Would you date a single parent?

philstar · 23-09-2017 11:06AM #1

Well would you? or would the fact of a child in the mix cause complications in the relationship further down the line?

I'm contemplating asking a woman out but she's got a kid already.. so i just don't know?

Obvious Otter · 23-09-2017 11:07AM

Honestly, the Internet won't be able to solve this one for you.

Why not give it a try and report back?

philstar · 23-09-2017 11:09AM

Obvious Otter wrote: »

Honestly, the Internet won't be able to solve this one for you.

Why not give it a try and report back?

i just want feedback, from those who have.. been there-done that

Sue Pa Key Pa · 23-09-2017 11:10AM

No way in hell would I date a single parent. My wife would kill me

noel100 · 23-09-2017 11:10AM

Why should it.
Life is as complicated as you make it.
When I was in my 20 's I would but with maturity I would have no issues dating single mother. Separated or divorcee.

the_pen_turner · 23-09-2017 11:10AM

For the right woman yes. Why wouldn't you

Galwayguy35 · 23-09-2017 11:10AM

I did but not sure if I'd do so again.

I'm not really someone that has much time for kids so having to plan nights out and when it was ok to stay overnight around them wasn't my thing.

Plus having her ex around thinking I wanted to take over his daddy role didn't help either.

_Dara_ · 23-09-2017 11:11AM

I'd be reluctant, not having a maternal head on me.

Greybottle · 23-09-2017 11:11AM

Been there and it's worked.

Has little to do with the family situation and more to do with the woman and her attitude to her life and how she dealt with it. Her ex was a tosser, but not violent.

As regards the teenage child, I was with the mother for almost a year before I slept in her place with the child staying in the house as well. Before that it was either in my place, in hers when the child was at her Dad's or when we went away for the weekend. That decision was mostly mine as the daughter was very protective of the mother, something I appreciated.

Worth it all in the end.

How Soon Is Now · 23-09-2017 11:12AM

Depends on a number of things really.

Is father still around? Will he cause hassle in any way?

What's the kid like? If it's a **** head who demands every minute of her life then you know how that's gonna go....

I dated a girl years ago who had kid and he was a nightmare so it made doing anything really awkward.

I'd see how it goes every situation is different just because I had it go a certain way doesn't mean you will!

You won't know unless you try.

OldMrBrennan83 · 23-09-2017 11:13AM

This post has been deleted.

Dial Hard · 23-09-2017 11:14AM

Only you can say if it's a deal breaker for you.

My marriage ended because I didn't want kids, so for me, no, I'd have no interest in a single parent. Plenty of people are absolutely fine with it, though.

If you do go ahead I think relations with the ex can be just as big a factor as the actual child. If there's anger/hassle/drama, I'd be running a mile.

notsoyoungwan · 23-09-2017 11:16AM

Nope. I don't want to have kids of my own, for various reasons, and I certainly don't want to be dealing with someone else's kid(s) on a regular basis.

boardsuser1 · 23-09-2017 11:17AM

My ex has 2 kids(1 by me) and she can't for her life find a man who is willing to commit full time to her as me and the other child's father are actively involved in their lives and she has us both in the family law court.

Funny how I keep getting the blame for no man willing to go near her though.

surrender monkey · 23-09-2017 11:21AM

The biggest drawback that comes to mind is the relationship between the parents. If they are constantly at each other's throats then that will impact badly on your relationship. And it will go on and on .... you also have to be okay with being second in your partners life. Plans will be changed depending on childcare, sickness etc. If you love someone though none of that matters.

Heebie · 23-09-2017 11:27AM

Do you like kids? Are you ready to be an example to a child? Do you like this woman enough to take the "package deal" she represents? Are you ready and able to become part of her family if things go well?

The answer to this question is something determined by who *YOU* are, not whether or not she has a child.

Dravokivich · 23-09-2017 11:32AM

I'm a single father. I don't think anyone I've been on dates with have been put off. To me, it's more so I don't really have the time to develope a relationship with someone else. I wouldn't have an issue with someone else being a single parent.

neonsofa · 23-09-2017 11:33AM

I'm a single parent and I've dated a single parent. In my own experience it is not the child that is the issue but the other parent of the child. In my case that is not an issue, they are absent. With the guy I was seeing,the ex was a manipulative and overbearing nightmare. The fact that fathers rights in this country are so precarious, he tended to pander a lot for fear of losing access to his child which she played on big time. Regularly used the "well you wont get the child this weekend then" which was heart breaking. This all became a huge factor in our breakup.

All situations are different though, all families are different so can't really advise you op. I for one, would be very reluctant to date a single parent again, even though I am a single parent myself.

clairewithani · 23-09-2017 11:33AM

Honestly, the questions people ask. When I think of all the negative qualities a person can have, being a parent is not on the list. For me asking this question is on a par with "would you date a redhead" " would you date someone from Cork" " would you date a guard"

Harry Palmr · 23-09-2017 11:34AM

Only if the other parent was dead/in Australia and the child fairly grown up

pgj2015 · 23-09-2017 11:46AM

Been there done that, and never again, the problems with dating a single parent are, you will never come first with your partner, it is hard to plan nights out, weekends away etc, usually a troublesome ex in the background. Plus you may get on really well with their kid/s and if you break up, you will end you missing the kid/s more than your ex, double whammy.

I had someone ask me out recently, after she had told me she had a kid, who it seemed like was 99% of her time was spent talking about, had a violent ex who punched guys she was seeing, I have never ran so fast in my life.

Dial Hard · 23-09-2017 11:53AM

clairewithani wrote:

Honestly, the questions people ask. When I think of all the negative qualities a person can have, being a parent is not on the list. For me asking this question is on a par with "would you date a redhead" " would you date someone from Cork" " would you date a guard"

It's a perfectly valid position to hold. I don't like children. Ergo, I have absolutely zero interest in going out with someone who has one. Likewise, I doubt they'd have much interest in me. And that's perfectly fine.

To me it's more like asking "Would you date someone with diametrically opposing political/social views to you?" You may dismiss that as superficial, to me it's a completely valid concern.

neonsofa · 23-09-2017 11:57AM

Dial Hard wrote: »

It's a perfectly valid position to hold. I don't like children. Ergo, I have absolutely zero interest in going out with someone who has one. Likewise, I doubt they'd have much interest in me. And that's perfectly fine.

To me it's more like asking "Would you date someone with diametrically opposing political/social views to you?" You may dismiss that as superficial, to me it's a completely valid concern.

Exactly. Also you can't dismiss a whole separate person being involved in the relationship,no matter how removed they may be initially. It's a person, one that is dependent upon the person you are dating. It's really not the same as someone's hair colour or occupation.

One eyed Jack · 23-09-2017 12:06PM

neonsofa wrote: »

Exactly. Also you can't dismiss a whole separate person being involved in the relationship,no matter how removed they may be initially. It's a person, one that is dependent upon the person you are dating. It's really not the same as someone's hair colour or occupation.

Yeah but you'd only be dating, not as if they're expecting you to marry them already. I think that's probably why some people might be put off the idea, because they're thinking they're going to be expected to be a parent to the child or children. It's not something I've encountered too often as most single parents are quite capable of parenting on their own and relationships are separate from their parenting.

I know you're looking at it differently, but for me the fact they're a parent would be as arbitrary as anything else, any number of infinite reasons why I would or wouldn't date someone.

Testament1 · 23-09-2017 12:10PM

Dated a single mother for a while and it was great because she was a great person. Every situation will be different but you'll never know if you don't try. In my opinion if you like the person it's worth a shot.

23-09-2017 12:11PM

depends on your attitude to socks
(some other cnut's kids)

_Dara_ · 23-09-2017 12:16PM

clairewithani wrote: »

Honestly, the questions people ask. When I think of all the negative qualities a person can have, being a parent is not on the list. For me asking this question is on a par with "would you date a redhead" " would you date someone from Cork" " would you date a guard"

It's a very valid question.

It's a deal-breaker for many people. Not everyone wants children and it's responsible to be sure about that. You don't want to leave the life of a child who has got attached to you when you realise you don't want any children, either biologically your own, or potential step-children.

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Yeah but you'd only be dating, not as if they're expecting you to marry them already. I think that's probably why some people might be put off the idea, because they're thinking they're going to be expected to be a parent to the child or children. It's not something I've encountered too often as most single parents are quite capable of parenting on their own and relationships are separate from their parenting.

The danger is if the relationship deepens and grows more serious. It's naive to think that - in this scenario - never the trains shall meet.

SCOOP 64 · 23-09-2017 12:17PM

clairewithani wrote: »

Honestly, the questions people ask. When I think of all the negative qualities a person can have, being a parent is not on the list. For me asking this question is on a par with "would you date a redhead" " would you date someone from Cork" " would you date a guard"

Mind you all very good questions.

Pwindedd · 23-09-2017 12:21PM

Harry Palmr wrote: »

Only if the other parent was dead/in Australia and the child fairly grown up

Hahah grown up children can be worse than small kids IME. Jealousy in teens is far more pronounced and this can manifest in some pretty spiteful and vindictive behaviour.

OP - Young kids are far more accepting I find as long as you know their boundaries and keep things light it's not a major problem. Some single parents would just like to keep dating and family separate so you may not even 'notice' the fact she's a parent. Spontaneity is rare though. But hey try a date or two and go from there. Being with a single parent is not necessarily a commitment to raise the children. She might not want that.

23-09-2017 12:23PM

SCOOP 64 wrote: »

Mind you all very good questions.

Yes, no and no

Rawr · 23-09-2017 12:29PM

Have done so and she's now Mrs. Rawr.

As others have said, it is down to the kind of person you are dating. Just like anyone else you are dating, if you click and that person is the one for you then it'll probably go well.

There are 2 things to keep in mind, compared to dating a child-free person.

1) There is a kid in the picture. If the relationship becomes something, then you should be ready to eventually assume the role of another parent. The younger the kid is, the easier the time you'll have being accepted, but you need to remember that you will be in that kid's life and so you should do your best to also raise that child (if the relationship becomes long-term). So you'll end up having to try your best to be a good example to them. Turns out it was also good practice for when Rawr Jr. turned up.

2) The Ex. The Ex never really leaves the scene unless he/she actually take themselves out of the picture and washes themselves of responsibility for the kid. You'll eventually get an impression of the Ex via your new OH, which chances are will be negative. It is awkward as all hell to deal with them for obvious reasons, and with any luck your interaction with them will be limited. Your OH probably doesn't want much to do with the Ex anyway.

Beyond these things, it's just like dating anyone else. If you date these folk they'll want to go out with you in the same manner as anyone else would. It's a good deal harder to arrange since babysitters / parents / the Ex need to be called in to take care of the kids while this happens, but beyond that it's mostly the same.

Just remember that successfully nabbing a single-parent as your OH can result in you being an instant parent (if you aren't already), but that's not always as bad you'd imagine.

Would you date a single parent?

would you date a single parent ? 196 votes

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