Lol why would the OP be getting involved in school websites or childminding arrangements.

Seriously folks.

jellybear · 11-10-2017 01:54PM

Personally, I wouldn't be doing anything until SIL asks the principal about the situation. There is no point in changing anything, falling out or all this hassle when she hasn't even gone to the first port of call- the school principal.

....... · 11-10-2017 01:57PM

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eviltwin · 11-10-2017 01:59PM

....... wrote: »

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You'd be surprised especially if the potential sitters are also attending the wedding. I would only trust family to mind my 7 yr old, he wouldn't stay with anyone else. And then finding someone to take him to school, collect him etc. It's a big ask

sashafierce · 11-10-2017 02:11PM

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Sunny Dayz · 11-10-2017 02:20PM

eviltwin wrote: »

The principal can say a wedding isn't a good enough reason. When I got married my in laws came over from the UK. My nieces had to take two days off school and I ended up having to write a letter to the principal because he initially said no. He changed his mind. My own child took the entire week off no bother.

Yeah that's why I said suss out what the Principal is like from the SIL. I know my son's primary school principal was very flexible in terms of taking the odd day off or leaving school early (my husband's family live a good distance away). However his secondary school principal is much stricter.

....... · 11-10-2017 02:22PM

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GingerLily · 11-10-2017 02:23PM

Sunny Dayz wrote: »

Yeah that's why I said suss out what the Principal is like from the SIL. I know my son's primary school principal was very flexible in terms of taking the odd day off or leaving school early (my husband's family live a good distance away). However his secondary school principal is much stricter.

OP, if you could even try make an effort I think it would appease the in laws, definitely look into contacting the principal, with the mothers consent of course

GingerLily · 11-10-2017 02:24PM

....... wrote: »

Well then as I said - the sis will have to accept she cant go.

It's the grooms parents pulling a sulk on the wedding day that the bride should be concerned about. The sister isn't trying to cause a problem, not at this stage yet anyway

scarepanda · 11-10-2017 02:26PM

GingerLily wrote: »

OP, if you could even try make an effort I think it would appease the in laws, definitely look into contacting the principal, with the mothers consent of course

Oh no, sorry ginger lily, but going over the mothers head, with or without her permission would be an awful idea. I'd seriously leave it to the mother to speak to principal. If the principal asks to speak to the op, then that's a different story.

....... · 11-10-2017 02:32PM

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GingerLily · 11-10-2017 02:32PM

scarepanda wrote: »

Oh no, sorry ginger lily, but going over the mothers head, with or without her permission would be an awful idea. I'd seriously leave it to the mother to speak to principal. If the principal asks to speak to the op, then that's a different story.

I think you missed the spirit of my suggestion, I think the OP should actually try engage with her SIL to be, rather then then acting like they don't care the sister and child can't come. Obviously I didn't mean write a letter before talking things through with the mother.

Sunny Dayz · 11-10-2017 02:35PM

scarepanda wrote: »

Oh no, sorry ginger lily, but going over the mothers head, with or without her permission would be an awful idea. I'd seriously leave it to the mother to speak to principal. If the principal asks to speak to the op, then that's a different story.

This. Don't contact the Principal directly but say it to the SIL if the Principal wants to speak to them or needs something in writing or needs proof of the proposed wedding that you can help out then if needs be.

lazybones32 · 11-10-2017 02:46PM

Sunny Dayz wrote: »

This. Don't contact the Principal directly but say it to the SIL if the Principal wants to speak to them or needs something in writing or needs proof of the proposed wedding that you can help out then if needs be.

Given that sil responded a week after the announcement of the dates, i would hazard she has contacted the principal already and got her response.

sashafierce · 11-10-2017 02:54PM

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LegacyUser · 11-10-2017 03:11PM

Ok this seems to have become an emotive and divisive thread. I appreciate all the advice so far and its good to see both viewpoints represented.

I just want to clarify a few things. We want everyone invited to be able to come, that's why we are inviting them. My SiL didn't exactly "politely decline", she texted with a blunt "I cant go", no congrats or anything. When an (albeit hamfisted) solution was suggested she stopped communicating.

My personal feeling is we were obviously wrong to set a date without knowing the school situation, but we wern't to know it would be an issue. Its hard to accommodate the wishes of someone who wont tell you what they want from you. The idea that we were expected to change the date was news to me when my MiL mentioned it. I wasn't even aware it had caused so much upset.

He's going to speak to her tonight and hopefully we can come up with a compromise everyone can live with. I don't want to start married life with my in-laws being pissed off with us.

eviltwin · 11-10-2017 03:24PM

sashafierce wrote: »

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The choice ultimately lies with the parent but the school can report them and they can be fined. Also in our case, my niece would have been excluded from a trip abroad with the school if she hadn't had the principals approval. It's an unfair system but that's what UK parents have to consider.

Neyite · 11-10-2017 03:27PM

sashafierce wrote: »

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It's actually not up to the parents.

Have you not seen the posts in this thread from folk who have experience of the UK education system who've explained that parents can get prosecuted or fined by the local authority for taking a child out of school for a non-essential reason during term time? And yes, a wedding no matter where it's based, is not a reason for a child to miss school. It's an important occasion to the bride and groom, but anybody else there apart from two legal witnesses are optional guests.

You are basing your posts on your single experience of being a school-goer here in Ireland. The UK is very different. Even here in Ireland, schools are clamping down on parents who take their kids out of school for social reasons. I have to provide a note every time I keep my child out of school explaining why. The school keep those on file for inspection by DoE and Tusla if required. I am answerable if my child has a poor attendance record, especially if it was for non-medical reasons.

MissShihTzu · 11-10-2017 03:35PM

Some people simply cannot understand the point about absences and want to push their point of view. I'm out.

Hope the OP is able to sort it out and enjoy her day.

11-10-2017 03:44PM

MissShihTzu wrote: »

Some people simply cannot understand the point about absences and want to push their point of view. I'm out.

Some people keep insisting that this is anything to do with UK school procedures. It's about a wedding in Ireland.

sashafierce · 11-10-2017 04:39PM

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pilly · 11-10-2017 04:49PM

This is really a big fuss about nothing. What if the child was sick? Surely a parent in the UK can just ring the school say "sorry Mary has tonsillitis", problem solved.

MissShihTzu · 11-10-2017 04:53PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Some people keep insisting that this is anything to do with UK school procedures. It's about a wedding in Ireland.

The two are interlinked. OP has a wedding in Ireland, and close relatives in the UK. At least one of which is school age...

SusieBlue · 11-10-2017 04:57PM

pilly wrote: »

This is really a big fuss about nothing. What if the child was sick? Surely a parent in the UK can just ring the school say "sorry Mary has tonsillitis", problem solved.

I think the NHS covers GP visits so the child would have to have a medical cert to cover the absence.

Ghekko · 11-10-2017 05:08PM

pilly wrote: »

This is really a big fuss about nothing. What if the child was sick? Surely a parent in the UK can just ring the school say "sorry Mary has tonsillitis", problem solved.

I was thinking the same but a young child would probably go back to school all chat about the wedding so they'd get caught out - though it could be said she'd been delirious with a temperature and was raving that she'd been to a wedding whilst sick

OP hope it gets sorted tonight for everyone's sake.

freshpopcorn · 11-10-2017 05:09PM

I think lots of people are getting into a flap over taking the kid out of school here.
From the best of my knowledge you might receive a fine similar to a fixed charge penalty. Which you pay and that's about it. The cases you read online are generally from parents who refuse to pay the fine/appeal/run to the media similar to people who run to media or take something to court they may end up in the press.
I know a fine wouldn't stop me attending my sister wedding.
Is there any issues here with the sister?

rondog · 13-10-2017 03:16PM

So, if you say your child is sick with a fever and virus they have to have a sick note even if its just for one day?
I would imagine that is ludocris that you cant ring in and say little tommy is sick and take a day or two off without having every single day covered medically.

SIL upset over date

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