Do relationships with big age gaps last?

Omackeral wrote: »

Can't get over how cool Pbears OH is. Swims in the ocean, goes to hackathons cos she's a nerdy gamergirl and plays live music at the coffee shop. So cool!

She has an OH rich enough to pay a nanny, so she's able to do all that.

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

did you first meet her in a professional capacity?

JupiterKid wrote: »

Every relationship is different and big age gaps may work for some and not for others. From the posts on this thread, it's clear that many people disapprove of age gaps, either from past bad experiences, media manipulation or general societal mores/attitudes.

I think the reason why men are nearly always the older partner in relationships is simply that they mature later than women. Some men can take a long time to really "grow up" and it seems to be a phenomenon particularly in Catholic countries where family is very important.

most relationships. And many Irish men seemed to take longer than men of other nationalities to mature and settle down.

I've never heard evidence of this. I believe it comes down to individual differences not gender.

I think it's a popular myth perpuated by the fact that girls hit puberty a bit earlier than boys (for all I know that gap may have narrowed).

My take on it is that if one of my mates was in Permabear's situation, I'd roast him for it and probably never let him live it down. However if it was as obvious that the two really did love and care for each other, it'd really only be some playful jesting rather than disapproval.

I've a mate in his early twenties going out with a woman in her early thirties. At first I was shocked, I though "fair play" to be honest at the idea of him getting his bit off an attractive older woman. However as it went on it became much more obvious how much the two actually cared for each other that "fair play" turned into a fair play for following through with what makes you happy. There's no power imbalance in his relationship as if anything he's the more mature one. Too many people spend too much caring about what others think and not enough time doing what makes them truly happy.

B0jangles wrote: »

One does not have to be either bitter or resentful to be dubious about a situation where a girl not yet out of her teens already has three children and is living with a man more than twice her age. A man who has demostrated in this very thread that appears to have some issues with 'older' women (ie women 3-13 years younger than himself!), and difficulty with understanding that people can quite validly disagree with him and not be misinformed or wrong.

As one of those toxic 30-something women, I genuinely hope that your relationship is a happy one for all of you, but quite frankly I would be worried that your partner may find it difficult to develop as an independent adult while in a relationship with so many imbalances tilted against her.

I see where you're coming from regarding power imbalances here and there were serious power imbalances there when the two began dating. In that situation he had two choices: follow through with it or leave it be and move on to someone else. He chose to follow through and while many may not agree with it, in my opinion he has ultimately chosen the right way of going about it if that's the path you're going down.

Instead of getting his kicks out of the power imbalances he's doing everything he can to not only normalise her and help her recover from past traumas, but also propel her to be everything she's capable of being and taking happiness from that. If he was a man in his forties who gets his kicks out of shagging teens I'd imagine a therapist is the LAST person you'd want them seeing, for fear of spoiling what you have going. He's helped her get her GED, college education, a great job as well as counselling to help her recover from past traumas in order for her to truly be comfortable and happy in herself.

Obviously a major concern people have is that she may miss out a huge part of growing up. In reality though how much less likely is it that she will miss out on it now that she's in a relationship with three kids as opposed to a few years ago when she was a single mother with one child, going to clinics for financial advice as she couldn't afford to pay her bills or have the knowledge to properly manage her finances?

People have made the point that relationships can be tools for mutual benefit - the way I see it is that she gains far more out this than Permabear. In ten years time she'll likely be a successful businesswoman with good qualifications and a decade of experience in investment banking, only on the cusp of thirty, no college debt and in many ways be better equipped to deal with life than your average 30 year old due to years of therapy to deal with her issues. If they break up in the near future? She's still sorted as she can rely on him to finance nanny's etc. to continue her education and qualify etc.

If she does reflect on life in the future, I'm sure like anyone who became a young parent, when weighing up the options she'll still be happy with her decision to make a success of herself to provide the best possible life for her children. By the time the youngest are 18 she'll still only be 38. Money buys freedom after all, by 35/36 her children will be old enough to leave on their own for a week or a weekend on an on going basis and she'll be able to do what many parents do when their kids hit mid to late teens.

People have already mention Emmanuel Macron - he's the freaking president of a France and he's married to his former schoolteacher, a woman 25 years his senior who was most definitely in a position of authority over him when their relationship began.

Its amazing how yet another thread has become railroaded into the life story of one person..

Jeez, reign it in fella ! You do not need to tell your whole life continually, because you will be judged, mostly without justification , unless you like all the hubub that goes with it.

For what it's worth, when people speak of someone benefitting life-wise from a relationship, I don't really see the problem. Maybe PB's girl is somewhat. I remember a funny Larry David talk show interview where he's like "I don't care if women use me for my money, what the hell else have I got going for me?!" And that's not to liken PB's situation to that, but it's a good point that financial security and life benefits can add into how genuinely attractive you find someone. I'm a stubbornly independent person (I can't even stand if people do nice things that cost money for me because I hate feeling indebted if I can't guarantee I'll get them back in future), but I'd find a wealthy, well-connected woman attractive. Not because of immediate financial benefit, but because the qualities that made her such are things I'd genuinely like in a person. So someone can benefit from their relationship and still genuinely love someone, it's not mutually exclusive or always a case of one person getting used.

mzungu wrote: »

A good bit off topic here, but lets face it, when people say "travelling" they mean drinking buckets on beaches in Thailand and puking into long drops. Or hitting the hotspots on the gringo trail etc. It is a bit like a (much) more scenic version of an average booze up in Temple Bar stretched out over a year or two. It broadens about as much horizons as an episode of Eastenders.

I think its great that people travel, there are some wonderful sights out there that should be seen. But lets just do away with the romantic notion that it will change your life, or even that everybody should do it, because it is not the be all and end all and you sure can live a complete and full life without doing it.

Yeah that was kind of my point. That saying "oh but travelling!!!!" Isn't a valid reason for having any issue with an age gap relationship.