Ideal wedding from guest's perspective (Mod warning in 1st post)

kunst nugget · 12-07-2017 03:05PM

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I had this happen in a year where we had seven weddings. At that stage we had no more money to spend on weddings, especially when we also had two kids and Santa to worry about. Midweek wedding as well. Pain in the hoop.

meeeeh · 12-07-2017 03:25PM

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You dont know that about anyone else.

It's pretty good assessment about those invited to the wedding on my side. I'm inviting only closest friends and family. Most of them are better off than we are and if we could fly to events they can drive half an hour down the road to an event with free drink and food on Saturday.

Neyite · 12-07-2017 03:26PM

meeeeh wrote: »

I think there is only so much adapting and apologising you can do. We are having foregin wedding and half of the guests will have to go through some hassle to get there. We don't want gifts and we are having a free bar. It's not summons I don't mind if people decline however I would be annoyed if my friends who live half an hour away from the venue declined to attend. And no none of them are under significant financial pressure. The wedding is in off season on a Saturday of a bank holiday. There will be a second day something or other for people who traveled and are not flying back on Sunday.

I don't feel guilty one bit about the arrangements. Frankly I don't give a damn about the wedding but it means something to oh and his family. And I just hope those who can't afford to go have the courtesy to decline instead of badmouthing us behind our back.

Unless people rsvp'd with their bank statements you can't make that claim.

....... · 12-07-2017 03:30PM

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Neyite · 12-07-2017 03:37PM

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We cleared out our credit union savings to fund fertility treatment.

Not a single family member had any idea we were doing it. But I'm sure if one of them planned a foreign wedding they'd assume we had the funds to cover it. Because we have a car and two jobs :rolleyes:

Even now, when we are slowly putting in what we had to spend, the assumption that I'd want to spend my savings (Intended for a house deposit and our own wedding) on flying somewhere not of my choice to be a guest at another wedding is kinda funny.

meeeeh · 12-07-2017 03:44PM

Neyite wrote: »

We cleared out our credit union savings to fund fertility treatment.

Not a single family member had any idea we were doing it. But I'm sure if one of them planned a foreign wedding they'd assume we had the funds to cover it. Because we have a car and two jobs :rolleyes:

You went through hard work of bolding my sentence and you didn't bother properly reading my post. I was talking about my friends who live locally to the wedding. As I explained before I have no problem with cancelation from people who have to fly and stay overnight.

Neyite · 12-07-2017 03:48PM

So it's a command performance from those who live locally? Otherwise you'll be annoyed at them?

So in some cases it is a summons rather than an invite when it comes to weddings then...

....... · 12-07-2017 03:53PM

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meeeeh · 12-07-2017 03:57PM

Neyite wrote: »

So it's a command performance from those who live locally? Otherwise you'll be annoyed at them?

So in some cases it is a summons rather than an invite when it comes to weddings then...

Not it is not summons but I am inviting only closest friends and family and yes I would be hurt if those I hold dearest would consider an invitation to a wedding with free drink and food and no expectation of a present too much hassle. I don't even know why I am responding to this because you just decided to twist my words in the most negative way just to portray me as self entitled bitch.

meeeeh · 12-07-2017 04:02PM

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It doesnt matter where they live. Taxis, drinks and a gift might be beyond someones reach despite you thinking you know how well off they are.

Again twisting my words. I said we have no gifts policy and we are covering drinks. Taxi is a no go for other reasons, among those who are driving home someone will have to be sober which is not unusual for weddings there.

ligerdub · 12-07-2017 04:04PM

What about not going to foreign stags? Any thoughts?

Neyite · 12-07-2017 04:06PM

meeeeh wrote: »

Not it is not summons but I am inviting only closest friends and family and yes I would be hurt if those I hold dearest would consider an invitation to a wedding with free drink and food and no expectation of a present too much hassle. I don't even know why I am responding to this because you just decided to twist my words in the most negative way just to portray me as self entitled bitch.

I'm not portraying you as anything.

I probably won't make it to my sister's wedding. It's touch and go if she will be able to come to mine. But getting annoyed? No way. She means more to me than that and vice versa.

If they are your very closest friends and declined surely they would have genuine reasons even if you weren't given them and surely you'd take them at their word? Just because it's free does not mean that their time might be.

kunst nugget · 12-07-2017 04:06PM

ligerdub wrote: »

What about not going to foreign stags? Any thoughts?

I've never gone on a foreign stag. Could never justify the costs.

Faith · 12-07-2017 04:11PM

Mod note: This will be my last warning. This thread has gone wildly off-topic and has some quite unnecessary aggression and rudeness. Please remember that this thread is about the ideal wedding from your (as a guest) perspective. It's not a space to criticise the preferences of others, or to attack other posts. If the thread doesn't get back on topic ASAP, I'll have no choice but to close it (and I hate closing threads when I don't have to, because you're all adults!)

scarepanda · 12-07-2017 04:21PM

meeeeh wrote:

Not it is not summons but I am inviting only closest friends and family and yes I would be hurt if those I hold dearest would consider an invitation to a wedding with free drink and food and no expectation of a present too much hassle. I don't even know why I am responding to this because you just decided to twist my words in the most negative way just to portray me as self entitled bitch.

Aside from someone's financial situation, you don't know what's going on in anyone else's life to make judgement, no matter how well you know them or how close you are to them.

I went through a period of pretty bad anxiety a few years ago. Noone at the time had a clue what was going on except from my fiancÃ©, boss and councillor I was seeing at the time. During that period I would have found it very difficult to go to a gathering, especially a family one.

Similarly, I have to have an operation in the next 4/6 weeks. The only people that know about it are my fiancÃ©, doctors, one of my future sister in law's and my bridesmaid - both of which were only told because they needed to know for various reasons. I don't intend on telling my parents/siblings/best friends till a day or two before I go for the op. So if we got an invitation now we'd have to send back a decline RSVP, even if it was just down the road.

....... · 12-07-2017 04:25PM

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LirW · 12-07-2017 04:32PM

Friend of mine had a cute hen, they had an afternoon tea party (she doesn't drink), followed by a vintage headband crafting class and a dinner.

You mainly see these excessive hens and stags at excessive weddings.

baby and crumble · 12-07-2017 04:37PM

Re: the hen party thing, I'm going away for a few nights with my closest friends, tbh it's an excuse for a little mini holiday with friends I don't see too much anymore because of kids etc, and I've been really explicit with those invited that it's not mandatory, it's purely because i'd like to hang out for a bit, and that's it's low key (no nightclubs, more hanging out chatting). If someone can't come that's totally grand. I was totally up for a random night out in Dublin but the folks invited were like "ah no, let's go away!"

Herself is heading away to London with just her wedding party, and it's moreso a chance for them to get to know each other- the bridesmaids wouldn't really know each other that well. They're staying in a cheap hostel and going shopping for some stuff for the wedding while they're at it, as far as I know...

Kinda want to reflect the vibe we're going with for the wedding- it's not a summons, we don't want to put anyone out, and if you can't afford it then we certainly won't fall out, at all. It's not too long ago that I was unemployed and couldn't afford the cinema nevermind a weekend away.

DaeryssaOne · 12-07-2017 04:37PM

I had wanted to have a local 1 night hen but my sister basically forced me into going away (in Ireland) for 2 nights. I was very conscious of the cost it was putting on people but if they were complaining about it I never heard, in fairness it was a really brilliant weekend and I'm glad it wasn't like any other night out locally - I had absolutely no issues with anybody who couldn't make it either.

To all the people complaining about day 2 - I have to say it's almost always my favourite day! It was my favourite day of my own wedding too, it's always so much more relaxed, having a giggle with friends about the previous night's antics, no travelling anywhere that morning just chilling out and of course there's no pressure on anybody to stay on - it's generally close friends and family members who want to have more fun with you, ours turned into a hilarious session that I will never forget and I'm so glad we did it!

freshpopcorn · 12-07-2017 04:44PM

To me a wedding should take place close to where the Bride or Groom Grew up where they live now.
A couple in our town went over three hours away and invited about 200 to the wedding/reception and nearly 300 to the after. I wasn't invited but it didn't go down well. However this year when the hotel did up their wedding brochure the couple featured heavily in it so they probably got a good deal with the hotel.
I prefer a church ceremony. I like to have a break between the ceremony and the meal. However I don't really care what type the ceremony is or how long it lasts once it's what the bride and groom believes in.
I don't like black tie weddings. Mainly because black doesn't suit me and I think they look a bit like a grown up debs.
I like a good main course meal. I wouldn't be into hog roasts.
I always like to get a bit of wedding cake in the evening.
What I saw once and I liked it was the couple put a range of fizzy drinks/flavored waters on the table because they knew the attendants weren't wine/alcohol drinkers.
Stuff such as photo both's don't bother me because I don't bother with them.

....... · 12-07-2017 04:48PM

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meeeeh · 12-07-2017 04:50PM

Neyite wrote: »

I'm not portraying you as anything.

I probably won't make it to my sister's wedding. It's touch and go if she will be able to come to mine. But getting annoyed? No way. She means more to me than that and vice versa.

If they are your very closest friends and declined surely they would have genuine reasons even if you weren't given them and surely you'd take them at their word? Just because it's free does not mean that their time might be.

If I reply to this the next response will be but what about if lighting kills half of their family... I'm not going to go into whataboutery for every eventuality. I'm fairly certain that unless before mentioned lighting strikes they will attend the wedding. My point was I would not expect anyone to travel to the destination wedding because it is expensive but in general I would expect the effort from close friends and family when wedding is local to them. And yes I do know can't and won't use lack of funds as an excuse.

freshpopcorn · 12-07-2017 04:51PM

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I'm a man and I never saw a man at a black tie wedding who wasn't wearing black!

SozBbz · 12-07-2017 04:52PM

ligerdub wrote: »

What about not going to foreign stags? Any thoughts?

I think the whole hen/stag thing kind of depends on where you fall in your group of friends getting married. Everyone is always really excited for the first one or two and therefore might be happy to agree to go away, but if you're towards the latter end of the group, there may be less enthusiasm.

Personally I'm all for keeping everything as low key as possible.

scarepanda · 12-07-2017 04:52PM

I don't have anything planned yet for the hen. There was chat about going away for a night, bth I'd much prefer going out for dinner with my closest friends and then to a quite(ish) pub/pub without stupid loud music to have a good chat with everyone. I wouldn't even mind if it was in my local town. I really do like the sound of afternoon tea and then an activity.

....... · 12-07-2017 04:56PM

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12-07-2017 04:57PM

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For a man it does, black suit, white shirt and dickie bow would be the definition of "black tie" for a man.

My parents were at a black tie wedding recently and looking at the pictures this is what every man was wearing. I actuality think it looks quite cool though I wouldn't do it for my own wedding as it is hassle for people.

mirrorwall14 · 12-07-2017 04:58PM

LirW wrote: »

Friend of mine had a cute hen, they had an afternoon tea party (she doesn't drink), followed by a vintage headband crafting class and a dinner.

You mainly see these excessive hens and stags at excessive weddings.

Did I organise it? Lol. I organised one with a fab house but minimal cost. It was a two night but was the cheapest hen I was ever at. I and others brought dinner for the Friday night and we sat in. Saturday we had afternoon tea in the house, everyone brought something and it was great craic. After that I had picked up lots of cheap stuff, two people brought glue guns and we did hat making ourselves. Later we wore them to dinner. No externals to pay and it came in around the 100 mark if I remember correctly. She loved it and apparently so did everyone else

....... · 12-07-2017 04:58PM

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12-07-2017 05:00PM

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Isn't that the point of black tie?

Ideal wedding from guest's perspective (Mod warning in 1st post)

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