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In shock. Completely blindsided by breakup

13»

Comments

  • #62
    Tweety987
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41 ✭Tweety987


    Update for anyone who's replied to this! He text me again asking to talk in person. Stupid me eventually agreed to meet him to see what he had to say. All I can I say is he's after confusing me even more now. He barely said sorry for the way he did it but in his mind he didn't want to wake me up that morning to break up with me so it was easier through text. He then proceeded to say he loves me multiple times to my face and he doesn't want to lose me. He said he doesn't know what's going on in his head, he's confused himself. He wants to go "slow" so we can do it properly this time because he wants it to "last" because he "loves me". To be honest none of this makes sense to me. If you love someone you don't treat them like that. He is honestly one of the most confusing guys I've ever come across. Anyone I tell this too can't understand what's going on with him either.


  • #63
    neonsofa
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,476 ✭✭✭neonsofa


    Tweety987 wrote: »
    Update for anyone who's replied to this! He text me again asking to talk in person. Stupid me eventually agreed to meet him to see what he had to say. All I can I say is he's after confusing me even more now. He barely said sorry for the way he did it but in his mind he didn't want to wake me up that morning to break up with me so it was easier through text. He then proceeded to say he loves me multiple times to my face and he doesn't want to lose me. He said he doesn't know what's going on in his head, he's confused himself. He wants to go "slow" so we can do it properly this time because he wants it to "last" because he "loves me". To be honest none of this makes sense to me. If you love someone you don't treat them like that. He is honestly one of the most confusing guys I've ever come across. Anyone I tell this too can't understand what's going on with him either.

    If he didn't want to wake you to break up with you he could have waited. Why the insane rush that he couldn't wait for another time to do it? If he respected and loved you it wouldn't have mattered if he had to wait a week to do it in a kind and respectful way. He'd have made time to sit down with you properly.


  • #64
    Tweety987
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41 ✭Tweety987


    neonsofa wrote: »
    If he didn't want to wake you to break up with you he could have waited. Why the insane rush that he couldn't wait for another time to do it? If he respected and loved you it wouldn't have mattered if he had to wait a week to do it in a kind and respectful way. He'd have made time to sit down with you properly.


    Ya I don't understand that either. It's like he did it in the spur of the moment. It makes no sense. He seems very self centred to me, for other reasons too but he doesn't seem to care about other peoples feelings at all.


  • #65
    neonsofa
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,476 ✭✭✭neonsofa


    Tweety987 wrote: »
    Ya I don't understand that either. It's like he did it in the spur of the moment. It makes no sense. He seems very self centred to me, for other reasons too but he doesn't seem to care about other peoples feelings at all.

    I've been there with a guy who decided on a whim that he was done, broke my heart,out of the blue. Then decided to "talk" which was basically him saying he wanted to "try again" but without the commitment (keep in mind we were living together and had kids lol- that ship had sailed!) and then got angry when I had the audacity to say I wanted better than that. Then I became the bad guy for "breaking up the family" etc. And nobody understood wtf he was doing, why he was doing all this. Truth is I don't think he knew either but I dodged a bullet. You have too.

    Cut the contact and leave it as an unsolved mystery. This has tainted the relationship regardless of what you decide to do anyway, you will always have it in the back of your head that some day he may do it again. Find someone who sends you "missing you" texts when you're asleep in his bed and he's gone to work.


  • #66
    groovyg
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,049 ✭✭✭groovyg


    Why are you investing so much of your energy trying to work him out, you went out for three months and he broke up by text. You were told to block him, forget him and move on and you ignored all the advice and met up with him.
    If you had any self respect you would value yourself a lot more than be giving this user your time.


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  • #67
    amtc
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,490 ✭✭✭amtc


    In my mind I couldn't get over leaving you on your own in a relatively strange place to get home by your own.

    By all means give it another go but on your terms.


  • #68
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    OP, are you normally as obsessive about things like this? This is just going round and round in circles. You have been given a lot of very sensible, good advice from people yet not one word of it is going into your head. Instead, all you can think of is trying to work him out and you're looping.


  • #69
    batmanrobin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 385 ✭✭batmanrobin


    OP, I knew a guy years ago who sounds a lot like your guy. And honestly, when I look back at that time I wish I had told him where to go rather than giving him chance after chance to show he was different. He talked a good talk but his actions were completely different. His talk was cheap, his actions were the reality.

    Like you, I went round and round in my head trying to figure him out. This went on for a long time and was such a waste of my time and energy which I should have been putting into myself/my own life and not trying to figure out who this guy was.

    Do yourself a favour and block him, stop obsessing and giving him power over you. People treat you how you allow them to. Be done with this guy.


  • #70
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,114 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Why did you start the thread, OP? Nobody here can give you answers about why he did x, y or z. It sounds like he's not even all that sure himself. This all comes down to maturity, on both your parts. He's not able for a "proper" relationship, and you're not mature enough to stand up and put a stop to his messing.

    Mod Note:
    I'm not sure if there is a point in allowing this thread to continue for much longer as you have not taken on board one thing anyone said to you, in almost 70 posts. Personal Issues is an advice forum where posters come looking for advice, and posters are good enough to take time to offer advice. Of course, it is completely the OP's prerogative whether or not to heed any of that advice. But in situations like this where a poster just keeps coming back ignoring everything and asking the same things over and over, the moderators have to consider whether or not the OP is indeed looking for advice, or just posting a blog.

    Can you confirm if you are looking for advice from the posters here. If you are, I am happy to leave it open. But if it's just more of the same, we will close it.


  • #71
    Tweety987
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41 ✭Tweety987


    Big Bag of Chips wrote: »
    Why did you start the thread, OP? Nobody here can give you answers about why he did x, y or z. It sounds like he's not even all that sure himself. This all comes down to maturity, on both your parts. He's not able for a "proper" relationship, and you're not mature enough to stand up and put a stop to his messing.

    Mod Note:
    I'm not sure if there is a point in allowing this thread to continue for much longer as you have not taken on board one thing anyone said to you, in almost 70 posts. Personal Issues is an advice forum where posters come looking for advice, and posters are good enough to take time to offer advice. Of course, it is completely the OP's prerogative whether or not to heed any of that advice. But in situations like this where a poster just keeps coming back ignoring everything and asking the same things over and over, the moderators have to consider whether or not the OP is indeed looking for advice, or just posting a blog.

    Can you confirm if you are looking for advice from the posters here. If you are, I am happy to leave it open. But if it's just more of the same, we will close it.


    I was looking for advice and appreciate all the replies it really helped. I've taken everything on board and decided to not contact him again. I just ended it saying I can do way better than you and no we can't still "talk", I wouldn't even be your friend. He replied but I haven't text him back and I won't be doing so again. And if he does contact me again I'm going to ignore it. I'm done with him. And to answer the other poster no I'm never this obsessive. I just really really liked him. Why is beyond me. Genuinely appreciate the amount of replies!


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  • #72
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    Block his number so he can't contact you. All that'll happen is that when you see the text come in, your brain will go into meltdown again.


  • #73
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,114 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    You could very easily block his number if you wanted to make sure he never contacts you again. But you're unlikely to do that, are you?! Even after you finished and you told him to not contact you again, you were checking his online status and you were annoyed that he hadn't made contact with you!

    Your update didn't come as much of a surprise to anyone here. We could all see it was going to happen!

    And it will continue to happen unless someone stops it.


  • #74
    MissShihTzu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,080 ✭✭✭MissShihTzu


    Let it go. And while you're about it, get some counselling for yourself. You seem to be investing FAR too much time on a man who doesn't return your interest. Gather up your self-respect and get on with your life.

    It's tiring going over old ground.


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