LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

The One Doctor · 20-06-2017 12:35pm

I've been making really silly mistakes at work since I started here 8 months ago. Stuff that I really should have caught is being caught by other people. It's not an issue in my home life, just in work. I had the problem in my previous job too and got fired for it. This time it's worse because the money's much better here. I don't feel particularly depressed but I do feel anxious because of the mistakes. I don't know what to do or who to talk to. My employer's extended my probation for a month and I have a suspicion that I'm going to be fired. Doesn't help that we're living with my in-laws who think I'm a moron anyway.

I love my partner and daughter dearly and don't want to disappoint them, I just don't seem to be very good at working in detail-oriented job - which is all of them. I hate myself.

DeVore · 20-06-2017 4:33pm

don't hate yourself, thats not going to help anybody.
Your employer had a tailor made opportunity to let you go (if you came to the end of your probation as you suggest you did) and they DIDNT. Thats a big statement (and its very typical of depression to spin that sort of thing into a negative, as you did above).

As an employer, what I want to hear from a staff member in your situation is "I want to do better, I'm willing to change but I need some assistance to work out how to be a better worker". Thats gold.

You say you dont feel depressed but what you describe is CLASSIC depression in my experience (feeling like its all impending doom, no capacity to focus on detail, anxiety, a feeling of helplessness etc). I can only tell you that I improved when I fought back and decided not to be a passenger in my own mental-health journey.

Lollipops23 · 13-07-2017 7:21pm

Ugh after 6 months of uninterrupted contentedness and normality, anxiety has decided to rear its ugly head. No reason. Just for the lols.
My anxiety attacks tend to be nocturnal- I'll wake up in the dead f night in the deep grip of the attack. Last night I woke at half 12, managed to stave it off, and woke again at 3.30am and stayed awake til after 5. Thankfully I can work from home, as I wasn't in any fit state to go into the office.
Spent the day jittery and tearful all day, and feeling extremely paranoid.
Ugh. Great.

Makapakka · 13-07-2017 9:00pm

Lollipops23 wrote: »

Ugh after 6 months of uninterrupted contentedness and normality, anxiety has decided to rear its ugly head. No reason. Just for the lols.
My anxiety attacks tend to be nocturnal- I'll wake up in the dead f night in the deep grip of the attack. Last night I woke at half 12, managed to stave it off, and woke again at 3.30am and stayed awake til after 5. Thankfully I can work from home, as I wasn't in any fit state to go into the office.
Spent the day jittery and tearful all day, and feeling extremely paranoid.
Ugh. Great.

Has anything happened in the last few days that might have triggered it?

Lollipops23 · 14-07-2017 9:10am

Makapakka wrote: »

Has anything happened in the last few days that might have triggered it?

Honestly, no. Certainly nothing that I'm aware of.

Marzipan85 · 15-08-2017 9:41pm

I am so tired when people ask me 'What is your dream job? If you could do anything what would you do?'

Have struggled for years to know what to do with my life. That question is such a waste of time for me. All it does is make you raise your hopes and have unrealistic expectation of what you can do. My CV is a piece of s**t. Graduated in 2008. 'Work' to me is just getting paid to do something you don't like which is usually based in an open plan office and is incredibly monotonous.

"What's your dream job?" - oh please f**k off. :rolleyes::mad:

Marzipan85 · 15-08-2017 9:49pm

Any tips for dealing with anger? I am soooo pissed off today.

DeVore · 15-08-2017 11:14pm

Marzipan85 wrote: »

Any tips for dealing with anger? I am soooo pissed off today.

Two tips...

1. Sit down and put everything aside for 10+ minutes so you have no pressure or need to rush this... then try to follow the thread of why you are angry. Not the immediate reason like "That person was rude to me" but the deep-seated reason like "they hurt me by questioning my ability about something I'm quite vulnerable about and I lashed out". Acknowledge the hurt/anger/whatever, feel it and feel *through* it until it feels "over" (sorry that this isnt very clear language, but its the best I've got). When its done, put that in a box marked "dealt with" and dont let it come back for more emotional time from you, its just being greedy then and wanting more time from you when its had more than its fair share.

2. Laughter... its chemically the counter to cortisol (stress chemical) so try to find something that makes you laugh... all sorts of nice chemicals get released then (you hear people say things like "things dont seem so bad now" after a long good period of laughter... )

Orwellmerchant · 30-08-2017 5:52pm

Hello folks, started on zispin last week after almost a year on cipramil. Feeling absolutely exhausted from doing nothing.
Any else feel the same whilst taking both of them?

candycock · 30-08-2017 6:02pm

Orwellmerchant wrote: »

Hello folks, started on zispin last week after almost a year on cipramil. Feeling absolutely exhausted from doing nothing.
Any else feel the same whilst taking both of them?

I'm on cipramil 20 mg and I always feel tired,sluggish and bloated I presume it's a side effect ,hope things improve for u.

Doctor Nick · 30-08-2017 6:03pm

Orwellmerchant wrote: »

Hello folks, started on zispin last week after almost a year on cipramil. Feeling absolutely exhausted from doing nothing.
Any else feel the same whilst taking both of them?

I was on a different brand, but same drug for years (mirtazapine). Can't recall the name as I came off them a few years back. They actually have a sedative type effect as well as a treatment for anxiety and depression. I was advised to take them at night time so I could sleep. Do you take at night or in the morning? They do level out after a while, like most medications.

7 Seconds... · 30-08-2017 6:14pm

Orwellmerchant wrote: »

Hello folks, started on zispin last week after almost a year on cipramil. Feeling absolutely exhausted from doing nothing.
Any else feel the same whilst taking both of them?

I'm on 30mg of Mirtazapine a generic brand of Zispin again since July and I take it at night to help me sleep but I still feel tired during the day, am hoping it will level out after a few months. Best of luck:)

Orwellmerchant · 30-08-2017 6:16pm

I take them at night and sleep like a log. Its well into the afternoon before the 'cloudiness' goes away though. You are right about the sedative effect. Thanks to the two of you for replying.

Doctor Nick · 30-08-2017 6:29pm

Orwellmerchant wrote: »

I take them at night and sleep like a log. Its well into the afternoon before the 'cloudiness' goes away though. You are right about the sedative effect. Thanks to the two of you for replying.

No problem and all the best. I will just add that mirtazapine was the first of so many medications to have a positive effect on my depression. They really helped me. Thankfully they were the start of my recovery and after some time I was finally able to taper my dose and got off of them completely. It's now 18 months since I was last on them and I am very happy and content with my life now. I will keep an eye on this thread and if you want to post to ask me any questions about that time of my life feel free. Take care of yourself.

Makapakka · 31-08-2017 1:18pm

Just want to post here because don't want to say this to anyone. I dreamt of my first love last night and have been very emotional tonight. I miss him, I miss how he made me feel, I miss having someone love me that much in return. I am just feeling lonely and overwhelmed at the moment. This is a surprise for me because I haven't thought about him like that in years.

zcorpian88 · 31-08-2017 2:57pm

My father has been suffering from it for the best part of the decade, diagnosed with it about 10 years ago, but really I think he's had it a bit longer but never realized, like when I was a kid growing up, he only had seasonal work here and there, and my mother was working full time, so my Dad looked after us most of the time but a lot of the time he was sulking a lot and sleeping the whole day away and he's be like an anti-christ if you woke him.

He's worked nights in hotels most of his life and slept during the day, I'd imagine that didn't help, he was never much of a people person and him working in a budget hotel, hated the Irish guests because they'd be drinking all night and being loud and waking all the guests upstairs that came in off tour buses, Dad often came in saying "Much prefer the non Irish guests, they are no hassle, one pint of Guinness or a glass of wine and they'd be in bed by 12, that's the way I like it"

He has had to take sick leave from work and is on medical certs for the last year or so. Basically he's not happy in work, he's not happy out of work and it's exhausting.

He developed a taste of cannabis/weed about 14 or 15 years ago when I was a teenager before he was formally diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and I have read in recent years that it brings on an underlying mental illness or makes it worse. He's been on anti-depressants since about 2008 and is off and on the weed. He spent most of last year off it in fact, and the atmosphere at home wasn't too bad at all, he was in ok spirits most of the time but his sister became homeless a few months ago, she also smokes it, and she had to move into our house for about 2 months, and lo and behold she brought the weed with her and Dad fell off the wagon, which really annoyed me being it just creates an unpleasant atmosphere in the house and my mam and I have to walk on eggshells, I have to live at home because of the rents. I'd be gone otherwise.

He's been using weed a lot lately, even grew a plant in the garden shed for his own use, I'm sure it's making it worse being I've read being on both his anti-depressant and smoking that messes with the chemical balance in the brain and his mood has been very off for the last fortnight, and it's very hard to watch and live with. I've said to my mother many times that he is his own worst enemy by smoking that and taking prescribed medication and I've shown her the stuff I've read about it. She has told him, but it falls on deaf ears most of the time. He has given it up in the past and can stay off it for months but all it takes is one of his siblings, they all dabble in it (which is a wreck the head) and all it takes is one of them to walk in the door when he's off it, and bang he's back on it again.

I do be on the verge of completely losing the rag and chucking them out of the house, because I have to live there, and I like a nice easy going environment at home and whenever it happens, I get pissed off but the mother says "don't get involved" and I stay out of it to not disappoint her.

Don't think Dad has gone near the exotic tobacco for a few days being he's been very off form, he had some sort of depressive/anxiety episode while I was on a course day the day before yesterday while my mam and aunt were there, my mam now hopes my aunt now see's what that stuff can do when your mind isn't well. He went to see some sort of mental health doctor the day before yesterday but he keeps my mam generally in the dark of what's said, doubt his use of cannabis is even mentioned to them. It's just hard to live with.

He's not the only person close to me that struggles with it. I also had to end a relationship 2 and a half years ago and one of the reasons I ended it was her having depression and high functioning anxiety and panic disorder. Wasn't the only reason, she was an academic too and worked way too much, her workload set off her illness and basically I got completely phased out of her life, just felt like the relationship didn't matter to her, there was no room for me. Everything was about her like and I was feeling like too much of a crutch. Plus her and I had different ideas about the future, children and so forth and I'd hoped there would be some sort of turn around but it wasn't happening. It got very complicated and I got very burned out and ended it, which stung a lot, she's a great person, loved her to bits, but her dark side was hard to cope with and I got to the end of my rope.

Drumpot · 31-08-2017 11:14pm

You have Plenty to say about your dad, your family and even an ex girlfriend Zcorpian88. How are you doing?

How does all this stuff make you feel? Who do you have to talk with about all this drama in your life? You have mentioned a lot of things that you find hard to live with, please share if you are comfortable. This is exactly why this thread is here, so we don't feel alone and that our voices can be heard.

zcorpian88 · 31-08-2017 11:19pm

Drumpot wrote: »

You have Plenty to say about your dad, your family and even an ex girlfriend Zcorpian88. How are you doing?

Could be better Drumpot, revising for an exam at the minute, so keeping sane

Makapakka · 08-09-2017 12:14pm

Have moved onto working on my lack of self esteem in cbt and as usual with change I am feeling down, anxious, pissed off very easily. We are working to break apart my core beliefs that I'm not good enough and it's very tough. It means trying to listen to my self critical voice a lot more rather than brushing her under the carpet. But I just feel I'm getting so annoyed at my 4 year old for no reasons. She's talking back to me, everything that upsets her is my fault, if I correct her in a way that's teaching her (as in, that the number 3, and she is saying it's not) it ends in tears and tantrums and I'm just sick of it. All responsibility lies with me. I can tell my man and friends have noticed my mood gone bad again.. but dunno how to pick myself back up

am just feeling so guilty for getting annoyed with her..

uberalles · 24-10-2017 10:29am

Good article here I thought ....

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/building-better-mental-health.htm

worded · 25-10-2017 11:24am

Endorphins ...

Hula hoop saves man's life
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOVRaRvkRpc

This is me here ... look at me! ... (just joking its not me!)
http://www.hooping.org/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2006/08/hooping.gif

I find Im the happiest when Ive had a walk or a cycle or swim + listen to some music. Nothing too strenuous.

Its the endorphons rush. But the Irish weather can be a put off and when feeling low its difficult to motivate yourself to get out the door. The most difficult part of exercise is walking in the swimming pool door, prepping a bag or getting the bike out the door.

I recently bought a Weighted Hula Hoop as Im getting a bit of a gut as well. I tried Salsa and I was like a scaffolding plank compared to others there.

For a few weeks I do a few mins in the morning in the warmth of the house and Ive noticed Im feeling a lot better now. (You get warmed up for free so the house doesnt need to be toasty in the morn anyway) A reason to get out of bed.

Its great fun and a trip down memory lane as a kid when my brothers and sisters would hula hoop for hours in the sun until we fell over from dehydration.

Progress - I went from counting to 30 spins and lots of drops to 10 mins within 2 weeks. I can do 800+ now no bother and I loose count at this stage.

So some endorphins, loosing the gut with a better self image and getting more flexible. Sweet and so so cheap. Friends give it a go when they are over and its a bit of a laugh as it takes a few days to get the technique right. See you tube.

I think Gyms dont have them as they require too much space. An ideal home exercise

The one I bought: Ive no affiliation
https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B002N1AX06/ref=s9_acsd_hps_bw_c_x_3_w

Im going to get the heaviest one soon but its probably best to start with one that isnt too heavy.

Make you own and info ... One video said at the start ... "Hi Hoopers" LOL
http://www.hooping.org/category/hoop-making/

If you know a friendly plumber he would find it a doddle to make one and there are lots of you tube how to videos out there

Hula hoop is only for women - right?

https://youtu.be/gXVeRDcTghA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcqRPdvb18w

Happy hooper
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RJafO-BWvg

Hooping is medicine for your soul
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXHNQweGRkI

Me after day 2 Hula hooping :-)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uue6oJ_jDns

subscriber · 26-11-2017 2:11pm

Hi everyone,

The following is not intended as looking for medical advice.

Any anyone who takes an antidepressant on a daily basis noticed that after a few years that their therapeutic / desirable effect has gradually worn off?

And if so....Did you change to a different antidepressant medication and did the change help to improve your mood and or stabilise your depression any?

I have been on 60mg Cymbata for the guts of 10 years but in the past six months, my depression has become much more of a problem on a daily basis. I will be pursuing counselling and CBT soon but am also considering a change in antidepressant medication to see if this can help in any way also. Over the past six months I have moved from my regular 60mg dose up to the maxamium 120mg dose but my depression continues to be quiet poor.

Just looking for anyone to share their experiences in changing their medication and if it helped.....or not?

Thanks

PMBC · 01-01-2018 1:02pm

Thanks for starting this thread and happy New Year to you and all posters

worded · 09-01-2018 4:09pm

Read a January article .....

"Increasingly, evidence is emerging to support the power of immersion in cold water as a form of 'blue therapy'," says pro surfer Dr Easkey Britton, who is currently involved in a project at NUIG studying the health impacts of sea bathing. "Early preliminary findings suggest the potential mood-enhancing and stress-reducing benefits with first-time sea swimmers, as well as a heightened sense of self-awareness in a multi-sensory environment. Studies also show that cold water stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system and with long-term exposure boosts the immune system. But build up slowly so you don't shock the system and always swim safely (Irish Water Safety has great courses)."

worded · 18-01-2018 1:13am

Really interesting article on depression

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/jan/07/is-everything-you-think-you-know-about-depression-wrong-johann-hari-lost-connections

worded · 05-02-2018 2:31am

Very relaxing soulful track

Best listened to with earphones

https://youtu.be/hYvMR4u-LEM

arybvtcw0eolkf · 29-05-2018 6:00pm

I don't even know why I'm posting this here, but I'll get it off my chest.

Another mate took his own life last night, and again someone you'd never in a million years pick to be suffering from depression or at risk of suicide.

Its so fvcking frightening how suicide can take someone without warning to family or friends.

I can't image what happened, he (Paul) must have known he'd tonnes and tonnes of friends and a loving family.

I'm so upset today. I'm due to go for a jog on the beach, its a beautiful evening and why shouldn't I. But I kinda scared that I'll just be thinking about him and upsetting myself further.

We soldiered together at home and abroad, and only last week we spoke on the anniversary of a mutual friend who had served with us. It was the usual conversation, ie the one we're all having today in work about Paul 'You'd never think he'd be one to die by suicide'.

I've had so many friends die by suicide, all soldiers (well mostly) and often wonder is it down to Larium (mosquito medication), PTSD from experiences oversea's or wtf.

I could type for another hour, sorry if this is a little disjointed.

29-05-2018 6:02pm

Sorry for your loss, always a **** feeling being left behind.

But yeah having a friends and all that doesn't mean jack some times. Right now I'm going through the motions of meeting friends and stuff, sometimes I'll open up but I feel no better talking to them or doing anything else really. I'm very much on the edge the last month or two and they all want to help but there's little they can do.

artvanderlay · 29-05-2018 6:20pm

@Makikomi My advice would be don't be scared to think about him. He was a good friend, take some time, even 20 minutes to think about him, and let the emotion flow. I found if very helpful in therapy to identify the cycle that thoughts lead to emotions which leads to actions. Take a safe space, and think about your friend (Paul), emotion will come, but don't act in a negative way afterwards, just feel the pain/the sadness and let it go. Emotions/feelings pass. Distract yourself with something positive afterwards, as a reward for not running from your fears.

I'm going through an absolute nightmare time in my personal life right now, a person dear to me is missing (mental health issues), but falling apart is not an option for me now. I have to keep moving forward one step at a time. And yes, I get hit by waves of emotion, and I don't fight them. Just don't be frightened of them; it's fear that eats the soul, nothing else. We don't analyse things too much when we are having a good time, we just go with it and enjoy it; so why would we analyse the bad times too much and give them too much importance? Life is up and down; enjoy the good. It mightn't feel like it, but facing the pain you feel about the loss of your friend is making you a stronger person. I used to pray sometimes and ask for God to give me strength to get through tough situations (I'm not especially religious!), but now I realise that tough times make you tough, not wishing for strength.

I also recommend getting in touch with a good therapist yourself, to talk about your feelings, get some advice, and maybe even deal with any lingering ptsd you may have yourself. We spend so much money on cars/rent/nights out, but neglect our mental and physical health so much. Don't scrimp on mental health is my advice to anyone. I did it for 2 years, and I'm down to once a month now, and it's the best investment I ever made.

DeVore · 29-05-2018 6:40pm

Ive been in that situation and it hurts so much. Questions in my head like "why didnt he call me?" etc... It really leaves a terrible mark on the people left behind... I'm sorry for your loss Maki, make sure to look after yourself and talk to people you trust.

Graces7 · 29-05-2018 7:11pm

Analia Hallowed Housetop wrote: »

I don't even know why I'm posting this here, but I'll get it off my chest.
Another mate took his own life last night, and again someone you'd never in a million years pick to be suffering from depression or at risk of suicide.

Its so fvcking frightening how suicide can take someone without warning to family or friends.
I can't image what happened, he (Paul) must have known he'd tonnes and tonnes of friends and a loving family.
I'm so upset today. I'm due to go for a jog on the beach, its a beautiful evening
and why shouldn't I. But I kinda scared that I'll just be thinking about him and upsetting myself further.
We soldiered together at home and abroad, and only last week we spoke on the anniversary of a mutual friend who had served with us. It was the usual conversation, ie the one we're all having today in work about Paul 'You'd never think he'd be one to die by suicide'.

I've had so many friends die by suicide, all soldiers (well mostly) and often wonder is it down to Larium (mosquito medication), PTSD from experiences oversea's or wtf.

I could type for another hour, sorry if this is a little disjointed.

(((HUGS))) and type as much as you need to , pm if that helps more. Here for thee

Drumpot · 29-05-2018 7:27pm

I’m sorry to hear about the passing of your friend Paul. I know the brother of somebody who took their life recently. He had suffered from Bi-Polar and was actually on a period of happiness when it shocked everybody. He had a young family and was extremely popular.

I have thought of suicide and probably only half considered it. Drinking alcohol heavy and taking sleeping tablets and Zanex, hoping not to wake up. I wasn’t overly committed so don’t really know if it’s the same. Other times I thought of crashing at high speeds and others hoped I wouldn’t wake up from a wreck less binge. The amount of times I got myself into very dangerous situations , I don’t know how I’m here to talk about it!

On paper I have everything I have ever wanted. A loving family, an extremely supportive partner, work for myself, dog, rabbits ... I mean I don’t really want or neee anything else in life (mind you I wouldn’t say no to the lotto). A few years ago I couldn’t enjoy any of this but I’ve worked and prioritized changing how I feel. I used to try out different things and if I didn’t get a desired result I would disappointingly rule it out...

I’ve said a lot of my story here in this thread so if you find what I say helpful please feel free to search and PM if you like. So I will summarize what helps me. At different times they don’t give me instant relief or they might not make much of a difference. But prolonged efforts and trying have helped me use all these things to help me get to a very stable , content place. My life isn’t perfect and I go through bad periods but I am able too accept everybody does at some stage and get out of the rut much quicker.

These are the things I have done in no particular order:

- CBT - professional support
- Doctor - I originally had a doctor who medicated everything. Now I have a younger doctor who works with me to use medication and therapy. I check in every few months cause it feels like I have somebody professional who is on my side
- wife - I’m lucky, she comes to therapy to support me which helps us communicate better. I can never explain to her how I feel but a professional mediator really helps. I don’t think I can quantify how much this has helped me
- I regular attend support groups every week or so. Whether I am feeling good or bad I try to get to a meeting cause it’s like excercise. You don’t stop excercise just cause you feel good now. There are different support groups, I tried a few until one felt right.
- I also support others. I meet people regularly who I try to help and it’s alwsys the case that I end up getting more from the experience. It takes me out of myself which is a nice break. One guy I meet regularly tried to commit suicide a few years ago. He relates to me and feels he can talk to me. He is living proof that you can come back from the brink... He is doing really well...
- I can be good or not so good with excercise which helps but isn’t a solution on its own.
- I have tried meditation and palates a bit and reserve the right to use them more. Sort of a mixed bag but I don’t rule them out.
- I’m currently taking magnesium (for migraines) and pro/prebiotics daily.
- I was on sleeping tablets (insomnia), high dosage of anti depressants with some zanex at different times. I have been off these all for 3 or 4 years.
- I don’t drink or smoke. I used to binge drink and was advised giving it up would help with my anxiety and depression (it’s a depressant so I suppose that’s obvious)
- I’ve learned to be more compassionate to myself and more considerate of others. I can still go into myself which I learned is a sort of toxic self absorbed state.
- I’m sensitive to the world in many regards but I’m ok with it now. I try to stay away from politics or dramatic social issues that bring me down. Toxic environments that I don’t need to get involved in. Sometimes I can stomach it and other times I can’t. I’m better at judging.
- I value how I feel and who I am more. I still beat myself up but I’m getting better at giving myself a break

I’m sure there’s some other stuff but I think this is the most of it. I’m reading a book called “the age of absurdity” with a cup of herbal tea in my front garden soaking up the sun. Couldn’t be nicer. The book is opening my mind to explore some social things that usually upset me but it’s helping me resolve an inner want to discuss/debate/argue with an inner desire to keep to myself and shut out the world. I suppose solitude is the word. But my children come up every so often and I’m able to flick in between content quiet and enjoying their company.

I could not of dreamed of this sort of life a few years ago. At times I feel like it’s two steps forward and 5 steps back but more often then not I’m ok or happy. That’s just crazy from where I came. I would like to think that this post could give hope to somebody struggling...

arybvtcw0eolkf · 29-05-2018 10:04pm

DeVore wrote: »

Ive been in that situation and it hurts so much. Questions in my head like "why didnt he call me?" etc... It really leaves a terrible mark on the people left behind... I'm sorry for your loss Maki, make sure to look after yourself and talk to people you trust.

I just said that to my son actually, just seconds before reading this!.

Well I went and trained, I won't put photos up from Portmarnock Beach 'cause my ugly mush is in them but it was a beautiful run and actually thought about my mate recently finishing the Camino (which he's done a number of times).

Gonna have a glass or two of wine and settle down with my book.

I don't believe in God, or the after life and all that rubbish but they all live on through our memories.

leahyl · 30-05-2018 7:58pm

My brother, 37, has just recently turned on my mother and accused of her being overbearing and putting pressure on him. He completely overreacted to a simple question that she asked him about birthday plans recently and it all came to a head yesterday, when he called up to the house and told her he wouldn’t be calling up anymore bar to see myself and my dad. My mum was crying her heart out - she’s never been anything but supportive.

My brother has had depression in the past and we only discovered that when my mum was washing a coat of his one day (a good few years ago) and discovered pills in his pocket and asked him what they were. He told her what they were and said not to be worried.

Anyway in response to his visit yesterday my dad went to his house today to try to talk to him and he told my dad that hes had depression for 15 years and said how he’s spent too much time with mum and too little time with Dad over the years and again said my mum was too full on. He also brought up his wedding a few years ago and claims my mum was responsible for the wedding numbers ending up being so big when they had wanted a small wedding.

This has all come out of the blue and just after hearing that my brother and his wife are expecting their first child, which should be a happy time. He’s also doing a counselling course at the moment and I’m wondering if this is having an effect on him overthinking?

I’m am so stressed and upset and worried about my parents and him now. I honestly don’t know where all this has come from?

Can turning on family be a symptom of depression? I just don’t want my mum to go the grave with this bad feeling from my brother. She is in her early 70s but I’m terrified the stress of this will affect her too much.

PTH2009 · 30-05-2018 8:03pm

Had a horrible anger attack today

I'd be a low speaker and find it hard to get words in when there's a loud speaking group. Wont get too much into it but my dad siad something wrong after I told him the right thing about 8 times during the week and I lost my head completely. I feel people just don't listen to me and ignore every thing I say. I lose it onside when I tell people one thing numerous times and they still say the opposite or disagree with me. It' drives my confidence low and it's not as simple as just leaving it go over ur heard

30-05-2018 8:07pm

Leahyl your brother may have a lot of anger in him and it's being displaced on to your mam. Or the anger could actually be for her. Depression is a strange beast and can be very distressing and confusing for family members to witness.
The counselling course may be unearthing some buried issues. It may be opening your brother's awareness to parts of himself he didn't acknowledge before. For example maybe there are things he wanted to say a long time ago but pushed them aside or perhaps something happened he felt was unfair and didn't deal with it at the time.

leahyl · 30-05-2018 8:15pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Leahyl your brother may have a lot of anger in him and it's being displaced on to your mam. Or the anger could actually be for her. Depression is a strange beast and can be very distressing and confusing for family members to witness.
The counselling course may be unearthing some buried issues. It may be opening your brother's awareness to parts of himself he didn't acknowledge before. For example maybe there are things he wanted to say a long time ago but pushed them aside or perhaps something happened he felt was unfair and didn't deal with it at the time.

Thanks Persepoly, he’s always been quite deep I suppose but like we never realised there was anything wrong - it’s like he’s punishing her for being so good to him. She’s just the typical caring Irish Mum who just did her best. I don’t think any of us deserve this, least of all her. I definitely think the course is unearthing old issues he’s had in his brain. My dad said that he told him that he’d been wanting to say it to her for so long and now that he had finally gotten it off his chest he felt relieved. He said he had been having pains in his chest. I mean he never spoke to any of us about what he was going through. I feel so helpless. I felt we had a very normal happy upbringing, but obviously he doesn’t feel the same. I’m heartbroken. He said that they will also be organising their own childcare when the baby arrives, in other words no babysitting so I doubt we’ll see the baby that often :-(

This is such a bolt out of the blue.

30-05-2018 8:29pm

@leahyl, reassure your mam of your love for her and without dismissing your brothers pain tell her what you wrote in the post, that she did her best. Maybe try and reach your brother, see if he will open up to you a bit and consider building back the relationship with your mam. It's very sad when families get all torn up and hurt

Try_harder · 30-05-2018 8:34pm

Im back in a rut- off work this week- my sick leave is high as it is!

I sleep all day and get up in evening for a while.

My mum calls and helps, but like the previous posters brother- I can find it overbearing, but I know deep down its cos shes worried and wants to take car of me.

30-05-2018 9:00pm

I get sad sometimes too. My mam minded me. She didn't need to do anything I just knew instinctively that she was there. It was a wonderful feeling, like no matter what happens I'll be ok because I have her. When she got sick that was that. It's always a million times better to be your own anchor, to not have to seek that steadying influence anywhere but within yourself. Still though. It's hard at times.
I am envious of those with lovely mammies.

leahyl · 30-05-2018 9:55pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I get sad sometimes too. My mam minded me. She didn't need to do anything I just knew instinctively that she was there. It was a wonderful feeling, like no matter what happens I'll be ok because I have her. When she got sick that was that. It's always a million times better to be your own anchor, to not have to seek that steadying influence anywhere but within yourself. Still though. It's hard at times.
I am envious of those with lovely mammies.

I’m sorry about your man Persepoly and thanks for your kind words earlier. Hopefully we will get through this as a family and he will allow my mum in again.

30-05-2018 10:01pm

leahyl wrote: »

I’m sorry about your man Persepoly and thanks for your kind words earlier. Hopefully we will get through this as a family and he will allow my mum in again.

Thank you

You just have to mind each other now Leah. You'll get there x

arybvtcw0eolkf · 31-05-2018 7:09pm

Thanks for the kind words everyone, sorry I couldn't reply individually.

I was on the beach running today and thinking about Paul, and other friends who have died by suicide.. I'm 52 and its sad to say that the vast majority of my friends who have died young died by suicide, not by heart attacks or cancer. Fvcking suicide.

Thankfully I've never been depressed. I suffer with terrible insomnia, the army doc's said it stems from PTSD 'from combat experiences in Lebanon' (but I don't accept that).. I don't think I've ever felt even a days depression.

And it fvcking scares me that its been the leading cause of death among my friends (and in law who took his own life on his 53rd birthday).

Its terrifying that we've no control over where our minds want to take us.

So on a cheerful note.. Today was another beautiful day, worth living for. Done 7km on a completely empty beach, it was fantastic and even stopped for a selfie ~ some moments are worth capturing no matter how vomit inducing selfies are to some people.

Here's a very rare photo of moi on Portmarnock beach earlier. I was thinking of my friend, how he'd loved to have been out today. He was a big walker and had recently done the Camino (again, did I post this earlier?).

***Ye had an hour to look at my ugly mush, gone now

***

My mate gets buried tomorrow.

Be good people, happy thoughts.

subscriber · 06-06-2018 5:01pm

Has anyone read "lost connections" by Jonathan Hari?

The book focuses heavily on the environmental and social causes of depression and anxiety and discusses at length the "disconnections" we suffer from in our modern day society.

The author discusses what he feels are the 9 main disconnections we are missing in our lives;

Disconnection from meaningful work
Disconnection from other people
Disconnection from meaningful values
Disconnection from childhood trauma
Disconnection from status and respect
Disconnection from the natural world
Disconnection from a secure future
Disconnection 8+9: The real role of genes and brain changes.

In his opinion, the idea of faulty brain chemistry or biological inherited low sertonin is significantly over diagnosed and has been for many years. He does not disagree that there is biological causes of depression and anxiety due to brain chemistry but that currently the vast majority of cases of mental health problems, or "emotional health" problems as he likes to refer to them as are over diagnosed as biological causes of depression and anxiety.

I have to say that I have found it refreshing to read some material about what the environmental and social causes of depression can be, and also his suggestions on how to fix or "reconnect" these issues.

In my opinion, certainly worth a read.

worded · 10-07-2018 12:02pm

Mood / Sound therapy / Background sounds

This site is amazing. You can alter the sounds by changing the slider bars. Its got 1000s of different sounds
"Each slider controls a particular audio stream. Adjust sliders to taste and mood"

With vocal back ground - The last 4 sliders are good on this one for vocals
https://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/elGreyVocalSoundscape.php

Waterfall
https://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/waterfallSoundGenerator.php

Irish Coast
https://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/windSeaRainNoiseGenerator.php

Lots to choose from
https://mynoise.net

DeVore · 10-07-2018 10:39pm

Really cool.... immediate bookmark, thanks!

Insect Overlord · 10-07-2018 11:08pm

I was a little taken aback earlier to see this thread was over six and a half years old. It's still one of the most valuable little pieces of genius on the site.

I've been feeling down a bit over the last few weeks due to a combination of deaths in the extended family and work stress. I'm still functioning normally and eating well and getting loads of exercise (and my body is looking better for it too, even if it is arrogant to say so! :P ) but I'm anxious pretty much any time I'm not busy. The sunshine should be helping but sometimes the house is just uncomfortably warm.

It's great to have a place like this to put all of that into words. That's a little bit of a relief in itself.

Got to keep on keeping on.

dd972 · 10-07-2018 11:51pm

Uncanny that this threads come round again, two days of feeling like sh!te between the ears and behind the forehead, brain soaked in 30 years of sh!t, loads of filtering and magnifying going on in there, every kind of negative comment, person and situation I've encountered competing for analysis, at least I'm aware what's going on and sort of know that it will pass.

DeVore · 11-07-2018 1:04pm

I hate that "reanalysing every little thing from a decade ago" crap. I've used CBT to try to knock it on the head but its ridiculous the minor things that still come up when I'm trying to sleep!

dd972 · 11-07-2018 2:50pm

DeVore wrote: »

I hate that "reanalysing every little thing from a decade ago" crap. I've used CBT to try to knock it on the head but its ridiculous the minor things that still come up when I'm trying to sleep!

Good news being, later on it'll be three decades in your noggin spinning round like a tumble dryer :pac:

'why did I do/say that?'
'what did I go there for, surely I could have had more sense?'
'if I punched that twat in the face would my life be any worse for it?'
'why did I associate with that person/those people, what on earth did I get out of it all?'

I'm fairly sure though that neurologically this goes on for a reason and follows a cyclical pattern, kind of a reexamining and refiltering process, bloody grim while it's going on but it might have some sort of fork-in-the-road purpose.

LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

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