How to commit the perfect murder.

Nomis21 · 10-10-2017 4:19pm #1

After watching 150 episodes of 'Forensic Detectives' on Netflix, I am convinced that I now know how to commit a murder without being caught. (Although I have no plans right now to commit murder.)

I am also wondering why anyone would choose a career in 'Blood Splatter Analysis'?

Fighting Tao · 10-10-2017 4:21pm

Congrats?

Mr.Crinklewood · 10-10-2017 4:23pm

Gerry?

Nomis21 · 10-10-2017 4:24pm

Fighting Tao wrote: »

Congrats?

You don't have the curiosity to ask me how it's done?

Nomis21 · 10-10-2017 4:25pm

Mr.Crinklewood wrote: »

Gerry?

Tom and Gerry is only attempted murder.

danmanw8 · 10-10-2017 4:28pm

Nomis21 wrote: »

I am also wondering why anyone would choose a career in 'Blood Splatter Analysis'?

Pretty interesting if you didn't mind gore! If you love shows like Sherlock Holmes, it could be great.

Rumpy Pumpy · 10-10-2017 4:28pm

Craft an ice pick or screwdriver style instrument out of ice. Use that to stab your victim in the temple or ear. The murder weapon can then be melted down.

DEFTLEFTHAND · 10-10-2017 4:28pm

Proper disposal of the body seems like the most obvious thing.

Surely it can't be that difficult to make sure a body is never found.

10-10-2017 4:30pm

Crush their head in with a frozen leg of lamb, then cook it and serve it up to the crime scene investigators and watch them eat the murder weapon.

Roald Dahl thunk it up first.

tomwaterford · 10-10-2017 4:30pm

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

Proper disposal of the body seems like the most obvious thing.

Surely it can't be that difficult to make sure a body is never found.

Lime??

Its spread on when reseeding to quicken decomposition of old grasses etc....I assume would work for bodies??

A Little Pony · 10-10-2017 4:32pm

Well you have a member in the Irish Dail who has got away with it for decades.

HeidiHeidi · 10-10-2017 4:32pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Crush their head in with a frozen leg of lamb, then cook it and serve it up to the crime scene investigators and watch them eat the murder weapon.

Roald Dahl thunk it up first.

Got beaten to it!

10-10-2017 4:33pm

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

Proper disposal of the body seems like the most obvious thing.

Surely it can't be that difficult to make sure a body is never found.

I can absolutely guarantee failsafe cadaver disposal in the mountains of West Cork and South Kerry. I just need seed capital...how much is a quad bike these days?

10-10-2017 4:34pm

tomwaterford wrote: »

Lime??

Its spread on when reseeding to quicken decomposition of old grasses etc....I assume would work for bodies??

Isn't it quicklime? Think lime itself has actually preserved corpses in some cases.

DEFTLEFTHAND · 10-10-2017 4:35pm

tomwaterford wrote: »

Lime??

Its spread on when reseeding to quicken decomposition of old grasses etc....I assume would work for bodies??

Yea that's been used in organised crime for decades.

Especially popular with the mob in America.

tomwaterford · 10-10-2017 4:36pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Isn't it quicklime? Think lime itself has actually preserved corpses in some cases.

I'm not sure....but I know you can buy 50KG bags of concentrate lime to spread out of a spinner that's like 8 times stronger than ordinary ground lime,you buy from a quarry

-my knowledge of this solely relates to farming practices

Estrellita · 10-10-2017 4:37pm

Nomis21 wrote: »

I am also wondering why anyone would choose a career in 'Blood Splatter Analysis'?

Id imagine it's interesting because you've to work out trajectory and the type of weapon used. You've to help create the scene to allow detectives to work out how, when, and why a murder was committed and who was the most likely suspect.

Ive probably watched enough of these myself to commit the perfect murder.

PeterParker957 · 10-10-2017 4:38pm

Pull out a pubic hair.

Inject air into hole made.

Embolism and injection site masked.

Shemale · 10-10-2017 4:39pm

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jyLocJGTNlo go to 1m 20

Raging_Ninja · 10-10-2017 5:02pm

PeterParker957 wrote: »

Pull out a pubic hair.

Inject air into hole made.

Embolism and injection site masked.

How do you get the target to sit still long enough to do that without them fighting back?

PeterParker957 · 10-10-2017 5:03pm

Raging_Ninja wrote: »

PeterParker957 wrote: »

Pull out a pubic hair.

Inject air into hole made.

Embolism and injection site masked.

How do you get the target to sit still long enough to do that without them fighting back?

Drunk. I haven't planned it btw!!!!

Captain Obvious · 10-10-2017 5:07pm

I'd imagine the first rule of committing the perfect murder is not to post about it on a popular forum.

PeterParker957 · 10-10-2017 5:09pm

Captain Obvious wrote: »

I'd imagine the first rule of committing the perfect murder is not to post about it on a popular forum.

Drat. Foiled again. I'd have got away with it if it wasn't for that meddling Captain Obvious!!!!

MOH · 10-10-2017 5:12pm

Clone the victim before you murder them

Johngoose · 10-10-2017 5:14pm

I wouldn't no anything about getting away with a murder

Solomon Pleasant · 10-10-2017 5:15pm

Make it look like an accident.

If done properly, you shouldn't have to be there when it happens.

The_Valeyard · 10-10-2017 5:17pm

Travel back in time to when you are out of the country on holidays. Then kill them. Or travel back to the night of conception and stop them...

Tokyo · 10-10-2017 5:25pm

Start a thread on boards and give your victim really bad "how to get away with murder" advice so they are caught and get the death penalty.

Badly Drunk Boy · 10-10-2017 5:31pm

tomwaterford wrote: »

Lime??

Its spread on when reseeding to quicken decomposition of old grasses etc....I assume would work for bodies??

And a bit of lemon zest...

punisher5112 · 10-10-2017 5:31pm

I'll be around shortly to give some well deserved justice for making such threads....

Punisher on way.

Nomis21 · 10-10-2017 5:36pm

:eek:

punisher5112 wrote: »

I'll be around shortly to give some well deserved justice for making such threads....

Punisher on way.

darced · 10-10-2017 5:46pm

This post has been deleted.

RainMakerToo · 10-10-2017 5:50pm

Nomis21 wrote: »

I am also wondering why anyone would choose a career in 'Blood Splatter Analysis'?

begbysback · 10-10-2017 5:53pm

Nomis21 wrote: »

I am also wondering why anyone would choose a career in 'Blood Splatter Analysis'?

If I'm not mistaken BSA was the murderers downfall in The Staircase - excellent documentary series, would highly recommend it.

I do also remember a blood splatter "expert" being shown up as a complete amateur - possibly in Making a Murderer

You need to watch these 2 before you can receive your certificate and are ready to progress

the_pen_turner · 10-10-2017 5:56pm

Become a grave maintenance guy doing headstones and doing grave digging.
Buy a few graves in a rural and isolated graveyard and start digging. Go really deep and in under another grave but below the normal dig level. Concrete it up so it can't sink.
Crete some kind of concrete lid and door so it looks normal
Steel identity of victim and set up a separate life in other country.
Murder victim.
Bury in grave beside yours.
Concrete everything up
FIL back up to normal dig levels with that deep clay so it blends in
Then fill back up with normal layers of clay and rocks.
Full it slowly so it won't sink . When full concrete over the top
Then sell to someone who will need it soon and have no-one following them that will need it. Bury them there. This will allow you to dig it again and hid your presence there.

PARlance · 10-10-2017 6:01pm

darced wrote: »

I'm pretty sure I could pull it off. I do a bit of brazilian jiujitsu so I would apply a choke hold to the victim. They would pass out in about 10 seconds and would be well dead in 10 minutes. The chokes take very little pressure and leave no marks. I'd then hang the corpse off the nearest door with a belt.

EASY.

Hang them off a door with a belt???

mfceiling · 10-10-2017 6:03pm

Remember reading an interview with a pathologist years ago and he said there was one way to murder a person that would leave no trace of it being a crime.

He wouldn't say what it was.

darced · 10-10-2017 6:03pm

This post has been deleted.

Overheal · 10-10-2017 6:05pm

I thought you just became a politician.

js35 · 10-10-2017 6:08pm

Feed the body to the pigs ala bricktop in snatch

NickNickleby · 10-10-2017 6:09pm

tomwaterford wrote: »

I'm not sure....but I know you can buy 50KG bags of concentrate lime to spread out of a spinner that's like 8 times stronger than ordinary ground lime,you buy from a quarry

-my knowledge of this solely relates to farming practices

I think Conor74 is correct, the stuff OP should use is quicklime. However, with no research whatsoever

I think quicklime is a controlled substance. So only criminals have access to it.

Johngoose · 10-10-2017 6:43pm

This could become a himan for hire thread. ;-)

Pat Mustard · 10-10-2017 7:01pm

mfceiling wrote: »

Remember reading an interview with a pathologist years ago and he said there was one way to murder a person that would leave no trace of it being a crime.

He wouldn't say what it was.

If the State pathologist was murdered, she wouldn't be able give evidence in court as to cause of death.

NickNickleby · 10-10-2017 7:08pm

Pat Mustard wrote: »

If the State pathologist was murdered, she wouldn't be able give evidence in court as to cause of death.

That's an idea "The General" had years ago. He car bombed a Forensic Scientist in an effort to prevent his evidence being used. The Wikipedia entry mentions that Dr O'Donovan (the scientist) retired in 2002. However it doesn't mention that he suffered ongoing pain ever since. Read an interview by him, and since then I always wonder about the survivors of terrorist outrages, because before that, I used to naively think that they got off lucky.

Sorry for the downer, but its amazing how quickly this came to mind.

imme · 10-10-2017 7:18pm

Garda . ie
Is on to you by now OP
=D

ZuM16 · 10-10-2017 7:57pm

Johngoose wrote: »

This could become a himan for hire thread. ;-)

Himan is always available for hire:

super_furry · 10-10-2017 7:59pm

Bullets yeah? But.....they're made out of the victim's frozen blood! Like real frozen blood!

harry Bailey esq · 10-10-2017 8:20pm

Nomis21 wrote: »

After watching 150 episodes of 'Forensic Detectives' on Netflix, I am convinced that I now know how to commit a murder without being caught. (Although I have no plans right now to commit murder.)

I am also wondering why anyone would choose a career in 'Blood Splatter Analysis'?

Taking another's life is a very serious matter, and that's putting it lightly. Hire the most professional fellow you can afford and it should be a piece of piss, if you pay peanuts you get monkeys.

Nabber · 10-10-2017 8:40pm

I can’t remember where I read this. But serial killers usually take longer to find as they often have no connection with the victim, where as most murders, the people involved know each other.

jaxxx · 10-10-2017 8:41pm

PM me details would ya? lol

(I'm joking btw... or am I? :eek:)

callaway92 · 10-10-2017 8:44pm

darced wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

You'd have prints on the ropes, prints on the body...

Not a good way to murder imo.

How to commit the perfect murder.

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