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Do relationships with big age gaps last?

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Comments

  • #302
    Permabear
    Closed Accounts Posts: 38,989 ✭✭✭✭Permabear


    This post has been deleted.


  • #303
    leggo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭leggo


    Permabear I wasn't actually talking about you, I was going to post anyway but was catching up with the thread first, then made a point at the start of the post. Apologies if it seemed like I was referencing you, totally get how it would. I don't know you or your relationship to comment on it. I was talking about if you presented the situation to me in general.


  • #304
    Permabear
    Closed Accounts Posts: 38,989 ✭✭✭✭Permabear


    This post has been deleted.


  • #305
    The_Captain
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,373 ✭✭✭The_Captain


    How much of a manchild must someone in their 40s be to be happy in a relationship with a 20 year old?


  • #306
    Bandana boy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,375 ✭✭✭Bandana boy


    Irish Times wrote:
    A study of 3,000 people by Andrew Francis and Hugo Mialon, professors in the department of economics at Emory University in Atlanta, found that a five-year age gap means that a relationship has an 18 per cent chance of ending in divorce (versus just 3 per cent with a one-year age difference), and that rate rises to 39 per cent for a 10-year age difference and 95 per cent for a 20-year age gap.

    From this article
    Seems to suggest real longevity problems in large age gaps

    https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/people/age-gap-relationships-why-all-the-bad-press-1.2075500


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  • #307
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,387 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Bandana boy wrote: »
    From this article
    Seems to suggest real longevity problems in large age gaps

    https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/people/age-gap-relationships-why-all-the-bad-press-1.2075500
    Aye, but again that's America. Far too often and certainly in Ireland we extrapolate Irish outcomes from US stats. Doubly so when it comes to the subjects of men/women, relationships, marriage and the like(even political attitudes which is even crazier). As PB himself has pointed out there are differences, some obvious some more subtle.

    Would an widening age gap lead to more divorce? I'm quite sure it does. Just like other stressors on a relationship. As I wrote earlier and this would just be my humble, if in every other regard a couple are more balanced except for their age gap, then the risks are lower. It also depends on the type of age gap. EG an 18 and 30 couple are far more in the rifle sights than a couple of 33 and 45, even though the gap in pure numbers terms is the same.

    Many worry about Artificial Intelligence. I worry far more about Organic Idiocy.



  • #308
    Bandana boy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,375 ✭✭✭Bandana boy


    Wibbs wrote: »
    Aye, but again that's America. Far too often and certainly in Ireland we extrapolate Irish outcomes from US stats. Doubly so when it comes to the subjects of men/women, relationships, marriage and the like(even political attitudes which is even crazier). As PB himself has pointed out there are differences, some obvious some more subtle.

    Would an widening age gap lead to more divorce? I'm quite sure it does. Just like other stressors on a relationship. As I wrote earlier and this would just be my humble, if in every other regard a couple are more balanced except for their age gap, then the risks are lower. It also depends on the type of age gap. EG an 18 and 30 couple are far more in the rifle sights than a couple of 33 and 45, even though the gap in pure numbers terms is the same.

    I would argue that we are very close to America and in absence of an Irish Study , you could assume that we will be at least directionally similar


  • #309
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,387 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Bandana boy wrote: »
    I would argue that we are very close to America
    We're really not BB, beyond sharing a common language. 1) we have far more social protection in Ireland. 2) we settle down later. 3) we're less religious. 4) we've a different(and lower) divorce profile 5) we're politically left of centre. 6) We're more homogeneous culturally. 7) even something like perception of adulthood is subtly different. In the US an 18 year old is seen more as a fully responsible adult(except if they want a beer) than in Ireland. All of those will have an effect on Irish divorce and relationship stats in general.

    Though I would of course agree that large age gaps are going to be stressors on a relationship and the wider the gap the larger the potential stressor.

    Many worry about Artificial Intelligence. I worry far more about Organic Idiocy.



  • #310
    Permabear
    Closed Accounts Posts: 38,989 ✭✭✭✭Permabear


    This post has been deleted.


  • #311
    ibarelycare
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 58,456 ✭✭✭✭ibarelycare


    Permabear wrote: »
    This post had been deleted.

    With respect, being a practicing Christian didn't prevent her from having three children as an unwed teenager.

    I would hope that, if she did choose to divorce you (should you ever get married), her religion wouldn't impact on her decision.


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  • #312
    Ann_Landers
    Closed Accounts Posts: 292 ✭✭Ann_Landers


    Wibbs wrote: »
    We're really not BB, beyond sharing a common language. 1) we have far more social protection in Ireland. 2) we settle down later. 3) we're less religious. 4) we've a different(and lower) divorce profile 5) we're politically left of centre.

    Ireland isn't politically left of centre overall. Power is passed between two right wing parties (right wing to varying degrees). Sometimes, the minor party in coalition might be left-wing but overall, Ireland skews right.


  • #313
    Permabear
    Closed Accounts Posts: 38,989 ✭✭✭✭Permabear


    This post has been deleted.


  • #314
    mdwexford
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,318 ✭✭✭✭mdwexford


    AllForIt wrote: »
    It's whatsoever not what so ever.

    Earlier you said I was putting words in your mouth but in your comment you have said exactly what I though your opinion is on the matter. So If I did put words in your mouth then I clearly put the right words.

    And once again as I stated in a previous post you are inferring as others have done that age gaps between grown adults is tantamount to having sex with a child. Why else would you use the term 'super creepy' or make a comparison between a 25yo having a relationship with a 17yo. "Or anything similar" to quote you. It's obvious what you mean by that.



    Nobody cares what you think is 'super creepy' in the case of ppl who are of legal age to engage in any sexual relations they so wish.

    Worst grammar correction ever.

    I said you were putting words in my mouth when you said:

    "The inference your making is clear, i.e a 20 yo is neither sexually or mentally mature enough to make their own choices."

    At no stage did I say that so yet again you are talking tripe.

    If you can't see what's wrong with a 25 year old going out with a 17 year old then that's embarrassing for you.

    I don't care what you say or think. I'll post my opinions as I see fit. You understand that's how forums work don't you.

    You seem very worked up on this subject, wonder why.


  • #315
    LadyMacBeth_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,070 ✭✭✭LadyMacBeth_


    Very apt that I'm reading Lolita at the moment :p


  • #316
    mdwexford
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,318 ✭✭✭✭mdwexford


    The more Permabear posts the more my jaw hits the floor.

    Can imagine the look on any father posting in this threads face when his little girl who's about to turn 18 brings home the guy she's been dating for 2 months for dinner. In walks 44 year old John. I'm sure your daughters happiness is the first thought in your head. Gtfo.


  • #317
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,387 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    mdwexford wrote: »
    Can imagine the look on any father posting in this threads face when his little girl who's about to turn 18 brings home the guy she's been dating for 2 months for dinner. In walks 44 year old John. I'm sure your daughters happiness is the first thought in your head. Gtfo.
    Aye MD, We can spout/listen to platitudes about being soooo tolerant of all sorts of stuff, but when the rubber meets the road a helluva lot, if not most actually involved in their kids lives fathers and mothers would have a fit in such a scenario. And TBH and IMHO of course(have to add that in) rightfully.

    Many worry about Artificial Intelligence. I worry far more about Organic Idiocy.



  • #318
    Permabear
    Closed Accounts Posts: 38,989 ✭✭✭✭Permabear


    This post has been deleted.


  • #319
    mdwexford
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,318 ✭✭✭✭mdwexford


    Permabear wrote: »
    This post had been deleted.

    Just to be clear I was in no way talking about your other halfs situation specifically.

    I would not condone what you are saying he did.

    What I described is just the nightmare hypothetical situation for every father. (Or at least most)


  • #320
    222233
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,114 ✭✭✭222233


    It depends on the people an immature 17 year old with a 30 year old probably won't work. A mature 17 year old on the other hand could have the same capacities as said 30 year old.


  • #321
    o1s1n
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 37,926 ✭✭✭✭o1s1n
    Master of the Universe


    222233 wrote: »
    It depends on the people an immature 17 year old with a 30 year old probably won't work. A mature 17 year old on the other hand could have the same capacities as said 30 year old.

    Would want to be one immature 30 year old!

    I have yet to meet a 17 year old with the same level of maturity as your average 30 year old.


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  • #322
    222233
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,114 ✭✭✭222233


    o1s1n wrote: »
    Would want to be one immature 30 year old!

    I have yet to meet a 17 year old with the same level of maturity as your average 30 year old.

    You'd be surprised as to how fast some people grow up compared to others, when you meet a lot of diverse people it's amazing how age really does just start to become a number. Either way if people make each other happy so be it

    I'm not talking about accomplishment maturity btw, I'm referring to intellectual / emotional intelligence really


  • #323
    Arghus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 16,417 ✭✭✭✭Arghus


    I have yet to meet a 17 year old with the same level of emotional and intellectual intelligence as a 30 year old. I'd be highly doubtful of their existence.


  • #324
    ceadaoin.
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,131 ✭✭✭ceadaoin.


    Permabear wrote: »
    This post had been deleted.

    ok, honestly. Do you really think the fact that this happened at a time when your partner was in her formative years and also extremely vulnerable and the fact that she is now dating someone old enough to be her father are unconnected? I'm not saying that they are but I would hope it's something that you have talked about. Otherwise I could definitely see there being an imbalance of power in the relationship.


  • #325
    222233
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,114 ✭✭✭222233


    Arghus wrote: »
    I have yet to meet a 17 year old with the same level of emotional and intellectual intelligence as a 30 year old. I'd be highly doubtful of their existence.

    EI has actually only been found to increase slightly with age, much could possibly be attributed to learnt behaviour etc, therefore I wouldn't doubt the existence.


  • #326
    Arghus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 16,417 ✭✭✭✭Arghus


    222233 wrote: »
    EI has actually only been found to increase slightly with age, much could possibly be attributed to learnt behaviour etc, therefore I wouldn't doubt the existence.

    I would say those 13 years give you ample opportunity for learnt behavior alright.


  • #327
    222233
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,114 ✭✭✭222233


    Arghus wrote: »
    I would say those 13 years give you ample opportunity for learnt behavior alright.

    I'm just saying it depends on the person, the older the wiser is not necessarily scientifically grounded. A young person with vast life experience may be just as wise as an older person with lesser or similar experiences.


  • #328
    mad muffin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,034 ✭✭✭mad muffin


    I read it as, do relationships with big apes last?


  • #329
    Permabear
    Closed Accounts Posts: 38,989 ✭✭✭✭Permabear


    This post has been deleted.


  • #330
    LuckyLloyd
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 36,963 ✭✭✭✭LuckyLloyd


    mad muffin wrote: »
    I read it as, do relationships with big apes last?

    God I hope so - I'm depending on it!


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  • #331
    PandaPoo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,978 ✭✭✭PandaPoo


    Permabear wrote: »
    This post had been deleted.

    Maybe she was trying to swim away from you? :P


This discussion has been closed.
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