Do relationships with big age gaps last?

I don't think anyone said travelling and getting drunk are the only ways to enjoy your youth. I agree that 'going travelling' can be overrated and definitely isn't for everyone. But do we really need to outline all the ways that the carefree youth of your 20s is something valuable?

For me, it was having the freedom to make mistakes and yes, be selfish, without fear of letting anyone down. That window between school or college, and settling down, is something you can never recreate some other way. Yes, I'm fully aware that people choose different paths, and what's for me isn't for others, and people mature at different rates, blah blah blah, but I think that period of being an educated young adult with a world of opportunity out there and no one to answer to is something everyone should aim for. I think it's Permabear's insistence that this relationship is 98% positive is what a lot of posters don't buy into.

There's something to be said for having children young and having them grown up by the time you're late 30s/early 40s, for sure, but Permabear's girlfriend will never experience being an adult without a child to worry about. That's what would bother me.

But hey, I turned 30 a month ago, so obviously my resentment levels have skyrocketed throughout July. Time to go for a bitterness-busting swim in the sea. :pac:

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

This isn't about me, it's true. It's about whether relationships with large age gaps last. A question I don't think you'll be able to truly answer affirmatively for another 20 or so years.

As one half of your relationship, do you think getting married and having children in your early 20s is a desirable state of affairs? It just seems like a stance that is very at odds with the life you lived yourself before meeting your OH.

Shelga wrote: »

But do we really need to outline all the ways that the carefree youth of your 20s is something valuable?

My initial post mentioned; people are saying that a large age gap will cause a relationship break up and cost the younger one their carefree youth, that as the younger grows and changes problems will arise. Why is that different to two young adults being together?

I met my husband when I was 17, him 18 so no age gap, but still two young adults. We got serious quickly for our age and were living together within a year. We married when I was 26. We don't feel we missed out on anything and I don't understand why it would be different for someone in an age gap relationship.

I totally get why people might consider an age gap in the likes of permys case unusual and where worry might arise that one or the other is being taken advantage of, but "missing carefree youth" isn't really valid if the people involved don't consider being "carefree" as valuable as you do.

I'm saying this as a bitter (possibly twisted) 33 year old. :pac:

There's a lot to be said for a simple poll.

Shelga wrote: »

The fact that Permabear admitted the last pregnancy was unplanned suggests that his girlfriend did not consider this the optimal state of affairs either. So really we are all saying much the same thing. The difference is he is going into overdrive now saying things are amazing, much-maligned talk of relaxing ocean swimming etc.

For us, the hardest time of our relationship was our unplanned pregnancy and the first few months of our sons life. We hit a major rocky patch, which we worked through and are now so glad things worked out as they did. I was 30 when this happened, so well beyond the "growing up" stage and we still hit a rocky patch. So if Permy and his OH are happily getting on with things then good for them in my view. It isn't easy.
I can see why it might irk you but I can't really blame him waxing lyrical. His relationship has taken an awful beating here and he's going to defend it and make it sound as wonderful as he can. I'm sure they have their rough patches, like all of us. But you know if he said "oh yeah we argue over x,y,z" people will say "SEE TOLD YOU!!!".

Yeah the 30's thing had me a bit taken aback too tbh.

Whispered wrote: »

For us, the hardest time of our relationship was our unplanned pregnancy and the first few months of our sons life. We hit a major rocky patch, which we worked through and are now so glad things worked out as they did. I was 30 when this happened, so well beyond the "growing up" stage and we still hit a rocky patch. So if Permy and his OH are happily getting on with things then good for them in my view. It isn't easy.
I can see why it might irk you but I can't really blame him waxing lyrical. His relationship has taken an awful beating here and he's going to defend it and make it sound as wonderful as he can. I'm sure they have their rough patches, like all of us. But you know if he said "oh yeah we argue over x,y,z" people will say "SEE TOLD YOU!!!".

Yeah the 30's thing had me a bit taken aback too tbh.

Yep, it has taken a bit of a beating but unfortunately I'm sure he's well used to these debates by now. I hope things do work out, but honestly I don't think his relationship if 2.5 years is a good example of an age gap relationship lasting, even if she was closer to 30 than 20.

He's a permabear, not a tempbear.