Do relationships with big age gaps last?

Samaris wrote: »

It's worked perfectly well for generations. It's been relatively common throughout western history for (mostly) older men to marry younger women in particular. You only have to look at literature from various periods to see it - Pride and Prejudice is a perfectly good example, as it's indicated that at the least Lydia is quite a bit younger than Wickham, Charlotte is quite a bit younger than Collins, there's indications that the parental Bennets may have an age gap between them as well, although it's not explicit, etcetera.

Given the relative expectations on each partner in the marriage, it would be more common for girls to marry earlier (pretty much once they hit puberty) but the boys to wait until they can support a family, which would push their average ages up to at least 16, but more likely 20s. In 17th-19thC Japan, the average marriage age for women was 15-20, whereas for men it was 25-28.

In the current age, social and material pressures are different and there isn't the same need for the age gaps, so it's less common, but can still work. Emmanual Macron and his wife have quite an age difference, but so far it seems to be working out for them.

True enough. not just in western cultures either. And it goes way back and examples can be seen in tribal cultures too.

Though Greek culture considered girls women at 14(as did Roman) Aristotle reckoned the ideal age for men to marry was at 35-7, women at 18. He reckoned that was the best balance of personality and strength of fertility. Also likely because of your point about the ability to support a family for men coincided with that age(in their twenties men would have been either in the military or building a business).

Then again Athenian society's attitudes and treatment of women makes Saudi Arabia look like a feminist's paradise. They were cloistered from birth(if they survived that, as women had less value they could be left to die), were fed less, denied education, had no rights and couldn't go outside and almost certainly didn't know the strange man(who essentially bought them) they'd end up marrying and so forth. Athenian whores had more freedoms.

And large age gaps are usually a sign of a culture where women are less valued than men, or only valued as breeding stock and have fewer opportunities.

Compare that with another Greek state Sparta. There the women had far more equality going on and the sexes grew up, played with and were educated to the same standard together(which really freaked out the Athenians and others). They had far more social and sexual freedom too(adultery wasn't seen as a legal matter) and weren't hidden away. Wives also ran the household affairs and almost certainly knew their husbands before marriage and had a say in who they married. And in Sparta the result was the age gaps were much closer, more like 20-25 for men, 18-20 for women. Sure some larger age gaps were in play like any society, but was more like the modern world in percentages of that.

And the gaps could go the other way too. Take the about the most famous Greek woman of all; Helen of Troy. She was Spartan. Got married to an older king, then eloped with a younger man and kicked off the Trojan war. With suspicious wooden horses and the like. Then returned to Sparta, got back with the king she'd cuckolded earlier and seemingly all is forgiven was in play(in most tellings of it anyway).

Tl;DR? generally speaking in societies where women are more equal smaller age gaps are more the norm, in societies where women are less equal bigger age gaps are.

So that's another aspect that may trigger a general WTF attitude in people in the modern west when faced with large age gaps. It's smells of gender inequality. It also might explain why age gaps where the woman is older generally attract less static.