How to commit the perfect murder.

BrokenArrows · 10-10-2017 10:54PM

Probably quite easy to get away with killing a totally random stranger. If there is no witnesses, evidence and there is no connection between you and the victim then the police have nothing to go on.

But most murderers dont want to kill just any old random person. They have grudge they want to settle.

BrokenArrows · 10-10-2017 10:56PM

the_pen_turner wrote: »

I'm not sure that would work.
if I opened the phone book(do these still exist) randomly chose someone there would be several connections to the person. you would be related, work together, be friend with their sister or went to the same collage

If you look far enough everyone has a connection to someone else in some way.
But the police are not going to connect you to the 3rd cousin of your bosses mother.

my3cents · 10-10-2017 11:25PM

Murder a postman at Christmas in a pub thats not supposed to be open and above all do it in a small community in Ireland with Garda present https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Missing_Postman_of_Stradbally .

/can of worms

Tom Mann Centuria · 10-10-2017 11:30PM

Air embolism would be quite a good one if you can find a nice inconspicuous vein. Potassium od, digoxin od, insulin od. Just pray Quincy isn't doing the autopsy.

Assetbacked · 10-10-2017 11:45PM

A big consideration with murdering and disposing of a body is the mobile phone tracking capabilities.

To lure a victim to a private location voluntarily would be a good initial step in getting away with the murder. For example, arrange to pick them up at X location or, alternatively, curb crawl and pick up a prostitute. Then, once in the car, threaten them so they hand over the phone and immediately disable it. Then drive to your location (your home which has a trapdoor leading to a hidden basement dungeon; the home is normal and you are an ordinary person whom no one would ever suspect) and imprison the intended victim. Now you get to murder however you would like with no need to worry about too much blood or ensuring your DNA gets onto them.

Dissolving the body in whatever substance of choice should be carried out very quickly after the murder. Once it has successfully been dissolved, the liquid can be disposed of in drabs by just dumping it in the sea, lakes, rivers etc.

Snugglebunnies · 10-10-2017 11:46PM

Tom Mann Centuria wrote:

Air embolism would be quite a good one if you can find a nice inconspicuous vein. Potassium od, digoxin od, insulin od. Just pray Quincy isn't doing the autopsy.

Snap! I just came on here to post the same idea...

KungPao · 10-10-2017 11:50PM

Step 1. Ensure you are powerful or have dirt on powerful people.

Step 2. Just shank the victim and toss the weapon in the river. It'll be grand.

STB. · 11-10-2017 12:04AM

Deleted User wrote: »

Crush their head in with a frozen leg of lamb, then cook it and serve it up to the crime scene investigators and watch them eat the murder weapon.

Roald Dahl thunk it up first.

Whether to go with a mint cream sauce or a more traditional rosemary and garlic sauce is the obvious resulting dilemma.

darced · 11-10-2017 12:04AM

This post has been deleted.

Shemale · 11-10-2017 12:07AM

jaxxx wrote: »

But... what if you put a condom over each hand and gloves over the condoms? :pac:

Or as Alan Partridge and Michael said you could tape sausages to your fingers and beef burgers for your palms

Shemale · 11-10-2017 12:22AM

A) Get pre agreement from Government, kidnap them, only give them coke to drink and coke boiled ham to eat, eventually their teeth would be dissolved and so would the rest of them and the government would be quids in from the sugary drink tax.

Strap them to a chair soaked in petrol, douse them in petrol, tape three plastic containers of petrol to their legs and put flint on the bottom of the chair legs. Duct tape their mouth, tie 99 large red helium baloons to the chair and remove the anchor. They will float off into space, if the baloons burst in space, the petrol will ignite on re_entry, if that is a myth and they survuve the 100km fall to earth the flint on the bottom of the chair will ignite and burn them alive.

harry Bailey esq · 11-10-2017 12:28AM

Shemale wrote: »

Or as Alan Partridge and Michael said you could tape sausages to your fingers and beef burgers for your palms

There's a slew of Partridgisms flying around this evening... Is that what algorithm means? Back on topic, employ a hit man. If I had to get my hands dirty I'd probably dress up as a woman to throw the police off the scent.

Shemale · 11-10-2017 07:19AM

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

There's a slew of Partridgisms flying around this evening... Is that what algorithm means? Back on topic, employ a hit man. If I had to get my hands dirty I'd probably dress up as a woman to throw the police off the scent.

And nobody on this thread has mention Dan the daggerman from Dagenham and where he would put your 1980s mobile phone before killing you

Nomis21 · 11-10-2017 11:40AM

There is only one way to commit the perfect murder:

Fly to a foreign country and kill a random stranger.

Fly home again.

There would be no connection to you that could be suspected.

Don't make a habit of it though, in case you become a serial killer.

PeterParker957 · 11-10-2017 11:41AM

If anyone hits on the actual solution can you let me know?

Asking for a friend. Ish.

begbysback · 11-10-2017 11:47AM

Nomis21 wrote: »

There is only one way to commit the perfect murder:

Fly to a foreign country and kill a random stranger.

Fly home again.

There would be no connection to you that could be suspected.

Don't make a habit of it though, in case you become a serial killer.

No connection - except that you were in that random country at a remarkably similar time as the murder - now if you made it appear that you weren't in the country at the time of a murder, then a cast iron alibi

This is not healthy is it?

yourdeadwright · 11-10-2017 12:13PM

Cover your face and shoot someone your know to be in disagreement with in broad day light and drive off,
Seems to be working a treat for drug dealers in Dublin

harry Bailey esq · 11-10-2017 12:53PM

Shemale wrote: »

And nobody on this thread has mention Dan the daggerman from Dagenham and where he would put your 1980s mobile phone before killing you

Emergency services, how may we assist you today? (sounds of deranged laughter/belt buckle hitting the floor/muffled screams/laughter even more deranged than before/then silence) could you speak more clearly sir? You seem to have a bad connection. Sir? Are you still there sir?

sbsquarepants · 11-10-2017 12:59PM

Nomis21 wrote: »

I am also wondering why anyone would choose a career in 'Blood Splatter Analysis'?

Perfect cover if you're a strangely likeable serial killer.
Also it's spatter.

sbsquarepants · 11-10-2017 01:04PM

Nomis21 wrote: »

Don't make a habit of it though, in case you become a serial killer.

This is actually what makes serial killers so hard to catch.

Most people who kill someone - do so either for revenge or in a fit of rage. Both times there is any number of reasons pointing at the killer and being a non psychopath it's not to easy to just carry on as normal the day after you've killed someone - they may as well take out an add on the telly saying they done it!

harry Bailey esq · 11-10-2017 01:47PM

sbsquarepants wrote: »

they may as well take out an add on the telly saying they done it!

Which could then be used in court to argue that the defendant couldn't possibly receive a fair trial because of adverse media coverage, resulting in a possible acquittal or a verdict of nolle proseqei. Stranger things have happened.

sbsquarepants · 11-10-2017 02:17PM

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

Which could then be used in court to argue that the defendant couldn't possibly receive a fair trial because of adverse media coverage, resulting in a possible acquittal or a verdict of nolle proseqei. Stranger things have happened.

Hmmm! Interesting:D

Shemale · 11-10-2017 05:27PM

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

Emergency services, how may we assist you today? (sounds of deranged laughter/belt buckle hitting the floor/muffled screams/laughter even more deranged than before/then silence) could you speak more clearly sir? You seem to have a bad connection. Sir? Are you still there sir?

Maybe it would be quite pleasurable..

Capt'n Midnight · 12-10-2017 12:30AM

NickNickleby wrote: »

That's an idea "The General" had years ago. He car bombed a Forensic Scientist in an effort to prevent his evidence being used. The Wikipedia entry mentions that Dr O'Donovan (the scientist) retired in 2002. However it doesn't mention that he suffered ongoing pain ever since. Read an interview by him, and since then I always wonder about the survivors of terrorist outrages, because before that, I used to naively think that they got off lucky.

Sorry for the downer, but its amazing how quickly this came to mind.

If you want to read more https://www.obrien.ie/cracking-crime

evolving_doors · 12-10-2017 12:39AM

Promote a new product called a 'sleeping rock' that cures insomnia.
Then when your victim eventually falls asleep, sprinkle some fine white pepper on it and run away.
The victim will sneeze in their sleep and then bash their heads of said rock.
Thanks

B.A._Baracus · 12-10-2017 01:25AM

The perfect crime is a weird one.
On one hand the best would be where you aren't even considered a suspect. Either because detectives think it was a suicide, a drunken mistake or they got other people as suspects.

But then on the hand if you are gonna kill someone there is a motive and that motive can all to often be out there for detectives to find out about. So I guess the perfect murder is just getting away with it. Detective's might even know it was you but they can't prove.

That said you'd probably find out the perfect crime is the most low-key one (as in planning) How many shootings have we heard about where a gunman knocks on someone's door and shoots then flees. Nothing elaborate just as is. Police might have an idea who did it but as I said above they got to prove.

Are Am Eye · 12-10-2017 02:14AM

Kill them with kindness.

LordSutch · 12-10-2017 07:28AM

There are more than enough Columbo episodes to sift through for ideas, but make sure you 'fix' the one fatal mistake that the murderer always makes. Maybe just a thumb print, or a door unlocked, a new rug? usually something very small that gets Columbo on the trail.

Failing that get somebody else to commit the murder for you. Convince them that it was their idea!

Neyite · 12-10-2017 10:57AM

Invite Angela Lansbury to stay for a weekend.

Her presence usually results in someone getting bumped off.

PeterParker957 · 12-10-2017 11:06AM

Neyite wrote: »

Invite Angela Lansbury to stay for a weekend.

Her presence usually results in someone getting bumped off.

Yeah but she always catches them.

Unless you invite her and Dick van Dyke from Diagnosis Murder and get them to pin it on each other ???

How to commit the perfect murder.

Comments